Disclaimer: Inuyasha is owned by Rumiko Takahashi, and Richard O'Brien can keep The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
Submitted for your approval: a story so full of debauchery, it would make the most mature of people turn away in disgust. Sex, drugs, rock and roll, this story makes all these things look like cuddly toys and pink clouds and fluffy bunnies. What you thought about love, your theories, your beliefs, this story will shatter them into thousands of little pieces and use them to make some sort of sand garden of splintered dreams and feelings.
You are far from the Twilight Zone.
Welcome instead, to the Inuyasha Horror Picture Show!
Dramatis Personae:
Jakotsu (a scientist)
Sango (a heroine)
Miroku (a hero)
Bankotsu (a handyman)
Kikyo (a domestic)
Kagome (a groupie)
Suikotsu (a rival scientist)
Inuyasha (a creation)
Koga (ex delivery boy)
Sesshomaru (an expert)
Deep within the recesses of his study, where books and maps and other nick-knacks are strewn about, Sesshomaru is sitting at a table, a book open in the middle. A picture of a young newly-wed couple. He, a successful monk. She, a powerful demon slayer. One night, Sesshomaru recalls as he studies the picture, the two of them left to visit their friend and mentor, Dr. Suikotsu, a family doctor who lives in the outskirts of Hokkaido, Japan. He turns the page. Another picture, this time of a chapel, the couple's wedding. Miroku and Sango. Their lives were perfect: young, in love, and about to uncover a secret so drenched in lewdness, they would take its memory to the graves with them.
"Yes," Sesshomaru says out loud. "Theirs is a tale of intrigue and seduction. A tale of love, of hate, of things no man, no woman, nobody has seen, should see, or will see again. Allow me to tell you this tale, as it was told to me." He stands up, leaves the book on the desk, open to the picture of the chapel. "They were, so it was said," he continues, speaking to no one, speaking to everyone, "at a mutual friend's wedding, and the bride threw her bouquet into the group of young ladies crowding around her. They all grabbed for it, shoved each other out of the way, aside, down, up if possible. Two of them were fighting each other for it. It was bouncing from one set of fingertips to the other, never fully in reach of the whole hand. It then found its target, and made its way towards Sango. It landed in her hands. She looked down in surprise at the beautiful bunch of flowers that told who was the next to be married. She blushed, they scowled."
He is now standing at the far side of the room, his hand searching across the bookshelf, not looking for anything in particular. His finger stops at one book: Fine Dining and Quit Whining. He pulls it out and opens it. "Miroku and Sango got married a few months later," he says. "It was exactly one week later that they decided to visit their friend, the good doctor. It was exactly that night when they came across the madness." He closes the book.
His servant, the toad Jaken, is standing in the doorway, with a puzzled look on his face. "Uh, m'lord," he says, "Who are you talking to?"
"This," Sesshomaru says, raising his hand, extending his finger up, pointing at the ceiling, eyes closed, "is their story. Listen if you will to the Inuyasha Horror Picture Show."
The wedding bells were sounding. The doves had been released. The rice had been thrown. The seagulls had eaten the rice and shat all over the beautiful scenery. Who's idea was it to cook the rice in shrimp sauce, anyways? There they stood, the handsome groom and the jaw-dropping bride. A song was in their hearts, and it went a little something like this:
Miroku: Hey Sango, I've got something to say.
I really loved the skillful way
You beat up the demons in the bride's buffet!
He picked her up and twirled her in the air. They ran down the stairs of the chapel into the cemetery. They looked into each other eyes and danced to their own tune.
Miroku: The road says "closed" but we can go, Sango.
The dance floor's crowded but let's tango, Sango.
And I really want a mango, Sango.
I've one thing to say and that's:
Dammit, Sango, I love you.
Sango: Oh, I'll stick to you like crazy glue, Miroku.
You're smart, suave and you're so cool, Miroku.
Let's have our honeymoon in Peru, Miroku.
I've one thing to say and that's:
Miroku, I'm cuckoo for you too.
They embraced, kissed, and continued their dance. Meanwhile, the guests of the wedding, the catering people, the priest, the others who had come to take part in that most sacred of ceremonies, were watching the young lovers express themselves in public.
Miroku: You're heart is so warm that fans go, Sango,
Whirling 'round crazy, to and fro, Sango.
Passion so hot, it melts the snow, Sango!
There's one thing to say and that's
Dammit, Sango, I love you.
"I love you too, Miroku," Sango said, their song finished. They walked arm-in-arm back to the chapel. "We are going to be so happy together."
"We are," Miroku said to his new wife, taking her hands in his. "We have our whole lives ahead of us now."
"But," she said, "but dear Doctor Suikotsu, the man through whom we met, does not know of our engagement."
Miroku smiled. "Then, my beloved," he said, "We shall go visit him and tell him of the good news."
"Oh, loving husband," Sango said with a sigh, "He will be so happy for us, won't he?"
"Of course, my dear."
They kissed.
"Yes," Sesshomaru says, sitting by the scrapbook with all the photos from those happier times. "The good doctor was indeed happy. But the events of their meeting were not." He is holding a long tobacco pipe. He takes a puff, and turns the page of the book. The mansion. "Wherein," he says, "they dwelt. The scientist and his horrific henchmen. Now, Miroku and Sango were to learn the truth behind it all. They would meet the scientist and his creation, and be swept away into chaos and anarchy."
"Seriously," Jaken, the servant says from the hallway. "Who are you talking to?"
"Join me next chapter," Sesshomaru says, taking another puff of his pipe. "I shall show you more of our twisted story."