there you are in a darkened room
and you're all alone
looking out the window
your heart is cold and lost the will to love
like a broken arrow
here i stand in the shadows
come to me come to me
can't you see that
nobody wants to be lonely
nobody wants to cry
my body's longing to hold you so bad it hurts inside
time is precious and it's slipping away
i've been waiting for you all of my life
nobody wants to be lonely
so why, why don't you let me love you?...
Sara Sidle stood in the darkened room watching Grissom talking with Sophia, and her heart curled painfully as she watched. The body language was unmistakable - interest, attraction, a moving forward. She swallowed hard, the tears burning hot and bitter behind her eyes. She stood that way for a long time, fighting back tears as something inside her tore asunder. In that moment shereleased herlast faint hope that Gil Grissom would ever love her. With that she looked away from her dying dreams and toward the breakroom, where Nick, Warrick, and Greg were animatedly talking. She watched them for a while as well, an outsider looking in, until suddenly Greg's attention strayed from the others. He glanced around, searching until he saw her. When their eyes met, he smiled that shy smile she'd never seen him offer anyone else. He put a hand up, said something to the others, and slipped out of the break room.
She heard the door whoosh open as he slipped into the room and came to stand behind her. He stood close; she could feel his breath ruffling her hair. "So, you like standing around in the dark?" He spoke in a near-whisper.
"No, I ... I was just thinking..." She sighed. "Do you ever get lonely, Greg?"
"All the time, Sara. All the time."
Sara hesitated, then slipped her hand over his. He was silent for a few moments, then pulled her back to rest against him and pressed his cheek to hers. "Come home with me, Sara. You don't have to be lonely." He stroked her hair as he spoke. "I'm not him, but I can chase the loneliness away. And maybe, if you give me a chance you might find out I'm what you really needed from the start."
can you hear my voice
do you hear my song
it's a serenade
so your heart can find me
and suddenly you're flying down the stairs
into my arms, baby
before i start going crazy
run to me
run to me
'cause i'm dying...
She stepped into Greg's warm, very messy apartment. It was like him - comfortable, untidy, and eccentric. A lava lamp side beside a bookshelf full of scientific books and journals, but on the other side of that bookshelf was a rocking chair with a handmade quilt thrown over it. He called out to her from the kitchen. "Want something to eat? Something to drink?"
"I'd love a cup of coffee."
"I'll get it started." He watched her intently as she sat gingerly on his ratty sofa. "Uh, sorry 'bout the mess..."
She smiled reassuringly. "Not a problem. It's comfortable."
He shrugged. "I try." He poured her a cup of coffee as he spoke. "You take no sugar, extra cream. I know what you like." He smiled nervously and handed her the cup. "Your coffee."
Their hands brushed, and she gasped at the rush of sensation. Not the first time she'd felt that zap of chemistry from Greg Sanders by far - but strangely different somehow. Maybe now she was open to it, considering the possibilities. "Thanks," she whispered, and looked into his dark eyes. "Anybody... anybody ever tell you that your eyes are amazing?"
He actually blushed. "Not lately." He sat next to her. "So what happened back there?"
She sighed. "I don't know, Greg; I guess the last of my hope that Grissom and I... I mean, it's just not there, not going to be there. And on one level, the closure of knowing is a relief. The thing is, though, tonight I really realized I don't fit anywhere any more..."
He slid over and put his hand on her arm. His voice was soft. "But you do. Sara, you fit right here, right here." He tapped his chest. "And whatever happens or doesn't happen, you have that for as long as you're willing to accept it. I know you don't love me like you do Grissom, but I think I love you enough to make up for it. Maybe with time you could come to care for me..." He put his arms around her.
Sara pressed close. "I do care for you, Greg. It's more concrete with us, more physical. Grissom is all theory and ideals, and my feelings for him were in kind. With you it's so..." She shook her head, not finding words. "My feelings for you have been changing, especially since we've been in the field together - and I would be less than honest if I didn't admit that I have been ... noticing you... as a man more and more. We've been together a lot lately. I've realized things about you I never looked away from Grissom long enough to notice. Greg, you are one of the warmest, kindest men I've ever gotten to know. You're warm and affectionate, sensitive when you need to be. How is it I never noticed how you always know what I need and do everything in your power to see to it that I get it? And, yes, there's chemistry. Always has been."
