So I'm not quite sure where this is from, but I'm happy with it anyways. It's a little rough at some parts, I think, but I'm just glad to be writing again. *Shrugs*
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
The first time Blaine kisses Kurt, he is taken with just how soft his lips are, how smooth his hands feel against his cheek, and the only coherent thoughts he has are about Kurt and his lips and his hands and Oh my god why haven't we been doing this longer? It's wonderful and amazing, and leaves Blaine feeling light-headed and airy, numb with happiness and excitement and he can barely hear Kurt's answer over his own heartbeat (on a side note, he's amazed that he managed to make out a full sentence), but it doesn't really matter because then he's lunging for Kurt again and their lips meet and the world around them dims in importance. When they eventually break away (because they really do have to practice) the rest of the afternoon is filled with shy smiles and flirtatious glances, and neither one of them is admitting that they're practically living from kiss to kiss, unable to stay away from each other for too long.
And that's how their relationship is, at least at the very beginning. Being boyfriends doesn't change too many aspects of their dynamic with each other, partly because Blaine was always so touchy- feely all the time, but it does bring the realization that hey, suddenly it's okay for them to hold hands and stare at each other when they think that the other isn't looking, and it's definitely okay for spontaneous kisses, whether they're in the car or in the hallways or right outside Kurt's home.
Of course, they're relationship hits a few bumps along the way, like anyone else's. They fight and say things they regret to each other, like when Kurt transfers back to McKinley, or during the whole Junior prom outfit issue, but it's always okay in the end, because then there's understanding and make-up kisses, and in Blaine's opinion, Kurt's soft lips and smooth hands could probably solve any of their problems. And Blaine's perfectly willing to undergo any drama and fighting, as long as Kurt's on the other side waiting for him, because, in the end, they're always okay. They're still Blaine and Kurt, best friends first, which is why, in practically everyone's opinion, they manage to last the entire summer and all of Kurt's Senior year, the longest relationship of McKinley, second only to Mike and Tina's.
There is one tiny hitch in their perfect relationship, one that's in the back of their minds no matter how many times they try and deny it.
There's the fact that Kurt's graduating. To NYADA. To New York. And leaving Ohio, and subsequently, Blaine.
Oh, they've talked about it a few times. They even had a fight about it when Kurt was submitting applications, and another right around graduation time. But they're always putting it off, denying the inevitable, desperate for summer kisses and lazy afternoons together, where they can believe that neither one of them has to leave the other, ever.
Until they can't anymore. Because it's suddenly August again, and there's no more time for soft kisses anymore. And Kurt's leaving for the bright shining lights of New York, while Blaine's still stuck in Ohio, cursed still from a Sadies Hawkins dance that refuses to leave him alone, despite that it's been so long. It really isn't fair for either of them, because Blaine should be packing his bags and leaving for New York with Kurt. It's a cruel trick of fate, and an accident that he tries to downplay too often.
Oddly enough, they don't fight while Kurt's packing up his life and booking plane tickets. There are tears and promises that they know that they can't be guaranteed to keep, but there's also an understanding. There are sad looks and bittersweet kisses, but Blaine still clings to hope, because Kurt's lips are still as soft as ever, and a small part of him is still firm in the belief that the two of them could survive anything. But the rational, thinking side of him knows that that isn't true, and he knows that Kurt knows it too.
It's a mutual decision that leaves the two of them in tears. Blaine plays into the ambitious side of Kurt, saying that he doesn't want to keep him back, and even though Kurt argues a little with him, they both internally agree. They spend a last night together, and Blaine's there at the terminal with Kurt's family, sending him off with a last, lingering kiss, desperate to make it last, and then desperate for something to remember. There are tears in both of their eyes when they part, but Blaine's promised himself that he won't cry, and he knows that Kurt's done the same thing. He waves Kurt off with a smile, trying to mask the fact that his heart's breaking and suppressing every urge he has to run after him.
Burt pats him on the back as they leave the airport, and Blaine leans into the touch a little. Carole squeezes his hand as they walk, and Blaine's thankful for them, for being there and understanding.
