JON'S POV I was in my apartment with Grant Kirhkope, playing "Conkers Bad Fur Day". Grant will often come over because he just moved to sweet, god damned 'Murca. This is embarrassing to say, but I've developed quite a crush on him. I have never liked a guy before. I snapped out of thought when I heard it, his sweet, God-like British accent. "Jon, why the fuck did you move over there? Now that Tedi's gonna beat the actual fuck outta you." Then I hear my annoying twenty-five year, old yankee accent (all da rage muthafuckas.) reply, "Huh? Oh, right." I moved over and kicked the Tedi's ass. (I hate those damn things.) Grant turned and looked at me and I started breaking down and twitching like a maniac. I needed him, wanted him, he was my life. But there was nothing I could do. So to get out of this situmication, I started twitching even more, and making drastic movements. "Want some bacon? I'll go make some bacon!" Before he has time to respond, I chuck a sushi plushie at his (I don't know why.) I ran into the kitchen and giggled like a little school girl. Then I turned around to see my parrot, Jaques, eating chicken. He looked at me, and I looked at him. I shook my head and got the bacon from the fridge. "It's not what it looks like," I turn around as I hear my birds voice. "I could tell Grant you like him, you can't hide it anymore." Oh that pissed me off, next thing I knew I went for his throat. "You want me to boil you, you little shit?!" I took a deep breath and put the bacon on the stove. "Jaques you better not. I'd beat the hell outta ya." I sit there awkwardly waiting for my bacon to finish. I then set Jaques down, (I nearly strangled him this whole time) and he bit me. So I smacked him to the ground. I watched the bacon sizzle. I must be high. I thought to myself. finally the bacon finished so I piled it on the plate, wondering why I made thirty pieces of the fuckin' stuff. I walked outside and saw Grant on my couch. He stared at me while I ate my bacon. "I heard what your bird said. Is it true that you like me?" his eyes were wide with wonder. "it'd be a good thing, because I like you too." I dropped my plate of bacon, and sat next to him, and embraced him. He pulled away and leaned in. I had to push him back. "Woah, woah. Sorry, but we haven't even gone out." Grant nodded and started screaming Whittney Houston's, I will always love you. I chuckled and hugged him. We've been on plenty of dates and are happily engaged for a wedding next month. Notes: This fan fiction is 103% serious. I am no troll, this is a thing now. Just let it happen bro, just let it happen.