He looked up sharply. "Wait a minute. You mean that when we first started working together you actually wanted me?" He grinned. "Seriously?"
She chuckled. "Yeah, I thought you were attractive, but kind of annoying."
"So I'm not annoying any more? Glad to hear that."
"Oh, you're still annoying all right, and that's not a problem, but the part that drove me crazy before was that I liked you, but I didn't WANT to be attracted to you."
He frowned in confusion. "Why not?"
"The age difference, the fact that I had just moved to vegas to be with Grissom - and I thought you really weren't my type. You're an extrovert, and I usually went for the quiet, bookish type; you're younger, I nearly always dated older men. Yes, Greg, as you well know you are very handsome-" this earned a strangled snort and a muttered 'yeah, right' - "-yes, you are- and also very charming, but sometimes you ladeled on the BS with a very large shovel..."
He shook his head. "I stretched the truth to impress you. You seemed to hate me, and I wanted you to see me as something other than a loser. I'm a nerd, Sara, a nerd and a dork."
She snorted derisively. "And GRISSOM isn't?"
"I, ummm, wasn't looking at it like that..."
"Once I got out in the field with you, got to know the real you, I began to understand that the cockiness wasn't all there was to you. Now you're genuinely very confident intellectually, justifiable so - you're brilliant. In spite of that, there's a part of you that isn't so sure of yourself. You have a shy side, a tender, uncertain part of you that expects rejection and ridicule. When you opened up that part of yourself, I stopped feeling like quarry and became your friend. You are an amazing man, Greg. All the times I rejected you, and still you took that leap of faith and opened up and made yourself vulnerable to me, shared secrets, held me up when I needed it. I haven't been closed to you for a long time -but you stopped flirting, quit asking..."
"I value your friendship. It didn't feel right to keep throwing myself at you when you had made it clear you weren't interested in me like that. We're friends now, Sara. Whatever else does or doesn't come of ... of this, I don't want to lose that." His eyes were a little sad. "I have it on good authority that I tend to go overboard in relationships. I've never done well with boundaries."
She shrugged. "Not surprising; you're a pretty intense guy." She licked her lips. "Beats the hell out of icy detachment."
He leaned forward and took her empty coffee cup from her hands, then placed it on the coffee table. "That I have never, ever been accused of..." He stroked her cheek. "You are so beautiful. How any man could not fall in love with you I will never know..." He leaned forward and lightly brushed her lips with his. "So sweet..." - his mouth stroked across hers as he spoke - "... I would never hurt you..." - his soft lips pressed against hers, then withdrew as he moved to nuzzle her ear - "...only want to make you happy..."
Sara gasped at the sensations. He had moved his attentions to her neck, one of her serious hot button areas. Oh yes, she was in trouble. He was very, very good at this. "Greg," she whimpered as he devoured first her ear, then her tender throat, then slowly, softly claimed her mouth. She parted her lips for him, and he slipped his tongue into her mouth. The man could kiss, she thought as he ravaged her defenses with devastating tenderness.
They were both panting like marathoners when finally he came up for air. "Wow," she whispered. "That was, ummm..."
He chuckled softly. "Yeah, there's definitely chemistry here." He lowered his lips to hers again, starting the sensual assault anew. His kisses deepened, their tongues dancing, his fingers twining in her hair. When he pulled back for a moment just to look at her, she saw his eyes were wild with passion, yet his kisses were soft and gentle when he returned to her ears and neck.
She was unraveling in his arms. He had moved his assault from her neck to her shoulder, then across her chest to push down her tank top just enough to nuzzle the very tops of her breasts. She wasn't wearing a bra, a fact he was very soon going to discover if she didn't stop him. She whimpered; she really should put the brakes on, but what he was doing was taking her apart. She moaned as he boldly pushed her shirt down to fully expose her breast, then put his mouth over it. Her moans grew louder as he kept on, moving from one breast to then other, then back again.
She wasn't going to stop him. She should, but it was too good, and she needed what he was giving her like she needed oxygen. Her clothes were all off now, as were his, and they had moved to the floor. She was wild, thrashing as he touched her, kissed her everywhere, finally slipping between her legs to merge fully into her. "Love you," he gasped at the end, when her cries of release triggered his own climax. "Always love you..."
She pressed close as they lay together in the firestorm's aftermath. As she snuggled into his warmth, Sara realized she didn't feel lonely at all any more.