White Blank Page
When you love somebody with all you heart, how can you be of any fault? How can a marriage proposal go so wrong? All it took was one proposal for Edward to discover how much of a lie all her love was... Edward and Bella oneshot, all human and loosely based on White Blank Page by Mumford and Sons.
I do not own Twilight, which belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Or White Blank Page, lyrics by Mumford & Sons. (Lyrics in bold italic)
Can you lie next to her, give her your heart, your heart.
And can you lie next to her, confess your love, your love.
Like ice needles, the rain stung the young woman's face. The salty, comparably warm tears were disguised by this outpouring from the heavens above, causing her hair to feverishly cling to her face and hang in a limp, lifeless manner. The rain continued to shoot in large sheets across the beach. The full moon illuminated the sea with a silvery white, so empty, so clear like a white blank page. The whole scene could look rather dramatic, romantic even. How ironic. The young woman felt no tinge of romance in the air, no touch, no scent, no sight. That was long gone now- left behind was the bitter taste of pain, anger and heartbreak.
Had it been only this morning they had been wrapped up in a playful conversation on the habits they most loved about each other? Had it really been only nine hours since he had picked her up over his shoulders and ran down to the beach, her screaming the entire time, his gorgeous laugh cutting through the peaceful sounds surrounding the lake's shore...
Yes it had. Nine measly hours. And yet this short amount of time had held enough significance to tear the young couple apart, leaving them wondering where exactly it had all began to go wrong.
**** Nine hours earlier****
"Bella! Race you up to the top!" Edward yelled with a smirk and glint in his eye.
"No way- I'm still shattered from last night, I feel like I'm twenty five going on forty," Bella laughed as she stumbled up the beach alongside Edward, recalling last night and the way she had somehow ended up dumping Jell-O shots down her throat, once again.
"Jeez Edward, how can you still be so full of energy? Sometimes I swear you are in a seventeen year olds body..." She ruffled his tousled hair, so it stood up in the erratic manner Bella loved best.
"Ah you know what it is baby, you just keep me on my toes" he laughed, grabbing her round the waist as they continued to climb up to the beach house they had rented for the summer.
"Oh really?" Bella said mischievously, slowing down their pace until Edward had stopped behind her ,"I keep you on your toes? What like this?" Suddenly pushing Edward back, Bella slid out of his arms and raced up the edge of the beach, leaving a rather bemused Edward on the sand.
"Hey! No fair!" he cried, but made no attempt to chase her as he sat admiring her from behind. He loved the way her glorious brown hair whipped behind her, and how her hips swayed as she ran. Man, I am so whipped. He thought. I need to get the ring on her finger. Edward thought of the delicate ring that sat in his bedside drawer at the beach house. This whole trip to Bella's mother's beach house in Florida had been building up to what Edward knew he had to do. However every time he came close to getting down on one knee, a fear inside him took over until his plans were erased and the ring was nestled back in it's box. At the back of his mind, Edward knew he was more than ready for this. Sure he wasn't a very open guy when it came to his emotions, and he said those three words rarely, but when he did he knew he meant it with every cell of his being. The only question was, was Bella ready for this? She had expressed her views on marriage clearly enough on many the occasion; Edward could understand where she was coming from as Bella had watched her parents' own marriage crumble. "They were too young" She would always say, "How can you understand love at that age?"But Edward could see that he and Bella were different. So much more. Would Bella see this too?
As Edward burst into the bedroom of the beach house, panting from keeping up with Bella, she lay on the bed, hair fanned out beneath her, face flushed. So beautiful, ran through his mind.
"Your face!" Bella cried, still breathing hard from running "Didn't think I could outrun you did you Edward?"
"You little cheater, you got a head start!" Edward hovered over her bringing his face down to hers. She leaned up to press her lips against his, sighing into his mouth as he deepened the kiss. Her hands wove into his hair, stroking her favourite part where his hair ended and the smooth skin of his neck began. When they broke apart, Bella gazed up into his warm green eyes and whispered,
"I don't want this holiday to end, it's been so relaxing, and wonderful and..." Edward covered her lips with his slender finger.
"Sshhh baby, because it's about to get so much better" he spoke calmly, despite the fact his heart was racing at killer rate with what he was about to do next.
