Richi: Yo, This is a...late Christmas fic...I guess...I"ll update late for this one too...
Naruto: I would have been up sooner if the idiot hadn't of gotten sick.
Richi: HEY!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Tai doesn't own anything either.
A Naruto Christmas Carol
Original Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens
This version by ME!!!!!!RICHI!!!!!!
X.X.X.X.X.X.X
To begin with, Gaara was dead. There was no doubt about that. The register of the burial signed by Temari, Kankuro, Baki, and-
"Why did I have to die. Again." Gaara asked from back stage. He was cover in white make-up and chains, and his clothes where riped. And those were his favorite pants too.
"Didn't I tell you not to interuppt me!?" Naruto yelled.
"I was just asking." Naruto glared at him. Gaara huffed and turned away.
"As I was saying-"
-and Sasuke. The only mourner at the funeral. Sasuke never painted out old Gaara's name. There it stood seven years afterwards, above the warehouse door: Sasuke and Gaara. Sometime people called Sasuke Gaara and sometimes they called him Sasuke, but he answered to both.
But he was tight fisted hand at the grind stone, a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner!
"Hey!" Sasuke yelled. His hair was slicked back with pieces sticking out here and there. His clothes where that of a businessman of the 1800s.
"Stop interuppting!!!!" Naruto yelled.
"Why do I have to be the cruel one! Why can't Gaara be Scrooge!" There was silence.
"You're kidding, right?" Sakura asked from the dressing room.
"Everyone shut up! On with the first act!" Naruto shouted. Everyone scurried into place.
X.X.X.X.X.X.X
"Merry Christmas, Uncle! And a Merry Christmas to you aswell, Mr.Hyuga!" Lee exclaimed happily, slamming the door of the counting house. Neji ignored him. Sasuke stared. A shoe flew out and hit him in the head.
"Get on with it, teme!" Naruto hissed.
"Bah..Humbug.." Sasuke said slowly. Lee's outfit was...bright? It was bright red. Where the hell did he find the thing?
"Christmas a humbug? You don't mean that, do you?" Lee moved closer to Sasuke's desk.
"I do. What reason do you have to be merry?" Sasuke asked coldly.
"What reason have you to be dismal?"
"You're poor enough!"
"You're rich enough! Don't be cross, Uncle!"
"What else can I be in a world full of idiot-"
"Fools you nimrod! Fools!" Naruto yelled. Sasuke glared at him.
"-fools such as this! What's Christmas time but a time for buying presents without money? A time for balancing your books and having every item from the last twelve months written in red ink? Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled in his own pudding a buried with a stake of holly through. His. Heart!" He yelled.
"Uncle!" Lee gasped!
"Nephew! You keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it mine!"
"But Uncle- You don't keep it!"
"Then let me leave it alone then. Alot of good it does me." Sasuke turned to his desk and began stamping papers.
"There are many good things from which I haven't profited—Christmas is among the best. I have always thought of Christmas—apart from its sacred name and origin—as a good time—a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time. And therefore, Uncle, though it has never put a piece of gold in my pocket, I believe that it has done me good, and will do me good—and so, for the sake of Christmas and my late mother—your sister—I say God bless it!" Lee said proudly. Neji clapped boredly. Off to the side, behind the curtain, Naruto was bashing his head against the closest hard object.
"Act excited Neji! Your character is happy!" Neji turned and looked at him blankly. "...Oh just get on with it!"
"Another sound from you and you'll keep Christmas be losing your job!" Sasuke glared at Neji, but hid the thumbs up he was giving him. Lee was completely oblivious. Sasuke turned back to Lee. "Wonderful speech. Go into Parliment.
"Don't be angry, Uncle. Come dine with us tomorrow."
"I'll see you in Hell first."
"But why? Why, Uncle?" Lee cried.
"Why did you get married?" Sasuke asked.
"Because I fell in love." Lee answered.
"Because you fell in love? Good day!"
"You didn't come to see me before I married and you don't come to see me now!"
"Good day."
"I want nothing from you, I ask nothing of you. Why can't we be friends?" Lee asked disheartedly.
"Good day!"
"I'm sorry to find you so resolute Uncle. We've never had a quarrel to which I've been a party but I've made trial in homeage, and I'll keep my Christmas humor to the last, so a Merry Christmas, Uncle!"
"Good-day!"
"And a Happy New Year!"
"Good Day!" Sasuke yelled. Lee walked out of the office and slamed the door. Sasuke turned on Neji.
