At some point in time Deeks has to be told that Callen gets hurt at work.
Warning: None.
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Pacing the living room Deeks stared down at the baby in his arms hoping the boy's eyes would be shut. Instead exhausted sage eyes stared back just like every other time he had checked. He loved those eyes, but he wished they were closed.
Wesley had been crying non-stop for what felt like days. He, once again, had an ear infection and it was taking its toll on the poor boy. He always seemed to have one though. Either that or a cold had hit him.
He was always seemed to be sick with something. It was a small sickness either. It was one of the ones that knocked him flat on his ass. They had tried everything to get him to feel better from the different things from the drug store to prescriptions from the doctor. Nothing helped.
The only thing that they could do was try to make him feel better as his body fought off the illness. That meant trying to get him to sleep more and making sure that he was hydrated. One of those things was easy to do.
Sleeping was not easy for Wesley. No matter what Deeks did he had a horrible time falling asleep. Once he was asleep he was down for hours. It was getting him there that was the problem for them.
It was an odd change of pace from Isabelle. For the most part once her head hit the pillow she was down for the count. Not Wesley though. He just cried and cried all night long. Nothing odd there. Babies cried and they cried even more when they were sick.
It was by pure luck that his little girl could sleep through the crying. That was a good thing in his book. He only had to deal with one cranky child at a time. He didn't even want to think what would happen if they both had problems sleeping.
He never felt more like a failure than when one of his children were crying. Mostly because he couldn't even hear it to begin with. He had to rely on D.D. to tell him what was going on with his own children half the time. It broke his heart knowing that there was nothing he could do.
He had thought that it would be easier with his second child. After five years of taking care of Isabelle he thought he had things figured out. He had dealt with her crying, sick, and even one memorable time of her getting lost in the store. He knew what he was doing.
At least he thought he had. Then they brought Wesley into their family and it was like every rule that he had thought he knew was thrown out the window. How could children be so different? It wasn't as if they did much.
But no. Wesley and Isabelle for opposites. He cried so much more than she ever did. He ate twice as much as she had. He was just… So much more difficult to take care of than the little girl had ever been.
Don't get him wrong. He loved his son with all his heart and he would never regret bringing him into their family. He was just so tired. He had thought that he rarely slept before, but not he got none. Thinking about it he was pretty sure he slept less now than he did when he played homeless.
He hadn't thought that that was possible. He also hadn't thought that he'd miss those days. Something that gave him more than a little guilt to think. Mostly because it wasn't his job that missed. It was the fact that he could be alone if he wanted to.
That was horrible of him to think and he hated it. His job was to take care of his children and that should have been something that made him happy. Sometimes though… Sometimes he was just done.
He didn't get to wish that he was back to the life he had before them though. That was never going to be an option and truthfully he didn't want it to be. He was grateful for his life and he loved his family.
At the same time though he was just so tired. He needed to take a break before he really lost his mind. Something that wasn't going to happen since Callen was in the middle of a case. Not unless he dropped the kids off with Michelle and disappeared. That shouldn't be as appealing as it was.
Until Callen was back and they could make actual plans to go on vacation he was going to take care of his children by himself. He really hated that that made him feel angry at his husband. Callen was just doing his job.
It wasn't right to resent him for doing his job. Especially since he wasn't thinking about the job. He just wanted to get away from his children for awhile. It was so wrong of him. All of it was just so wrong.
Letting out a shaky breath he looked down at his son. Red rimmed eyes stared up at him blinking slowly. He looked so tired. A look that Deeks knew was reflected in his own eyes. Between no naps and probably an hour of sleep that night, in a rocking chair, they were not having a good day.
"I know, kiddo," Deeks whispered offering him a smile, "You look about as miserable as I feel."
Wesley reached out weakly smacking his hand into Deeks chest causing him to shake his head. He looked like he was about to fall asleep. Maybe he could get a little sleep in before Isabelle came home from school. They still had another hour before then.
"You ready for a nap, Sweetheart?" he questioned hoping his voice was as soothing as he was trying to make it, "Get in a little sleep before big sister gets home?"
Deeks started towards the stairs only to stop when Wesley started to squirm in his arms. For a moment he was sure that the little boy was crying once more. Then he felt D.D. brush against him. Looking down he watched as the mutt made her way to the front door.