There are no real noticeable changes in Blaine, except for around his close friends. There's a slump in his walk and bags under his eyes. He starts to care less and less about his physical appearance, so a scruff starts to become an everyday thing on his face, and he forgoes bowties and bright colors, because they cause him to remember and it just hurts too much.
Surprisingly enough, it's Tina who manages to get him out of his slump. He'd grown close to the Asian girl, as both of them had been able to relate with their boyfriends leaving for college. The only difference is that Tina and Mike are still together, because Mike's rich enough to fly back every so often, and their parents don't have any real issue with them. Blaine doesn't want to burden Kurt with the costs of flying back, and the Andersons aren't willing to fund any trips between the two of them. Still, Blaine's thankful for Tina too, who lets him crash at her house when things at home are too much and he needs a place to stay that doesn't remind him too much of Kurt. If it weren't for her, and Blaine's thought this over plenty of times, he's pretty sure he'd be sleeping in the park every few nights, because even though the Hummels constantly express that their home is open to him, it's still to raw and fresh and painful.
"Would you take a good look at yourself, Blaine?" she asks one day while he's at her house. She gets up from in front of her laptop and strides over to the corner, where he's been holding a small pity party for himself while Mike and Tina held a Skype date. He looks up from his homework and she pulls him to his feet, dragging him in front of her full length mirror.
"Why?" he asks roughly, combing some of his curls out of his eyes. He's let his hair grow out a bit more, and uses less and less gel every day, so some curls are springing free and giving him a half put-together look. "I'm fine," he says, smiling at her in the mirror.
Tina looks at him pityingly, and Blaine knows he hasn't fooled her. She sits him down in her chair and stands behind him, combing his hair and he finally lets himself break down. She lets him sit like that, hunched over and crying, and eventually pulls over another chair and sits next to him, hugging him and rubbing his back. He's pretty sure she got the finger-combing thing from Kurt at some point, because that was always able to calm him down, but Tina's fingers aren't soft like Kurt's and he can't find the same comfort in the action like he used too. Still, he's grateful for her attempt and manages to stop crying, so they're just sitting there in silence together for a while, until Tina stands up and kneels in front of him.
"Feel better?" she asks softly, grabbing a few tissues and drying his tears.
"Loads," he answers, voice still scratchy from crying.
She nods and adds, "It's okay to still hurt, you know?" Blaine smiles weakly at her and waits for the "but." She doesn't fail to deliver.
"But you can't keep doing this to yourself."
"How?" he asks, and the tone in his voice is so sad and hopeless that Tina almost feels her heart break. She persists on, however, because she's got a plan in mind. And if Blaine had been listening to her at all during her Skype conversation with Mike (and she knows he wasn't) he would have at least gotten an idea of it.
If what Mike's been telling her is true, and she doesn't doubt her boyfriend, but she does doubt Rachel sometimes, Kurt isn't fairing too well on his own in New York either. So the two of them (three of them, really. Rachel was there a few times) have been scheming together, trying to find a way to get their two friends out of their misery.
Rachel had suggested that they both try moving on and finding new people to date, that plan hasn't really been working. Sure, Tina was able to finally get Blaine to put on real clothes and look presentable everyday now, but every time she tried to set him up with someone (not that there were many people to set him up with) he always managed to avoid dates, creating excuses for himself. And she's heard plenty a story from Mike about disastrous attempts for Kurt as well, so all three of them decide to nix that idea off the list.
Which really only leaves one other option: Find a way to get them back together.
Tina pulls him in front of the mirror again, keeping a hand on his back to support him. She rubs his shoulder soothingly. "Look at yourself, honey."
Blaine looks towards the mirror, and accepts what he's been trying to deny for so long. In addition to the scruffiness and the dark circles, he's lost a lot of weight now, the black button up and grey jeans he's wearing are sagging and fluttering around his thinner frame. He clears his throat.
