It was only a few days before Valentine's Day, and Umi felt like her entire world was falling apart. She found herself standing in front of her shoe locker, glancing achingly down at her shoes and trying to decide whether or not she should just walk out on Idol practice today and hide away from the world until the weekend passed. Rin and Hanayo were already out of practice for a Valentine's Day dinner at the fancy new rice place that had opened in town, so it wouldn't be like she was the only one dodging. She could get away with it if she really wanted to. With a resigned sigh, she reached down and picked up her shoes, holding them hesitantly in her hands for a moment.
Before she could begin to bend down and put them on, however, she was startled by an unexpected voice from the end of the room, which caused her to drop them onto the floor with a muted clatter. Turning to the sound of the person who had called her name, she saw Nozomi standing with a cheerful smile spread across her face, waving a hand in the air and quickly making her way over to Umi's locker. "I thought I would find you here," she said, "An awful lot of people weren't showing, so I don't think practice is going to work out today. I just wanted to let you know."
Umi glared at her, partially blaming her for the incident that led her to this sticky situation in the first place. "I know," she grimaced, "I was one of those people. I know that can't possibly be the only reason you're here." She let out a mild groan, leaning down to pick up her discarded shoes again and replacing them in her locker. Nozomi had thrown off her rhythm. After this was all over, she'd probably have to muster up the resolve to leave all over again… and by that point, Kotori would probably find her.
The student council vice president pouted, rummaging through her handbag as she spoke. "I don't like it when you're mad at me… but you're right, at least. I actually came because I wanted to give you something." When she finally pulled a folded up scrap of paper from the bag, she held it out to Umi with a triumphant "ta-dah!" and a passive explanation. "I think this should help you out with your problem."
Umi took the paper from her, raising a brow with a bit of confusion as she unfolded it, unsure what was supposed to be so impressive about it. Written on the inside was a classroom along with a time, only about half an hour from the present moment.
Before she could even ask, Nozomi continued explaining herself. "It's an appointment," she said, as proud of herself as she almost always seemed to be, "Alone, with Nicocchi. I hear that's a tough commodity to come by nowadays."
The kiss between the blue-haired archer and the twin-tailed idol superstar wannabe had occurred only a few days earlier. It had started off as a kind of demented joke and now the whole thing had spiraled out of control. The thing that made Umi cringe the most whenever she thought about it was how Kotori had been reacting. She didn't show any outward negativity towards either one of them – she never showed any outward negativity ever – but it was apparent that she was trying her hardest to keep the two of them separated. "Umi-chan, you were going to eat lunch with me today, right?" or "Umi-chan, I bought an extra ticket to the movies tonight, if you're free." It was all very calculated. If there was one thing that Kotori was very good at, it would be keeping a friendly poker face and hiding any and all ulterior motives. The fact that she was good at many other things as well honestly just made her a bit scary at times.
The kiss itself was actually partially the seamstress' doing, along with Nozomi, of course. It was a bit difficult to tell which one of them was the true mastermind behind the whole nasty operation, but Nozomi was the one who did all the talking and who seemed much more pleased with herself over the course of its execution. In secret, the two of them had teamed up to become the writer-director duo behind a play called "Valentine's Day Kissy-Kissy Romance Love Love Story of Lovey-Dovey Love." Nozomi claimed elatedly that it would take the theatrical world by storm. In actuality, it was lame. The whole thing was a transparent attempt to make as many people uncomfortable as possible. It obviously took more than a little bit of cunning manipulation to get the rest of µ's to agree to perform in this masterpiece of modern storytelling, but, between the two of them, they had cunning manipulation in spades.
This was how Umi found herself onstage opposite Maki one fateful day, frantically trying to keep her eyes from peeking out over the audience comprised of all her friends sitting in a row behind the two leaders of this madcap circus. Umi was driven to stunned silence out of the intense fear of doing this in the first place, but Maki still had some fight left in her to the very end. "Do we even need a kissing scene?" the heiress complained, "This dumb holiday is just an excuse to sell chocolates anyway." Even in her panicked state, it was pretty clear to Umi that Maki's smug spiel was an attempt to underplay that she was just as nervous about this whole set-up as she was.