Staring up at the ceiling he counted to ten trying to push all the frustration of the day away. All he wanted to do was sleep. Why was it so damn hard to get five minutes to calm down so he didn't break down?
Everything in him told him that he should ignore the door. If it was important than they could text him. Knowing he couldn't do that though he made his way over repeating to himself that he would not commit murder.
With one last deep breath he opened the door and saw Kensi standing there. Blinking he stared at her for a moment waiting for her to give him some sign as to why she was there. They were in middle of a case she should still be at work.
She sent him a half smile before stepping forward and taking Wesley from his arms. He watched in confusion as she went further into the house leaving him alone. At least he thought he was alone until he felt a hand touch his own. Spinning around he looked down and saw someone else.
"Hetty?" he signed not understanding what was going on.
"Mr. Deeks," the woman replied looking him up and down, "You look like crap. Is Wesley having a bad day?"
"Is Wes… Is Wesley having a bad day? The kid has been crying non-stop for days. I haven't slept more than an hour in days. I can't do this. Tell me you need me for something because if I don't get away from him and Isabelle I'm going to explode!"
"The joys of having children."
"Ugh. It's only joyful when I have slept. I've been tortured before, Hetty. That was better than this."
"You miss working."
"No. Yes. Sometimes. Right now I just miss sleep. I can't do this on my own. Please tell me Callen is coming home soon."
The older woman's face fell when he said that. Instantly he was hit with a feeling of dread. That was a look he had seen a few times before. One that he hated seeing because it meant that someone was hurt.
Swallowing roughly he motioned for them to go into the kitchen knowing that whatever was about to be said was not something he wanted to hear. He could put it off for a moment while he got them a cup of tea. There was nothing wrong with that.
His hands were shaking as he put the kettle on the stove. Hetty hadn't even told him what was wrong but he knew what it was. He knew what she was going to say and it was the last thing that he wanted to hear.
Feeling a hand take his own he let himself be lead to the kitchen table by the woman. He was more than happy to fall into the chair. He doubted that he would have been able to stay on his feet for much longer.
"How bad?" he signed finally looking at her.
"Mr. Deeks," the woman started before shaking her head, "Mr. Callen is currently in surgery. He got shot in the stomach and the shoulder during an operation."
It took a second for the woman's words to sink in. Slowly the whole world narrowed as he stared at her. All he wanted was for her to tell him that it was all just a joke. That Callen was fine and was hanging out with Sam somewhere.
He had always thought that he would be ready for the day his husband got seriously injured. It wasn't as if he didn't know what the man did. He had done it for long enough himself to know the risks. He couldn't believe how wrong he was.
Closing his eyes he tried his best to not to feel as if he was going to break. He had spent most of the week wishing for his husband to get home so he wouldn't have to deal with his children and now said man was in the hospital.
He was a horrible human being. How could he wish that he was away from his family? Hadn't he learned after so many years of being a cop that every second was precious and that he should spend it with people he loved?
Deeks didn't even notice he was crying until he felt the tears hitting his arm. A part of him wanted to wipe them away, but he couldn't bring himself to care. He deserved the misery that he was feeling.
A hand rested on top his own causing him to look up. Hetty was staring at him with such a look of sadness and guilt that he felt his boy shake as he sobbed. He knew that he knew that look. Why didn't he see it before?
"What happened?" Deeks signed already dreading the answer.
"We were working on a case with the NSA," Hetty replied staring into his eyes, "One of the agents had been bought by the men we were trying to take down. She gave us up and there was a gun fight."
"And G was shot."
"Yes, he was shot. As were the men that we were taking down. No one on their side came out alive."
"Good."
"Mr. Deeks..."
"I don't care how it sounds, Hetty. I don't care about those son of a bitches."
"I was going to say that I am your ride to the hospital. Mr. Hanna is already there and waiting."
"I have… Isabelle and Wesley. Miss Blye with stay here with Wesley and as soon as she's out of school Mr. Beale and Miss Jones will bring Isabelle here to wait. They'll stay as long as it takes."
"Mr. Callen wouldn't be hurt if if I thought of everything."
"Hetty, I love you, but right now I don't care who did this. I don't care that they're dead. I don't care about anything but seeing my husband. Okay?"
"Then let's go. They should have news for us when we get there."
"They better."