Okay, this is just something I wrote to get my frustrations out after 'Moving On'. It has been on my computer for a while now and today I decided to post it here. This is the first time I publish a Huddy story, so please be gentle and don't shoot me down to hard. I don't expect anyone to like it, but if you do, just let me know because I have some possible ways to continue this in my head. That is if you guys want me to. Allright, going to stop with the rambling now and let you read!

The story takes place before season 7. Even though it had it's good moments (HUDDY!) I decided to forget about how they destroyed the best ship ever.

Disclaimer: I don't own House! Wish I did though, cause then Huddy would still be going strong!

~Being the better man~

He was a wreck. Well, physically he had been a wreck for a while, ever since they had mangled up his leg. But what he was feeling now had nothing to do with his leg. It wasn't physical at all. His mind was reeling with thoughts, making him crazy. All thoughts about her, about how he would lose her forever tomorrow. The pain was agonizing, almost unbearable. Never had he felt any pain like this, not even when his leg was at its worst. But then, he had never imagined this would happen either.

Somehow, he had always been sure they would end up together. She was his and his only. Ever since that one night they had shared in college he had felt like this. It's like there was an unvisible connection between them. It had made them find each other again after all those years. He could still remember the day he had first seen her back after he left her in college as if it was yesterday. He still knew exactly what she was wearing, what she had said and especially how she had pretended like they hadn't any history at all while he was in her office trying to get a job after he had been fired for the fourth time in a couple of years. When he entered PPTH that day, he didn't know who the Dean of Medicine was. And if he had known, he would probably never even have tried to get a job there. After all, what was the chance that she would hire him after he had hurt her and left without any closure between them? But then she surprised him –something only she could do and would do many times after that day- and did hire him. It was the start of years of bantering and bickering filled with sexual tension that always left them frustrated afterwards. Both of them too stubborn to give in to their desires. He knew he wanted her, he even needed her, but he could never admit that. He would rather mask it with his snarky comments about her and her body. So he settled for their flirtatious conversations and pushed all his feelings to the back of his mind.

That went all fine, until that day he had hit rock bottom. That dreadful day he had hallucinated about her and had shouted it from the hospital balcony. It left his feelings about her in the open, and himself completely fallen apart. Those months that he spent in Mayfield afterwards, were the worst of his life. Even worse than everything his father had made him go through in his childhood. He wanted to forget about her, wanted to get better and continue his life without this unexplainable craving for her. But yet again he failed miserably. Even in that hellhole he kept thinking about her. How was she? How would she react now that she knew how he felt about her? Would she ever forgive him for the shouting escapade on the balcony? All these questions and many more kept popping up in his head and they didn't help him much to actually get better because he didn't know the answers to them. So when he finally got out of Mayfield he made himself a promise. He would try to finally do something with his feelings. The place hadn't changed him that much, but it had kind of made him a slightly better man and now he wanted to be that better man for Cuddy. He would try with everything he had to win her over and he was convinced it would work.

Well, that was until he found out about Lucas. In those months that he was gone she had started dating him. It had hurt him more than he could ever tell. How could she be with another guy when she knew what he was going through? So, against his better judgement, he kept telling himself that she had done it because she missed him, because she needed someone to fill the gap he had left and that it would end soon like all of her previous relationships had done. He imagined how she would react when he told her about his feelings, how they would finally get together and how he could possibly be happy again.

And now this was all scattered to pieces by the cold, harsh truth. Tomorrow she would become Ms. Douglas. The thought almost made him vomit. He had never had any intention of marrying her. Hell, he had never had any intention of marrying anyone. But he just couldn't bear the thought of her marrying any other guy, especially not that manchild that was the private investigator.

He knew he didn't deserve her, not after all what he had said and done to her. She deserved way better, she deserved to be happy. Even if it was not with him. At least, that's what he had decided when he found out about her engagement. He had decided that even though he couldn't be the better man with Cuddy, he just would be the better man for once in his live and let her have what she had always dreamed of: a white wedding and a possible family.

But then there still was a tiny voice nagging in the back of his head that he couldn't let this happen. That all this 'being a better guy' thing was crap. So he had spent this entire day contemplating on his couch with a bottle of scotch and with every sip of scotch he took this voice became louder. He wasn't so sure anymore of his decision and when the bottle was finally empty, he had changed his mind. House wasn't sure why, but he knew the amount of alcohol in his blood had something to do with this sudden changed decision. So after he had taken one last sip of his glass, he put it back on his coffee table, grabbed his keys and jacket and took off on his bike in the direction of her house. Knowing that what he was about to confess to her would change their relationship forever. He only hoped it would change for the better …

So what do you think? TBC?