I am a total noob at ffnet. But I managed to fix a few goofs and verb tenses, as well as some expressions that just weren't working. English isn't my first language and writing isn't something I do as often as I should, so...

I wanted to thank all of you guys for the favs and the great reviews, they're the reason why I share this stuff. That and the fluff.

THE FLUFFFF.

I'm also open to feedback!

"He's not breathing! Donnie's not breathing!"

April opens her eyes and thankfully the images disappear as she focuses on the ceiling's peeled paint over her bed. She sighs in exasperation at what is now the fifth time she's had to stop her own thoughts and waits a couple of minutes, giving her mind some time to calm down before she tries closing her eyes again.

Just go to sleep already.

But the pictures are soon back and the scene repeats itself: the turtles lying helpless around her, their lives slowly drained from them until she can barely even tell they're still alive. And Donnie... Donnie sprawled limp on the floor, his chin resting on his plastron, the lapse between breaths getting longer and longer until she suddenly realizes she hasn't seen him breathe in… How long?

She looks up at the other turtles. Yes, Leo's breathing, barely. Raph too. And Mikey… yes, Mikey too. She turns her attention back to Donnie, watching intently. His chest is as motionless as if he was dead. At the verge of panic, she takes his head on both her hands and puts her cheek a hair width from his nostrils. She feels nothing.

"He's not breathing! Donnie's not breathing!" she exclaims, looking to Casey, imploring, as if he could do anything about it, and she almost doesn't register Casey's sudden look of determination as he shoves Bernie the store clerk aside and heads for the book.

April quickly checks Donnie's pulse on his wrist while those two argue, and the faded, lethargic throbs barely register on her thumb. And she's unable to reach him.

"No, no…" she mutters, her hands fumbling about, going to his shoulders, shaking him, still thinking there has to be something she can do, something she hasn't thought about.

Only Bernie's screeches manage to make her lift her eyes just in time to see Casey smash the book's mechanism with his bat, shattering it in a hundred pieces.

Bernie looks like he's at the edge of hysteria. But almost instantly, the turtles's bodies jerk awake around her and she holds her breath as one by one they open their eyes, Raph groaning sleepily and rubbing at his temple, Mikey groggily smacking his lips, Leo sitting up on the couch where he'd been lying and he shakes his head trying to clear it. Slowly they all make it back. All but one.

"What have you done!? The obturaculum is broken! The beavers are free!" Bernie shrieks.

But April could care less, as right now all her senses are focused on Donnie, waiting for him to also open his eyes so she can take him in her arms and give him a big smooch of relief, and then later celebrate with Casey and the rest of her turtle brothers over some frozen pizza that they're all okay. Bernie's screams and everything else surrounding her slowly fade to the background of her consciousness as she once again takes Donnie's hand in hers and looks frantically for his pulse. Her hands must be shaking, because she can't find it.

"No."

She moves to his neck, pressing on the soft skin under his jaw with her two fingers, and holds her breath.

"What…?" she starts, and can't make herself concentrate on the events taking place in the room. Does he feel colder? There's a flash of light and then everybody's talking and things are happening, but she's still searching. She's still trying to find Donnie in the silent, vacant space in his head.

"Donnie!" she calls, hovering over him, pressing her palms to his temples, desperately.

Soon there are hands and faces getting in her field of vision, fumbling about, trying to pull her away from Donatello's motionless figure. They're still trying to bring him back. But he's already gone.

She can't feel him.

April opens her eyes, and his time her heart pounds so fiercely against her ribs that she fears it's going to break something inside her. She sits up on her bed trying to calm her breathing.

What is the matter with her? Why is she thinking about this now? The guys are all fine. Leo and Raph and Mikey are fine and Donnie is fine. In fact he'd been treated to a smooch on the cheek as prize for waking up like she'd told him to, and because April could not contain her euphoria after all of that. So she knows he must be more than fine. Why is her mind so intent on torturing her with what-if scenarios?

This kind of thing always happens at night, when the silence and the darkness make leeway for her imagination to run rampant and dwell on the stupidest things.

She tries to go back to the happy moments of the day to force herself to calm down, back to the guys waking up and the beavers turning out to be these ridiculous, squeaky, furry things; Bernie blithely passing out on their living room floor; Donnie's stupid dorky giggle of delight, the result of something as simple as a kiss on the cheek. He gets excited over the tiniest things… she smiles a little to herself thinking about it.

If she'd lost that…

Again her heart gives a pang, and she can't help thinking of how close she was to losing them. Especially Donnie, her Donnie… So close…

What would have happened if Casey had smashed that book one second too late?

