TRANSFORMERS: CYBERTRON SAGA
AUTOBOTS #21-A: CONJURER OF DEMONS.
byline: Anubis C. Soundwave
Scene: 1
In his quarters, Smokescreen starts to enter his rest cycle. At least until his door is kicked in.
"What the hell?" he says, refreshing his optics.
Sludge stands in the doorway, growling.
Not again, groans Smokescreen silently. "Another nightmare, Sludge?" he says to the Dinobot.
Sludge nods. "Dream no am make sense to Sludge. Why me am kill other Dinobots?" he asks, upset.
"Sludge, nightmares aren't supposed to make any sense," Smokescreen explains.
"No!" counters Sludge hotly. "Nightmares am recurring. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It am always clear, like am really happening."
"Hm. Did you ask Ratchet?" Smokescreen asks.
"Yes, me Sludge ask. Him Ratchet no am answer," says Sludge, scowling.
"Okay. I'm trying to help," says Smokescreen calmly as he picks up a datapad and stylus. "Did you have any funny-tasting energon?" he asks.
"No. Normal rations," says Sludge.
"Did you watch any scary movies?" continues Smokescreen.
"No!" roars Sludge, leaning into Smokescreen's face. "Don't talk to me Sludge like me am stupid!"
Sludge, buddy, you are kind of stupid, Smokescreen says to himself. I just value my life too highly to say that to your face at the moment.
"Sludge am have bad, bright dreams! Other Dinobots am look like Combaticons and Aerialbots. Me Sludge call them different names," continues Sludge, "and them call me Sludge name of femme."
"What were the names, Sludge?" asks Smokescreen.
"Gearshift, Butane, Swift, and Slade," says Sludge.
"And what did the Dinobots in your dream call you?" Smokescreen continues; his optics narrow as he continues writing notes.
"They am call me Sludge 'Hackwrench'. Her am him Ratchet's dead sister," says Sludge as he pulls away from Smokescreen.
"Hackwrench"? That is oddly specific. Come to think of it, continues Smokescreen quietly as he writes notes on his datapad, Sludge is acting almost as frustrated as his aunt would get. All of these names are familiar, for that matter. Why would Sludge even dream about the Dynamite Squad? Or something as detailed as their deaths?
"Have bad dreams about Optimus Prime and pink femme," Sludge continues, trembling as he unloads on Smokescreen. "Them hurt Sludge! Rip red and white girl Frenzy in half!"
Smokescreen scribbles furiously on the datapad. "How did Prime hurt you in your dream, Sludge?" he asks, tense.
"No am make sense!" cries Sludge. "Him Optimus take out funny cable and-*"
"Never mind!" spits Smokescreen, his optics wide with horror. "Anything else?" he asks as he scrawls "Sludge = Fraggin' HACKWRENCH!? Ratchet is a sick frag!" on his datapad.
"Constructicons...Devastator..." groans Sludge, clutching his head. "Them am do same thing as Optimus and pink femme.
I'm going to kill Prowl for dragging me into this outfit. "Please go on, Sludge," says Smokescreen stonily.
"Ratchet stab Sludge in dream, but him Ratchet at least fix sleeping problem," says Sludge. "But please: you Smokescreen no am tell him Ratchet that me Sludge said anything about that one."
"No problem," says Smokescreen as he amends his notes to say "...a sick frag who killed his own sister!", then sets the datapad down. "Did you get everything off your chest?" he asks Sludge.
"Yes," says Sludge, trembling. "Me know this am brain problem," he continues, "but him Ratchet no am fix Sludge brain. Why?"
"I'll ask him why," says Smokescreen. "Go back to your quarters, big guy."
"Okay," says Sludge. He and Smokescreen exit the room together.
Hidden around the corner, Optimus trembles in shock. All of my concerns about the Dinobots...are warranted. He heads to his office.
Scene: 2
In med bay, Ratchet finishes fixing the door, then returns to his terminal.
"Now I might be able to get some work done," Ratchet says aloud to the terminal.
The door is kicked in again.
Ratchet jumps from the terminal and whips around to face the again-broken door. "Damn it, Sludge!" he spits. "You don't have to destroy med bay every time you wake up! I've already explained what's going on with your nightmares!"
"Then explain it to me, doc," says Smokescreen.
"What the-you're not Sludge!" balks Ratchet.
"I know," says Smokescreen, "so please refrain from lying to me."
"I didn't lie to him," says Ratchet, regaining his composure as he picks up his tools to fix the door. "I gave Sludge the information he needed to know, and fixed the problem with his sleep cycle."
"I'll bet," Smokescreen mutters.
"Hm?" asks Ratchet.
"Nothing. With all due respect, sir," says Smokescreen, "I don't think you were clear with Sludge. Things have to make sense for him; they have to follow some sort of logical pattern."
"I take it he kicked down your door, too?" asks Ratchet.
"Yeah, so I'm glad to see that Sludge kicked down your door first," says Smokescreen.
