Extremely Important Author's Note

This story is dark. It's more than dark, it's morbid. Inside the cyber pages of my fanfic are several main subjects that cause uneasiness in society: rape, instability, death, and undeniable fear. This is the story of a girl who goes through truly terrible things, but it is also a story of a girl who overcomes such horrible situations and refuses to give up. There is an alternate ending that segues into an equally dark sequel. However, the first ending, the official ending, is anything but morbid.

As a person who wishes to pursue writing as more than just a hobby and more than just fan fiction, I do my best to write real emotion. I've read many original fiction and fan fiction stories that have rape as the main theme, but do not properly portray rape. Many of said works often have the main character become immediately fine after the fact. That is not what rape does to someone. Rape is terrible, and it has the potential to do more than just hurt one physically. Rape has the potential to tear down mental walls and create the epitome of discomfort and paranoia physically and mentally. I have done my best to have the main character in my story, Neema, portray a true rape victim.

Neema suffers through rape and mind games, but she also finds love and creates a better person out of herself. This is a morbid story, but it is also a story that ends with much light. You have been warned.

Just so it is known, I do not take personal offense to any review that is pointed on my story. I understand that this fan fiction is morbid, therefore I expect there to be several reviews about people who are disgusted with what I have written, but I also hope for constructive criticism. Feel free to express your opinion on this work, whether it be in favor of it, in complete disgust for it, or whether you are telling me a more in depth profile/experience of a rape victim, or you are telling me that I have an unstable character that does not fit. I do respond to reviews. Without reviews my story is, essentially, boring. I love to respond to reviews. Feel free to message me or post a question/comment in a review.

That is the end of my spiel, but again, you have been warned.

(I have no idea how to put this author's note before the first chapter without having to replace every chapter and moving them all one down, so I am just placing this at the top of the first chapter.)

My Derailment

Chapter One: Moving In

A/N: I know that this is all in the 90's, and that in the magical world muggle technologies aren't used, but I'm going to make references and use of muggle technologies and literature anyway.

Draco Malfoy isn't new to me; I've been a student at Hogwarts since I was eleven, I know who he is and how he behaves. We've had classes together all five years of our education, soon to be six. However, I've never lived next door to him, well, until now. My father has recently received a promotion at the company he works at, and now we're very well off. We've always been in the category of upper middle class, then we slowly moved up to being considered rich, but because of my father's recent accomplishment, we're now wealthy. This being so, he decided to move us to a much nicer area. That is why we live next door to the Malfoy's; well, I suppose we aren't next-door neighbors, but his mansion is the closest mansion to ours.

I slipped into my deep blue, almost purple, one shoulder dress. It ended at about the length of my knee, and slightly hugged my curves, just enough to bring attention to my figure. From the majority of my neck, and from the left arm, the sleeveless side, came a long pattern of feathers created by sequins and silver stitching.

"Neemie, are you almost ready?" My dad called from a few doors down.

"Yeah, dad, I just need to find my black shoes." I literally just put all of my things away yesterday, how can I have lost anything so quickly? Just as I was about to give up on my search, I stumbled over something. I turned my head to look at what I just stumbled over and saw my three-inch heels. I smiled, grabbed them, and then slipped them on.

My father knocked on my door three times before opening it, "Neemie are you—wow."

"What?" I ran over to my mirror to see if I was wearing something totally inappropriate, or if something was on backwards. I straightened my hair and put it up in a loose, but elegant bun; my make-up wasn't smeared, if I may say so myself, it looked pretty good. For the most part, my make-up looked natural, as if my face was actually flawless and bright. My dark brown eyeliner complimented my deep, chestnut brown eyes, my deep golden eye shadow looked nice against my skin, and flattered my eye color, and my sheer, pink lip-gloss gave my lips the right amount of shine and moisture.

"Don't worry, Neemie, you look great. I…I just didn't realize that you aren't ten anymore." We both awkwardly laughed for a minute before my mother walked into my room.

"Oh Neema!" My mother squealed, "You look so nice! I forgot you had that dress!"

I smiled and walked towards them, "Thanks, is Drea ready?"

"I think so…." My mother whispered, "Drea!"

Thirty seconds later, Drea jogged by us, "What's the hold up?" She smiled, "Nice shoes, Neemers."

I sighed, rolled my eyes, and smiled. We all started to walk out of my room as I said, "Please don't call me that when we're any where else but here."

Drea laughed, "If you insist—"

"I insist."

Before Drea could reply to me, my father hooked arms with my mother and me. I then proceed to hook my free arm with Drea's left arm. Drea and I took a deep breath and closed our eyes tightly just before our father apperated us to the foyer in the Malfoy Manor. My mother and father landed standing straight, calm, and happily, where as my sister and I stumbled around a bit. "We couldn't just walk over?" Drea coughed.

I laughed and stuck my arms out before I crashed into a wall; I ended up leaning against the cold stonewall for support. "Of course not. That'd be much too easy."

My mother rolled her eyes as my father told us, "If you girls could take a little less time in getting ready, we would have had time to just walk over."