Stop that, April. It didn't happen. They're fine. Casey made the right call, at the right time –thank you, Casey-, and now they're all sleeping peacefully in their beds like she should be doing.

What if this is her mind trying to warn her about something?

What if…

April strains her ears and listens for the sounds that drift through the house in the dead of night. She can hear snores coming from the guys' bedrooms, loud enough to drown the noises the old fridge makes sometimes, and she can identify most of them. Her anxiety's back when she realizes that she can't make out Donnie's whistles among those sounds.

This is ridiculous, Donnie's probably just sleeping on his side, so his breathing's easier.

Or is it so ridiculous?

What if…?

She knows she's never going to convince herself with words, so she makes up her mind to at least go check and get this over with.

She pads barefoot across the room and opens her door to the hallway, peeking outside and listening, paying the closest attention to the door over the railing, which Mikey and Donnie share and also right now happens to be the quietest. Of course. She shakes her head in defeat and makes her way there silently like a true kunoichi. Behind the door she can hear low mumbling and when she gently turns the knob and pokes her head in it's revealed to be coming from Mikey, who's sleeping on the bed at the far end of the room, the sheets tangled around three out of four of his limbs. She can't quite make out his words, but he seems to be having one heck of a party inside his head.

She smiles sweetly to herself before turning her attention to the other bed, where Donnie's still form is lying face down on top of the covers, his three-toed feet dangling from the foot of the bed. The silhouette of his rounded shell is outlined against the pale moonlight coming in through the window. The shape is completely silent and she can't really tell if… well, if he's breathing or not. And the noises coming out of Mikey's pie hole are not helping.

Shit.

This is stupid, and she knows it, but she can't help that feeling of dread welling up in the pit of her belly, especially as she gets closer to him and is genuinely afraid of what she might find.

And what she finds is his face buried in his arms, one of his hands limp over the keyboard of his laptop, the screen dark and a small blinking light barely lighting the smooth dome of his head. She stares for a few seconds, her face mere inches from him. And she still can't tell.

What if…

Oh God, okay, calm down. Check his pulse, carefully, don't wake him.

That is, if he's even asleep.

Her own heart is going a hundred miles an hour as her shaky hand slowly finds its way around his shell to his throat, and she's so concentrated on the task that she can't see his eyes shooting open, and suddenly a big green blur swats her away and she gives a yelp as she stumbles backwards landing square on her butt. She needs a moment to register the sharp pain in her nose.

"Ow" she moans, carefully prodding her ridge with her fingers.

"April?!"

She quickly shushes him, hoping no one will come in here wondering what she's doing sitting on the floor next to Donnie's bed at this hour. Oh God, the gossip...

The laptop whirs back to life triggered by the movement, and Donnie's body is outlined by its cold light. The shadow stretches for the lamp at the bedside table and the room comes to life with its warm light, allowing April to see Donnie's expression of surprise as he kneels on his bed gazing around the room. Once he deems the perimeter clear of threats he turns back to April.

"April, what… what are you doing here? Uh, I mean... Is something wrong?" he whispers, apprehension spreading over his eyes as he adjusts his mask on his face and moves to the edge of his bed.

"Kinda. I think you may have broken my nose" she says with watery eyes, and a fraction of a second later Donnie's hands are gently holding her face up and feeling the bones of her nose and she's surprised by how much better the touch of his hand on her cheek makes her feel.

"Sorry, April, I… I wasn't expecting you" he chuckles under his breath. "Good news, though. I won't have to add breaking your nose to the list of things I regret."

"That's okay, Donnie, it was my fault. I'm the one who came in here and startled you into ninja mode."

"Which begs the question…" Donnie adds, and April nods impatiently.

"I know, I know. I just… I was just, you know, checking on you… guys."

"Checking what?"

"Well, I didn't know if you were… asleep..."

"I was asleep."

April winces in embarrassment, still rubbing at her sore nose, and he immediately backpedals.

"Not that I mind, actually. A visit from you is always… well, it was very sweet of you" he amends with an honest smile and April can't contain a knowing smirk of her own that lasts but an instant. Suddenly she looks at Donnie and wants nothing more than to tell him everything that's been bothering her. Maybe then she'll get this weight off her chest and she can go back to sleep.

The silence stretches and she can't bring herself to bring up the subject. It's so silly anyway. Not that Donnie wouldn't understand silly…

It turns out she doesn't have to explain, as Donnie's brow furrows in realization.

"Whoa. You didn't know if I was asleep or… dead?" he says cautiously.