"Why did you follow suit?" demands Ratchet.
"So that you could get a taste of what my early morning so far was like," says Smokescreen.
Ratchet sighs. "What did Sludge tell you?" he asks.
"He told me enough," says Smokescreen, smiling thinly.
Ratchet scowls. "Sit down," he orders. "There's a lot of technical ground to cover, and it will take at least an hour for me to explain it all to you in lay terms."
"Not a problem. I don't sleep anymore," says Smokescreen.
Scene: 3
Sludge sits outside the Ark with a large drawing pad and Autobot-sized crayons; he finishes a drawing of Grimlock.
Hm, says Sludge to himself. Am need missile launcher cannons like him Onslaught. Darker yellow on chest. He adds the cannons to make Grimlock look more like Onslaught.
Sludge continues drawing each Dinobot, modifying each one with different design elements. What if Slag am look more like him Slingshot? Sludge thinks as he adds a blue visor.
Slingshot starts to enter Autobot Headquarters, but notices Sludge's drawing. "You're trying to see if Slag would look better if he were me?" he grins.
"No," says Sludge, still working.
"Whatever you're trying to do, it won't work with crayons," says Slingshot. "They're a lousy medium."
Sludge stares at Slingshot. "Huh?" he wonders.
"You need something you can erase," Slingshot explains. "Hang on-I'll get my colored pencils." He enters the Ark.
Sludge shakes his head, sets aside his Slag drawing, and starts working on Snarl. Snarl am look like Decepticon Brawl in dream, he muses, so me am draw him Snarl that way-but with Snarl colors.
Slingshot emerges from the Ark with colored pencils, erasers, and a blank sketchpad, then sits next to Sludge.
Sludge stops his work, turning his head to face Slingshot. "What am you Slingshot doing? You no am make fun?" he asks the jetwarrior.
"Nah," says Slingshot, picking up the Slag drawing. "Just watch me, big guy." Slingshot takes out his colored pencils and sketchpad and sketches Slag.
"You am good at drawing," says Sludge.
"Thanks," says Slingshot, finishing the sketch. "Now," he continues, lightly adding Class Five elements to Slag's picture, "you want him to look more like me, right?"
Sludge nods, amazed.
Slingshot finishes his Slag/Slingshot sketch. "Who's the next Dinobot-Aerialbot mash-up?" he grins.
"Do him Swoop like Air Raid!" says Sludge, excited.
"Okay, though I hate to stick Swoop with Air Raid's mug," quips Slingshot as he starts the next sketch. He draws Swoop, then adds Class Two-A features to the air Dinobot.
"Good," says Sludge.
"So, now you want Grimlock as Silverbolt?" asks Slingshot as he picks up Grimlock's drawing.
"No," says Sludge.
Slingshot stares at Grimlock's crayon picture, then sighs. "Never mind: 'Grim-slaught' it is," he says, starting the sketch.
After completing the sketches of Grimlock and Snarl, Slingshot turns to Sludge. "So," he asks, "who do you want to look like?"
Sludge thinks. "Like him Ratchet, and Soundwave...kind of," he says. "But as girl."
Slingshot's jaw drops a moment. "That's too many elements, chief," he says. "Is there any 'girl' robot that looks like a cross between Ratchet and Soundwave?"
Sludge nods. "Am Ratchet's sister, Hackwrench. Her used to be Autobot, but her not Autobot anymore...or alive anymore," he says, sadly.
"Okay," says Slingshot. "Was she a medic like Ratchet?" he asks.
"Uh-huh," says Sludge. "Him Ratchet and him Wheeljack say Hackwrench was smart and pretty, like Carly."
He's got to learn different make names, says Slingshot as he starts to draw Hackwrench. "Your aunt," he says to Sludge, "was a Caduceus MT; which is more of a mash-up between Ratchet, Soundwave, and Optimus Prime."
"No Optimus Prime," mutters Sludge, sullen and trembling.
"I'm sorry: a Caduceus MT has design elements from a Devil Box, a modded MC-10; and a Freight Hauler, an upgraded Box Hauler," says Slingshot as he adds Sludge-like elements to his sketch of Hackwrench.
"No, Sludge am sorry," says Sludge. "Me no am feel good. Have bad dreams. Consuming normal fuel rations," he adds, annoyed, "and not scared of dumb Earth horror movies."
"So these characters are appearing in your nightmares?" asks Slingshot.
"Yes!" says Sludge. "Me am Hackwrench," he continues, pointing at Slingshot's drawing, "other Dinobots am look like other pictures, and me kill other Dinobots in dream."
"That is an awful dream to have about your brothers," says Slingshot as he finishes the drawing. Could be because Sludge and Hackwrench are related, Slingshot notes to himself, but it was pretty damn easy to add some Sludge-esque features to this drawing.
Brawn, Sideswipe, and Sunstreaker arrive at the Ark; they transform and approach Slingshot and Sludge.
"Is Sludge teaching you how to color?" Sideswipe teases, poking Slingshot.