Bella, reading the signals differently, raised an eyebrow and moved her hands to Edward's belt, beginning to unbuckle it.
"Oh really? And what exactly do you planning on doing to make it so much better?" Her voice lowered to a sultry tone.
"Stop. No no not that, at least not quite yet." Edward fumbled to climb off Bella.
"What do you mean?" Bella said, eyebrows furrowing in confusion, as she watched Edward sit up onto the edge of the bed and begin to open the top drawer of his bedside table.
"Bella. There's something I've been meaning to ask you this whole trip, something very important..." Edward's voice wavered slightly with nerves, but he kept on looking through the draw. "Oh shoot, where is it?" He muttered under his breath as he hands scrambled through the piles of paper shoved in the drawer. Where was it? The little blue box didn't seem to be where he thought he had put it. Ah it must be in the drawer below. Edward thought, and just as he was about to close the drawer he paused, as his eyes caught a little brown notebook entitled "Property of Bella Swan. Please do not read." Sidetracked for a moment, he pulled it out,
"Ooooh Bella what's this?" he questioned, lifting up the dog-eared notebook in front of Bella's face.
"Oh god." Bella flushed a deep crimson "That's so embarrassing. It's my diary from high school, I must have brought it here and left it one summer." Flicking through the pages, Edward smirked at the idea of Bella's high school diary.
"Woah this is like gold dust. Ha! Bet all the secrets are gonna come out now my love," he laughed as Bella tried to grab it off him.
"No don't! I don't want you realising how much of an outcast I was in high school, with my fantasies of boys who would never in a million years have even spoken to me..." Edward shook his head,
"And I'm damn glad they didn't. I wouldn't like to have kicked their arses when I came along and swept you off your feet. But wait...what's this?" Curiously, Edward read the words on the last page:
"If we you are unmarried or single by the time we are twenty six I promise to marry you, Isabella Swan. Signed Jacob Black." Roaring with laughter, Edward looked at Bella,
"You made a back-up plan with Jacob Black? That idiot? Bella please, even as a back-up plan you could do so much better than that! And twenty six? What's with the random age?"
Don't ask about the age, oh please don't- Bella screamed in her mind- Say something Bella, quick, he can't find out...
Bella reached over and snatched the diary out of Edward's hand,
"Oh shut up Edward, like I said, my future with men looked bleak, I didn't think I could get much better than Jake," Edward tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and cupped her face gently,
"Well it's a good thing you found me then. You won't ever have to marry him."
"Don't be so cocky mister, I might never marry you" Bella smirked but a look of panic flashed in her eyes as she watched Edward's face fall.
"Baby, I really hope you don't mean that." Edward's whispered voice shocked Bella into the serious atmosphere that filled the room. He slowly opened the second draw, and pulled out something which was clasped tightly in his hands, big enough to cover the object completely. Bella was lying sideways on the bed, and he joined her, lining his body up with hers. Edward cleared his throat and began.
"Because Bella, my love, what I have wanted to ask for so long was whether you would, um...if y-y-you could er..." Edward felt as if his throat was constricting suddenly, and his palms grew sweaty around the small velvet box. He looked once more into Bella's eyes, presently filled with confusion. Edward then looked down at his palms and slowly uncurled his fingers, showing the small velvet box. With extreme gentleness, he lifted the box lid to reveal the beautiful engagement ring.
"Marry me Isabella?" Edward said so softly, Bella's heart broke at the sincerity ringing through his words. A rush of air left her lungs. Oh god. She thought, oh please no no no. Too soon. Too soon.
"Edward I-I-I, er..." her voice manage to crack as she was overcome with speechlessness.
"No wait, let me speak, please." Edward suddenly became more animated as his initial nerves passed. He grasped her hand into his large palm, stroking it gently; with their noses nearly touching and such intimacy, Edward confessed his heart.
"I am so in love with you Bella. I really am. I know I don't say it enough but please know that my heart is completely and utterly yours. And I know what you think about marriage, but baby, this is you and me. And all I can say is that before you I was an arrogant, selfish guy, but you have made me such a better person. Cliché I know but it is so true. You complete me, and I want to give myself completely to you. Everything. For the rest of my life. Say yes?" All that could be heard was the thudding of their hearts, gradually getting louder and beating out of sync.
