Skank.
"Bella, hello? You there?" My attention was dragged back from the love of my life and the current blonde fixture that was sitting on his lap giggling at whatever it was he had just whispered into her ear.
"Well if you're not going to talk to us we may as well just leave." I finally looked to my friends and decided it was about time that I tuned out of my musing on Edward and listened to what Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie were talking about. These guys were my best friends and we had known each other since we were babies. We really didn't have much choice in the matter, it was pretty much expected that we were got along as we had all grown up with each other. We pretty much spent all of our time with each other, with the exemption of my best friend (and long time crush) who tended to spend a good chunk of his time with the flavour of the week, much to said flavours excitement and my continuing heartache.
"So you still haven't told him yet." I glared at Rose from across the table. God I love her but she spoke her mind, which is kinda ironic seeing as this was one of the reasons I loved her.
"No, why would she do that when she can pine from afar."
"Screw you Emmett." I got it, I really did. My best friends only wanted me to be happy and thought that it was borderline pathetic my obsession with Edward. Admittedly I have been in love with him for the better part of ten years. And yes, I have been keeping this secret from my best friend in the entire world but in my defence the moment that I had finally gathered the courage to tell him was 5 minutes and 23 seconds before I had seen him with Tanya Denali.
Flashback
"Come on, I know that you like him Bella, you really can't keep this hidden anymore, you have been keeping this secret from your best friend for the last 8 years. 8 YEARS BELLA." Alice was sitting on my bed to my house patting Kuma, my puppy that I had just gotten from my parents for my 16th birthday, going through the same speech that I had heard at least 3 times before. I had to give her credit though, the amount of times that this subject come up I thought that she would have repeated this exact speech a few more times.
"Alice, you don't understand. I get it, you have a newfound courage since you and Jasper started dating but Edward and I are totally different." I called Kuma over to me and he quickly got up and walked over to me and promptly made himself comfortable on my lap. The German Shepard puppy wasn't going to be able to do that for much longer as he was only 10 weeks old and already occupied my entirety of my lap.
"How, I haven't met two people better suited for each other that you and Edward and you know that, you have the same taste in music and movies and already spend all of your time with one another. Give me one reason why you guys aren't right for each other."
"How about mutual attraction." I had always found Edwards looks daunting. He had the body and face of a god whereas I was the average brown haired browned eyed cliché. Alice scoffed at my statement but didn't get a chance to respond as her phone started ringing. It was Jasper and he was coming to pick her up. I tuned out and started playing with Kuma as they performed their ritual of 'you hang up, no you hang up first'. In the end they decided on counting to three and then hanging up. It wasn't until the fourth try that they both hung up.
Gag.
"Okay, well Jasper will be here any minute, but Bella listen, you're gorgeous and I don't get how you can't see that but you have to realise that you can't expect him not to start looking at girls soon and if you don't make it known that your there in anything other than a strictly friends way you might loose your chance. I have to go, just think about it will you." And with that she departed from my room and got to the front door just as Jasper was pulling up. Her words were having their desired effect as I couldn't get them from my mind. I thought about what Alice had said while I was taking Kuma for a walk through the forest that was surrounding our house. All I could think about was the pain that it would cause me if I saw Edward with another girl and my mind was made up. I had to tell him, no matter how much it may humiliate me.
The next day at school was a blur. After I had made my decision I saw Edward everywhere. It was as if the universe was trying to get me, telling me on some level that I should tell him now. Instead I put it off. I put it off when I Edward and Alice picked me up in the morning because I didn't want to tell him in front of his sister and my friend. I put it off at lunch because my lunch made me feel nauseous and there's nothing like vomit on your crush's jumper to show him how much you love him. I put it off at biology because it felt like it was too much of a public place. By the end of the day I had decided that I would tell him tonight when I went to his house for tea.
After Edward and Alice dropped me off at my house after school I immediately rushed upstairs to take a shower and pick out what I was going to where to tea that night. I was something that I didn't really worry about, especially when I was going over to the Cullen's house for tea, it was something that I did at least once a week, but tonight was special. Well at least I hoped it was going to be. Due to my extended time in my attention to my clothing I hadn't realised how late it was and quickly rushed out the door, yelling to my parents sitting in the lounge room where I was going.
By the time I pulled up to Edward's house I was 15 minutes earlier than I normally turned up for tea as I had something that I wanted to do. I gently knocked on the door and let myself into the house. I didn't wait for anyone to come and let me in as I had basically lived here my entire life and knew that I was always as welcome in this house as if it were my own. I quickly walked through the house to the stairs that led up to Edwards room, hoping that I wouldn't encounter anyone before I got there as I knew that I would stutter and yammer and give away the reason that I was going up to his room in the first place. Lady luck must have been on my side as I made it to his room uninterrupted. By the time I had made the final decision at his door that this was what I wanted to do I spent 5 minutes and 23 seconds standing in front of the door before I finally let myself in. It was something that I had regretted ever since because when I gently knocked on the door and let myself into the room it was to a sight that broke my heart. Edward was arching off of his bed, moaning Tanya's name as she swallowed and moaned around him.
As I thought about that image that was destined to be burned into my brain I could feel the tears threaten at my eyes and the ripping, crushing pain to my chest that that memory always brought with it.