"Of course we need a kissing scene!" Nozomi shouted through her megaphone, even though her voice was plenty loud enough on its own, especially considering she and Kotori were sitting in the front row of the auditorium, "I'm surprised at you, Maki-chan! Don't you feel the love! I think you two have a lot of chemistry!" Maki had to visibly restrain herself to keep from letting out a surprised whine. It was clear to Umi that neither she nor Maki were going to be able to weasel their way out of this now. They were too late. Nozomi's teasing had already broken down their strength. It was too easy for her to work them under her thumb like that, which was assuredly part of the reason they were the ones up there right now.
Of course, that wasn't the only reason… Seated on the far end of the audience's second row, at just enough of an angle that Nozomi could catch her out of the corner of her eye without arousing any suspicion that she was watching her, Nico sat tapping her toes and holding her head up indignantly. Her eyes flicked over the stage every once in a while with her arms crossed over her chest. When Umi and Maki began to make their awkward attempts to bring their heads closer to each other (which only somehow ended up with them even farther apart then they were to begin with), Nico's face twisted into a horrified scowl. It was pretty clear that if the kiss actually went off, Nico would probably scream. It was even clearer that if that happened, Nozomi would probably die of laughter. At least three people in the room would faint.
Therefore, it wasn't very long at all before Nico stood up and shouted for the two of them to stop. "This pitiful act has gone on long enough!" she shouted, stomping her foot firmly on the ground before angrily marching her way around to the front of Nozomi and Kotori, placing her hands on her hips and shouting at the purple-haired senior. "It's obvious that neither of these two are qualified for this! This is simply unprofessional, and I won't sit here and watch it! If you want this scene to go on, you should get someone who can actually act… like me!"
Nico stood with a smug grin now, mugging for Nozomi as if she were auditioning. Umi was convinced that she would have pulled out actual headshots if she had any. For once, Umi was thankful for Nico's nigh-perpetual impertinence. If there was one person haughty enough to cause a perverse enough scene just to put a stop to this play so late in the game, it was Nico Yazawa.
Nozomi sighed, "Well, I guess you have a point… Director, what do you think?" She turned to Kotori with a knowing smile.
Kotori smiled far less transparently – the same smile that she always wore – as she replied, "If Nico-chan wants to try the scene herself, I think we should let her." Nozomi and Kotori had already learned how to communicate telepathically, it seemed. If she wasn't already busy freaking out about being on stage at the center of everyone's attention during such an embarrassing spectacle, Umi would have no doubt been terrified of that instead.
Nozomi nodded at Kotori, turning back to Nico and clapping excitedly. "Alright, then! It looks like you've passed with flying colors! You're our new star, Nicocchi!"
Nico laughed, holding her head up high. "I'm glad you finally came to your senses."
"Maki-chan, come switch places with Nicocchi!"
This time, Maki did let out her surprised "ehhh?!" but it was overwhelmed by the disgruntled cry of "What!?" from Nico. The whole room had erupted into a commotion of gossiping and laughter. It was a certified bloodbath.
"What's the matter, Nicocchi?" Nozomi said, feigning innocence and ignoring the chorale of voices all around her, "I know you were probably expecting to be the pretty princess, but surely playing Maki's suave prince character wouldn't be hard at all for a professional like you, right?" Kotori only sat still with silent satisfaction, looking straight up at Umi with that same old smile, forever unflinching. The tension in the room was palpable.
With a huff, Nico wordlessly stomped up on stage, passing Maki on the way up. Maki's face was unreadable at the moment, torn between the same despair over the situation that Nico must have been feeling and the relief that at least she didn't have to kiss anyone anymore. Once she arrived on stage, Nico looked over the room one more time and then turned to Umi. "Alright, then. Let's show them how this is done."
