A/N: Again, written with Insane1. This is set around middle of season 5
Buffy, but Angel season 3. (shrugs) I said it was wacked out, but does she
listen? (grins) Nah, my idea. Enjoy. Just, we're both feedback junkies! So
gimme gimme gimme!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cordelia sighed with contentment and snuggled up against Angel. She still couldn't believe that they were together. Still couldn't get over the fact that they could have endless moments of perfect happiness and not wake up with the threat of Angelus looming over them. But here they were, intertwined within each other's arms as they were every morning, and it was perfect.
Well....Almost perfect.
Not that she would admit it to her lover but she felt that there was something missing. She knew just what it was too, as well as the fact that it wasn't within her reach. Not with Angel anyway. And because she knew that he was 'the one', her soul-mate, she didn't think anymore about what she didn't and couldn't have, but rather what she did have.
She had a manpire that she loved with all the world wrapped in her arms. She had friends that were like her extended family -God only knew they cared about her more than her parents ever did. She had a thriving business (okay, so it was ANGEL's business, but seeing as she ran most of the technical mumbo-jumbo in it she classed half of it as hers) and an acting career that was bound to take off at any moment.
Yes, life was good.
But...... As Cordy's thoughts spiralled slightly, Angel stirred. Sleepily, he blinked, then as he saw she was awake, a slow smile spread across his face.
"Hey," he said softly, kissing her shoulder.
"Is that all I get? A hey?' she asked, reaching under the quilt.
Angel's expression jumped slightly. "Well.. if you put it like *that*," he managed, "I think you're deserving of a definite good morning."
She trailed her finder along his bottom lip. "Does the good morning come with breakfast in bed?" she asked, mock shyly. He turned to her.
"Always," he whispered, pulling her closer to him, both the vampire and the seer joining in what had become a ritual.
*
As Cordelia allowed her muscles a brief respite from all the action they were getting these days, her mind wandered back to topic.
What was missing from her life? As Angel's hand slipped across her stomach possessively while he got comfortable she sighed deeply.
He'd read her mind again. Her own hand dropped down to cover her belly, and her emotions twisted painfully. What she wanted was impossible.
A baby.
It wouldn't have to be a *big* one, her mind reasoned with the more sarcastic and blasé Queen of Mean frame of mind.
~ Yeah sure. Next you'll be saying that you'd only want one anyway, as your career is likely to take off any second, the more logical part told her.
Hissing at her internal rambling angrily, she rolled over and tried to wriggle into Angel. He sighed contentedly, and her stomach flipped. This was what was most important. Her future with Angel was happy, and full of love.
But just for that damn baby!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"How's my favourite vampire today?" Gunn's voice boomed as he entered the hotel lobby. Ever since Angel and Cordelia had been allowed to do the royal comshuck without losing a) her visionity or b) his soul, both parties (especially brood boy) had become far more sociable. And for this, the younger man was grateful. It made his working environment THAT much better....not that it hadn't already been excellent with Fred in it anyway....
He cut his thoughts short, realising that he had just asked a question and thinking of Fred would definitely lead to him not paying attention to the response.
Angel, meanwhile, had looked up at his colleague and shrugged. "No better then the last time you asked me."
Gunn tilted his head to the side and made sure to observe their surroundings for certain femme fatal co-workers before asking, "Cordelia's still longing for a mini-you then?"
"Yeah." Angel sighed, falling back into a chair. "I mean, she hasn't said anything....but I can tell."
"Not that I really wanna get details of your sex life which will undoubtedly scar me forever....but....how?"
Angel's dark brown orbs met Gunn's and he smiled sadly. "I don't know....I just *can*." He thought for a second. "Like this morning....after we...." He sighed again and forced himself to get to the point. "She drifted....like her mind was not with me...." He waited for a snarky comment about mind-blowing sex, but it never came, so he continued. "She....She has this way of sighing when she's not completely happy with something, you know? And believe me, I know how to make her happy so don't even-"
Holding up his hands in surrender, Gunn chuckled. "I wasn't gonna."
"Good." Angel nodded, sobering immediately with the rest of his discussion. "She's been doing that ever since she started wanting a baby....and lately....lately she's even started stroking her stomach, a wistful look on her face...." He trailed off, voice starting to become weary. "I hate that I can't give her that. I can't give her the life she deserves. With the picket fence and two point three kids....I hate that I love her so much that I don't want to give her up and allow her to have the perfect life in the sun with another....I want a kid too, she KNOWS that....but as we've discussed time and time again, not only is it impossible, but unconventional and-"
"Whoa, man." The other man interrupted. "Starting to sound like English."
Good old fashioned humour.
Gunn could always rely on humour when discussions started to get too meaningful. It had always been his mechanism against awkward silences and the like, usually protecting him from admitting that he didn't know what to say. As he had been raised, he didn't know how to comfort another man or give advice in any emotional matters.
