"In this thrilling best-seller written by Remembrance-of-Appa, Iroh and Asami discover their love for each other in an unexpected way. This scroll-inducer is on a level of it's own, and is bound to make you wish for more!"
JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS, THIS IS A JOKE. I said I was going to make a spoof of Fifty Shades of Grey since that's the book of the year and EVERYONE loves it, and gosh dangit I'm not gonna' look at myself and see a liar. That, and this fandom is WAY to crazy right now, and needs some comic relief. Rated NC-17 or M or whatever-the-hell-it-is-writers-use-on-the-internet for adult scenarios and controversial symbolism.
To those in the Legend of Korra fandom, who need to take a chill-pill and relax…
It was a warm summer evening, and Iroh II was resting in his bed on the S.S Dancing Dragon, which was currently docked in Yue Bay. The bed was big enough for two, but Iroh was happy to have enough space for his glorious buttocks to breathe. His eyes were as gold as element number seventy-nine. With every breath, his mountainous chest seemed to rise and fall like the sun itself.
A sudden *TWING-WING-WING-WING-WING-WING* echoed through the halls of the ship as the result of a historical Fire Nation shield being knocked off it's pedestal. The sound immediately awakened Iroh, who had been dreaming of a beautiful woman, who spoke to him about being turned into the sun.
"WHO'S THERE?" questioned Iroh as he rose from his bed, entirely naked. His exposed staff hung like a slain Dragon. It was as if an actual Dragon was dangling from his body. He threw on a robe, and dashed down the hall.
Iroh swiftly moved through the hall, and eventually found the cause of the disturbance.
A beautiful young woman dressed in red, whose ocean-drenched hair resembled Steven Tyler's.
"I'm…I'm so sorry. I didn't me-"
"How did you get on my ship?" Iroh questioned.
At this moment, Iroh didn't care at all. Her hips were like twinkies, which were just BEGGING to be nibbled on in hopes of tasting their creamy filling. Her eyes were an ocean. Her breasts were ALSO an ocean. They were like fresh watermelons glued to an Elementary School desk.
"I was-"
The woman looked down towards Iroh's dragon. She noticed that it was growing stiff, like a teenage-girl trying to plank for her hipster friends online.
"General Iroh, is that a banana in your pocket, or an ERECTION in your pocket?"
Iroh blushed as he looked down at his raging dragon, climbing out of its cave in seek of a mate.
"I…I-I-I-I-I…"
The woman felt her inner-goddess drooling as a response to her hunger for Iroh's ass. He was FINE, like French dining. He was like French dining that was so fine, you had to make a reservation four months in advance in order to feast.
"Don't worry, it's okay. My name is Asami, and I'm about to become your lover. If that's okay."
Iroh replied, astonished, "Y-…Your lover? But I'm married to my work, Asami. I…"
"You will soon be married to my secret tunnel," said Asami. "Soon you will go through the mountain, into my secret tunnel."
Iroh didn't know what to say. He slowly took grasp of her hand, and lead her to his sleeping quarters which he had so previously abandoned.
She pushed him onto the bed, and the star-crossed ember island players began to breed.
Asami tied him to the bed with nearby towels, to constrict him like an Unagi preying on an Elephant-Koi. She tore off his robe, and revealed Iroh's pulsating dragon.
"You have a beautiful dragon, Iroh." She firmly grasped it, leading Iroh to let out a gasp.
"Why…why have you tied me down to my own bed. I…"
"Shhhhhhh," Asami whispered. "Your dragon looks hungry, and I'm going to feed it."
Iroh gulped, and let out a deep sigh. "Oh-…okay Asami. But keep it down, there are troops on this ship."
"Don't you worry about that." Asami treated Iroh's dragon like a brand new Shake Weight, and shook it rapidly. Asami knew that if she went on for too long, her badgermole's hunger would never be satisfied. She slowed her roll, but continued long enough to push Iroh to the upper-most peak. "Say it." she said.
"S-…S-S-S-S-Say what Asami?"
Asami looked at him angrily. "Oh THERE'S a big surprise!" she said sarcastically. "That's an incredi-…I think I'm gonna' have a heart attack and DIE, from not-surprise!"
Iroh was confused, but was more concerned with the fact that a glorious badgermole rested slightly above his throbbing dragon.
"Now, say it."
"Sa-…" Iroh now understood what she was talking about.
Embarrassing really. It had happened a few years ago, and somehow the entire world knew about it.
The Honor Hour.
Asami lowered her starving badgermole onto Iroh's dragon, causing Iroh to squirm with delight. Like he had just eating a nice warm bowl of Flame-O Instant Noodles — the Noodliest Noodles in the United Republic. Her warm badgermole reminded him of those noodles — warm, juicy, and an off-beige color that was sort of weird if it wasn't on something that should be that color, but all around wasn't that bad a color.
She gyrated smoothly, dancing with his dragon as if they were one. Her breasts floated like a Fire Nation War-Balloon. Iroh longed for them, but alas, he was tied to the bed.
As she picked up the pace, Asami and her bed-bound lover felt their warmth trying to erupt from the caves within.
"Asami, I…I…"
"SAY IT!" She yelled erotically. "SAY IT!"
"I-…"
"SAY IT!" She was enjoying the moment, but felt that Iroh needed some motivation.
"Honor…" he whispered.
"SAY IT IROH. SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!" She picked up the pace.
Iroh couldn't contain himself, and erupted like a volcano into her badgermole.
"HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Asami let loose as well, satisfied with her lover. She untied Iroh's arms and legs, and collapsed alongside him on the bed. They were sweating like Boarcupines, but they LOVED it.
"Honor." he whispered into her ear.
Asami laid a kiss upon Iroh's cheek. "I love you, but now I must go."
Asami rose from the bed, and walked near the window. Her body began to glow like the sun itself. Well smartass, you're right. She was transforming into the Sun.
Her transformation was rapid, and before he knew it, Iroh had lost his lover to the sky itself.
Iroh sat there in his bed, confused as all hell. Before he knew it, troops began to flood into his quarters, wondering what was going on.
"Fuck." He thought. "I just got screwed over by the Sun."
With that, Iroh hid in his blanket and went to sleep.