Honestly, it seemed a bit easier to deliver her lines this time around. For one thing, Nico's pompous assurance that this was all an act did make it slightly more comfortable. This wasn't a big deal, right? It was all an act. None of this meant anything. They were performers; they were professionals and there was nothing more to it. If anything, this would help her get over her stage fright before concerts. It was simply a training exercise to help her out of her comfort zone. Furthermore, it didn't exactly make things harder that most of everyone's attention was now on Nico first and foremost. That obviously came with the exception of Kotori. None of the forces involved seemed to expect what came next, however.
It was quick. Nico stepped forward and stood up on the tips of her feet, wrapping her arms under Umi's and cupping her hands around the boney ridges of her shoulders, pulling her in close and pressing their lips together. It was a forceful kiss, which was to be expected, considering how fast she was attempting to close the gap between them, and yet… it got softer. When the impact first occurred, Umi opened her eyes wide in surprise, even though she saw it coming to begin with, but still… she closed them. It went on longer than anyone anticipated. To everyone's surprise, mostly the two of them, this one-and-done act had somehow turned into a real kiss.
At least some part of Umi still realized that people were watching them, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away. It was all too comfortable. It felt like she belonged there in that kiss. It was like the moment after hitting the alarm and not wanting to leave the warm comforts of a soft bed. She wasn't sure what to do with her hands, which were still hanging awkwardly in mid-air next to her, but even that felt strangely right.
They seemed to both intrinsically realize when the kiss had come to a reasonable conclusion because their eyes both drifted open at the same time and their lips slowly came apart once again. The two of their faces were surely burning red – as she looked at Nico she could see that they very nearly matched her deep scarlet eyes – but Umi still couldn't tear her gaze away from the shorter girl. Nico was the one who turned away almost immediately, painfully aware that everyone in the audience understood everything that was going on.
When Umi finally followed her lead, turning her head to the audience and looking over everyone's faces, seeing the shock and surprise, she almost felt like she was going to be sick. There wasn't anywhere to hide, or else she most definitely would have. Finally bringing her eyes to the front row, she saw that Nozomi was beaming like an absolute madman and Kotori...
Kotori was gone.
This was trouble.
In the present, Umi groaned once again, slumping down to the floor with her back to the lockers, curling her legs up against her chest. "I don't get it…" she said to Nozomi, if only because she seemed to be the most supportive person to her right now, which was probably not a very good omen after all, "Kotori was never the type to get jealous like this."
It honestly would have really pissed her off if she wasn't just so disheartened by it all. She had barely spoken to Nico before this, and most of that was roping her in when she got too rambunctious. She was quite frankly a pest most of the time. It's not like she was so shallow that a single kiss could completely flip her perspective on someone like that. How could her closest friend think she liked Nico of all people? She couldn't possibly like Nico! Nico was just a friend and a bandmate… a friend and bandmate who she thought about kissing a lot and who kept her up at night thinking about her and oh, dear God, she liked Nico.
Nozomi took a seat beside Umi, meeting her at eye level. Umi continued venting to her, which felt strangely safe. Nozomi was trustworthy in the same way that Kotori was – you could afford to tell her all your secrets because she most likely already knew them. "It's not like I haven't had a crush before. Kotori never got upset back when I liked-" She stopped herself, realizing that perhaps she had already revealed too much.
As if to confirm her suspicions, Nozomi finished the second-year's statement for her. "When you liked Elicchi?" Umi blushed as she buried her face into her arms, trying to keep the all-knowing psychic from seeing her face right then. "Don't worry. I already knew. One reason Kotori is acting different now is probably because Nico was pretty clearly just as smitten as you were. You and Nicocchi are both so cute when you have crushes; it's part of the reason I'm helping you out right now."
"What's the other reason?" Umi said, lifting her face again, "I thought you were pretty close with Kotori now. She's not going to be happy about you going behind her back like this."
To Umi's surprise, Nozomi actually laughed at that. It helped clear up the tense air that seemed to be continually building everywhere Umi went since the incident occurred in the first place. "Oh, Kotori didn't even want the kiss to happen in the first place," she said "She tried to hide it behind a joke, but she was pretty anxious about it. She told me, 'Alright, but if you make Umi-chan kiss someone, I get to kiss Eli.'"