The door swung while he was in his reverie. The two men..pires..black guys... whatevers... turned, to see Willow standing in the doorway.
"Hi," she said quietly, and gave a little wave.
Angel's jaw dropped.
*************************************
"So what are you here for exactly?' Cordy asked, while handing Willow a cup of coffee.
"I don't really know. Giles needs me to see someone, about some prophesy, and everyone else went on a demon orientated road trip and it's taken longer for them to slay the demon booty than they thought, so they're gonna be out there over Christmas. And you guys were here." She blew on her coffee, ignoring a potential reaction from Angel. "well that's okay Willow. We have plenty of room, you can stay over the holiday, and celebrate Christmas angel-style!' Angel said warmly, holding out his hand to Willow. His nose wrinkled a second.
"Oh boy," Cordelia groaned.
"Did that come out a little It's a Wonderful Life?' Angel asked worriedly. She planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Yup. Very Mr Waton. But you'll still get a surprise from Santa on Christmas Day.," she told him, snaking her arms around his neck, and pulling him down for a kiss.
"I like surprises," he murmured, grinning, as he deepened the kiss.
Willow spat out her coffee.
"Excuse me! Is this freak out the Wicca day? did I miss, oh say a century in which a cure was discovered for Angel's curse? Lady, step away from the vampire!' she yelled. Angel reluctantly stopped kissing Cordelia.
"Willow, it's okay. We," he indicated Cordelia and himself, "Have a cure actually, and I'm in love with Cordelia."
"Do you have a fondness for leather pants? Because what you're saying sounds an awful lot like what Angelus used to torture Buffy. Only he did it with Faith.." Willow mused. Angel gazed at Cordy.
"Why does everyone say that? I like leather pants, yes, but when I wear them, everyone thinks I'm evil. They're nice pants! I look good in them, don't I?" he appealed. Cordelia's comment in his ear proved that at least *one* person thought he looked good in leather pants.
"So you and Cordelia are in love?" willow asked sceptically. He nodded. Quieter now, she said softly,
"Angel, why didn't you tell us? Buffy...." she considered, and decided on the truth, "she's hung on by a thread. Riley's little sucking habit session had totally screwed her over, and she's hurting, Angel. And while she's beating herself up over all the boyfriends she's chased away, the one she believes is her true love is sleeping with *Cordelia*, the one person that you can really hurt her with, Angel. A little warning might be nice.As in a 'hi Buffy, I left town screwing your world up because I want you to have a normal life and have kids and stuff, ignoring the fact you know that most Slayers die before they're twenty, and now I'm sleeping with the bitch from hell who at every moment stole the only thing that I liked about my life away from me. "
Willow's tirade ended, and she looked a little shocked about how much she'd revealed. She glanced at Angel. Unconsciously, his hand had tightened around Cordelia's, much the same way he had tried to protect Buffy from anything that could hurt her. She sighed.
"I get that you can't change your feelings, if you're in love with Cordelia then you're in love, but God Angel! You're the sensitive type. This is going to rip Buffy's heart into little pieces!" she said, slightly calmer.
Cordelia moved forwards.
"Willow, I know I was a bitch in high school. And let's face it, if Angel had glanced my way I would have dumped whoever I was with to be with him. But I've changed too, Will. I've had to grow up, and I'm a different person. And I'm in love with a wonderful man..pire, that loves me back, and it's one of the one things in my life that isn't a competition. Angel saved my life, Willow, hundreds of times. And I help him, the PTB control that, not you. So I' m not leaving. But we tried not to feel this way for ages, and I hurt another really nice guy over this. Staying apart is too difficult, and we're able to be together. Love isn't something you can change Willow. It hurts, it stabs you in the most sensitive part of you, and twists the knife. It's a torture far worse than anything you can do to me for loving him, Willow, and I will take anything on that tries to separate us." Her jaw was set, and her chin up defiantly in the gesture those who knew and loved Cordy recognised as her immovable face.
All Willow's rage on behalf of her friend left her, and she sagged slightly, not held up by her convictions anymore. Silently, she nodded, and lifted her bag. Gunn led her to a room.
"Tell that to Buffy," she said quietly, as she left.
Angel looked back at Cordelia and smiled, his eyes showing a mixture of guilt because she had been reminded once again of his last meaningful relationship, pride for the way she responded and awe because she could openly discuss her feelings with someone she once despised. He parted his lips to speak, but felt the warmth of the brunette's index finger against them, forcing him to remain silent.
"No." She stated, as if reading his mind. "Do not apologise for that, ok? I knew when we started out that I would always have to face the constant reminders of Buffy. I knew that the Scoobies would never support this, but it doesn't matter 'cos I still have you. And it's not your fault when they bring up your past....It's not your fault when they don't agree. So no apologising, got it?"
There was no arguing with her, she was still in resolve mode. When he nodded, she removed her finger from his lips. Angel grinned lopsidedly and leant towards her, preparing for the kiss.