I thought I was supposed to be the one with psychic powers, she thinks.

Donnie waits, but she can only pretend to rub at an aching nose even though it barely hurts anymore. Eventually she can't avoid his eyes, and his look of alarm breaks her. It's suddenly difficult to pretend like the water in her eyes has anything to do with her nose anymore, no matter how much she rubs it.

"April, what? What's going on?" he moves to sit closer to the edge of the bed, his voice gentle and brimmed with concern as his hand reaches for her shoulder.

"Nothing!" she replies truthfully a little too loud, and they both turn when they hear Mikey shifting in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible. She sits up on her knees so she'll be closer to Donnie's eye level. "Nothing's going on, not anymore. Everybody was sleeping peacefully but me. I knew it was silly, I just panicked a little bit."

"But… why think…?"

"Because, Donnie, while you guys were stuck in the dream world I was here pretty much watching you die very slowly and I couldn't do anything to help you."

Donnie's shocked and confused expression makes her think he had no idea it had been like that. Neither she nor Casey had gone into details anyway, both just wanting to forget about it for the remainder of the day.

"Casey and I tried everything to wake you guys up and nothing worked, and your pulses were so weak. I really thought for a while that you'd never wake up again and… And you, Donnie… You even stopped breathing."

"I… I did?"

"For like… at least thirty mississippis."

Donnie's quiet for a few seconds, taking in the new information.

"That's why I couldn't sleep. My mind kept taking me back to that moment when I really believed…" she pauses. "I guess it messed me up more than I'd realized at first."

"I'm so sorry, April. I had no idea" he says, his hand on her arm and his thumb gently stroking her shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I'm just a little sensitive tonight and I'll be good in the morning. It's just that my brain wouldn't shut up."

Donnie nods like he knows exactly what she's talking about and gives his laptop a fleeting glance. April only now notices the things on the screen and has to suppress a giggle. He must have been working on some code programming when he fell asleep with his finger on the F key, because the entire window was a single never-ending line of F's. Suddenly there's a faint trace of long cold coffee in the air from some left over mug probably lying on the floor somewhere. It briefly brings her back to his lab in the old lair. So familiar. So Donnie.

"You know" she presses on, suddenly unable to stop talking. "When that was happening, the whole beaver thing… I kept thinking of how everything I care about keeps getting taken from me. I've already lost my mom, twice, and my dad's been turned into a monster, again, and Master Splinter is missing…" she dares glance towards Donnie and the sadness in his eyes as they drop to his own hands make her feel guilty for reminding him. "And now Irma's an alien robot, which is bizarre even for us." She closes the list with that final statement in an absurd attempt at getting their minds off both their missing fathers. "I thought to myself 'I'm not even surprised anymore that the universe is taking the last remaining people who are important to me'."

April catches Donnie's mouth curving upwards briefly there at her latter words before melting back down again. Boy, she is on a roll tonight, barfing out emotions everywhere like a little girl. Good thing this is Donnie.

"Well, as you can see, I'm alright now" he says, motioning at himself. "And everybody else is alright, judging by the way the walls are trembling tonight."

April gives a little giggle, which in turn makes him smile in clear satisfaction. And of course, looking up at his lively eyes her mind has to revisit the vision of him lying on the living-room floor, still as the dead, and for a moment she can't tell memory from fantasy. Donnie must have noticed something because his frown is back.

"Hey" he says softly, getting off the bed and kneeling in front of her. "Come on, April, the beavers are gone, you saw it. They couldn't do the same thing again if they wanted to. There's nothing to worry about. Not tonight anyway, not anymore."

"I guess."

She knows that. It's difficult to explain, or to slap logic into it and hope it'll stick, but she doesn't want to keep worrying him, so ignoring the sudden urge to climb in his bed and spend the night next to him just to be sure, interpretations be dammed, she simply gives him a smiling nod, and makes to get up. Oh, but he looks so unconvinced, just like her. Before she can get on her feet, Donnie shows her his palm, stopping her in her tracks, and eagerly says "I have an idea."

He gets up to sit back on the edge of his bed next to his bedside table and he opens the drawer, rummaging inside. April crosses her legs on the floor, watching curiously as he mutters to himself trying to find whatever it is he's looking for with such renewed enthusiasm. Finally he gives a quiet cry of victory as he pulls out what looks like a bracelet. Just a rubber bracelet with some metally doodads on it.

"What is that, like an amulet of something? To chase away bad spirits?" she teases and he rolls his eyes. Magic and spells. As if.