Umi raised a brow at this, a bit confused. "She wasn't even in the play, though," she said, "She was director."
"I said the same thing," Nozomi quipped, "She told me, 'Who said anything about the play?'" After this, she laughed some more. Nozomi's impression of Kotori was so spot-on that it nearly made Umi shiver. Nozomi and Kotori got along almost too well, it seemed. If she weren't dealing with her own drama right now, she probably would have been forced to tear them apart for the sake of everybody's sanity.
Umi spread herself out a little bit, finally starting bit by bit to uncurl the ball into which she had bundled herself. "Are you sure you're okay with this then? I'd be a bit more cautious about Kotori's 'jokes' if I were you…"
Nozomi wagged a finger through the air, triumphantly claiming her victory over Kotori. "I've already made preparations to hide Elicchi away on Valentine's Day – somewhere that Kotori could never find her!"
"Meaning?"
"I gave her a free day trip to the spa."
This time, Umi chuckled a little, finally beginning to loosen up around Nozomi. The older student's teasing was at the very least useful for taking her mind off of the stress at hand, even if it had reasonably been its probable cause.
Perhaps sensing that some of the tensions were dissipating, Nozomi became serious again at the drop of a hat. It was seamless. Nozomi's strength was being able to read a situation for all it was worth. It was how she made such a good fortune-teller, which was actually what she brought up now. "Besides, I did a reading on you and Nicocchi… Do you know what this card means?" With a flick of the wrist, she pulled out a single card and held it between her fingers, her hand completely steady between the two of them. From where she sat, Umi got a clear view of the card, which featured a skeletal knight on his massive white horse. Written on the bottom were the simple words, in English, "13 – death."
"I-is that a threat?" Umi said, backing off a little bit as her faced twisted into a shocked slacked jaw.
Nozomi sighed, shaking her head side to side as she held the card completely still, continuing with her explanation. She was like a statue, firm and steadfast, in position and in speech. "Everybody always thinks the death card is so dark… It's not fair. It's actually a very pleasant card." The way she spoke, it was almost as if she was offended on the card's behalf. "What this card means is that you're going to face a complete change – everything that you've known before is going to be flipped on its head, and I think you're going to learn from it," she finished with a cheerful smile and a tilt of the head towards Umi, "That's just my professional opinion."
Umi was pouting again, hearing this fortune being lauded upon her as if she didn't have a choice in the matter. "But what if I don't want to change? What if I'm happy with the way things are?" Her voice had raised a little, showing how impatient she had been growing with the whole situation.
"You mean with Kotori?" Nozomi said, filling in the blanks that Umi had perhaps subconsciously left unfilled.
It was true that Kotori was very close to her and had been since they were children. Kotori liked her, definitely. That much was certain. It wasn't like she was against the idea of being with Kotori either, it just… never happened. She wasn't sure exactly what it was that she couldn't bring herself to say or why, but she knew that her relationship with Kotori was a fragile subject buried deep within her.
Umi's silence was apparently all the confirmation that Nozomi needed to keep going with her reading. "Are you sure you're really happy? Or have you just convinced yourself that it'd be so convenient to like Kotori the way she likes you that you're letting everything else pass you by while you wait for that to happen?"
That was why Umi couldn't bring herself to admit her true feelings, even to herself. It was because they made her feel awful. How was Nozomi so smart that she could just reach so far down into Umi's mind and pull that out like that? Umi was convinced that Nozomi probably knew most people better than they knew themselves, and it was frankly disconcerting.
"Even if I do want to change," Umi said, finally learning that hiding things from the psychic was no use, "I don't want to make Kotori upset. I don't even know how everyone else is going to react to this, either… What is Maki going to say?" She hadn't even thought about the red-haired maestro. She must be just as torn up about the whole situation as anyone. Maki was just always good enough at hiding her true feelings that her being unfazed at all by this seemed like a given, even if that was completely off-base.