"Bloody Hell!"
Immediately his eyes flew open and spun to catch Spike standing at the doorway (away from the sun), head cocked to the side and blue eyes wide as saucers, a smoking blanket at his feet.
Angel groaned. This was going to be a *long* day.
*~*~*~*~*~SunnyDale~*~*~*~*
"Hiya Buf!" Xander chirped, waltzing through the door.
She looked up at him wearily, watching as Dawn and her mother vacated the premises. Her eyes not moving from the spot where her mother had been, she responded solemnly. "Hey."
His demeanour darkened slightly, hating the way she looked so crushed and hopeless. The Vampire Slayer wasn't supposed to be like that. She was supposed to be lively, strong, capable of taking care of any problems with the greatest of ease....but she sat before him, completely torn down again.
Xander had sworn after Angel had left that he wouldn't allow another soul to hurt her like that again....and now, seeing her wallowing in yet another lost love, he realised that he had failed her.
His tone losing a fair amount of it's prior bounce and vitality he said, "How are you holding up today?"
She shrugged. "No better. No worse." Allowing herself a tiny chuckle, one filled with despair and pain, she looked into his eyes. "Guess that's something good, right?"
He settled himself down on the couch beside her, taking her hand and rubbing it gently in a gesture or reassurance and the love that only a best friend can offer. "On a hellmouth? Most definitely."
There was silence between them as she sighed and leant her head on his shoulder. He didn't know what to say in a situation like hers, but he would be damned if he didn't even try to be there for her, so he just sat and offered her what he could -his presence as a best friend.
After half an hour or so, she stretched out and tilted her head to look at him. "What am I going to do about Spike?" She asked, nose crinkling at the thought of the soulless, yet neutered, vampire with a crush on her.
Xander's back stiffened. He hated the peroxided pest almost as much as he hated Angel. "Honestly Buff? I have no idea." He shrugged and pondered his options. "I know you did the un-invite, but-"
"But he's still delusional." The blonde finished, sounding repulsed at the idea.
"Exactly."
"I could always, you know, stake him and-"
Xander laughed. "Buffy, please, don't tempt me here." He chuckled. "I mean, I know that I would support that....but I know you....and you have never EVER tried to take out someone that can't defend themselves. EVER."
Buffy laughed, sadly, and was silent again.
"You miss him, don't you? Riley, I mean." It wasn't a question, more a statement. Xander's face was expressionless.
"Yeah." Buffy shifted uncomfortably, and settled back into her original position. She furrowed her brow a little. "I mean, No. I mean, I don't know. I still...love him, but I can't think...it hurts, Xan," she whispered.
"So don't think about him. C'mon Buff, you're a demon ass kicker! Go out and take out all your frustrations on some undead thing. Make some vamp pay for what he did to you. Ooooh....Like Spike!" Xander cajoled, thrilled by the tiny smile.
It faded quickly. "Nope." She said, her voice still weary. "Stay home Buffy, is....staying home."
Xander nodded. He knew, at least, when it was best to subside. "Cool."
They sat silently in companionship, side by side.
*~*~*~*~*~LA~*~*~*~*~*
"He can't stay here."
It was not a request, it was statement. Spike uncrossed his legs, and recrossed them. "Luv, I'm here, an' I'm stayin'. I'm not kickin' you out of bed, Red, so don't be complainin'." He rhymed, now slightly drunk on account of the fact that he had found Wesley's secret stash of bourbon. Well, he'd needed it after seeing the great poof making out with the cheerleader. Then there was the fact that he was still hurting over the whole 'crush on the slayer' thing. But now, as the alcohol wore off, he was barely tipsy. Didn't stop him from having fun though. He grinned wickedly. "On second thoughts...."
Cordelia hit him.
"OWw! What was that for, bint?" he demanded, nursing his arm with a wounded air.
Cordelia gave him her best snobby look. "Don't try anything. You are Angel's guest.."she glanced at her boss, "For some reason, and you are unwelcomed by the rest of us. You want a steak sandwich with that room service, if you catch my drift?"
As Spike heaved himself off to his room, Cordelia came over to Angel.
"Much as I appreciate Christmas is a time for family, I don't get it for vampire families. I thought the cross thing would put them off. Why is he here?"
Angel hugged her. "He.." he hesitated, then realised Spike couldn't hurt anyone. "He's in love with Buffy. She, being her, turned him down. He needs to get over it."
"Eww." Cordy wrinkled her nose. "Much with the eww. I thought Dru was bad. He's crazier than she was!"
Spike who had been climbing the stairs, whipped around. "Watch it, girlie, or I might rip your bloody head off. Someone's been playin' in the demon cookie jar, and Spike can play with the other doggies when they're not.." he sniffed suggestively, "Pure." He swaggered off.
"Like I said. A time to get over her." Angel shrugged, kind of confused by Spike's still tipsy phrasing.