"It's a vital signs monitor bracelet. Made it myself" he adds proudly, and reaches behind him for an object lying on the covers next to the laptop, then holds the shell-shaped object out to her. "Here, take my T-phone; it has an app for it. It measures blood pressure, temperature and heart rate" he explains as his finger points at the various sets of numbers on the screen of the phone now on April's hands. "Pretty basic, but it serves its purpose. I can leave this on for tonight." He grips her hand holding the T-phone and taps promptly at the screen. "I'll set it to 'Donnie', that's me. There. That's what's normal on me, and if one of those goes too high or too low it'll warn you. See?"

Donnie presses the bracelet's measuring mechanism on to his own wrist and the numbers on the phone's screen rapidly change to show his vital signs, a tiny symbol of a heart blinking on one corner. When he lifts the bracelet from his wrist, the numbers plummet to zero, turning red, and the phone beeps loudly a couple of times before he touches the screen again and it goes quiet.

A muffled voice grumbles through the wall. "Donniiiieee…"

April covers her mouth in a silent "oops".

"Sorry, Leo" Donnie calls out before putting on the bracelet with a grin that is full of self-satisfaction, resetting the app back to 'Donnie'. This is a great idea and he knows it.

Suddenly, the lump of turtle and bed covers lying on the bed across the room jumps, revealing a startled looking Mikey glaring at them through heavy lidded eyes and a crooked bandanna.

"Ice-Cream Kitty's got a fifth flavor! Where did it come from!?" he blurts out, seemingly very distressed by this, before face-planting back onto his pillow. Donnie and April look at each other holding back laughter.

"Anyway" she whispers finally. "I should go back to bed."

"Yeah, and… whatever you want, you know… If you ever need to just… talk, I'm- I'm okay with it."

"You sure? I wouldn't wanna be an inconvenience" she asks, jokingly. She knows perfectly well he's more than okay with the idea.

"Yeah, really, whatever you need, if it means- if it helps you feel better" he assures her, apparently not picking up on the sarcasm.

She glances down at the T-phone in her hands and winces in mock-concern.

"Hmm… Heart rate's a bit high, should I be worried?" she says with a sideways glance, and is amused to see the numbers go a tiny bit higher after her outspoken observation as Donnie stammers shyly.

"Uh, well… you know, the idea of waking up Raph is kinda terrifying" he replies, acting cool.

A teasing smile grows on her face as she nods mockingly but Donnie recovers quickly like a pro, leaning on his own knees and he's rapidly back in momma Donnie mode.

"So you think this'll help you get some rest?" he asks, and for once she doesn't mind that she's being spoken to like a child. There are times she has to admit it's kinda nice. Comforting. It reminds her of when she was little and someone really, really cared for her.

"Yeah." She gets up from the hard wood floor and has to stop herself from smacking the numbness off her own butt in front of Donnie. "Thanks."

There's a moment of silence in which Donnie seems to hesitate for a bit.

"Sleep well" he says finally, showing his tooth gap in a big smile.

April leans forward at once, wrapping her arms around his neck and shoulders and she quickly realizes this is what she'd been wanting to do all night. Just feeling his solidness underneath her palms, strong and alive, and his breath on the side of her head. Her embrace is quickly reciprocated, his enormous hands timidly settling on her back, always so contained, never one to pull her any closer than she'd agreed to. He simply sits quietly while she gives one final squeeze and straightens up to leave.

"Goodnight, Donnie."

"Goodnight."

She can't help herself. She feels a little evil, but before stepping through the threshold to the hallway she glances down at the phone, and the amusement on her face must be telling because Donnie's face visibly contorts in a grimace of utter embarrassment that he tries to disguise as a smile.

Just to make sure, April looks at him one last time and dedicates him a smile of her own that is just for him and consciously a hundred percent sincere. She means it. She's very happy to have waken him and she does everything she can to let him know with that one gesture.

She doesn't linger enough to properly see his reaction, but she's pretty sure she got the message across. With one last tender glance in Mikey's direction, she steps out into the hall closing the door behind her and tip-toes back to her room, setting the T-phone down on her nightstand and climbing back into her own bed with a sigh of content. Finally.

The tightness in her chest has been replaced by a warmth that is almost as distracting, but so much nicer. She turns her head towards the nightstand and stretches out her arm, picking up the phone and unlocking the screen to look at the numbers. They're still a tiny bit higher than what's marked as normal and she gives a silent chuckle. She reaches back to set the device on the table, but places it against the lamp so that the screen is facing her, the little heart blinking steadily on the corner.

Sleep finds her within the minute.