Rather than Nozomi's voice, the next thing Umi heard as she started to bury her face into her hands yet again was the faint flicker of plastic hitting the floor. Pulling her hands back, she looked down and saw the death card sitting face-up on the ground, slowly guiding her eyes up the length of Nozomi's body to her hand, which was still in the same position as before, but now with an entirely new card.
Pictured on the card was an angel with scarlet rings spread wide across a green landscape, dipping one foot into a pool of water. She couldn't tell if it was male or female. Maybe angels didn't have genders to begin with. Nevertheless, it was immensely beautiful, with a reserved smile that showed wisdom more than anything else. Perhaps it was just the unexpected nature of its appearance, but Umi felt strangely comforted by the card's presence. She felt like the old scene, where she was scared and huddled up in hiding again, had been blown away just as the oft misjudged card number thirteen now was. Some of the angel's wisdom had filled the room and was now letting her clear her head, just for a moment.
"Temperance," Nozomi said firmly, drawing Umi's attention to the name of the fourteenth tarot card which was written on the bottom just as the one before had, "is a card that represents balance and patience. I could have told you this even without the card, but you're a smart person. I know that if you keep a cool head and a steady hand, you can get through this without tainting what you had before. All is not lost in death."
Suddenly, yet gracefully, Nozomi spun to her side, reaching her hands up and grabbing Umi's, fitting the card into Umi's grasp so that it sat with one corner held under each of her thumbs. One of Nozomi's hands reached over top of the card and pointed out one of the features printed on it. "You see the angel dipping her feet into the water?" she explained, now plainly excited, "That's her testing out the water before jumping in… You've already tested the water, Umi-chan; now are you going to jump in, or am I going to have to push you?" She was positively beaming, just as she had been the first time she had witnessed Umi and Nico together from her perch in the writer's chair. This time, now that she understood it a little more, it was hard to say that Nozomi's cheerful attitude towards the situation wasn't a small bit infectious.
It was just like going on stage. She had been terrified before, but she couldn't say that she didn't have tremendous fun doing it with her friends by her side. All it took to get her to feel more comfortable was Honoka holding one hand and Kotori holding the other. Now, the performance was her meeting with Nico, and Nozomi had taken her hand in a feel swoop, swinging it back and forth with a contagious excitement.
"I-I'll do it," Umi said, nodding at Nozomi as she stood up and walked down the hall towards the destination that was written down on the purple-haired girl's notecard. She was filled with energy after the pep talk, and she had to move fast before she lost her momentum.
"One last thing!" Nozomi called out, prompting Umi to stop in her tracks and turn back, "It's nothing important, but there is a third reason I wanted to help you out…" She was giving her mildly smug, teasing grin again. "I expect you to write some more love songs now, okay? I can't handle them all on my own."
Umi was reminded of the time that Nozomi called her in the middle of the night. Without so much as a hello, she said, "Songwriting advice – broad backs are a thing that straight girls like, right?"
"How am I supposed to know that?" Umi instinctively barked back before realizing exactly what the implications of such a quip were. "No, wait, that's not what I-" By that time, Nozomi had already hung up. In place of an auditory response, Umi instead received a text message that contained only seven winky faces. When Nozomi attempted to call back a moment later, Umi didn't answer.
Now, looking back on it, Umi laughed. Everything looked a lot nicer from the future than it did from the present – any hardships or gaffs or fears – and it was important to realize that. One day, she would make sure that the time she spent beating herself up over this was just a flash in the pan, one way or another. It filled her with determination. Giving Nozomi a final nod in confirmation, she made her way once again to her appointed location.
After Umi had finished leaving, Nozomi stood up and sighed. She pulled out another piece of paper and looked at it, muttering to herself, "Now it's time for Nicocchi…" The appointment on this notecard was in a different location from the one to which Umi was currently heading, and it was timestamped for half an hour later. "I hope Umi-chan doesn't get mad at me again," Nozomi continued, "but there was somebody else she needed to speak to first…"
"Wait, w-what are you doing here?" Umi stammered, frozen in the doorway, all of the momentum that she had built up on the way there blocked, as if she had run headfirst into a brick wall.