*
Faith cruised down the motorway, the motorcycle moving powerfully. Disgusted, she clung onto the guy in front. Being on parole, she had to be a good girl, and not drive until she was given the all clear. But for now, she was stuck in the passenger seat.
The motorcycle roared on for the next half hour, before pulling up outside a large building. It had grown old gracefully, and as lovely in a 50's charm.
Faith swung her bag off the back of the bike, and bade goodbye to the guy. She waited a second, then strode purposefully to the door of the hotel, and went in.
Bedlam was occurring. Spike's little comment had led to uproar.
"Cordy stop! Listen to me. He's just-"
Angel's useless explanation was cut short once more as Cordelia yelled, "He's a soulless vampire with no morals and no sense of right and wrong! He insulted me! And YOU let him-"
"I didn't let him do anything." Angel shot back, now heatedly.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "You were just DEFENDING him!"
"I was not! I was just trying to-"
"Defend his actions!" She cried at him.
He furrowed his brow. "-Explain the fact that he's harmless and you should ignore him."
"Or kick him out of my...er...OUR hotel!"
"Uh, Cordelia, it's *my* hotel." Angel said, attempting to correct her, but she shot him a glare that made him feel 2 inches tall.
"So all your 'What's mine is yours' blabber was just a pile of crap then?" Cordy hissed.
The manpire's eyes widened in horror. "No! I didn't mean-"
He was interrupted this time by the sound of someone clearing their throat. "Ahem."
The bickering lovers spun once more to see Faith nervously twiddling her thumbs. This time it was Cordelia that groaned. Would this day never end?
*
"So let me get this straight," Cordelia said, settling down on the couch and nuzzling against Angel. She'd forgotten all about their argument and was more interested in the sudden influx of visitors. "You were allowed an early parole for absolutely no real reason?" When Faith nodded, she looked at Angel. "It sounds a little suspicious."
Immediately the Slayer leapt up to defend herself. "I swear I'm telling you the truth! I-"
Cordelia smiled at her. "No....I believe you....it's just a strange situation is all."
Faith nodded and sat back down. "Yeah, it was kinda fishy even to me."
Cordelia smacked herself in the forehead as an idea hit her. She jumped to her feet and started to pace, calling out "Skip!" every so often. After all, if this was supernaturally related -and she didn't doubt that it was for a second....call it an educated guess- Skip would know what was going on. He'd been the one to appear and sort out the 'visionity/soul' issues for them after Groo had left...and he was her only link to the PTBs and their obsession with complicating Angel's unlife.
Faith watched on, confusion etched across her face. She looked at Angel, "Has your girlfriend gone insane?"
He shook his head, eyes glued to his seer, lover and best friend. "No...." He started, gaze never wandering from Cordy. "She's trying to find out what's going on."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~SunnyDale~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy strolled into the lounge, and was shocked by the mountain of pine needles currently occupying centre stage.
"Wow," she commented. "Dig the Christmas tree."
Dawn turned around from where she was crouched under the branches. "You like?" she asked excitedly. "Giles brought it over, and he started to help me. It's just us now, though." Buffy's face fell somewhat, and Dawn's heart dropped. The pleasure on Buffy's face had been something to smile about.
"I figured we could have a tree like L.A," Dawn explained, hurriedly. "You know, like Dad always-"
"Paid his secretary to put up." Buffy interrupted.
Dawn looked miserable. "I never knew that." she complained.
"No Dawnie, I didn't mean....Look. The thought's cute. Really. It's just..." she sighed. "I really don't want to be here for Christmas."
Dawn understood what her sister was trying to say....or avoid. It was all the same to her. "I'm sorry Riley left you, Buffy. But he was always so boring...There was no way I could have seen you two working anyway...." Dawn confided, and moved over to hug her sister. Buffy stroked her hair sadly, as she contemplated the glittering tree, and hugged her back.
*~*~*~*~*~*~L.A~*~*~*~*~*
"Skip, what the hell have you done?!" Cordelia hollered.
Skip materialised, and gave a rather sheepish grin to all and sundry. "Uh, hello. didn't think I'd be seeing you for a while," he began, conversationally to Cordelia.
She rolled her eyes. "Cut the crap, Skippy. Why is *she* out of jail?' she demanded, waving her hand in Faith's direction.
"So you're not going to say thank you?" he ventured. One look from the pissed off seer gave him an answer.
"What for?!" she bellowed.
Skip winced. "Well, in the vision that should hit you anytime now, you'll find out that Faith was going to be killed in jail sometime soon. And the next Slayer was gonna be scheduled to do some *major* damage. " He shook is head, reverently. "So the PTB decided you get a break, what with you volunteering.." he caught sight of the frantic 'cut it out' gestures Cordy was making, and moved on quickly.
"Anyway, she's here for Christmas. Enjoy the repentance while you can. Oh, by the way, sweetie, you can't kick human ass for the duration of your parole. Think of it as being the same way as Chippy here." He indicated Spike (who had come back downstairs to complain about all the ruckus disturbing his sleep) with his thumb.