Slingshot scowls.
"Let me look at these," says Sunstreaker, picking up Sludge's attempted mashup of Air Raid and Swoop. Optics wide with shock, he hands the picture to Brawn.
After receiving the drawing from Sunstreaker, Brawn steps back. Tense, he studies the crayon drawing, then turns to Slingshot. "Hey, kid," Brawn says to the Aerialbot, noting the more skilled Dinobot mash-ups. "You got one crossing Air Raid and Swoop?"
"Yeah," says Slingshot, handing Brawn the drawing. "What's going on? Sunstreaker looks like somebody painted him chartreuse."
Brawn stares at Slingshot's mash-up, trembling. When you see fraggin' drawings of ghosts, he thinks, you'd start seeing yourself in horrible colors, too.
"Just...shut up, man," spits Sunstreaker, tossing Sludge's drawing at Slingshot. "Just shut up!" The yellow mech storms into the Ark.
"Sludge," asks Brawn, "do you know who these guys are?"
"Only am know her Hackwrench," says Sludge, pointing at Slingshot's drawing of the femme. "Sludge no know others. Who am them?" he asks.
"They're...old friends of ours," says Brawn.
"It'd take too long to explain, Sludgie," says Sideswipe, grabbing Brawn's hand and dragging the smaller mech into the Ark.
Sludge growls. "Me Sludge am have time!" he seethes, smashing his fist into the nearest rock, hard enough to damage his fist. "Explain to Sludge! Explain!"
"I don't get it either, chief," says Slingshot. The Aerialbot hands Sludge his colored pencil drawings. Maybe Teletraan can help you figure it out."
Sludge looks up at Slingshot and accepts the drawings, the Dinobot's face weary. "Thank you." He stands and enters the Ark.
Scene: 4
"I'm waiting," says Wheeljack, chuckling as an agitated Ratchet paces around in med bay.
"Frag off, Jack," Ratchet spits. "Get those 'I told you so' lines out of your system, then stick them up your crankshaft."
"No. I want you to admit it," says Wheeljack.
"What's there to admit?" asks Ratchet.
"That you were wrong," says Wheeljack.
Ratchet glares at Wheeljack. "Fair enough," he says, "only consider that all of our available options were wrong, and we had to pick the one that would save the Autobots' lives that day."
Wheeljack shakes his head.
"You've given me two lectures per cycle on ethics," continues Ratchet, "for as long as we've known each other."
"That would be 8.7 M-cycles and counting," says Wheeljack.
"Right. I've got a lecture of my own about ethics," says Ratchet, "and when I'm done, I don't want to hear that damned word ever again."
Wheeljack sits.
Ratchet starts his speech. "Ethics is-*"
Optimus interrupts Ratchet through a video commlink. "Ratchet," he says. "This is about the Dinobots."
Wheeljack's optics widen, while Ratchet trembles.
"What...about the Dinobots, sir?" asks Ratchet, slowly regaining his composure.
Scene: 5
On his side of the commlink, Optimus observes Ratchet's reactions. He's really pushing his luck, Optimus says to himself.
Ratchet stares at Optimus through the screen, waiting for Optimus' response.
"Do you recall the Dinobots' mission to retrieve the Cybertonium?" Optimus asks.
"Yes," says Ratchet, with a controlled sigh of surprised relief.
Don't relax yet, doc, says Optimus quietly. "Sludge," he says to Ratchet, "made a good point about it: why do we need Cybertonium to function?"
"We've always needed it," says Ratchet. "It never occurred to us to question why."
"It occurred to Sludge because the Dinobots-who were built here on Earth-don't need it to function," adds Wheeljack. "Since Sludge thinks in straight lines," he continues, "the Cybertonium is, in his mind, an undesireable variable."
"Explain," says Optimus.
"'Autobots are Autobots. Dinobots are Autobots,'" says Wheeljack, narrowly avoiding mimicking Dinobot syntax. "'Autobots need Cybertonium to function. Dinobots do not need Cybertonium to function.' I could practically see the basic arithmetic symbols forming in Sludge's head-almost like an Earth cartoon."
"Yeah," adds Ratchet. "To continue Sludge's line of reasoning: 'If Dinobots and Autobots are the same inside, but Dinobots do not need Cybertonium, then why do Autobots need Cybertonium?' It doesn't occur to Sludge that we may have a few differences."
"It's a logical question," says Optimus, "one we don't have a logical answer for."
"To be fair to Sludge," says Wheeljack, "he was actually asking what vital part of our function is powered by Cybertonium. I've been looking," he continues, "and I can't find anything inside any Cybertronian that needs Cybertonium."
"There is none," says Optimus. "I can understand Sludge's logic, as simplified as it is. 'We need energon because it's fuel; we are machines, and machines need fuel to function. Cybertonium is not fuel. We Dinobots never needed it to function.'"
"Which leads him back to that logic loop and makes him want to smash stuff," says Wheeljack.