"No Edward."
It was as if a needle had been pierced straight into Edward's heart. Not just the words, but the way she had just said them with such confidence, clarity, as if her mind had been made up a long time ago.
Bella suddenly sat up with her shock statement. The problem was that her mouth had been much faster than her mind at that moment. Regardless of the fact that there was a clear moment of deliberation, a moment for her to actually take a step back and think, Bella's mouth still went ahead with it faster than she could conceive. As soon as the words had hit the air, her ears drank in the sound and suddenly she realised the situation. I actually just said that. But she felt no regret, no immediacy to take them back. Even looking up into Edward's heartbroken eyes, Bella knew she had made the right decision.
Edward hadn't moved or made a single sound. He just sat staring at Bella.
Come on Bella. Her mind yelled, time to tell him the truth.
And can you kneel before the King, and say I'm clean, I'm clean.
But tell me now where was my fault,
In loving you with my whole heart...
"Edward. Oh god I don't know where to begin." It was too difficult looking into his eyes, so Bella moved her gaze to the bedspread. "It's a beautiful ring. But it's not for me. I am so sorry, but there is something which you need to know. And after you hear it, I'm pretty sure you aren't going to want to marry me any longer..."
Edward was starting to feel incredibly sick. Never in his wildest dreams could he imagine this happening.
"Go on." He whispered, in too much pain to say anything else.
"Oh Edward, there's no easy way to say this, and I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. Honestly. I can't marry you because there is someone else I intend on marrying."
"What?" Edward spat out, "who?"
"When I was twenty one, six months before I met you, I had been with this guy for three years. I had known him all my childhood and teenage years, and I was certain I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him."
Edward felt the tears welling up in the back of his eyes.
"He, however, was recruited to go to Iraq, set to go on my twenty first birthday. I was devastated. The night before he was due to leave, he proposed and of course I said yes. He wanted to get a ring on my finger, but with my aversion to jewellery, I refused. I also couldn't stand the fact that we would be engaged but I wouldn't know whether or not he would ever be back, or if I would ever see him again. He would be in Iraq for at least five years, with only a few weeks leave every eighteen months. I didn't hear from him for the first two months. When his letter finally came, he told me that things out there were so much worse than he expected. He told me that honestly, he was scared and wasn't sure what the future would hold. He said that he wanted me to move on, find someone else, and not keep my life on hold for him. One thing he did promise was that when he returned, when we were twenty six, he would be prepared to marry me if I was still single. He wrote it down, signed it. That's the piece of paper stuck in my diary. When I read all this, I knew in my heart that I would wait for him and that when he returned, I would marry..."
"Jacob." Edward cut in with a whisper, his voice hardly able to make a sound with the information swimming in his head. He couldn't a grip on the emotions that had suddenly flooded him. Anger. Pain. Heartbreak. It was as if he had been plunged deep into the sea and was unable to find the surface again. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't think straight. Bella finally lifted her head up and looked into his eyes. When they met, all Edward could feel was the anger that immersed him.
You did not think, when you sent me to the brink, to the brink.
You desired my attention, but denied my affections, my affections.
"How could you? All this time...these four years Bella! Four years! A complete lie..." Finding his voice again, he began to yell, standing up from the bed and backing from where Bella sat.
Bella rushed forward, "Oh no Edward no, not a complete lie. When I met you, four months later, I was so confused with what I wanted. You took everything off my mind...made me so happy...I didn't want to walk away from you...I couldn't..."
"Took everything off your mind? Was that all I was? A distraction whilst your fiancée wasn't around?"
"At first yes, but then I began to really see you, forget about Jake, and before I even knew it I was falling in love..."
"Love?" Edward roared with laughter in a frightening manner "Don't be stupid Bella. Our love was nothing but a lie."
At his words the sob building up in Bella's throat escaped, and as she began to shake with tears she grabbed Edward's hands and gathered them tightly together with hers.
"Get. Away. From. Me." Edward spat in disgust, shoving Bella's hands away with such force that the velvet box he was still clutching sprang out of his hands and clattered to the floor.
