Ace of Hearts

In the land of Wonderland, there are four kingdoms. The Kingdom of Hearts, Spades, Clubs, and Diamonds. Our kingdom is known as the tyrannical kingdom with an awful queen who chops off heads. They whine that we're bloodthirsty and start wars all the time. They're babies about it since…as you know…we win all the damn wars. Each and every one of them. We have the strongest armies and the strongest limitations on our people. It's due to this that many call our kingdom a taboo. Nobody messes with us. Nobody can mess with us or we…chop their head off. In short, they're all wimps. What is the use of having human rights and all that jazz if you can't win one damn war? What is the use of bad-mouthing my mother if you're leaders aren't strong enough to make the decisions she can? She kills the people who are dispensable and leaves the rest who are dependable. It's as simple as that. These keep us alive and the best of all the kingdoms. We have the most power economically and politically. The rest are chumps compared to us.

You're wondering why I am sitting here thinking of all this now? Well, I'm in a damn meeting with all these whiny babies at the moment. They want to establish a peace treaty with us. They want to make peace with the KINGDOM OF HEARTS?! They're bloody insane. I start smirking as the eldest princess of clubs starts pleading away…asking me if I have any humanity. She'd actually be decent to look at…if she quit talking. She likes to start off with big words and then dumb it down to small like I'm a freaking child.

"Are you listening to me at all?" She snaps as she slams her hands down on the conference table in irritation. "This is serious! You shouldn't be smiling and snickering!"

"This is a joke," I laugh as I stand up and start casually kicking my chair down. "A waste of time. You aren't in any authority or even attractive enough to be spewing such nonsense at me. I should call up my men right now and raid your damn castle for forcing me to endure this boredom."

"If you murder all the people in the world, there wouldn't be anyone left to raid for you!" She screams. "They should be RAIDING YOUR DAMN MOTHER'S CASTLE!"

I could practically envision the smoke that should be popping out of her ears. Her hair was unkempt and falling like a waterfall in front of her face. Usually she was the picture of properness with her tidy little movements and "manners". It was irritating to be within her presence for five seconds much less 5 minutes. I often imagined throwing her out the window. I have actually attempted to throw her out the window.

As she continued lecturing me about proper etiquette and how heartless, insensitive, lazy, spoiled, and other disagreeable adjectives that described how I was, I start reminiscing about the event that happened yesterday. I was attending one of the biggest parties in the Kingdom of Diamonds. It was exclusive so only high ranking members of the court were allowed to attend. There was booze, dancing, and FUN so I figured Ms. Epiphany of Perfection would not be joining as she disagrees with anything that isn't what she views as correct. I was wrong. I hadn't even stood within the party for 6 seconds as she materialized behind me, took my arm, and lead me to a private study. She starts blabbering on about awfully boring and dreadful things that I don't give a damn about and gets up into my grill if I don't pretend to nod or agree with anything she says. I don't give a crap about her or appearances. I wanted to have FUN at this party NOT have her in my presence so I decided to…simply get rid of her. Weapons were not within reach except writing utensils. I would have used them, but I have tried that before and the results were less than effective. So I decided to casually pick her up and cradle her in my arms as I casually tossed her out the window. Unfortunately, I was not informed of her ability to levitate. So she simply floated in midair with her eyes glowing green from the sheer audacity I had to throw her out the window…and low and behold YELL at me some more. I closed the windows and the curtains and casually sent notice to the Prince of Diamonds that his beloved was floating outside the window…and to "court" her some more. The results were in my favor. She was busy being tortured by his flirtations and I was busy getting laid. Now if only he had attended this event.

My train of thought was cut off as I noticed the look of sheer horror that overcame her face. She paled and quickly began to sit in her seat meekly and the usual strong annoying demeanor she had worn off. That must mean my mother's behind me.

"Which one of you arrogant pricks started this conference?" She spoke in a stern voice that filled the whole room.

The Queen of Diamonds quickly held onto her husband's hands to try to steady herself. The King of Spades looked directly at his friend the King of Diamonds seeking some kind of miracle.

"Was it you?" She stared intently down at Clover, the princess who was yelling at me earlier.

"Um…You see…" She bite her lip and attempted to calm herself down by staring down towards the floor. "This was…"

"You dirty little miscreant!" My mother yelled as she stormed over to the girl and started pulling at her hair forcibly with her left hand. "I'LL MANTLE YOUR HEAD ON MY DOOR!"

Clover screamed and tried to pry the queen's hands off her hair. She began crying out and screaming in fear of her life.

"Please!" The King of Clubs pleaded. "Not my daughter!"

"She's an imbecile! She thinks she can COMMAND US! She thinks SHE CAN CONVINCE US OF ANYTHING! We are the RULERS of this land! There is no forgiving this!" My mother glowed red as she started pulling on the girl's hair harder. "I'm going to slaughter her as punishment! I'll use her blood as paint for my new dining room chairs!"

This incident hasn't been the first. The Queen of Hearts terrifies all, except for me. As I am the shining sun to her world, I can do whatever I please and she deems it as I'm turning everything into gold. This includes what I'm about to do now.

"Well, can I have her then?" I spoke casually.

My mother paused and looked up at me directly. All anger in her face instantly diminished and a smile overcame her hard features, "But I am about to rip her guts out, dear. Do you wish to have her skeleton?"

"No," I repeated. "Can I have her? Can I have Clover? Alive?"

The room became deathly silent. A stern look covered my mother's face. A poker face, unreadable, untouchable, possibly unnegotiable if I didn't know better.

"She's a dirty Club. CLUB. All they're good for is farming and being our servants in our dungeon. Also make for some decent fertilizer," She reasoned. "Why ever would you want to use a Club?"

I smirked as I glanced at Clover. She was pale, frightened and shaking in her little dress on all fours on the floor. That's right Clover. Why ever would I want to use you?