"If we don't really need Cybertonium," says Ratchet, "then Sludge is right: we need to fix ourselves to 'be more like Dinobots'-by ending our bodies' dependency on Cybertonium."
"I can make those upgrades," says Wheeljack, "but my tools are in Iacon, on Cybertron."
"We'll have to send the Dinobots back there, then," says Optimus, "to address a problem they themselves pointed out."
"Think that will appease Grimlock?" says Ratchet.
"I trust that you two can safely issue the order. Optimus out." Optimus ends the transmission.
Scene: 6
Wheeljack turns from the monitor to face Ratchet. "Optimus is on to us," he says.
"I know that much," says Ratchet, "considering how often he mentioned Sludge's name. Still," he continues, "it's probably a good idea to send the Dinobots out-if for no other reason than to get Sludge's mind off his nightmares."
"Or rather," says Wheeljack, "his aunt's memory residuals."
"You're going to ride me over this, aren't you?" asks Ratchet.
"Yep," says Wheeljack.
Scene: 7
The Dinobots stand outside the Ark, discussing their orders.
"Should have retrieved tools when Dinobots on Cybertron the first time," groans Swoop.
"Autobots am do things back-aftwards," scoffs Slag. "How am we get to Cybertron without alerting him Shockwave?"
"Go through spacebridge and smash Shockwave," spits Sludge, irritated. "Me no am care."
"You Sludge no am get rest cycle yet?" asks Grimlock, concerned.
"Sludge sleep no more," says Sludge. "No am hurt Dinobots."
"Solve nightmares first," says Snarl. "Get tools later."
Grimlock strokes his chin. "No. Me Grimlock say Dinobots obey Optimus' orders; retrieve tools and make Autobots stronger," he says. "Better for Dinobots in long run."
"But him Sludge no am think straight with stupid nightmares!" says Slag. "Autobots no am give good answers to him Sludge questions."
"Me know that," says Grimlock. "But him Sludge mention Cybertonium problem, and him Optimus agree that it am need repair. Get tools, get Autobots repaired."
"Sludge no go," says Sludge, sullen. "Me am threat to Dinobots."
"No. You no am threat," counters Grimlock, placing a hand on Sludge's shoulder. "Me Grimlock say all Dinobots am safe. Me Grimlock make sure you no am threat."
"So, you am smash me Sludge if Sludge cause trouble?" asks Sludge.
Grimlock nods.
Sludge growls. "Fine. Me Sludge go," he says.
"Dinobots: fly to UNECOM, and get Spay-C. Her am take us to Cybertron," says Grimlock.
Scene: 8
"This is Shockwave," states Shockwave, noting the Earthian shuttle in Cybertron's orbit. "Identify yourself or be destroyed."
"Guardian Spay-C, on a routine diplomatic visit to Cybertron," says Spay-C.
"Declare your passengers," Shockwave orders. "Our sensors detect five additional life signs."
Sludge abruptly ends the transmission. "Him have too many questions. Just land!"
"If I do that, all six of us will die," says Spay-C.
"Not if us kill Decepticons first," counters Slag. "Slag am ready to fight."
"The Gobots are not ready to fight, as you so succinctly put it," says Spay-C. "Transform," she continues, "and I will handle the rest."
"Do what her Spay-C say," orders Grimlock. He transforms; the other Dinobots follow suit.
Spay-C contacts Shockwave.
Scene: 9
"This is Shockwave," states Shockwave, noting the Earthian shuttle in Cybertron's orbit. "Identify yourself or be destroyed."
Shockwave studies the video monitor, noting five large reptilian creatures within Spay-C.
"One of our scientists' genetic cloning experiments had interrupted our transmission," states Spay-C, noting the growling Apatosaurus glaring at Shockwave through her camera. "I am escorting these creatures to a biology conference in Hikage City."
"One moment," says Shockwave, muting the sound.
"A rather obvious lie," says Sunstorm, chuckling.
"So, when do we attack Gobotron?" asks Acid Rain.
"We will not invade Gobotron at present. Spay-C has not attacked us," continues Shockwave, "and she is not predisposed to illogical action; Spay-C will not give us proper cause to rescind the non-aggression pact. The Dinobots have clearly compelled her to assist them in order to avoid our security checkpoints."
"Why?" asks Sunstorm.
"What shall we do with the Dinobots when they land?" says Acid Rain.
"Follow them," says Shockwave. "Determine the Dinobots' true mission, and report it to me."
"It shall be done, Shockwave," says Sunstorm. Nudged by Acid Rain, the gold-and-orange Seeker salutes.
"We're off, Subcommander," adds Acid Rain with a salute. He and Sunstorm transform and take to the skies.
Shockwave restores the sound. "I have confirmed that your arrival was anticipated," he states. "You will receive a pass that will permit you to enter Hikage City when you land. Shockwave out."
Scene: 10
Spay-C presents her city pass to a Class Five neutral guarding Hikage City's entrance. "I have received authorization from Darkmount Tower," she says.