"Hey!" the vampire protested.
"Thanks," Faith replied sarcastically.
As Skip began to dematerialise, he paused. "Oh, that doesn't include the Slayer by the way." he called, as he shimmered out.
"Why would I need to know *that*?" Faith said as she stared at the spot he had just vacated.
Cordelia shrugged, "Honestly? I don't know and frankly I don't care. All I *do* know is that while you, fangless and Willow are here, you can all pull your weight and help out here when needed." She grinned at Spike, who was moping at the prospect of WORKING for the soulled wonder and his crew of misfits. "So consider this a working vacation. As of this second you are all members of the AI team."
Spike groaned. "ME? Workin' for PEACHES?" He scoffed. "Gotta be pullin' my leg!"
Cordy glared at him. "Not a chance."
"Bloody brilliant." He growled, sarcasm lacing his tone as he climbed the stairs once more.
*~*~*~*~*~*~SunnyDale~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy stormed into her living room and dropped onto a seat most ungracefully. From her position on the couch, Joyce looked over and smiled weakly. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asked.
Buffy glared at the magazine in her mother's hands as if it had committed a vile offence. "Spike's gone." She hissed in frustration.
Her mother's face contorted in confusion. "Isn't that a good thing?" She asked. "I mean, I thought you wanted him to stay away from you."
"I did." The slayer responded defiantly. "But not yet. I wanted to beat him up a little first."
Joyce chuckled lightly. "Honey, I know you're going through a rough patch, but beating up someone defenceless....especially someone that has feelings of some kind for you....Well, it's not the answer."
"It's the only one I have." Buffy whined slightly, knowing deep-down inside that her mother was once again correct.
There was silence for a few seconds before the older woman asked, "Where did he go?"
Shrugging, Buffy responded "Don't know. Don't know when -if ever- he'll be back either."
Joyce nodded. "I see. Well, if you ever need to talk about your feelings instead of taking them out on-"
"No." Buffy looked horrified. "Mom....you've had enough on your plate to worry about. I refuse to add my problems to yours." She smiled. "You're getting better. I don't want to spoil that."
Her mother nodded once more, realising that there was going to be no arguing with the younger woman. "Fair enough." She watched as Buffy stood and headed for the door. "Where are you off to now?"
The slayer grinned. "Just 'cos i don't wanna worry you with my issues doesn't mean i don't wanna worry Xander with them." She paused and frowned at her phrasing. "That sounded less bitchy in my head....Argh!" She tossed her hands into the air dramatically. "I can't even PUN anymore!" And with that she was out of the house and on her way to Xander's place. At least HE'd get some entertainment from Spike's departure.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~L.A~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Cordelia....I love you." Angel's voice sounded in the redhead's mind.
The ex-Queen C of Sunnydale High's reply was soft and full of emotion. "I love you too."
There was a brief silence. Willow closed her eyes and frowned in concentration. Although it was wrong to eavesdrop, she could hear Angel and Cordelia talking down the hall and what she heard made her heart swell and her eyes tear up. They were very much in love, it was true, but they were both aching for something that was impossible to achieve. Although Angel didn't admit his feelings, the vibe the Wiccan Wonder was getting from him spoke volumes to her. Cordelia's feelings were also flowing from her in waves, but she spoke most of them aloud anyhow.
Angel spoke again. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" Cordy responded, although her tone indicated that she already knew the answer.
There was a sigh. "Because I can't give you what you want....What you deserve."
"Angel, sweetheart, you already have. I want you. I *deserve* you." The seer's tone was weary, as if she had been through this thousands of times before. Willow didn't doubt that she had either.
"You deserve so much more."
"Angel-"
"No." His tone was short, sharp and determined as he cut her off. He must have realised this because Willow felt him mellow again. "No.... Cordelia. You deserve a man that can do the sunlight and church thing. A man that can do anything and everything with you. A man that can sit on the beach with you while you tan....so he can scare away all the other men that think they have half a chance...."
Cordelia chuckled and Willow felt herself smile sadly as well. Poor Angel. He was still tormented, and it seemed to be worse than when he was with the blonde slayer. As for Cordelia, the Wicca could tell she was torn. The cheerleader was head-over-heels for Angel -her soul was already his- and Willow also knew of the sacrifice she had made to stay with him, but she yearned for more....and it was eating them both up inside.
"Angel-" Cordy began sadly, but was interrupted once more.
"Cordy, you deserve a man that CAN give you children and,as much as it hurts me to admit it, I am not that man." He sighed. "I'm not even a real man. I'm a vampire. I would give anything -bar my soul- to have children with you....But we both know that-"
"You can't. I get that." The brunette finished for him, her tone more sad and tired than before. "Angel....Look at me. We've been through this so many times. I love you. I became half demon to stay here with you. I HAD a man that could give me everything....and he wasn't good enough. He wasn't you. Sure, I tried to do the hair thing with him....and the clothes....but he could never EVER give me what you can. You've given me a family here Angel. Friends and a steady job. You've taught me so much....I can't love anyone but you. And if that means I'll never have a baby, then fine. I can accept that. But if you even think that for a second i can live without you, you are mistaken."
