Disclaimer: Legendarily Quiet does not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

"ARGHH!"

Alphonse lifted his head up as he heard his brother scream. The thud of something being thrown against a wall echoed throughout the house, and Alphonse got up to investigate. Alphonse poked his head through the doorway of his brother's room.

"Brother?" he asked cautiously, "Is everything alright?"

"I can't do it . . ." Ed muttered, head bowed low and bangs hiding his face. He was sitting on his bed, and Al noticed his notebook on the floor, next to the wall. A dark chuckle suddenly rose up through Ed's lips, and Al flinched back.

"Brother . . ?"

"THERE ARE TOO MANY CHOICES, AL!" Edward leaped up from the edge of the bed like a madman, and Al bit back a scream. "It could go this way or that, but I can't make up my mind!" Edward dashed across the room and retrieved his fallen notebook. He flopped onto his back on the floor and started flipping through the pages at a rapid pace.

Alphonse didn't know what to make of the situation.

"Does Colonel Bastard stay in the waiting room or leave the hospital? Will he come in to see his charge or decide that keeping his distance would be best?" Ed started rambling. "Will I wake up in the hospital or fall into a coma? If I do wake up, will I want to see Mustang, or not?!"

"Brother, what are you talking about?"

Edward jumped up, ignoring Al's question, and yelled up to the ceiling. "DID THE NOSEBLEED IN THE LAST CHAPTER EVEN HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANCE TO THE PLOT AT ALL?!"

Alphonse decided that he could not watch this – whatever it was – go on without intervening. He took a deep breath and ran up to his brother, aiming to grasp his shoulders and shake some sense into him. Ed dodged him though, and with a neat little flip he was back on the bed. He picked up a pen and started scribbling furiously in his notebook.

"I've been written into corner Al, and I don't know what to do to get out. Every idea is plausible, but just wrong, wrong, wrong. Colonel Bastard is no help, either. He can't make a single decision for himself, and left all the work up to me."

"What exactly are you working on?" Al asked.

Edward's head snapped up from his notebook, his eyes glinting dangerously. "What do you think I'm working on?"

"Uh . . ." Alphonse didn't know what to say.

"I'm working on our lives damn it!" Edward slammed his notebook onto the bed. "Don't take this so lightly, Al! Once this gets posted, we all have to live with whatever was written!"

Alphonse gasped, understanding falling on him like an elephant. The notebook suddenly held a lot more weight, and he eyed it warily. "But Brother," he said, "what are you doing with that? You're not supposed to be writing anything! In fact, according to that, shouldn't you be at the hospital?!"

Edward growled deep in his throat. "Don't you think I know that, Al? I would still be at the hospital,if it weren't for Legendarily Quiet!"

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that the slacker's totally ditched us!" Ed grabbed the notebook off the bed, and opened it to a page. "I mean, look at this! She hasn't even written one page on the new chapter, and how many weeks has it been already?"

"A lot . . ." The feeling of dread crept into Al's nonexistent stomach. Legendarily Quiet wouldn't just abandon them, would she? "I'm sure she has a lot of things going on right now, and just doesn't have the time," he said, trying to convince himself.

"Bullshit!" Ed tossed the notebook back onto the bed, and then followed after it. "It's summer vacation right now and she has no friends; she has plenty of free time!"

"Brother!" Al admonished. "Is that any way to talk about the person who decides whether you live or die?"

"She can't decide anything until she gets her ass back here and begins to write!" Edward rolled onto his stomach and opened the notebook again, grabbing his pen. "Until she comes back, I'm going to continue where she left off."

Alphonse didn't have anything to say to that (he was getting tired of supposedly waiting at the Hughes' household, and would like some action on his part soon) and so he settled onto the floor and silence reigned in the room for a minute or two.

"Damn it this is hard," Edward said at length. "The possibilities are nearly endless, but once I choose one, I don't know how to continue from there!" He stared hard at a page filled with neat script that wasn't his own. "And just what am I supposed to do with the colonel?! I think she intended for him to go on some kind of guilt trip, but I don't know what he would actually decide to do in regards to me."

Alphonse suddenly got an idea. "I HAVE THE ANSWER TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS!" he yelled enthusiastically, jumping up.

Ed looked up, hope shining in his eyes. "Yeah? What should I write?" he asked excitedly.

"Ok, listen carefully," Al said, settling down again. "Have the colonel decide to stay away from you, and send him to Mr. Hughes' house. Then, since there's no one else, I'll come in and take care of you!"

"That's . . . not going to work, Al," Ed said, dejected.

"Why not?! I think that's the best way things could go!"

"Well, Legendarily Quiet intended for the main focus to be on a parental relationship between the colonel and I," Edward said slowly, "and if we just take him out of the picture – like I know you want to do – that will defeat the purpose."

"But I haven't seen you for such a long time, Brother! Doesn't L.Q. know how much I've been missing you?"

"There, there." Edward patted the top of his helmet, and Al felt a little bit better. "We've only been apart for," Ed consulted the notebook, "a little under a week, it says."

Alphonse would've pouted if he could. "Well, what are you going to do, then?"

Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I think . . . that I'll just go put this back, Al." Edward picked up the notebook and rolled himself off the bed. "I'm just going to drive myself crazy trying to figure this shit out, and Legendarily Quiet deserves to go through this torture herself, anyways." He strode toward the door, looking confident again now that he had a plan. "We can just chill together here till she comes back, okay?" Edward flashed him that wide, impossible grin of his, and Alphonse found himself nodding along.

"Okay, Brother."

Edward was almost through the doorway when he seemed to remember something, and turned to face him again. "Do you think you could," he hesitated for a moment, "let Colonel Bastard know that he doesn't have to stay in the waiting room anymore? I think he's still there from when he dropped me off at the hospital ages ago, waiting for the doctor that L.Q. still has to send out to tell him how I'm doing."

He barely waited for Al to nod before he was out of sight and walking down the hall. Alphonse listened to his footsteps echo in the empty house, and heard his brother chuckling under his breath.

"Heh, Mustang's still waiting . . . that poor, stupid bastard."

Alphonse sighed, but he had to agree with his brother; everyone else had figured out that they were free to leave their posts ages ago.

Legendarily Quiet: I don't really know what to say about this one, just that it sort of outlines the difficulties I'm having with my other fic, "To Be A Child", right now.

Lest: Still . . . I don't understand how you could write this little piece of crazy and not work on your other story.

Legendarily Quiet: *sigh* I don't understand either. All I can say is that I'm trying, people. ANYWAYS, please leave a review if this entertained you at least somewhat.

Lest: Till next time!