"It checks out," says the Class Five. "State your purpose."
"Biology conference at Magnificus Center," says Spay-C. "These creatures are part of a prehistoric Earthian exhibit that Gobot scientists are lending to Magnificus, the curator of the center."
"Why am put up with Slingshot look-alike?" demands Slag over internal radio.
"And more stupid questions," adds Sludge.
"To protect her Spay-C," Grimlock responds. "Otherwise, Gobotron am in trouble for her helping us."
"This am dumb mission so far," says Swoop over the radio. "Dinobots am nowhere near Iacon."
"Us go to Iacon later," explains Snarl. "Avoid Shockwave now."
"You may go," says the Class Five. "Magnificus is expecting you." The jetwarrior allows Spay-C and the Dinobots to enter Hikage City.
Scene: 11
At Teletraan One in the Ark, Jazz argues with Leader One.
"We demand Spay-C's return immediately," says Leader One, scowling.
"And I'm telling you that I don't have a damned clue what you're talking about," counters Jazz.
Leader One shows Jazz a security video. "Aren't these your guys brandishing swords and holding my officer at gunpoint?" he asks as the video pauses, showing Spay-C surrendering to Grimlock.
Jazz winces. "We didn't order them to do that!" he spits.
"They did it anyway, and I'm holding the Autobots responsible," says Leader One. "If Spay-C is not returned safely to Guardian Headquarters within one hour-*"
Jazz cuts Leader One off. "Could you hold off on your ultimatum until we figure out where the Dinobots took her? We might not be able to get her to you in an hour."
"Not my problem. Return Spay-C," orders Leader One. "or prepare for attack. Your choice. Leader One out." Leader One ends the transmission.
"Blaster," asks Jazz, "have you found the Dinobots yet?"
"No," says Blaster.
"We sent them to Cybertron, man," Jazz groans. "How'd Spay-C get mixed up in this scrap?"
"The Dinobots wanted to avoid a direct confrontation with Shockwave and his forces," states Wheeljack. "Since Spay-C's a Guardian and a shuttle, the Dinobots figured that Shockwave wouldn't attack her and provoke war with Gobotron."
"This is actually good," adds Ratchet. "Grimlock's using strategy."
"So the Dinobots are on Cybertron?" asks Jazz.
Wheeljack nods.
"If they don't get Spay-C's aft back to UNECOM soon," says Jazz, "we're the ones going to war with the Guardians."
Scene: 12
The last of the guests at the biology conference exit Magnificus Center.
A black and silver Decepticon mech with gold optics walks up to the reptilian exhibit. "You five may transform and deactivate your holoemitters now," he says.
"How him am know?" asks Swoop, transforming along with the other Dinobots.
"Why us am listen to Decepticon?" adds Slag, scowling down at the mech.
"You am look like Perceptor," says Sludge, staring at the black and silver mech.
"Your friend Perceptor and I are the same make," says the mech, "and we're rather close."
"Who am you?" asks Grimlock.
"I am Magnificus," says the mech. "As you are friends of Perceptor," continues Magnificus, "you are my guests."
"Sure you no am mean 'you am me Magnificus prisoners, Autobot fools'?" says Sludge sardonically, performing a bad Megatron impersonation.
"No," says Magnificus, laughing. "I hold no common cause with Megatron, young one," he continues, "and my days as a soldier are long-ended."
"Please, come with me," says a smaller mech with an odd mop of silver hair. "I am Gamede, Magnificus' personal assistant."
"Why am you have hair?" wonders Swoop as he and the other Dinobots follow Gamede and Magnificus out of the Center.
"I am a cyborg," says Gamede, "but of Magnificus' design. It's a long story."
"Am hear lot of that lately," mutters Sludge.
"Don't mind him," says Swoop, grinning. "Him Sludge am in bad mood."
"Him refuse to sleep," adds Grimlock. "Am under a lot of stress."
"Shut up! Him Magnificus am Decepticon," spits Sludge.
"Me Grimlock simply warn Magnificus to not be stupid like him Megatron and try to double-cross us," says Grimlock.
"I categorically refuse to be as stupid as Megatron," laughs Magnificus.
"Him use big words like Perceptor too," muses Snarl aloud.
"Him am better conversationalist, though," says Swoop.
"Perceptor has always been rather shy," says Gamede, "but he has such a vast vocabulary that he loathes leaving a word unused."
"How is Perceptor?" asks Magnificus as the group reaches Magnificus' home.
"Him am fine," says Swoop.
"Am do science stuff," adds Slag. "Very boring."
"He could have done more rewarding 'science stuff' here," scoffs Magnificus, "although I suppose being on an organic alien world has its allure. He is a biologist, after all."
The group enters Magnificus' home.
"It's a pity, though," says Gamede, shaking his head. "He had such a fine career as Ember-kijo's science tutor."
"You know what an insufferable idealist Perceptor is," snorts Magnificus in disgust.