"But-"
"No. No 'buts'." She chided gently.
Willow felt the way Cordy smiled inside at him....and the way he warmed up inside when she spoke. They were meant to be together, damn the circumstances, and it made Willow feel so helpless. She wanted to help them, but knew that there was no way she could.
"Angel, please, I know it's gonna take me a bit of time to understand and accept, but I will. In the meantime, I still have you....and that's what matters." Cordelia added. Willow felt the way she shrugged. "Besides, Gunn and Fred'll start multiplying sometime and then I can smother THEIR kids to my heart's content....It'll be like having the real thing only without the side-effects....like stretch marks."
Angel laughed mildly, although not completely convinced, and Willow felt him nod. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"
With that the red-head withdrew her focus from the couple and their conversation. At least they were happy, she thought. They were gonna make it through this. It was a pity she couldn't do anything to help them.
*~*~*~Next day sometime~*~*~*
"So this constitutes as working?" Cordelia asked snidely, banging a dusty book down on the desk. Spike was leaning back in a chair, sipping a glass of blood, and lazily reading a page on the computer.
"What *are* you looking at anyway?" Cordelia snapped, having failed to get a reaction of the bone-idle blond.
She glanced over his shoulder. Spike's reading material began, *Vampire chicks, get 'em while they're still hot!*
"Ya know, I actually start to think that you've reached the limit of ookiness, then you surprise me by hitting yet another level." she muttered, feeling faintly queasy.
Spike gave her a small smile. "Done makin' me work, luv? Cos I will, if you can make work as *interesting* as play." He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Double eww, Spike. Now get off your lazy ass before I stake it" Spike gave the seer an appraising glance.
"Wouldn't you need Peaches help with that?" he said, one eyebrow raised. It took Cordelia a couple of seconds to work out the innuendo, then she flung herself at him, screeching with frustration. The vampire dodged, laughing, and made it cross the room.
However, Angel stood calmly in the doorway, and caught him.
"Angel, please, can we set him on fire?" Cordelia pleaded.
"What? I've gone from staked to burnt?" Spike asked amusedly from under Angel's arm.
"It'll *hurt* more," Cordelia snapped. She turned puppy eyes on Angel.
"Don't give me that." He snarked at her playfully. "I taught you that." She grinned and he shrugged. "Besides, Spike is *unfortuntely* a guest.... of the soulless variety.... and he is to remain alive. However," Angel vamped out and lifted Spike into the air, "William, you remember quite well what I could do to you when you bugged the hell out of me and Darla? Well, I'll let you in on a secret: I'm still capable." He let Spike drop to the ground and Cordelia laughed.
"William?" She asked, with an eyebrow quirked.
Spike snarled.
*~*~Another part of the hotel~*~*
Willow sat cradled in an armchair, eating Angel prepared eggs, and thumbing through one of Wesley's books. She had been give two options, go through the books, or work with Cordy on updating the website. She preferred the former.
She turned the page, and her mouth dropped open. The page she had turned was a goldmine!
"Vampyre's Childer" it read.
"Born of a maiden, loved by he, Blessed be him by pain and life Gentled by man, hardened by kindness, Suffer unto him strife.
Cradle a child of vampyre bane, Born with the blessings of that feared race, time shall pass, and babe lie there, But no shadow shall cross thy face.
Child of the hunter, child of the pure, Child born with a gift to slay, Boy or female, be the same, Whatever may come, come what may.
One night shall pass, be splendid for thee, Find the maiden that loveth he, Love in her arms, be happy, be free, Let life be lessed by babe, by she.
In full of the moon, on Christmas Even, Child of darkness, child of morn A year shall pass, and in thy arms Lies child of even, child of dawn"
Willow scanned it through again. It didn't seem to refer to the Children of vampires, the ones they turned, but.... She hugged herself with glee, and whispered a thank you to the Goddess. She had found something that was Angel's greatest wish. A spell that would work on a vampire that had suffered pain, well that part was true. Loved by a maiden, well, Buffy had been a maiden, but..She thought. No, maiden meant girl in this kind of language, so Cordelia would work. She had found it!
She quickly ran over the requirements listed. It was a chant to be done with a drop of the female's blood, ooh, tricky. And done by the light of the full moon, on Christmas Eve. She ran across the room, to Wesley' meticulous calendar, planning the nights of the moon. Christmas Eve was full moon! It fitted!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cordelia sighed with contentment and snuggled up against Angel. She still couldn't believe that they were together. Still couldn't get over the fact that they could have endless moments of perfect happiness and not wake up with the threat of Angelus looming over them. But here they were, intertwined within each other's arms as they were every morning, and it was perfect.