"I see no reason in that." Drea retorted while regaining her balance. I walked over to her and my parents while she continued her thought, "If we took less time in getting ready, we wouldn't look nearly as nice. You should be happy you have two beautiful daughters." I smirked and gave her a low five while three familiar, pale faces entered the room.

Lucius shook hands with my father and greeted us with a warm welcome. "It's been quite a while since I've seen you two girls last." He smiled while eying us, but not in a sexual way. He eyed us in a way that showed he was remembering my sister and I as small children.

Narcissa smiled and asked my mother a few questions about our new mansion; how it looked in the inside, how everything functioned, if we liked it there, etc… Before things became too awkward, Lucius looked at us, gave us a small smile, and put his hands together in front of his chest, as if he was going to clap, but decided not to at the last minute. "I hope you four are hungry, we've had a delicious meal prepared for this evening."

Drea's eyes sparkled with happiness. "I'm starving. I was too lazy too unpack yesterday, so I spent the majority of today putting all of my things away."

We all started to walk to the dinning room before Narcissa asked me how my unpacking went. "It went well, I can't remember where I put anything," I giggled, "But all of my belongs are put away."

Narcissa smiled a bit and opened the door to the dining room. "Please, make yourselves comfortable."

They've replaced their usually large table with a smaller one, just large enough for the seven of us to be seated comfortably. Lucius sat at one head of the table, with Narcissa to his right, while my father sat at the other head, with my mother at his right. My older sister, Drea, sat across from Narcissa, leaving me with no choice but to sit across from Draco. Well, I suppose I could have sat across from my mother, but I couldn't help but sit across from Draco. I won't lie, I think he's very attractive; I've always been a sucker for blondes, any shade of blonde. He has become quite a bit paler since the last term of our fifth year, but he's still cute regardless of such. I've always found his cold, grey eyes intriguing. Every time I look into them I wonder what they've seen, the things he wished he didn't see, the things he hopes to one day see.

As the first course appeared on our plates, I couldn't help but to sneak glances up at Draco. I looked at his lips a few times and I couldn't help but want to kiss him, whether that was out of curiosity or lust, I wasn't entirely sure; perhaps it was a combination of the two. We occasionally made eye contact and flashed each other small, but polite smiles, but it still felt too awkward to talk; that being so, I turned my attention to my sister. After I swallowed the last sip of water from my cup, I turned my heads toward Drea and put my left arm to the side of her right one. "Am I darker than you?"

"Yes," she sighed, "you've always been darker than me."

"Not true, last summer you tanned until you were as dark as midnight. I lost you every night until you smiled."

We both giggled, Drea slightly choked on her water. Holding back a laugh, Drea said, "Little Miss Olive, you've always envied my fair skin."

"Oh, you're right about that." I smiled and rolled my eyes. "How I wish I share a shade with garlic."

Drea choked again on her water, "Shut up!" She laughed and bit her bottom lip a bit to keep from laughing loudly. Lucius and our father ignored us, while our mothers engaged in conversation, but Draco quietly laughed after eying us. We continued our meal with little jokes in between sips of water.

The dinner went well, it was rather quiet between Drea, Draco and I, but it still was pleasant enough. Drea received most of the attention, probably because everyone at the table was in Slytherin, except for me. I am a Gryffindor, and I'm proud of that; my brother, Gaston, was a Ravenclaw, and he loved it. He loved being considered smart – he is, but the title of Ravenclaw and a pair of glasses automatically makes you a genius in the eyes of all Hogwarts students.

At the present moment, I am in the kitchen, making myself a turkey sandwich. Just as I spread a little bit of mayonnaise on a slice of bread, someone knocked his or her hand against the large island in the middle of the kitchen. I jumped up a bit from the shock of the quiet turning into a loud, abrupt noise. I turned a bit to see who it was; I should have guessed it, "Where's your father?"

"Why?" I asked, eying Draco up and down while crossing my arms against my chest.

"My father wants to talk to him. Now, where is he?"

"I don't know."

He sneered, "Hopefully he's off getting some house elves. Why are you doing making your own sandwich?"

I grew a bit defensive, "I'm neither lazy nor an idiot. I can make things myself; I don't need to depend on my father's money to get me through life."

Draco glared at me, "Little Miss Gryffindor, you think you're so high and mighty, eh? There's nothing special about you."

I shrugged and turned back to my sandwich, "If anyone knows anything about being anything but special, it'd be you. A muggle-born out does you in every subject, and a half-blood always seems to out—"

Draco slammed his left hand down against the island. "Shut your mouth!"

I smirked and gathered the mustard, mayonnaise, and package of turkey meat. I quietly put them back in the fridge, walked over to the counter, picked up my small avocado skin, and tossed it into the garbage can. As I walked by Draco, I looked up at him and smirked. He grabbed my right arm roughly,

"You tell your father—"

"Tell me what?" My father stepped into the kitchen and slowly examined Draco and me.

Draco quickly let go of me and stood up straight. "My father has a message for you." Draco gave me a quick disapproving look before continuing, "He told me to tell you that the dark will arrive near dawn."