"Edward please" Bella sobbed brokenly, "I am so sorry, but I was terrified of telling you the truth! I didn't want to lose you, I didn't know what I would do without you."
"You don't want to lose me? You just wanted me to dish out my love for you, show affection, and make you feel a little less lonely whilst you waited. Well Bella, I hope you can last this final year on your own until your precious Jacob returns." Edward couldn't bear look at Bella, a crumpled mess on the floor. His words were cutting her deeply, and although he was angry, he knew that if he looked into Bella's heartbroken eyes then his heart would betray him and give in.
"I l-l-love you so much. I'm sorry. " Kneeling at Edward's feet Bella offered her final pleas, as if she was awaiting judgement. But she knew she had caused too much mess, their love that had been so pure was now far too tainted...like ink seeping through a white blank page.
"Just go Bella. I can't be around you. Leave. "His voice was flat, but on hearing Bella muffle a new sob he felt his tears would also soon erupt. It was as if the room was closing in around him and all his emotions were battling it out.
Bella wiped at her eyes. I deserve this echoed through her mind. Feeling drained and numb, Bella managed to slowly pick herself up from the floor with her last amounts of strength.
The room was so silent.
"I'll be on the beach."
More silence.
As she walked out the door, Bella turned around one final time to look at Edward as she heard his whisper, and watched a lone tear tremble down his cheek.
"Where was my fault Bella? All I ever did was love you with all my heart."
****Present ****
Lead me to the truth and I will follow you with my whole life.
Replaying the events in her mind was causing her to see how utterly stupid she had been. Stupid. Cruel. Selfish. Staring at the waves all afternoon had made Bella realise the truth, and now she couldn't even begin to understand which part of her had rejected a wedding proposal from the man she loved the most. Well she could see that now. It had crept up on her suddenly, this huge space Edward had taken in Bella's heart. Previously, it had always been Jacob, and she had clung to him when really in the back of her mind it was Edward, Edward, Edward. "Edward." Bella said out loud. Her walls were coming down and the love was flooding through. "Edward! Edward! "Bella screamed, the pain ripping out as she realised how much heartbreak she had caused him. The shouting was freeing, and suddenly everything she had felt that afternoon came out with the screams. Cursing, Bella kicked at the sand in frustruation "You idiot! Idiot!" Sand whipped up around her in her frenzy. She kicked angrily, faster, harder.
"Don't do that, you'll get sand in your shoes my love."
Bella froze.
His gentle, velvet voice calmed her instantly. Yet at the same time it was as if she had just stepped on an electric fence. What would he say? Was it now going to be all over?
Edward cleared his throat and Bella snapped out of her thoughts, whipping round to face him. In the darkness the moonlight shone on his face, illuminating his tear-stained cheeks. When their eyes met, Bella had to keep herself from flinging her arms around his neck and sobbing into his shoulder. Be composed Bella. This might be his goodbye.
"So, I've been thinking." He said gently.
That's never a good start Bella thought. She stared at Edward, lip trembling slightly in fear of what he would say next.
"And this is the truth Bella. Yes, I am incredibly hurt that you lied to me. Yes, I can't stand the idea that you would even consider marrying someone else whilst you were with me. But at the end of the day, when I look at you I can't bring myself to ever say goodbye, or punish you for it because I love you too much." The last few words came out in a whisper as Edward, suddenly feeling nervous, had bowed his head. Motionless, unsure what to do next, Bella stood staring at the swirl of hair that met in the centre of Edward's head. His eyes were fixed on his shoes.
Bella cleared her throat, "What happens now?"
Edward's sigh matched the calming crash of the waves. He paused and looked up; Bella could see the desperation and heartbreak that implored her very own saddened gaze.
"I don't know Bella. All I know is that I love you. But honestly, I'm scared. I'm scared that this lie has caused us to be on different pages, wanting different things. I guess I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you would lie to me for so long."
Bella nodded slowly. She understood what Edward was saying, he had every right to feel that way. But her afternoon of reflection had caused Bella to really understand now what she wanted in life. She took a moment to think about how best to explain her actions, realising that this was what could bring her and Edward back together again.
