I've changed this to be separate to Falling In and Out of Love. This will be a prequel for it.

Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, but I do want Syaoran… -drools-

Realisations

Chapter 1: Reminiscing

A pale skinned girl with shoulder length auburn hair sat curled up in her comfy bed, listening to the familiar sounds of pitter patter outside; as the rain began to silently pour over the small streets of Tomeda. She relaxed her shoulders into the bed and had just closed her eyes for a minute when she heard the familiar beeping sounds of her cell phone.

"…aww sorry my sweet cherry, I gotta go sleep now. T.T I wanted to stay up late to be with you but apparently im not very good at staying up late. Just wanted to say good night and sweet dreams I love you hug your love, forever, Ritsu."

After staring at the txt for a while, deep in thought, she sighed as she began to reply….

"Its okay, you should sleep anyways, you need as much beauty sleep as you can get P lolz just joking, your beautiful cough. Haha anyways, good night to you too XD. Txt you tmrw."

With a quick press of a button, she sent the txt before throwing her cellphone onto her bed, quickly losing it in her jumble of blankets. Sighing to herself again, she started to ruffle her hair.

"Oh my God, what is wrong with me?" she thought confusedly, "Shouldn't I be replying with an "I love you too" or anything?" "Why do I feel nothing when he says all this sweet stuff to me?" I felt a sudden pang of guilt. "Why isn't my heart racing like it's supposed to… He's my Goddamn boyfriend for God's sake."

Sighing again, she fell back onto her bed. "When did this start… when did my stomach stop feeling butterflies, when did my heart stop racing, where'd it all go?" Questions filled her mind as she suddenly felt really guilty; each realization was like a stab in the heart.

She couldn't keep lying to him like this… it… wasn't right.

"He deserves better than this" she thought to herself as she kept on thinking.

"I can't believe I'm breaking my promise… I promised I wouldn't be those girls who fall out of love so quickly. Yet here I am, dying from guilt." She said, once again sighing.

She felt like such a bitch.

"Or maybe, this is just a phase I'm going through, I'm sure I still care a little about him, I just need to find a way to trigger this feeling to come back." She started thinking. "Maybe I do love him, and I just don't… know it, that's all." She thought hopefully, the girl's bright emerald orbs started to shine in hope. Then her large eyes glazed over.

"Oh who am I kidding myself?" She said frustrated, before forcing herself to stop thinking and sleep.

But she couldn't, instead she spent the night tossing and turning, guilt running through her mind all through the night until, somehow she managed to fall into a deep sleep.

"Saa-kuuu-raaa… my sweet, sweet cherry blossom. Why don't you love me anymore? Is it because of another guy? Or am I not good enough for you… why'd you leave me… you were my first love. I opened my heart to you; you were the only one I could trust. I gave you everything I had to offer… I loved you so much yet you felt nothing back. You're selfish, how could you hurt me like this… whyyyy - - -"

With a jolt, Sakura Kinomoto woke up with a start. Sweat trickling down her forehead as she slowly sat up, breathing heavily. Her heart was beating so hard it nearly hurt. She felt tears prickle her large emerald eyes.

She glanced at her clock. 5:40am. "Joy…" She thought to herself as she got out of bed and went into her bathroom, which was adjoined to her bedroom, and quickly splashed some cold water to her face. She relished the feeling of the ice cold water on her flushed cheeks.

This was becoming a common ritual.

Sakura stood there, staring into the large mirror while trying to recall her latest installment of her greatly vivid dream about Ritsu. It wasn't the first she'd had, and definitely not the last.

Each time, the dream was more intense, more real than ever. It scared her. But this was only her dreams. Ritsu wasn't this dramatic in real life, plus he still hasn't realised that my feelings for him were gone. At least, not yet.

She looked into her large mirror again, once again lost in thought. How did it start? When did I fall for him? When did he change…?

Sakura's POV

I had fallen for Ritsu Nakumi first. He was tall, lean with a slight tan. His hair was a dark brownish colour. He was sweet, smart and funny, but it was his intense silvery gray eyes that first caught my attention.

From then on, I started to notice him more, and even started to talk to him. At first, talking to him was difficult, since he was quite a quiet and shy person. But slowly, he started to open up to me. Then he started to occupy my mind.

I gave him my email address; and from then on we started to talk more, slowly at first, but then finally sending about 20 emails or so in one day. Each email was long and detailed, talking about life, homework and what ever else that just so happened to pop into our minds. I learnt about his life, and he learnt about mine.

The highlight of my day was usually when I turned on my laptop and opened my inbox to find a familiar email sitting in there, waiting for me to open it. My heart would start pounding at its irregular beat, as I opened the email in anticipation, for what awaited me.

I would spend hours, on my laptop, from light to dark, just sending him email after email. Sometimes, I nearly forgot to do my homework. But I didn't mind, it was worth it talking to him.

I consulted my best friend Tomoyo Daidouji, about the situation.

When she had first found out about Ritsu, she had squealed in delight so loudly, it nearly broke my ear drums.