Sludge studies several portraits of Perceptor in the lobby. Except for battle mask and colors, he muses, Magnificus and Perceptor am look alike. "Am you him Perceptor creator?" Sludge asks aloud.
"Yes," says Magnificus simply. "That is the only reason I would invite five strange Autobots into my home."
Spay-C hands a note to Gamede. "Please give this to Grimlock," she says. Spay-C leaves while the Dinobots excitedly crowd around Magnificus.
Gamede smiles. Magnificus hasn't been this happy in a while, he says to himself, looking up at Perceptor's portrait. I wonder which of Perceptor's friends in the Autobots created these five.
Scene: 13
Back on Earth, outside the Ark, the Autobots defend themselves against the Guardians for the third day in a row.
"Don't these guys quit?" spits Ironhide.
"Return Spay-C now," demands Road Ranger, exhausted.
Turbo continues fighting Optimus, sluggishly dodging the Autobot leader's punches. "Come on, Prime," he scoffs, "you're out of ammo, low on energy, and out of luck."
"You're not exactly at the top of your game either," says Optimus, staggering after Turbo. "Why don't we end this pointless battle?"
Leader One lands tiredly, his optics sputtering behind his visor. "This fight ends," he says, struggling to stand, "when Spay-C returns."
"Dude," groans Air Raid. "Can't we all at least take a fuel break? We're about to collapse."
Silverbolt tries to fire his electrostatic discharge rifle; low on energy, the rifle peters out. "Fuck," he spits.
Slingshot pats Silverbolt's shoulder. "You'll do better next time, guy," he grins.
"You're just as tired and out of ammo as I am," says Silverbolt, glaring at Leader One. "Let's just tackle the son of a glitch who started this fucking fight."
"Yeah," yawns Skydive. "Let's get him." He drops to the ground and enters rest cycle as the other Aerialbots try to attack Leader One.
Scene: 14
Small Foot sips on an energon cube as she watches the Guardians fight the Autobots with an amused Skywarp.
"Why ain't you fighting the good fight with your Guardian brothers and sisters, Trucksie?" laughs Skywarp.
"Because it's stupid and pointless cable waving on Leader One's part. It stopped being about Spay-C two days ago," says Small Foot.
"And you're breaking Gobotron law," continues Skywarp, laughing again as Royal-T collides with Slingshot.
"I know," says Small Foot, "but when this idiotic brawl finally winds down, I'm the only one with enough energy to lug everyone back to Arizona."
"Hey! Those cubes are drinking themselves!" balks Skywarp.
"Wow," says Scooter, dropping his hologram. "I've never had energon before."
"Nectar of the heavens," adds Hound as he deactivates his hologram. "This really hits the spot."
"Thanks, Skywarp," says Mirage, reappearing. "This kind of combat is beneath me."
"You fraggers get back down there and help your leaders!" spits Skywarp. "Entertain me!"
"Look, pal: if Small Foot isn't down there," says Scooter, "then neither am I."
"You're the only clown I see here," adds Hound, finishing an energon cube.
Scene: 15
"Her Spay-C pull dirty trick," seethes Sludge.
"No; her am have good point," says Grimlock, sulky.
Sludge snatches the datapad with Spay-C's message. "Letters, Letters," he says in a singsong tone, about to read the Guardian femme's note aloud. "'You demanded that I provide you safe passage to Cybertron. I have complied. I am not obligated to grant the five of you a ride home.' Her am jerk."
"Her am smart jerk," fumes Grimlock. "Dinobots find other way home. Now us find Iacon and get tools."
"How?" asks Slag.
Sludge grins. "Let's split up, gang!" he says. "Me am go with Swoop and Snarl.
"Good plan. Slag, you come with me Grimlock," says Grimlock.
"'Ruh-oh, Raggy'," says Slag. "Slag want Scooby Snack."
Scene: 16
Spay-C lands in Oregon, in front of Omega Supreme in rocket base mode. "Please contact Leader One," she says, "and inform him of my safe return."
Omega is silent.
"I need to report to my superiors," says Spay-C. "Knowing Leader One, he may have Autobot Headquarters under attack."
Omega transforms. "Negative," he states.
"Why not?" asks Spay-C.
"Fact: Dinobots missing," says Omega. "Return: demanded."
"I was already forced at gunpoint to escort them to Cybertron," Spay-C says, irritated. "I refuse to ferry them back here."
Omega grins. "Refusal: disregarded," says Omega as he grabs Spay-C and flies off in root mode.
Scene: 17
Skywarp, Small Foot, Scooter, Mirage, and Hound continue to watch the now-anemic fight.
"They're still going," grins Skywarp.
"I'm receiving a distress call," says Small Foot.
"This is Spay-C," says Spay-C over Small Foot's commlink. "I have escaped the Dinobots," she continues as Omega passes over the five mechas' heads, "however, I have been captured by Omega Supreme."
"Struggle: meaningless," says Omega, his voice carrying over the skies of Oregon.
Optimus groans. "Damn it, Omega!" he spits, dropping to his knees. "Just drop the Guardian glitch and retrieve the Dinobots!"