"I wasn't exactly expecting you either… I take it Nozomi said you were meeting Nico, too? I guess she played us both again."
Sitting in the empty classroom at a single desk, which had been turned to face the doorway as all the other desks were scattered haphazardly around it, was none other than Maki Nishikino. She was fiddling her hair as usual, with her head turned away from Umi, towards the far window instead. She let out a long and unamused sigh, filling the room with an uncomfortable silence as Umi tried to parse her mind for something to say.
What could she even say in a situation like this? Umi thought the entire point of the pep talk Nozomi gave her was so that she would go into this without losing the energy, so why would she throw her into such a dismal situation? There was nowhere this could possibly go fast. "I'm sorry I kissed your would-be girlfriend in front of you and am now meeting with her in private to confess my feelings to her?" She barely even knew Nico, especially not as well as Maki did. The more she thought about it, the more her steadfast determination that fueled her on until mere moments ago must be a direct insult to the red-locked pianist.
If she was going to be entirely honest with herself, she wasn't even entirely sure why she liked Nico now, other than the kiss. A part of her knew that thinking that way was shallow, or even worse, just plain lewd. In fact, she wasn't quite sure what exactly Maki saw in her either. Maki had a bit of a naïve side, definitely, but she was very mature for the most part. She just couldn't see her getting along with someone who was as boisterous as Nico. So, with a heavy heart, she decided that was as good a place to start as any. "Maki, why do you like Nico?"
She could hear the screech of the chair's metal legs as it was jammed backwards across the floor. Maki always had such violent reactions whenever she was asked directly about her feelings. Umi wasn't sure whether that was a sign of her naïveté or a sign of her being too mature. "I-I don't like…" she stammered for a moment, before freezing in place, staring straight ahead at Umi with her mouth open in the same defensive expression in which she had been speaking.
She didn't finish her statement, though. Instead, she made a handful of unintelligible utterances before finally letting out a loud, angry groan. Umi had never seen Maki throw a fit this excessive before. It was like she was a clockwork doll, always stalling and sputtering when its gears got clamped together. "Dammit!" Maki cried out, her voice surprisingly loud as it filled the room, prompting Umi to finally step inside and shut the door behind her, "Nozomi knows I respect you too much to lie to your face like that…"
Maki seemed to calm down after letting that out, but she still paused every so often during the rest of her spiel. Whenever Maki turned her gaze away, Umi could swear she could see the gears still spinning. It wasn't like Maki to be so honest with someone about Nico more than anything, so it was clearly giving her mind a bit of an exercise. "You're a lot like Nico-chan and you probably don't even know. You both sat around for so long, acting like you were fine with being alone. You wouldn't be doing this whole idol thing if Honoka hadn't dragged you into it…"
Umi stepped forward a little bit, realizing how uncomfortable it was to stand with her back to the door and her hands still cupping the doorknob. "What about you?" she asked, connecting a few of the dots here.
Maki seemed oddly amused by the follow up question. "I'm not like you two. I was dragged into this by Honoka just the same, but I wasn't alone because I had convinced myself I liked it." Her eyes were glazed over as she said it, and the jerky mechanical speech had evened out into a slow droll. "I didn't convince myself of anything. I like being alone. Obviously, I like being here too and performing with all of you, but sometimes I think it's nice to just sit at a piano for a short break away from everyone else and listen to myself think. I miss it a lot."
She was right. Umi didn't feel the same way, and she knew that now, but she also understood the feeling of wanting to be alone, even if she didn't share it. She was honestly sort of jealous, hearing this from Maki now. She had always been torn between the fear of being lonely and the fear of everyone watching her. The group had been helping her slowly move past the latter fear by taking her out of her comfort zone and being by her side to deal with the stage fright, but she couldn't help but think that this would all be a lot simpler if she had been able to separate the sensation of being alone from the idea of being lonely.
"Nico-chan is the one person who made me feel different… or well, maybe different isn't right," Maki continued talking before Umi had a chance to collect her thoughts, "Nico-chan was the one person who made me feel the same as I was when I was alone, but with someone else. She made me think that we could be alone… together. Whenever I was alone at my piano, or reading a book, or laying in my room, I'd think every once in a while, 'I wish Nico-chan was here to feel this with me.'"
