The story of my life

I'm searching for the right

but he keeps avoiding me

Yukina pov+

Ever since I've been old enough in demon terms to take a mate

I've been searching……

I just can't seem to find the right one.

sorrow in my soul

cause it seems that wrong

really loves my company

It makes me,

so upset,

that I can never seem to find my soul mate.

I've hurt so many people looking for him.…….

and it seems……

I'll do it one last time.

he's more than a man

and this is more than love

the reason that the sky is blue

The first time I saw Kazuma Kuwabara,

I knew he had to be the one.

He's strong, brave, and he has a big heart.

sigh

I was so young when I accepted his offer of marriage,

young in demon terms of course.

I believed the reason why the sky was always so blue, and the sun always shined……

was because of Kazuma.

the clouds are rolling in

because I'm gone again

and to him I just can't be true

My brother, Hiei, told me not to marry him,

that I wouldn't be happy.

I hurt him that day.

I told him to back off and that he didn't know a single thing about me,

hn, how wrong I was……

Hiei didn't know it, but

he was protecting Kazuma when he gave me that advice,

I should have taken it.

I've found myself.……

Infatuated

with another who is not my husband.

and I know that

he know I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside

to know that I am happy with some other guy

I can see him dying

That day, three weeks ago when Kazuma went to visit his father's grave…

I went...to him.

He showed me things,

Kazuma has never even thought of,

I couldn't stop myself from going back.

Kazuma must have found out some while ago,

because I see in his eyes…he's...

he's dying.

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

every time I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be

a murderer

I don't want to hurt Kazuma but,

I love another,

and I know this time… he's the one for me.

I see and I feel Kazuma's pain,

every time I lie to him and tell him I'm going somewhere else when I'm going to see him.

I...I don't want him to hurt.

I feel it in the air

as I'm doing my hair
preparing for another date

As I stand in the bathroom,

doing my hair,

just the way he likes it,

I feel a disturbance in the air,

like something bad is going to happen.

a kiss upon my cheek

as he reluctantly

asks if I'm gonna be out late

Kazuma and the others have come back from a mission,

this means he's here.

Kazuma kisses me on the cheek.

"Hey kina-Chan." He says, a nickname he gave me.

"Hey Kazuma." I say,

I haven't even thought of giving him a nickname.

"How was the mission?" I only listen halfway as he tells me.

I know he will call soon, he always does.

My cell phone rings.

I answer.

It's him.

He says he needs me.

"All right."

I hang up.

I say I won't be long

just hanging with the girls

a lie I didn't have to tell

because we both know

where I'm about to go

and we know it very well

I turn to Kazuma, and prepare to lie.

But I pause.

There's that look again,

he can't take this much more,

just one last time,

this will be the last time.

"Kazuma, Keiko and the others would like to go to the mall together. For, a girls night out. Is that o.k.? Even though you just got back?"

He knows I'm lying I see it in his eyes,

he's wishing,

hoping, I'd stop betraying him.

Betrayal.

I've never known that feeling.

"Sure Kina-Chan. You go have fun."

He stands up and hugs me.

He then gives me a kiss,

I'm only half into it.

He can tell.

He lets me go and smiles,

that sad smile,

as I walk out the door.

cause I know that

he know I'm unfaithful and it kills him inside

to know that I am happy with some other guy

I can see him dying

This is the last time,

and then no more,

I won't kill him anymore.

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

every time I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be

a murderer

Murder.

That's what this is,

1st degree murder,

but it ends today.

I walk up the steps to the fourth floor to his apartment.

And I pull out a key to unlock the door.

As I open the door I began hearing noises.

I walk deeper in to the apartment,

and I'm standing before his bedroom door.

I'm about to break down crying,

at the things I hear.

"Ohhh, faster, harder, ohhhh! KURAMA!"

I pull the door open and see my best friend,

Boton...

with Kurama.

They scramble to cover themselves,

I've already seen all they have.

I feel my eyes begin to water

and hear the sounds of my tear gems hitting the ground.

"Yukina let me explain!" They both yell.

Explain what?

our love

his trust

I might as well take a gun and put it to his head

get it over with

I don't wanna do this

anymore

(anymore)

I cheated for nothing?

I broke me and Kazuma's trust for nothing?

I ran out Kurama's apartment,

not listening to there shouts for me.

I run to the one place where I can cry freely.

I get there quick and I run to my room,

Genkai's not here she went to visit her friend in the mountains.

That's good she doesn't need to be here for what I plan to do.

I open my closet and crawl to the very back.

I pull up a wooden board off the floor and pull out a cloth bag.

Placing the floorboard back,

climbing out and closing the closet,

I sit on my bed.

I think for a minuet and doing this here would only hurt Genkai,

she has only helped me

I'll go somewhere else.

But where?

I look out the window.

The forest will do.

I don't wanna do this anymore

I don't wanna be the reason why

every time I walk out the door

I see him die a little more inside

I don't wanna hurt him anymore

I don't wanna take away his life

I don't wanna be

a murderer

I run out Genkai's house,

my tear gems still falling to the floor,

at least I'll leave her something behind.

I run strait into the forest to the deepest part.

I sit on a dead fallen tree,

the cloth bag in my lap.

I open it and pull out……

a gun.

Grasping it in my hand

and putting my finger on the trigger,

I press it to the side of my head.

I prepare for my sin.

Soon everyone will be happy

Kazuma will find is soul mate

and Kurama and Boton can be happy together.

"YUKINA!"

I turn to my left to see my brother,

he has...tears in his eyes.

"Yukina please don't do this!" He yells.

a murderer

I have only one thing to say.

I smile slowly.

"goodbye."

no no no

The last thing I hear……

is my brother screaming.

I actually dreamt this

I fell asleep listening to "Unfaithful"

And I woke up crying

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