Omega transforms in mid-air, pulling Spay-C inside, and exits Earth's atmosphere.
"First...the Dinobots..." says Leader One, crawling towards Optimus, "and now...Omega Supreme... You...are going...down." Leader One collapses.
Skywarp, Scooter, Hound, and Mirage all laugh.
Small Foot glares at the four mechs, then flies into the battle, landing between a tired Turbo and Ironhide.
"Outta the way, Small Foot," says Turbo. "I'm gonna teach this...slaggin' rustbucket a lesson...he won't forget..."
"Ya turbo-revvin' punk...!" spits Ironhide. "I'm gonna learn ya...some fraggin' manners."
"Turbo's my name, old man," Turbo groans. "Don't wear it out-!"
Small Foot punches Turbo. "No, Taichirou: it's your code name," she says.
"Why'd ya hit me?" says Turbo, rubbing his jaw.
Small Foot punches Ironhide twice, knocking him out. "Because this fight is stupid," she says, "and it ends now."
Leader One struggles to stand to his feet. "Small Foot," he says, glaring at Small Foot, "this is insubordination..."
"So what!?" says Small Foot, planting a foot on Leader One's back. "What are you going to do about it, sir: flail about tiredly because you're out of gas, or whine?"
Several Guardians and Autobots drop to the ground.
"Oh, and by the way," continues Small Foot, turning to Optimus, "there's a Decepticon watching you make utter fools of yourselves."
"A smashing show, Prime," says Skywarp, toasting Optimus with his energon cube.
"Cheers," add Mirage and Hound.
"Kuwari Keiko...you are...under arrest," says Road Ranger, stumbling towards Small Foot. "You have...defied Gobotron's...standing energon ban."
"We're all going to have to defy that ban," says Small Foot, "because I'm not dragging all of you back to Headquarters." She gently shoves Road Ranger; the taller mech drops to the ground.
"More!" laughs Skywarp. "More folly, my fools!"
Pathfinder tries to fire at Skywarp, but her blasters fail. "Spay-C...must return," she says tiredly.
On the ground, Trailbreaker looks up at Pathfinder. "She's hot," he grins toward an equally-exhausted Cosmos.
"Yeah," says Cosmos, "but she isn't my type."
Scene: 18
"Finally am locate him Wheeljack lab," says Slag.
"Now us am find tools him need," says Grimlock, already starting the search.
Slag shrugs. "No am easy," he says. "Him Wheeljack no can organize."
"Found one tool," says Grimlock, picking up a device.
"But how?" wonders Slag.
"Him Wheeljack organize stuff like him Sludge," explains Grimlock, continuing to locate items at random.
"Oh!" Slag slaps his forehead, then joins Grimlock in his search.
After a few minutes, the two Dinobots finish finding and subspacing all of Wheeljack's tools.
"Why us no am bring other Dinobots, Grimlock?" asks Slag. "Would have found tools faster."
"Him Sludge need to cool down," says Grimlock. "Him brain no am ready to find stuff."
Scene: 19
"Come, you Sludge-son," says Swoop, donning a plaid cloak and matching deerstalker hat. "Game am afoot!"
Sludge sighs. "Play Sherlock Holmes game with him Snarl, Swoolmes," he says in an attempt at a doddering British accent.
"But you am do voice better than him Snarl," says Swoop, pouting. "And you am talk more than Snarl."
Snarl yawns and stretches.
"Sludge am tired," says Sludge.
"Sludge am need to sleep," says Swoop, pulling out a pipe. "In order for you to resume your proper rest cycle patterns, then, me dear Sludge-son," continues Swoop, resuming his Sherlock Holmes act, "us must solve conundrum of you Sludge-son's mysterious night terrors."
"Fine, Swoolmes," groans Sludge, putting on a bowler hat and fake mustache.
The two costumed Dinobots continue searching for clues, followed by a bemused Snarl.
Sunstorm and Acid Rain stare at the three Dinobots.
"I don't understand the purpose of the costumes," says Acid Rain.
"It's likely some element these Autobots discovered on Earth," says Sunstorm.
"I'm not sure we can learn anything from this sorry group of Autobots," says Acid Rain.
"We can only learn if we pursue them and listen carefully," says Sunstorm. "Indeed, the game is afoot."
The two Seekers pursue the three Dinobots.
Scene: 20
Sludge stares at a keypad. "This am...familiar. Building am familiar," he says aloud, looking up at the tall building.
Swoop joins Sludge at the front of the building, in Iacon. "Us am never at this area of Cybertron before," he says. "Never am see this building before."
"Me Sludge see it before," says Sludge. "In dreams-but not bad dreams."
"The plot am thicken," says Swoop, stroking his chin. "Too bad us no can enter building without triggering alarm."
Sludge studies the keypad. "Sludge can," he says, putting in a passcode.
The building's door opens.
Swoop stares in shock. "How you am do that?" he wonders as he and Sludge enter the building.