Maki's words were getting faster. The emotion was beginning to peek through them, as if the curtain was being slowly drawn from onstage and she was going to see the audience that sat on the other side. If she looked hard enough, Umi could see the soft sheen of tears beginning to well up in the corners of her eyes. "Being with Nico-chan made me wish that I could just turn off the rest of the world for a little while and do what I wanted to do without having to worry about what my friends would think, or my fans would think, or my Papa would think…" With this, she clenched her fist and with a sudden, jerky movement, nearly brought it down hard onto the desk. Umi flinched at this, only turning back when she realized she never heard the sound of impact. She saw Maki's hand hovering in a fist over the table for a moment, having stopped in mid-swing, and slowly being brought down to a rest against the wood.
There was a short and tense silence, but slowly, the atmosphere began to grow softer again. Maki stopped looking away and now looked directly into Umi's eyes. She couldn't turn away now. Her cue that it was her turn to speak was when Maki's fingers stretched out and began softly rapping atop the desk. Thunk, thunk, thunk, thunk. This pattern repeated three times before Umi was able to put her thoughts into words.
Umi knew how hard it was to deal with the fear of being judged more than anything. If there was anything that helped her, it was having a hand to hold. She had lost count of the times where, no matter what the audience might think of a performance, Honoka had always held out her hand and told her that she believed in her. If there was any one thing Umi could do to help Maki persevere through this mess without hurting their friendship, it would be holding out the same hand. "I'm sure that everyone would support you with whatever you chose to do," she said, without hesitation.
Maki scoffed, turning away again. It made Umi feel like she had somehow failed. "Maybe, but the fact that we're having this conversation at all means that I was too late, right?"
There was another long silence. Umi stood still, wracking her brain for something to say that would help Maki feel better, desperate to be the voice of reason that Nozomi had told her she could be. The more and more she thought, however, the more she grew angry. She was angry at herself for not being able to come up with a solution on her own, more than anything. As the rage festered inside of her, she finally came to a boil at the only other person there to be on the receiving end of it.
"Fine!" she snapped, drawing Maki's eyes to her in surprise at the sudden outburst, "I guess you're right! I'm not going to stand here and watch you feel sorry for yourself and blame me because you were too scared to say something!" She couldn't stop herself. She knew that she had been backed into the same pitiful corner herself many times before, but her emotions were too tightly-wound at this point to give way under the soothing touch of empathy. As much as she tried to calm herself down and be rational, she couldn't even manage to so much as unclench her fists.
Maki sat still, staring wide-eyed at Umi for a moment. It became apparent to Umi in this short frame of time that not many people, if any, had been so harsh with her before. Everyone had always tiptoed around the heiress like she was delicate. She had spent her life praised and coddled. The kid still believed in Santa, for crying out loud! It honestly made her feel even worse for lashing out at her, but that didn't seem to help to simmer down the ire. If people were afraid of Maki breaking when put under pressure, then Umi was the one who would have a fragile enough sense of self-restraint to do it.
Maki, however, didn't break. Instead, she met Umi's intensity with her own to match. "You think I don't know it's my own damn fault!?" she shouted, standing up and pushing back her chair, "Of course it is! I was a coward! I was scared, and weak, and stupid!" The two of them continued to stare each other down, until finally, something washed over the room. A wave of tranquility met the two idols, and they unclenched their fists together, even if Umi wasn't sure exactly what it was that calmed her. Fight fire with fire, they always say.
Maki took the lead now as the first to lower her voice. "I don't blame you. I'm not even mad at you," she said, "I just… I'm jealous that you had the strength to speak up for yourself when I couldn't." Umi had never thought of herself as necessarily brave. There were too many points in each and every day where her nerves got the better of her. Yet, here was someone who she had just blindly accused of throwing a child's tantrum telling her that she was someone she looked up to. Was she really that strong?