About my situation? Although she was deeply excited about me hooking up with someone, she told me, that I should keep being friends with him until the time was right. So, that I was sure he was the guy for me.

oOoOoOoOo

Discovering instant messaging was like a dream come true.

Finally no more, "press send" then realizing that you forgot to put "to who", then pressing back and realised your long email, was gone.

No more urges to kill my laptop when my email thing doesn't send, then I press the back button only to realise it had completely erased email. And to make it worse, it was an EXTRA long one.

No more, waiting ages for a reply, while starting to panic and letting my imagination run wild, imagining he was busy with some voluptuous blonde chick, when in reality he had only fallen asleep.

From then on, I seemed to spend even MORE time talking to him (if that was possible). Every night, I would just go on and talk to him.

My life suddenly seemed to revolve around him. When I wasn't thinking of him, I was probably talking to him. I had no idea my feelings would start to pull me in so deep, but I didn't mind. I liked it.

I honestly thought that I loved him; I couldn't imagine spending a day without him. That was how deep my feelings were.

Thinking back about it now, I realised just how childish I was. I mean seriously, love?

The only time we'd talk was on msn. In real life, it was always me TRYING to make him talk to me. But it was difficult since he was naturally I quiet person.

I remember the day when I had finally come up with the guts to tell him how I felt. After many long nights of debating with myself, and consulting many of my closest friends, I decided I just couldn't hide my feelings from him anymore.

It was too agonizing. My heart would always race whenever he said sweet things unconsciously. All I wanted to do was to tell him how much I loved him, but I was too afraid of loosing our friendship that took me months to build up. Plus there was still the chance that I would be rejected. Just like that.

I consulted Tomoyo about this, but all she did was laugh.

"Of course he likes you silly." She said, her amethyst orbs glittering brightly. "I mean, look at the way he looks at you, with such a soft, loving gaze."

"He totally likes you." She said, once again giggling her usual giggle.

"I don't know…." I started, but then Tomoyo interrupted.

"What have you got to lose? Just confess to the poor guy already." Tomoyo said reassuringly.

"Hmmm, how about a good friend, my dignity, my reputation, my…. Wait… I have no reputation. Okay scratch the last one. But seriously, what if things go totally awkward?" I asked nervously.

"Saku-chan…. You're getting waaay too pessimistic here. Think of your situation with the glass half full. He likes you. And you know it." She said in her as a-matter-of-factly voice.

"What do you mean I know it? I KNOW NOTHING!! Honestly, the chances of him. Liking ME. As more than a friend… hahahahaha yeah that'll be the day." I said sarcastically.

"You're in D-E-N-I-A-L Sakura. Besides what guy wouldn't fall in love with your KAWAIINESS Saku-chan." She said, making a weird face.

"More like being scared away by my weirdness…." I said rolling my eyes.

"Okay…so you're a LITTLE weird," (HEY! Don't agree with me!) "but that's not enough to scare a guy away…"

"Let's hope so." I said sticking my tongue out at Tomoyo before walking off to my next class.

oOoOoOoOo

After my conversation with Tomoyo, I started thinking. Could it be true, that he really likes me? Nah no way, now I'm just being WAY too full of myself. There's no way that could happen. I mean, life isn't like the manga books. Chances of him liking me as more than a friend, is low. But still… there was still a tiny, tiny chance, somewhere, that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance.

With that, my thoughts were once again filled with, him. I thought about our friendship, and about my feelings. How had my feelings grown so deep? I have no idea. It just grew, and grew, and it felt like it would never stop.

I honestly thought that I was in love. I was blinded, by my emotions.

Everything I did was done in impulse. It's amazing how much your feelings do to control your every move. Even though my brain was thinking all these consequences of the future, all my heart could do was pound, swoon and attempt to jump out of my chest every time I saw Ritsu.

The day I decided to confess, I honestly thought my life would suddenly have a brighter light to it. As if having a boyfriend would change my life dramatically. I had always dreamt of having a boyfriend. I mean who doesn't? (boys don't count… unless you're….different) I dreamt of my first date, somewhere romantic but cheap, my first kiss, a soft and gentle peck on the lips, and my first words of "I love You…" I wanted them all to be…special.

I mean, who wouldn't?

After trying to get him alone for quite some time that day, I managed to drag him into a deserted corridor, overlooking the school field and everyone else down there, unconscious about what was going to happen.

We walked in awkward silence for a while, with me trying to fill the emptiness with random attempts at making conversation. Finally when I was pretty sure we were alone, I started. "Um…. Err…. I have something I need to tell y---" I was cut off suddenly by the loud shouts of a few guys running through the corridors.

After waiting a while, and making sure that there were no more random guys, I started again. "Anyways….as I was saying. I have something I've wanted to tell you for a very long ti---" I stopped abruptly as a large group girls walked past us, some of them I recognized. They were talking about some hot guy playing soccer downstairs or something.

