Disclaimer: Lily and James are fictional characters created by J.K. Rowling herself. I do not own them.
Truth
She was cornered and the truth was about to come out.
"Lily." he sighs. "Please… look at me."
He knows she isn't happy about what he is doing, backing her into a wall and forcing her to talk, but he sees no other way. She has been avoiding him for a week and its making him crazy. Over and over he went though every word he said to her, analyzing each conversation wondering where he went wrong. He knew he had screwed up because he was the only one she was avoiding. It had eaten at him all week but he could not find a minute alone with her to question her. It was now, on patrols, that he finally had access to her. He knew she would not be pleased by his actions and he expected her to blow up any minute… but she hadn't.
They had been patrolling for about ten minutes in silence. It was an awkward and uncomfortable silence and he desperately wanted it to end. He kept mulling over the best way to bring up her strange behavior over the past week. He was hurt and frustrated with how she had treated him. Things had been great between them over the past few months, and he just couldn't image what went wrong. As they made their way down the hall on the forth floor he couldn't take it any longer. "Hey Lily, I wanted to talk to you about this week…"he began but was quickly cut off by her retort.
"Please James, I can't do this right now." pleading evident in her soft voice.
"Lily, I need to know why you're avoiding me."
"No, you don't!" she replied with force.
At this he snapped and instead of trying to coerce her into talking he grabbed her shoulder and made her turn to face him. He knew it was wrong, forcing her to look at him, but he was full of desperation. He dropped his hand from her shoulder and took a step closer. Their eyes were locked; his pleading for answers and hers angry. She reflexively backed away from him but that only caused him to once again attempt to close the distance. Shock registered on her face when her body hit the stone wall behind her and he took one more step forward, leaving only a foot of space between them. He noticed her face pale and she bit her bottom lip before lowering her face to look intently at the floor.
She doesn't want to look at him right now. She doesn't want to tell him the truth or any version of it. She is scared and nervous. She knew she would have to face him eventually but she wanted more time to think, to digest her feelings. He knows her so well yet she has kept something important from him. If she looks at him she will have to tell him. Tell him that she looks forward to their late night talks in the heads' common room, that patrolling the corridors with him is the highlight of her day. She will have to admit that her playful banter with him was, indeed, flirting. She then feels a blush creep up as she recalls the tingling sensation she gets when he touches her arm or when their fingers brush together as they walk side by side.
She suddenly feels uncomfortably warm and she knows her cheeks are flushed. She knows she has to tell him, needs to tell him. So when his finger finds the bottom of her chin, she does not resist. She lets him lift her head up gently. She slowly raises her eyes, stalling, while she tries to put a coherent thought together. The tingling is back; his touch always does that to her. She finally finds his eyes and they are searching her, hard, trying to read her emotions.
"Lily… please." his voice comes out in a whisper. He is pleading with her. He needs answers.
She knows she has hurt him by being distant. She feels bad for that. She though time away from him would help her figure out her feelings, help her make a decision. Did she want to get involved with James Potter? The ramifications of that decision were immeasurable. Was she crazy about him or just plain crazy?... She was pretty sure she knew the answer to that. The real obstacle for her was that she was utterly afraid of being hurt. She couldn't put herself out there and be vulnerable in front of him, her emotions out on display. Was he even ready for the kind of relationship that she would demand from him? She just didn't know if she could do it, or if she wanted to put herself through it.
She had to decide.
"James…" she said his name in a whisper as her eyes weld up with tears.
Noticing the tears in her eyes he released her chin. He bent his knees bringing his face level with hers and started intently into her emerald eyes. When he spoke, she could sense a hint of panic among the concern in his voice.
"Is everything all right?"
She was fighting the tears and could only manage a nod as she bit her lip again, looking up at the ceiling, blinking fiercely. She was sure that if she attempted to use her voice the tears would spill over and streak down her cheeks.
James straightened and grabbed her upper arms with both hands and slowly pulled her off the wall and into an embrace. She let him. She let him wrap his arms around her and hold her tight against his chest. In the comfort of his arms the tears let loose and ran down her face. She closed her eyes enjoying their closeness and listened to his heart beat in his chest. When he pulled away after a minute, it was much too soon and she felt disappointed.
He was searching her face again and she let out a choked laugh in response.
He looked at her curiously before a puzzled look spread across his handsome features.
"I don't think I've ever seen you so serious." she finally managed, mockingly, as she looked up at him.
The corners of his mouth turned up just slightly at her attempt to lighten the mood but the puzzled look remained and he cocked his head to the side.
"I'm sorry." she began solemnly. "I shouldn't have avoided you this week. I needed space… I should have just told you that."
"Did I do something that upset you?" he asked with curious sincerity, his eyes still searching for answers on her face.
"No, you haven't done anything." she answered honestly, shaking her head slightly side to side.
She wanted to be with him and the only way that might be possible is for her to tell him. She sought her Gryffindor courage and pushed her fear down deep inside. She did not want to regret not knowing. What if they were great together? What if he really did want the same kind of relationship she did? She had to know, no regrets or what if's.
He was so confused by her words, and the crying didn't help either. He had no clue what was going on with her and he was still concerned. He didn't understand her needing space, and space from him…why?