"I know I lied to you. But I think I can understand why I did it now. You see, I'm glad I said no to you, you needed to hear the truth. I needed to discover the truth and finally let it lead me. And this is the truth: when I was with you I really did forget about Jake, in fact in this past year I don't think I've thought about him for even a minute. Because you were the only person in my thoughts Edward. You were the person I truly loved, you still are." Bella felt her whole heart pour out into her words; she was now at her most vulnerable position. Please believe me Edward. Please.
"And would you still be saying this if Jacob returned tomorrow"
"Yes. I love you. So much."
There was a moment of silence as both Edward and Bella stood staring at each other, searching for the person that they loved amongst all the pain that had cut between them. Bella suddenly couldn't bear the distance between them, and surged forward grasping Edward's hands into hers. Thankfully, he let her clutch them and bring them to her chest. Animated with the truth she had found, Bella carried on.
"Yes, I can see that now. I think for so long I was trying to avoid it, because honestly I was scared- what I feel for you is so much more than I ever felt with Jacob. It's so intense, so complete, so..."
Before Bella could even finish her sentence, Edward broke his hands free of hers and grabbed the back of her head, crashing their lips together. Bella gasped into his mouth, feeling the emotional intensity of the day seep into their passionate kiss. Edward's fingers pushed through her hair, as the kiss deepened and their tongues met. When they broke apart slightly, Edward panted "Sorry. Just had to kiss you." Edward placed gentle kisses on her lips in between words, "Can't. Kiss. Lose. Kiss. You. Kiss."
Edward's love coursed through Bella's body, and so overwhelmed by it all, slow tears rolled down Bella's cheek. They were still clasping each other's faces, foreheads pressed close.
"I'm so sorry Edward, so sorry." She whispered brokenly. Edward's thumbs traced under her eyes, wiping away the moisture. "Shhhh love, shhh. I understand, I understand."
"Oh Edward. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. But please know this, I love you more than I have and will ever love anyone. I know now that I can stand here and say that it's you, always was and always has been. I've made a total mess out of this, but if you ever gave me the chance again, I would spend the rest of my life making it up to you, loving you, as your wife."
There was a sharp intake of breath from Edward. Bella slowly began to lower herself to the sand, on one knee. She looked up at Edward, her eyes bursting with love.
"So, Edward Cullen, would you please let me marry you?"
Edward stared in shock, and then slowly broke out into a wild grin.
"Well now you're going to have sandy knees too"
"Edward!"
"I couldn't ask for anything more. Yes. Marry me Bella, marry me." Edward bent down and grabbed Bella under her arms as she jumped up and hooked her legs round his waist. They laughed as he spun her around, the noise sounding so beautiful on the dark beach. Bella then pressed her lips forcefully against Edward's and before he even had time to react she jumped out of his arms and began to run.
"Where are you going?" Edward hollered in confusion. Bella whipped her head around, laughing as her she turned back to look at Edward.
"Hurry up!"
And for the second time that day, Edward found himself chasing Bella up to the beach house. But this time he hardly felt the weight of his feet sinking into the sand. A light, carefree feeling filled his body. Marriage, with Bella, forever. He had come so close to the edge, so close to losing everything. He knew what that felt like and he never wanted to feel it ever again. This was a new chapter now; A new story, on a brand new page. He wanted to carry on running with Bella, faster and faster into a future he knew would be everything he ever imagined...
When he entered the bedroom, Bella was standing there clutching her old school diary in her hands. She looked up at Edward, with eyes that were burning with so much passion, so much love, that Edward rushed forward and wrapped his arms around her waist. Looking up at him, Bella tore at the page of her diary she was clutching. The satisfying rip cut through the air, and Bella carried on tearing, watching the tiny pieces of Jacob's written promise flutter and fall to the ground.
"My heart is yours and yours only." She promised, staring deep into the depths of Edward's green eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against her forehead as she let out a beautiful, gentle sigh.
"And you've always had mine" he whispered. His nose lingered by her forehead and together they looked down on the diary still clutched in Bella's hands. But now there was no longer the page of an old promise, threatening to tear them apart. Instead was a page for a new promise, a promise of eternity: a white blank page.
I hope you have enjoyed my first fanfic! I would be really grateful if you could leave a review, even just a small one! Thank you very much :)
Zoë-Lee xxx