"Me am remember pictures on keypad from dream. Am have lots of funny dreams," Sludge continues, "some good and some bad."
The two Dinobots continue their walk through the building's hallway; they enter a living room.
"Ooh, am nice!" Swoop grins, hopping on the couch. "Comfy yet sturdy."
"Place am have lots of room," adds Sludge. "It am so familiar."
"This place am in your dreams," says Swoop. "Maybe am past life?"
"No. Me Sludge no am reincarnated," counters Sludge. "At least, me no think so."
Swoop's optics widen; he dashes into the kitchen. "What am that?" asks Swoop, looking at a drawer with a comically-large magnifying glass. "'Sideswipe was here...'? 'Property of Sunstreaker...'?" he says, reading the crude laser etchings in the drawer.
"Look like it am done with medical laser," says Sludge, looking over Swoop's shoulder. "Am kind of dumb thing him Sideswipe and him Sunstreaker do with him Ratchet tools."
"What am inside drawer, though?" muses Swoop, opening the drawer.
The open drawer contains a cache of energon cubes.
"Ah, energon!" Swoop says as he grabs a cube and drinks. "This am taste good! Better than rations at home."
"Sludge want some too!" says Sludge, also taking and drinking a cube. He laughs, already a bit overenergized. "Me am feel warm."
"So am Swoop," adds Swoop, hiccupping. "Need to contact him Grimlock about location. Maybe more Autobot tools here."
"Uh-huh," says Sludge, walking back to the couch with another cube in hand. "Am rest on couch," continues Sludge, sitting on the couch. "You Swoop no let me Sludge fall asleep...though me...am tired..." Weary, Sludge drifts into his rest cycle.
After setting Sludge's dropped energon cube on a nearby table, Swoop shakes off a dusty thermal blanket and covers Sludge with the blanket. "You am need sleep," he whispers, smiling.
Scene: 21
"This am me Grimlock," says Grimlock over a video commlink from the apartment on Cybertron to med bay in the Ark. "Me am reporting in to you Ratchet."
"What's taking so long, Grimlock?" Ratchet asks, annoyed with a noisy three-way-argument between Wheeljack, Rest-Q, and Baron Von Joy. "And where's Spay-C?"
"Her am probably on Earth by now," spits Grimlock. "Spay-C am strand Dinobots here."
"She was back on Earth," says Ratchet, "but Omega Supreme dragged her off again."
"So Autobots am still stuck with Guardians," says Grimlock.
"Wheeljack's organization is almost perfect!" crows Von Joy.
"Only to a chaotic scatterbrain such as yourself, Von Joy!" spits Rest-Q.
"I don't want either of you frags messing with my tools!" seethes Wheeljack. "I can't locate a damn thing right now!"
Ratchet turns from the monitor. "Shut up, all of you!" he snarls to the three mechs. "I'm on the line with Grimlock now."
"Any word on Spay-C?" asks Rest-Q. "Until she's returned safely to us," the Guardian medic continues, "we will not leave."
"Me am hope her Spay-C burn in hell," says Grimlock.
"Grimlock!" Ratchet admonishes. "We need her alive."
Grimlock grumbles.
"Aw, did she tweak your ego?" asks Ratchet teasingly.
Grimlock's optic band glows, the Dinobot expressing a mix of annoyance and embarrassment.
Ratchet notes Sludge slumped on the couch. "So he's finally getting some rest," says the medic.
"It am about time," says Grimlock. "Why am him Sludge have nightmares, and dreams about this apartment us am in?"
"It...would take too long to explain why," says Ratchet, "and I don't want to tell you over a signal that the Decepticons can monitor."
"So you am tell Dinobots when us return with tools," says Grimlock.
"There will be a lot of ground to cover," says Ratchet blandly, watching as Slag dances in a drunken waltz with Swoop. "I hope you won't get bored."
"Me won't. Am too worried about him Sludge. Dreams am drive him nuts," continues Grimlock. "Him need logical explanation."
Ratchet sighs.
"Preferably the truth," says Grimlock. "Me am end transmission."
As Grimlock terminates the commlink, Ratchet snorts at the monitor.
Wheeljack shakes his head, bemused. "It's almost like Gearshift's back at his apartment," he says pointedly to Ratchet.
"Except he isn't," scoffs Ratchet. "Grimlock is in Gearshift's apartment."
"I know that," says Wheeljack, "but their temperaments are pretty similar. It's easy to make that mistake."
"Especially when you miss your friends," says Ratchet.
"And family," Wheeljack adds, placing a hand on Ratchet's shoulder.
"The Dinobots got into Gearshift's stash of high-grade, by the way," says Ratchet after a moment.
"I hope they bring that back along with our tools," says Wheeljack.
"Yeah," says Ratchet. "We're all going to need it."
"After we finally throw the Guardians out on their aft plates," says Wheeljack, glaring at Von Joy and Rest-Q, "so I can finally get my workshop back in order."
END ISSUE 21-A