He stared at her waiting for her to go on.
"I needed to figure some things out and be honest with myself, so that I can be honest with you." she began.
He was really confused now.
"Look, there is something that I have to tell you,… something that I want to tell you, but have been nervous about admitting."
"What is it, Lily?" he asked as he took a step closer, grabbing her hands, his eyes on hers. Concern etched its way across his face as he looked at her.
She opened her mouth but couldn't find the words. She tried again before looking down at her feet, frustrated. Within seconds she lifted her head, eyes blazing. She didn't think about what she did next. In one fluid motion she rose up on her toes pulling James' hands around the sides of her waist and to her back causing his arms to wrap around her, forcing him very close, and then she kissed him.
He froze, not expecting the contact. It only lasted a moment and then he was looking down at her, processing what just occurred. As she released his hands he let them rest on her waist, wanting to remain close to her. He was sure his face held a look of shock.
She was surprised at her forwardness but pleased she mustered the gusts to kiss him. She smiled shyly as she looked up at him. She casually placed her right hand on his chest. The look of shock on his face quickly vanished and there was a look of hunger in his eyes that she had never seen before.
With his right hand he reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. He let his hand linger a moment while he examined the emotions on her face. He gently cupped her cheek as he leaned down hesitantly, capturing her lips in his. The kiss was soft and exploratory at first. She liked this soft side of James but it only made her want more. She pressed her lips more forcefully onto his and their kissing suddenly became heated as he took her hint. She could now feel the hunger she had seen in his eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull him closer. She kissed him with an intensity she didn't know she possessed. His left hand found the small of her back and he pulled her body flush with his.
When they finally broke apart he rested his forehead on hers and smiled. He kept his arms wrapped around her, not wanting to let her go.
After a couple of minutes she broke the silence.
"I suppose you can guess what I wanted to tell you." It was a statement, not a question but he treated it like the latter anyway. He lifted his head up and looked at her.
"No, what was it you wanted to tell me? We got a little side tracked…" he chuckled.
"Honestly? You're going to make me say it?"
"Well yes, since I don't know what it is that you have to tell me." he replied sarcastically.
She sighed with a playful look of annoyance on her face.
"Fine, I will tell you, even though I know you are playing dumb right now. I really do want to tell you, I'm just not good at the whole putting myself out there thing." She paused for a long moment collecting her thoughts, "James, I like you… a lot actually." She blushed and looked down briefly. "Honestly,… I want to be your girlfriend… I want to give us a chance and see what happens."
James could not believe what he was hearing – did she really just say girlfriend? He was elated and his smile was proof of that. His hands moved from the small of her back to her hips and he pushed back, creating a few inches of distance between them.
"Lily Evans, are you asking me out?" he asked teasingly.
"Yes, actually, I think I am." she confirmed with a grin.
"Good," he said smiling, "because I have waited a long time to be able to call you my girl." He gave her a wink before pulling her close again.
She laughed and put her forehead against his chest in embarrassment.
"Lily?" he asked and she lifted her head to look in his eyes. "That still doesn't explain why you avoided me all week. When you like someone don't you usually want to spend time with them verses steering clear of them?"
She pushed away from him enough to look at him properly but he didn't remove his hands from her hips. She took his left hand and laced her fingers with his, turned and started to walk down the corridor. He knew she needed a minute to answer his question and he let it go, knowing he would have an explanation soon. He walked beside her with a grin on his face and wondered momentarily if he was dreaming. It then occurred to him how much he liked the way her hand felt in his as he unconsciously rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of hers. His eyes were on her and he let them linger there, unabashed. He really had waited a long time, hoping, that she would one day give him a chance. Now that it had finally happened, he felt happy, truly happy.
James was looking at her, she could feel it, still waiting for an answer. She tilted her head slightly towards him, and stole a quick glance at him. He gave her a small smile and she could feel a light blush starting in her cheeks. She owed him an explanation. She was going to be honest, the way she wanted their relationship to be. She took in a deep breath and let it out audibly before she began.
"I was scared, James. Scared of being hurt, scared of hurting you, scared of destroying what we have."
She stopped walking and turned her body towards his. She looked up into his eyes and confessed, "I wasn't ready to tell you. I didn't know what else to do." She slowly turned and started walking again, squeezing his hand a little. "We spend so much time together that I thought you would figure it out… and I couldn't bear the thought of being so exposed. I thought some space would help, and it did." she laughed lightly, turning her head to look at him. "I was miserable."
"Really? Miserable because you…missed me?" he asked playfully.
There was a short pause before he added, "I can see how that helped." He was sincere and she knew that he did, in fact, understand what she meant.
They walked in silence for a dozen paces before slowing as they neared an intersection in the corridor. He stopped her before they turned down the next hall, pulling her arm from behind so she had to turn fully around to look at him. His eyes had an intensity that was familiar to her; she knew there was something important he wanted to say. In the hall of her favorite school, her home, he told her exactly what she needed to hear.
"It's you, Lily. It's always been you." He meant it and she knew it. He could have said a lot more, but he didn't. He knew there would be many more opportunities like this, to tell her all the things he wanted to say.
He stepped forward closing the distance between them. He wiped the lone tear from her cheek with his thumb before pressing his lips lightly to hers.