"I- I know what you're saying, Tina," he says, glancing down because he doesn't want to stare at the mirror anymore. "But- but I- I don't know how."
Tina smiles at him hopefully, gently gripping his shoulders and making eye contact in the mirror. "Well, the first thing we need to do," she says, a business-like tone in her voice, "is get you cleaned up. You need to shave and get a haircut. And then we're going shopping."
He stares at her confusedly in the mirror before turning and looking at her. "Why?" he asks curiously.
"Because," she says, ruffling his hair a little, "You're coming to New York with Finn and me for NYADA's Winter break."
They leave two days after Christmas.
Blaine isn't truly on board with the idea of going to New York yet, but Mike played the guilt card, saying that he already bought tickets for three, and Tina went and charmed his parents, who were already a little eager to get him out of the house, wanting to avoid awkward business dinner with their still moping son.
He's gotten a haircut, starts regularly shaving again, and expands his wardrobe to include brighter colors that he had given up wearing after Kurt. He knows Tina's plan, and he's tried arguing with Tina, saying that Kurt's probably miles ahead of him now, and that he really has no right to go barging back in on him and his New York dreams, but Tina only smiles sadly at him and tells him to trust her. There's a look in her eyes that he can't quite describe yet, so he does, for lack of any other option.
The second they touch down in New York and exit the airport, Blaine can feel himself start to change a little. It's probably just the excitement of New York, of the snow and the lights and the adrenaline that seems to be pumping through the streets, but he can't help but hope that maybe, this trip won't be as bad as he thinks it will be. Maybe he'll actually have fun on this trip, enjoy his time with his friends and celebrate being together.
And maybe, they won't even see Kurt. Or, even better, maybe he will see him, and that will be the last thing Blaine needs to finally move on. So this trip may even be beneficial to him.
Of course, that all goes down the drain once Blaine actually sees Kurt.
He's in the college coffee shop, trying to give the two happy couples some alone time together. In hindsight, he really should have thought this through, because it's coffee and both he and Kurt are self- confessed coffee addicts, so what did he really expect?
He doesn't say walk over and say hello. He's not really sure he can. His heart is suddenly pounding away at his throat and his stomach's dropped so far that it's a miracle, really, that he can still feel the butterflies in it. He hides behind in book and simply observes, because, as a good ex- boyfriend, that's really what he should do. He should let Kurt be happy and move on and try to avoid seeing him for the rest of his trip in New York. Avoid hanging out with Finn and Rachel and stay with Mike and Tina, or maybe go out on his own a lot.
The only flaw in this plan, however, is that Kurt isn't happy. And Blaine can tell. Because it may have been five months already, but Blaine's pretty sure he still knows Kurt's inner workings like the back of his hand, and still knows exactly what Kurt does when he's sad or moping.
Because Kurt's hair isn't as perfectly coiffed as it should be, and his eyes seem a little more dull than usual. And Blaine could chalk that up to wishful thinking or the idea that college courses are just getting to Kurt, but there's also the fact that Kurt's outfit doesn't even match or flow together like it usually does. Or maybe it's because Kurt's lacking the confidence needed to pull it off.
Still, Blaine doubts himself, because parts of him still think that he could just be reading too much into the situation, and Kurt's probably just perfectly fine without him and is probably just a little tired from partying or studying, so he hides. And makes the decision to come to this coffee shop at this exact time the next day, just in case.
And the next day, and the next day, and the next day. He still can't come to a decision of what to do, even though he's consulted Tina, Mike, Finn, and even Rachel, and they've all given him the same answer: To go for it.
It's the closing hour for the coffee shop on New Year's Eve. Kurt hasn't shown up at all today, and Blaine just about to leave and salvage what he can of the evening with the others, when the bell at the entrance tinkles, and Kurt walks in, even as the barista, who was just about to close up, gives him a look that clearly says that she's not going to make him any coffee.
There's a fire back in Kurt's eyes and he fires a fierce glare back at her, daring her to kick him out. She relents, and he strides over and sits across from Blaine, who had gone rigid in his seat.