Well....Almost perfect.
Not that she would admit it to her lover but she felt that there was something missing. She knew just what it was too, as well as the fact that it wasn't within her reach. Not with Angel anyway. And because she knew that he was 'the one', her soul-mate, she didn't think anymore about what she didn't and couldn't have, but rather what she did have.
She had a manpire that she loved with all the world wrapped in her arms. She had friends that were like her extended family -God only knew they cared about her more than her parents ever did. She had a thriving business (okay, so it was ANGEL's business, but seeing as she ran most of the technical mumbo-jumbo in it she classed half of it as hers) and an acting career that was bound to take off at any moment.
Yes, life was good.
But...... As Cordy's thoughts spiralled slightly, Angel stirred. Sleepily, he blinked, then as he saw she was awake, a slow smile spread across his face.
"Hey," he said softly, kissing her shoulder.
"Is that all I get? A hey?' she asked, reaching under the quilt.
Angel's expression jumped slightly. "Well.. if you put it like *that*," he managed, "I think you're deserving of a definite good morning."
She trailed her finder along his bottom lip. "Does the good morning come with breakfast in bed?" she asked, mock shyly. He turned to her.
"Always," he whispered, pulling her closer to him, both the vampire and the seer joining in what had become a ritual.
*
As Cordelia allowed her muscles a brief respite from all the action they were getting these days, her mind wandered back to topic.
What was missing from her life? As Angel's hand slipped across her stomach possessively while he got comfortable she sighed deeply.
He'd read her mind again. Her own hand dropped down to cover her belly, and her emotions twisted painfully. What she wanted was impossible.
A baby.
It wouldn't have to be a *big* one, her mind reasoned with the more sarcastic and blasé Queen of Mean frame of mind.
~ Yeah sure. Next you'll be saying that you'd only want one anyway, as your career is likely to take off any second, the more logical part told her.
Hissing at her internal rambling angrily, she rolled over and tried to wriggle into Angel. He sighed contentedly, and her stomach flipped. This was what was most important. Her future with Angel was happy, and full of love.
But just for that damn baby!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"How's my favourite vampire today?" Gunn's voice boomed as he entered the hotel lobby. Ever since Angel and Cordelia had been allowed to do the royal comshuck without losing a) her visionity or b) his soul, both parties (especially brood boy) had become far more sociable. And for this, the younger man was grateful. It made his working environment THAT much better....not that it hadn't already been excellent with Fred in it anyway....
He cut his thoughts short, realising that he had just asked a question and thinking of Fred would definitely lead to him not paying attention to the response.
Angel, meanwhile, had looked up at his colleague and shrugged. "No better then the last time you asked me."
Gunn tilted his head to the side and made sure to observe their surroundings for certain femme fatal co-workers before asking, "Cordelia's still longing for a mini-you then?"
"Yeah." Angel sighed, falling back into a chair. "I mean, she hasn't said anything....but I can tell."
"Not that I really wanna get details of your sex life which will undoubtedly scar me forever....but....how?"
Angel's dark brown orbs met Gunn's and he smiled sadly. "I don't know....I just *can*." He thought for a second. "Like this morning....after we...." He sighed again and forced himself to get to the point. "She drifted....like her mind was not with me...." He waited for a snarky comment about mind-blowing sex, but it never came, so he continued. "She....She has this way of sighing when she's not completely happy with something, you know? And believe me, I know how to make her happy so don't even-"
Holding up his hands in surrender, Gunn chuckled. "I wasn't gonna."
"Good." Angel nodded, sobering immediately with the rest of his discussion. "She's been doing that ever since she started wanting a baby....and lately....lately she's even started stroking her stomach, a wistful look on her face...." He trailed off, voice starting to become weary. "I hate that I can't give her that. I can't give her the life she deserves. With the picket fence and two point three kids....I hate that I love her so much that I don't want to give her up and allow her to have the perfect life in the sun with another....I want a kid too, she KNOWS that....but as we've discussed time and time again, not only is it impossible, but unconventional and-"
"Whoa, man." The other man interrupted. "Starting to sound like English."
Good old fashioned humour.
Gunn could always rely on humour when discussions started to get too meaningful. It had always been his mechanism against awkward silences and the like, usually protecting him from admitting that he didn't know what to say. As he had been raised, he didn't know how to comfort another man or give advice in any emotional matters.
The door swung while he was in his reverie. The two men..pires..black guys... whatevers... turned, to see Willow standing in the doorway.
"Hi," she said quietly, and gave a little wave.
Angel's jaw dropped.
*************************************
"So what are you here for exactly?' Cordy asked, while handing Willow a cup of coffee.