She felt like she had to be pushed into doing pretty much everything – making friends, being an idol, pursuing love. If she was any strong at all, it was only because she moved with everyone behind her. Maybe what concerned Maki so much was that she couldn't bring herself to budge even with everyone pushing and pushing. Umi thought of what Nozomi had said earlier, about the angel Temperance testing the waters. The more she thought about it, the more it seemed to her that the red wings of Temperance didn't belong to her, but to Maki. She was the level-headed one here; Umi was too temperamental, too aggressive. Even if she didn't realize it, Maki was the one who could possibly keep everyone stable.
"I'm sorry for getting so angry," she apologized.
Maki pulled something out of her pocket, looking down wordlessly at it for a moment before sighing. She walked, with the clatter of each step filling the empty air of the room, and she grabbed Umi's wrist, pulling her hand up and forcefully placing the paper inside it. "Here," she said, looking away again, "I didn't know what it was before, but now I'm pretty sure I can guess… Nozomi told me to give that to you." She pulled her hand back, holding it tight against her side.
Umi unfolded the scrap of paper, looking down at the same scratchy handwriting and the same purple ink from earlier. On the top of the page was a scribbled jotting of "for real this time," and underneath it was a different time and location. It was getting fairly close to this new appointment. She hadn't realized until right now just how much of her meeting time with Maki had been spent in an awkward hush.
Umi was going to thank her, but Maki interrupted her before she could speak. "Like I said, I respect you a lot," she was quiet now, a bit embarrassed at having to admit something like that, especially now that they didn't have the security of half a room between them, "I'm only giving you this because I trust you won't make the same mistakes I did. Nico-chan deserves that much."
Umi nodded her head in thanks. This was apparently all the acknowledgement Maki needed, since she turned away afterwards and walked back to the desk that she had set up. She laid her head down on it, looking a bit forlorn. She seemed like she had admitted defeat, and Umi was starting to feel bad again, but she picked herself up before Umi could say anything about it. "Right, right," she said, shaking her head, "No more self-pity. You already got on my case for that once."
She continued, seemingly having gained a bit of steam from this. Rather than breaking from her upperclassman's stern diatribe, she had apparently already started using it to hold herself together. "Listen, one of these days I'm going to be as strong as Nozomi thinks I can be."
Umi's response came immediately. "You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."
Maki let loose a hollow chuckle. "Maybe, but I'm not Nozomi." She then raised her hand and pointed at Umi, with the same powerful grin as the detective in a murder mystery who had just pegged the killer. "The point is," she said with almost enough conviction to convince Umi that her confidence was sincere, which was surely the first step to it actually becoming so, "that when that day comes, I'm taking Nico-chan back. Understand?"
Umi felt even more excited than she did before. She now had Nozomi holding one hand, and Maki holding the other. She was starting to feel as strong as she was made out to be. She could feel them pushing, and now all that was left was to move forward. "Understood," she quipped to Maki, "I wouldn't expect anything less – we're both soldiers, after all."
This time, she had actually managed to wrestle a legitimate laugh from Maki, who waved her out of the door. "If I had known all this was going to happen, I would have kissed you myself," she joked back, "Now go already! You're going to be late... and shut the door on the way out."
Umi didn't have to be told twice. Seeing Maki laughing like that was the last piece of the puzzle. She had asked why Maki liked Nico at the start, but with that last bit of humor, she realized what it was that she liked about her. Getting such an honest laugh out of Maki seemed rare, almost like it was an ordeal. Nico was probably the one person in the world who could do it effortlessly. She was able to bring out the lighter side of people. It wasn't clear whether she could do it without trying, or whether she was otherwise trying too hard, but the end result was the same. She was a born idol, through and through.
After hearing the click of the door behind the girl who was now filled with purpose, Maki stayed in the room, trying to come to grips with now seemingly having none. Her giggles lasted only a short while longer. Then there was a short moment where she stared down at the desk and collected her thoughts, still tumbling aimlessly through her brain. Finally, she took a deep breath and screamed as loud and as long as she could.
When she left, she shut the door behind her as well.