"You know," Kurt says conversationally, voice just as perfect as Blaine remembers it, "you've come here every day for the past five days, but you haven't said so much as a word to me?"
Blaine sits there, still stiff, fighting every urge he has to lunge over and kiss Kurt until he can't remember why they broke up or even his own name. The barista looks pointedly at the clock before staring at him, mouthing "fifteen minutes" very obviously. He nods as slowly as he can, trying to stall.
He sits for another moment, trying to assemble is jagged thoughts. "I-" he swallows thickly, "I didn't know what to say." His eyes meet Kurt's, which are still the same shade of blue-grey-green that he remembers, and he grips the edge of the table.
"A 'hello' would be a good start," Kurt replies, but his eyes are soft and his tone isn't condescending in the slightest. He's wearing an amused smile on his face, but his eyes have a hint of sadness in them
Blaine's composed himself enough to slide a charming grin on his face, the same as the one he gave Kurt the first day they met. It's his defense mechanism, a mask to hide the chaos that he's feeling inside. "Of course," he says, and his voice is a well-practiced smooth, "how are you, Kurt?" His voice breaks a little on the name, and he curses himself, because he knows Kurt will notice.
And Kurt does, of course, because he's Kurt and he knows Blaine just as well as Blaine knows Kurt. And suddenly, Kurt's sitting right next to him, amused smile gone and he's just Kurt. Blaine feels his own mask cracking at the edges until it's gone as well. So they're both a little too raw, a little too open, and yeah, maybe a little too passionate and desperate for each other in the next moment, but neither one of them really care. It's a split second in reality, but in their world, it's an eternity like that, staring into each other's eyes as Kurt answers him.
"I've been miserable," he says, voice barely above a whisper and Blaine has to strain to hear it.
Blaine lunges for him, grinning when he feels Kurt kiss him back. His hands are braced against the table and Kurt's chair and Kurt's tangled one hand in his curls and another on his face, pulling him closer. Both of them sigh at the feeling of each other, but neither one of them, deep down, are actually really surprised.
Because if it hadn't happened this way, it would have happened when Kurt traveled back for Spring break. Or when the New Directions got to Nationals again. Or when Blaine visited over the summer with his family. Or when he was moving into his own dorm at NYADA. This is what has really been inevitable, and the five months apart have just been a short blip on the radar. An experience they both needed, but was never going to last.
However, Blaine can't shake the feeling that there's something different this time. Oh no, his feelings are still very much the same, and he's pretty sure Kurt's are too, but there's something that wasn't there before. It suddenly hits him, and he pulls back from Kurt in shock.
"Your lips are chapped," he says, as if that's the most astonishing thing on the planet. Kurt's expression changes, so instead of looking blissed out, he's looking at Blaine like he's lost his mind.
Blaine continues anyways, pulling Kurt's hand from his face and holding it in his own. "And your hands are dry," he exclaims in the same tone. And they are, little cracks even appearing on the knuckles from the sharp New York wind.
"And you've developed a scruff and decided to forgo the hair gel," Kurt replies, still staring at Blaine incredulously. "Five months apart and that's the first thing you notice?" he teases lightly.
"N-no! I- I just mean," Blaine looks down embarrassedly, a slow blush creeping up his cheeks. "No it's just that- that before," he says, glancing up at Kurt, "I always noticed how soft your lips and hands were. From our very first kiss, even." Kurt has an unreadable expression in his face, and Blaine hurries to continue, convinced that he's probably freaked Kurt out or something. "I- I know; it's kind of silly to notice that, and you can tease me all you want-"
He's cut off by a soft kiss from Kurt. When they part, Kurt looks at him and smiles wryly. "I haven't been doing much kissing without you here. No reason for hand lotion or chap stick."
"Same," Blaine says faintly.
They sit for their remaining time in the coffee shop, catching up with each other, and picking up right where they left off. The barista kicks them out with a smile, urging them to go and enjoy New York before the New Year.
*Shrugs* yeah so… that's that. I hope you enjoyed!
Review please?