A/N: I'm a crazy lover of HijiMitsu (next to OkiKagu) and wished the fandom was bigger ;A; Well, here's another contribution.
Hijikata may seem like a cold person, but really, he is far from that.
It was the time for spring cleaning. All the Shinsengumi members were to clean their living quarters and dispose things they don't need anymore.
The demonic vice-commander opened his closet. There was geeky anime stuff from when he was Tosshi. Shivering, he put them in a cardboard box. Since Tosshi was put to rest already, there was no way that he would turn into that weak alternative self.
After that out, a shoebox covered in dust came into view. Hijikata smiled lightly as he lit up a cigarette. Ah, memories.
Taking it out of the closet, he lifted the lid. Inside were an empty mayonnaise bottle, some pictures, and letters. These were all the things Mitsuba gave him.
He could still remember how he ran out of mayonnaise and Mitsuba had offered hers. It was kind of silly to keep it to the naked eye. But he really treasured it. It was the first 'gift' that he ever received from anyone.
Rummaging through the box, he took out the photos. Some were candid shots of Mitsuba that Kondo had taken. She looked like an angel from any angle. She was graceful in everything she did.
In one of the pictures, he was in the background while Mitsuba was playing with Sougo. Damn, Kondo caught me looking at Mitsuba.
After scanning through several more, his heart skipped a beat as one of the photos showed him and Mitsuba sitting on the porch. There were fireflies around them. She was smiling and he… looked like a lovesick idiot. Damn it, I wish I was at least smiling a little, not blushing and trying to frown or something.
Putting the pictures into a pile, he took out the letters next. Most of them said happy birthday. Ah, that's right. I always loved receiving letters on my birthday. Mitsuba always sends it a little earlier so I would get it on time.
He opened one of them and traced her writing.
"Toshiro-san, otanjoubi omedetou. Please take care of Sou-chan in my absence." it said.
He opened another.
"Toshiro-san, otanjoubi omedetou! I am going to visit the Shinsengumi in a few days' time. I'll bring over some senbei and perhaps we could catch up over a cup of tea?"
Sighing, he remembered reading that letter. He wanted her to be happy and he knew he was far from the ideal gentleman. So he snuck out early with Yamazaki before she arrived.
"Toshiro-san, otanjoubi omedetou!" another letter said. Che, she writes the same thing every year. Not that I mind though…
"I have great news!" the letter continued. "I have found a fiancé. He lives in Edo. I am so happy he would take the hand of such an old lady like me. I'm going to Edo in a few days. I hope to see you this time."
Even now, Toshiro's chest tightened. It was shocking to him when he first read it though he wanted her to marry a person who could give her the happiness she deserved. Who would've known that was the last time he would see her?
He refolded the letters and placed it all in the box along with the photos and mayo bottle. Placing the box back in the closet, he took out a piece of paper and started writing.
"Dear Mitsuba," was all he got after 5 minutes of sitting in front of a blank piece of paper.
Wracking his brain for another 15 minutes, he decided to just write whatever came to his mind.
"I was doing spring cleaning today and found a box where I kept all your letters. I wish I was courageous enough to face you and properly thank you. You made me extremely happy every year, though I don't really show it. I know it was bad of me to avoid you when you visit, but please understand I only wanted you to forget me and be happy. I know I can't be the one who can provide you with happiness with the sword-holding man that I am. If we were together and I died in one of the missions, you would be stricken with grief. I didn't want that to happen, so I decided to push you away."
He twirled the pen in his hand and looked out. It was dusk now. The sky was painted with a light red and orange.
"I always think about the times where we walked home together in the sunset after buying groceries. Those moments were the happiest time of my life. Your golden hair glowed in the rays of the setting sun. Your eyes sparkling with joy when we talked. Those are the moments I miss the most."
Hijikata sighed and propped his head up with his hand.
"I wish I had written this sooner so you could read it. Mitsuba, I…"
He couldn't write it. He felt embarrassed to put down the words 'I love you'. Knitting his eyebrows together, he crumbled the letter and threw it in the garbage.
Lighting another cigarette to calm his nerves, he stared out at the sunset. How stupid of me. It's not like you can read the letter anyway.
The black-haired vice-commander walked towards the opened shoji screen and sat down leaning against it. He let out a puff of smoke.
"Mitsuba, I'll always love you," he quietly whispered, staring at the red sky.