"Ah," My dad sucked in a bit of air, "alright. Thank you, Draco. Tell your father that I will be at your home then."

"Yes, sir." Draco started to turn around.

"Oh, and Draco?"

Draco turned back around. Politely smiling, he responded, "Yes, Mr. Saravia?"

"Don't you ever touch my daughter like that again." I held back a "that's what you get" laugh while my father walked over to me. He put his left hand on top of my right shoulder and gave me a squeeze. "I'm proud that she's a Gryffindor, it shows bravery, intelligence, and willingness. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, about her house placement that shames anyone in this family."

Draco gulped. Sure, Draco was looking more and more like a man every day. He stands at six foot three, his jaw line has become more masculine, and he's rather muscular now, but my father is man. He stands at six foot five, his jaw line is strong and masculine, his body large and buff, and his words and facial expressions are strong. Draco's eye widened for a moment before he nodded up and down. "Yes, sir."

"Good, now please tell your father my response." Draco quickly shuffled out of the kitchen and back to his own mansion.

I turned a bit to face my father, "Thanks, Dad."

He smiled and ruffled my hair. "I'm going to help your mother pack her suitcase, she's going to visit her friend, Katie, for a few days."

"Okay," I smiled, heaved myself onto the counter for a seat, and ate my sandwich in silence.

I've always wondered why Draco is so mean to me, could it really be solely because I am a Gryffindor? I can't recall a single thing that I did to him to make him so rude towards me. Sure, I've told him off at school before, but I was never the first one to say anything. He was either teasing me, or picking on someone who was weaker than him. Is that it? That I actually stand up to him when I'm not the one being teased? Probably not; this is quite a bummer, really. I don't want to be his friend, or really, a friendly acquaintance, but my God! It'd be nice if he could be somewhat kind to me for a day, or at least long enough for me to see him shirtless. We've known each other since we were babies, and for a while we were friends, but when he turned ten he also turned into a jerk. I didn't care much then, but I also didn't realize he was cute then, and now he's hot. No, not hot. More like sex on legs status.

I guess it doesn't really matter though; even if I did get the chance to see him shirtless, nothing would happen. Not that I want that. Honest. There would be way too many consequences for such a deed with him anyway. I'm sure he'd go right back to being cruel to me as soon as we were done. He'd probably tell everyone, too; his friends, my friends, my family.

GAH. Curse him. Curse him and his blonde hair, and his muscular body—

GAH. JALSDKFJLASDK. Curse that Draco Malfoy!

I've been laying in my bed for a few hours now, trying to rid my mind of all thoughts, especially Draco related thoughts. I said a spell around eleven to turn my ceiling into a large, strong, glass window. I can reverse this back to the original wood and what not, but it is a beautiful night tonight, and I've wanted to fall asleep staring at the stars for a while. I'd go outside, but I don't want to end up falling asleep out there. My breathing has slowed down a bit, and my eyes are growing heavy; sleep was finally going to be mine.

"Neemers!" I hear a faint whisper, "Neemers! I need to talk to you!"

I yawned and slowly opened my eyes. "I hope it's for something important, I was about to fall asleep."

Drea closed my door, mumbled a spell to turn a light on in my room, and then walked over to me. While situating herself in a seated position at the foot of my bed, she asked me, "What's with all the tension between you and Draco? Last night you two seemed to be engaging in stare downs, and I heard that he grabbed you today." She smirked while saying the latter.

"Don't get excited," I took in a deep breath, "he was grabbing my arm to intimidate me."

"Oooooh," My sister faked a shiver and a shook for ten seconds. "Trying to dominate you, eh?"

I reached to my right and tossed a pillow at her. "He was trying to scare me, or something. I don't know, I guess he was just trying to freak me out."

"Either way," she smirked, "he's hot, you're hot, you two should be hot together."

I chuckled before replying, "Yes he is, thank you, and only in my dreams."

"Oh, is that what you were about to do before I woke you?"

We both laughed now. "Shut up, Drea!"

"Do you like him though?"

My laughter quickly turned into a sigh. "No. He's rude, and he's mean, and pretty much one hundred percent awful. He's always treated me poorly, just because we're neighbors now doesn't mean that anything's going to change."

"Except you're now more like to get some di—"

"Drea!" I laughed, "Please!"

"What? It's true! Didn't you see him checking you out one thooousand times last night? It's obvious that he thinks you're totally hot."

I turned onto my left side. "Drea, leave it alone. He's cute, even a blind a-sexual would agree, but he's unbearable."

Drea sighed.

"I don't mean to be rude," I yawned, "but I need to sleep now."

"Okay," she smirked and walked to my bedroom door, "have sweet dreams." She turned off my light and whisper—yelled, "Of Draco!" She then shut my door and ran across the hall to her room. I quietly laughed into my pillow while stretching out my body and allowed myself to think for a little bit longer in an attempt to lift my mood. Tomorrow is a new day, a different day. I'm going to tan by the pool and read. Tomorrow is a day for me; Drea will be off doing her own thing, Mom will be at Katie's, and dad will be busy at the Malfoy Manor. Tomorrow is tan and read day; it will be a good day.