ARGHHH… Goddammit! Stop interrupting me you random people! I thought angrily to myself. I looked at the locker in front of me, sitting there innocently even though it had just witnessed my hardships. Suddenly I was VERY tempted to punch it….

I calmed myself down. Okay, stay strong, you've gone this far already… don't give up! I thought positively to myself. But wait, what if all these random interruptions are a sign…. That I shouldn't confess or something?! Arghhh!! …wait no… Sakura, you're overreacting. You're a strong girl. Just get it over and done with.

"Um… Ritsu… the thing is……." I trailed off; Ritsu looked into my eyes with a confused expression.

"Yes?" he asked.

"….okay… for a long time now, I've been feeling something. Something strange… and I finally realised what it is…"

"…I…reallylikeyouasmorethanafriend!" I said quickly in one breath.

I lowered my gaze and stared at the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut as if expecting a loud rejection from Ritsu, but there was nothing. Slowly, I lifted my gaze and looked towards Ritsu. His face was red, and he looked speechless.

"Ahhh…well... you don't need to answer what I just said…I just wanted to tell you my feeling, that's all….." I started nervously.

"Anyways, why don't we go find the others, I bet they're worried by now…-" I said while I turned away and started to walk out of the corridor. Suddenly a hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me backwards.

I looked up, blushing like crazy as I realised his hands were wrapped around my waist.

"Whaa--" I swear, my face was so red I probably looked like a tomato.

"…Sakura, I'm sorry I didn't say anything before. Truth is... I've liked you for so long. I just never had the guts to tell you how I felt." My stomach was fluttering like crazy and my heart was racing at 100km/h (if that was even possible.)

"..I…uh…" I stuttered as I struggled to find the right words.

OMG worst time for my brain to suddenly die on me, come on Sakura, think of something smart and charming to say. HE LIKES YOU!

Before I could say another word, he interrupted.

"Sakura, will you be my girlfriend?" staring me straight in the eyes with his grey orbs. I stopped and pretended to think, then laughed and said

"hmmm… I'll have to think about it..." while poking my tongue out and blushing like mad.

"Yes of course, silly." I quickly said, smiling back.

When we finally got back to our friends, our faces were flushed and Tomoyo eyed me suspiciously.

"Okay… SPILL!" Tomoyo shouted.

"Wait, wait, wait…." I said shushing Tomoyo as the others eyed me and Tomoyo weirdly.

"Ahhh… Tomoyo-chan… lets take a nice walk. See you guys later!" I said quickly before dragging Tomoyo off behind a building towards the cluster of cherry blossom trees.

As soon as I reached the sanctuary of the cherry blossom trees in full blossom with Tomoyo dragged behind me. I immediately breathed in a deep breath and fell to the trunk of the cherry blossom tree with Tomoyo sitting beside me. I turned to Tomoyo, my face was shining. I couldn't stop grinning. And I could see from the look in Tomoyo's eyes, she didn't need to ask about the end result.

Tomoyo squealed loudly, "I KNEW IT!!"

"Aiya... Tomoyo, you're gonna kill my ears…" I said sweat dropping.

"Sorry, sorry, but I just knew it would happen!" She said excitedly. Then suddenly her face fell. "CRAP!" She yelled.

"What's wrong?" I asked confused.

"I wasn't there to video tape it! SAKU-CHAN's FIRST CONFESSION! …nooooooooo…." She said dramatically while having a genuinely sad look on her face. I sweat dropped.

Suddenly she turned around and stared at me with an evil glint like the ones when she found out about 50 discounts at some clothes store.

"I wanna hear the details!" she said excited again. Man Tomoyo sure has a lot of different emotions. I leaned back onto the trunk of the cherry blossom tree and watched as the soft, velvety petals fell from the tree, one by one, before starting.

Tomoyo listened intently as I told her the story, and even squealed a few more times.

"He said WHAT?!" She shouted. "OMGSH I knew this would happen. This is just perfect Saku-chan, you and Ritsu will be like the perfect couple." She said grinning like mad.

When I had first heard Tomoyo say that, I honestly thought it could be true. I trusted my feelings so much; I believed they would never falter. Little did I know, things never stay the same for long, even as much as you try to stop it from changing, you just can't stop time, and you can't stop your emotions…?

XxXxX

A/N: whoa, I never expected the chapter to be THIS long, I mean sure 3 or 4 pages but….7? Word Count: 2900!!! O Okay, now your all probably thinking. What the, WHERE'S SYAORAN? And some may even find that Sakura is being mean. Hopefully by the next chapters or so, things will get clearer? I'll probably talk more about Ritsu, and his personality and stuff in the next chapters or so.

And don't worry; this will end up to be an SxS fic….I hope…. (Don't kill me!)

Besides, this is my first fanfic; it may stray from the plot.

ANYWAYS… constructive critism is needed! Tone down on the flames please, as I would like to keep writing in the future, and it doesn't help to have people hate your stories…. TT

Tell me if the plot makes sense or if it's just plain…random.

Thanks

RomanceFr3ak