"And why are you smiling?" Neji sat as still as a stone, his usual look on his face.
"Will you just smile!?" Naruto yelled. Neji still just sat there. Naruto growled and threw a shoe at him. Sasuke did a mental victory dance. Neji pasted a smile on his face. "Now say that line again." Sasuke slumped.
"And why are you smiling? A clerk making your shellings with a wife and a house full of hungry children, saying 'Merry Christmas!' to anyone who walks through the door! I'll go into a insane asylum!"
"You need one." Neji said through clenched teeth. Sasuke stared. "What?"
"You can stop smiling now."
"Actually, I can't. It's stuck." There was silence.
"...So do we just go on, even with his face stuck like that?" Sasuke asked, turning to Naruto. Naruto was thumping his head against the wall.
"Just...Go...On..." Naruto ground out. "Church people!"
"Sasuke's and Gaara's I believe." Shino said to Kiba, walking through the office door. "Have I the pleasure of adressing Mr.Sasuke, or Mr.Gaara?"
"Mr.Gaara has been dead these seven years ago today. This very night." Sasuke said.
"But the sign-" Kiba started.
"Is perfectly good as it is, why buy another one?" Shino ignored the comment, and went straight to business.
"I'm sure that his liberality will be will represented by his surviving partner." Sasuke scowled.
"At this festive season, Mr.Sasuke," Kiba was trying very hard not to laugh. "It is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; Hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir." Kiba snickered. Naruto glared at him for all of two seconds before he continued banging his head on the wall.
"Are there no prisons?"
"Plenty of prisons." Shino answered.
"And the workhouses? Are they still in operation?" Sasuke demanded.
"They are. Still," Shino sighed. "I wish I could say they were not."
"So they are all operating?"
"Both very busy sir." Kiba said before going back to snickerng. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him.
"Kill him later. Lines now." Naruto growled.
"Oh! I was afraid from what you said at first, that something had occured to stop them in thier useful course," Sasuke said. "I'm very glad to hear it."
"But they hardly furnish Christian cheer to the multitude, Mr.Sasuke. That is why at this time of year a few of us endeavor to buy the poor some meat and drink and means of warmth. What shall we put you down for?" Shino asked.
"Nothing." Sasuke answered, going back to stamping papers.
"You wish to remain anonymous." Kiba said.
"I wish to be left alone! I can't afford to make ideal people merry! My business supports the prisons and the workhouses. They cost enough: and those who are poorly off must go there." Sasuke told him.
"Many can't go there. Many would rather die." Kiba said, suddenly serious. Sasuke blinked. Naruto growled.
"Then let them get on and do it, and decrease the surplus population." Sasuke answered. Shino and Kiba looked dissappointed and left the office. "This is so stupid." he muttered.
"You're telling me. I look rediculous." Neji said. His face was still stuck. He pulled at a loose thread on his brown jacket.
"Get on with it!" Naruto yelled.
"Alright, alright." they both..whined? Naruto twitched. There was silence.
"Oh for the love of- Orphans!" Naruto was on the verge of a break down, and they weren't even done with the first act.
"Noel, noel!" Konahamaru and his band of midgets sang. Sasuke grabbed a ruler off his desk and stomped torward the door. He threw open the door and started swinging the ruler, cackling insanely. Naruto just started. The orphans ran off screaming.Sasuke walked cheerfully bad to his desk.
"It'a almost time to be closing up." Sasuke said, frowning again.
"Yes, sir, so it is."
"I suppose you'll want all day off tomorrow?" Sasuke scowled.
"If it's quite convenient, sir." Neji answered.
"Well it's not quiet convenient," Sasuke lashed out at him. "If I were to dock you half a crown, you'd think yourself ill-used!"
"It's only once a year sir!"
"That's your excuse for picking my pocket every December 25th. If you have to have the day off fine, but be here all the earlier December 26th!" Sasuke yelled. Neji jumped up.
"Oh thank you sir! Thank you," Neji, grabed a gray scarf and hat off a coat rack by the door and put them on. "Merry- Good afternoon, sir!" Neji opened the door and walked out, his face still frozen.
"Someone fix Neji's face!" Naruto yelled. "Sasuke, you can go on now." Sasuke just stared. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT!!!!??????START ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Behind you."
"What do you mean behi-" Naruto turned around. "-...GAARA CUT IT OUT!!!!!!!" Gaara was bashing Lee's head in with his sand. "EVERYONE TAKE A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!"
Richi: Hope you liked the first chapter... R&R Please!