Dear diary
I know it's girly that I'm writing to you but I can't help it. Writing down how I feel helps me to control my emotions normally; in front of my friends.
It was my birthday today, I had it all planned out, it was going to be great! But then… Hashirama forgot! He spent the entire day out with Madara. I can't believe him; he spent his little brother's birthday with his enemy instead of his brother. I hate him.
*Sigh* we both know that last sentence was a lie; I could never hate Hashirama. I love him. It's Madara that I hate; I despise that Uchiha to my very core!
It's bad enough that he's the enemy; an Uchiha; but he's stolen Hashirama from me.
We used to be so close; Hashirama and me, perfect brothers. But I'd always wanted more; I'd always loved Hashirama more than I should… more than brothers should.
Hashirama always used to play with me, even if the council looked down at me he always stood by me, played with me, talked to me, and was my friend. I thought that maybe he liked me too, I guess not.
I first figured out that he only saw me as a brother when he and Madara became friends but now I'm sure. I've seen the way that Madara looks at Hashirama; the way they act around each other – I don't have a chance; never did.
I've tried to get over Hashirama, really I have, but nothing works.
I've started something that helps though; only a few people know about my two coping methods, no one knows about both – people either know about one or the other.
Hashirama doesn't know about either – even if he is hokage.
He doesn't know that I wear a henge and go on secret SS-rank missions for the village behind his back; that I'm one of the strongest ninja in the village. He doesn't know that my henge is so strong that only a few Uchiha and Hyuuga's can see through it; that my range of jutsu's surpasses his; that I have all the chakra affinities; that I've gained the sharingan and the rinnegan. He knows none of this; not even my position of ANBU captain.
The only people who know of this are the people on my ANBU team.
I do have another coping method. I don't eat; it helps me to pretend that the emptiness inside is due to the lack of food not because of everything else. The only people that know of this are my genin team that I'm the jonin for.
In a way I feel sorry for Hashirama; he loves Madara so dearly yet I'm the one sleeping with him. I still haven't stopped this 'thing' with Madara. I guess that it also helps me cope by knowing that Hashirama can't be with Madara as long as I am.
No one knows that I am and have been sleeping with Madara for about two years now. Yesterday he said he loved me; pathetic. We've been on a few dates which he's paid for but nothing much. He said that he's coming over tonight with a gift. I wish he'd let Hashirama be here today instead. I miss my brother.
I can't believe I'm seventeen today honestly; I still feel like a lonesome child reaching out to their brother… their light.
That is all for February 19th
Tobirama Senju
Dear diary
I can't believe that Tobirama is seventeen now; he's no longer my baby brother. Though, I guess I stopped seeing him as that ages ago.
I've been avoiding him even more recently; I find it so hard to suppress my feeling when I'm around him but I can't let him know how I feel; that I'm in love with him.
That's why I let Madara keep me away from the Senju estate today; away from my brother. I think that Madara hates Tobirama, but, I think he's in love with me. I wish that it was Tobirama that was in love with me.
I really need someone to just mess around with otherwise I might end up raping Tobirama. I would go to Madara but I don't want to destroy our friendship, or, even more importantly, out clan alliance.
I don't know who else I could go to. It would have to be a ninja but someone that I could top; it would need to be someone I could trust but someone I don't know personally; it would have to be someone that would be willing to do it but wouldn't say anything about it or use it against me; maybe an ANBU member?
Yes, an ANBU, but who? Wait; there is that one ANBU… snow leopard! He's perfect; trustworthy and strong but smaller than me; he's Tobirama's height too so it would be perfect. But how would I ask him?
I can't believe that Tobirama's driven me to the point that I'm so desperate that I've turned to getting strangers to sleep with me.
I hope Tobirama likes his present though; I'm going to give it to him once I've finished writing this. I'm going to sneak into his room and give it to him.
Well; that's all for February 19th
I'll tell you what happens tomorrow,
Hashirama Senju
Dear diary
God I'm so glad no one's found this thing! It would be so embarrassing.
My little Tobirama turned seventeen today; I can't believe that it's been two years since we started going out, he was only fifteen.
He's great in bed too; I'm just about to go and give him his present – hopefully it'll end in sex; it normally does. But we're not using each other for sex, we do go on dates and stuff, it's just that we're busy so we normally meet up at night and we find each other irresistible.
I really love him; he's so cute.
Yesterday, after we'd had sex, I told him I loved him; it was so adorable because he blushed and hid his face.
We haven't told anyone yet though; we don't want to break the weak treaty between our clans.
It was really hard keeping Hashirama away from Tobirama today; my poor little baby hates Hashirama – much like I do – but I can tell that Hashirama is in love with Tobirama.
I'm getting worried about Tobirama though; god he's so light and small, plus, I've never seen him eat, do you think that there might be something wrong with him?
I'd better go now and give the birthday boy a visit; I'll tell you how it goes later.
Happy February 19th
Madara Uchiha
However, that night went extremely wrong. Madara did go into Tobirama's room and they ended up having sex; but Hashirama snuck in and saw. Madara and Tobirama both sensed that he was there but thought that the other didn't; Madara kept his mouth shut as he knew that Hashirama was in love with Tobirama so hoped that him seeing this would keep him away; Tobirama kept quiet because he thought that Hashirama loved Madara so this would keep Hashirama away. Hashirama was simply shocked, it was obvious that this wasn't their first, second or third time having sex and it didn't look forced either; his heart broke when he saw that and made his resolve to make out with that ANBU captain even stronger. He knew that he should leave but he couldn't; his eyes couldn't leaving his brothers hot body; Madara knew this and it made him even rougher as he fucked Tobirama's poor hole. Tobirama thought that Hashirama was still there because he couldn't take his eyes off Madara; that's why he let Madara fuck him harder.
Eventually Hashirama couldn't watch anymore so he put down his gift and left silently and cried in his room.
Once Madara and Tobirama were done Tobirama slipped out of the sleeping man's arms and walked to where the present was. In the card was a lot of writing but it was too dark for Tobirama to read so the boy resolved to reading it in the morning.
Meanwhile Hashirama walked to his desk; he'd written two cards – one confessing to Tobirama and one wishing him a happy birthday. He was planning on reading his love letter and then destroying it but was shocked as he read the letter;
Dear Tobirama
happy birthday little one. I hope you enjoy being seventeen,
love from your dorky brother Hashirama.
Hashirama swore; he'd given Tobirama the wrong letter!
So how was it? Good, great, awful? Anyway, what will Tobirama do when he reads the letter?
Please review!