"I don't really know. Giles needs me to see someone, about some prophesy, and everyone else went on a demon orientated road trip and it's taken longer for them to slay the demon booty than they thought, so they're gonna be out there over Christmas. And you guys were here." She blew on her coffee, ignoring a potential reaction from Angel. "well that's okay Willow. We have plenty of room, you can stay over the holiday, and celebrate Christmas angel-style!' Angel said warmly, holding out his hand to Willow. His nose wrinkled a second.
"Oh boy," Cordelia groaned.
"Did that come out a little It's a Wonderful Life?' Angel asked worriedly. She planted a kiss on his cheek.
"Yup. Very Mr Waton. But you'll still get a surprise from Santa on Christmas Day.," she told him, snaking her arms around his neck, and pulling him down for a kiss.
"I like surprises," he murmured, grinning, as he deepened the kiss.
Willow spat out her coffee.
"Excuse me! Is this freak out the Wicca day? did I miss, oh say a century in which a cure was discovered for Angel's curse? Lady, step away from the vampire!' she yelled. Angel reluctantly stopped kissing Cordelia.
"Willow, it's okay. We," he indicated Cordelia and himself, "Have a cure actually, and I'm in love with Cordelia."
"Do you have a fondness for leather pants? Because what you're saying sounds an awful lot like what Angelus used to torture Buffy. Only he did it with Faith.." Willow mused. Angel gazed at Cordy.
"Why does everyone say that? I like leather pants, yes, but when I wear them, everyone thinks I'm evil. They're nice pants! I look good in them, don't I?" he appealed. Cordelia's comment in his ear proved that at least *one* person thought he looked good in leather pants.
"So you and Cordelia are in love?" willow asked sceptically. He nodded. Quieter now, she said softly,
"Angel, why didn't you tell us? Buffy...." she considered, and decided on the truth, "she's hung on by a thread. Riley's little sucking habit session had totally screwed her over, and she's hurting, Angel. And while she's beating herself up over all the boyfriends she's chased away, the one she believes is her true love is sleeping with *Cordelia*, the one person that you can really hurt her with, Angel. A little warning might be nice.As in a 'hi Buffy, I left town screwing your world up because I want you to have a normal life and have kids and stuff, ignoring the fact you know that most Slayers die before they're twenty, and now I'm sleeping with the bitch from hell who at every moment stole the only thing that I liked about my life away from me. "
Willow's tirade ended, and she looked a little shocked about how much she'd revealed. She glanced at Angel. Unconsciously, his hand had tightened around Cordelia's, much the same way he had tried to protect Buffy from anything that could hurt her. She sighed.
"I get that you can't change your feelings, if you're in love with Cordelia then you're in love, but God Angel! You're the sensitive type. This is going to rip Buffy's heart into little pieces!" she said, slightly calmer.
Cordelia moved forwards.
"Willow, I know I was a bitch in high school. And let's face it, if Angel had glanced my way I would have dumped whoever I was with to be with him. But I've changed too, Will. I've had to grow up, and I'm a different person. And I'm in love with a wonderful man..pire, that loves me back, and it's one of the one things in my life that isn't a competition. Angel saved my life, Willow, hundreds of times. And I help him, the PTB control that, not you. So I' m not leaving. But we tried not to feel this way for ages, and I hurt another really nice guy over this. Staying apart is too difficult, and we're able to be together. Love isn't something you can change Willow. It hurts, it stabs you in the most sensitive part of you, and twists the knife. It's a torture far worse than anything you can do to me for loving him, Willow, and I will take anything on that tries to separate us." Her jaw was set, and her chin up defiantly in the gesture those who knew and loved Cordy recognised as her immovable face.
All Willow's rage on behalf of her friend left her, and she sagged slightly, not held up by her convictions anymore. Silently, she nodded, and lifted her bag. Gunn led her to a room.
"Tell that to Buffy," she said quietly, as she left.
Angel looked back at Cordelia and smiled, his eyes showing a mixture of guilt because she had been reminded once again of his last meaningful relationship, pride for the way she responded and awe because she could openly discuss her feelings with someone she once despised. He parted his lips to speak, but felt the warmth of the brunette's index finger against them, forcing him to remain silent.
"No." She stated, as if reading his mind. "Do not apologise for that, ok? I knew when we started out that I would always have to face the constant reminders of Buffy. I knew that the Scoobies would never support this, but it doesn't matter 'cos I still have you. And it's not your fault when they bring up your past....It's not your fault when they don't agree. So no apologising, got it?"
There was no arguing with her, she was still in resolve mode. When he nodded, she removed her finger from his lips. Angel grinned lopsidedly and leant towards her, preparing for the kiss.
"Bloody Hell!"
Immediately his eyes flew open and spun to catch Spike standing at the doorway (away from the sun), head cocked to the side and blue eyes wide as saucers, a smoking blanket at his feet.
Angel groaned. This was going to be a *long* day.
*~*~*~*~*~SunnyDale~*~*~*~*
"Hiya Buf!" Xander chirped, waltzing through the door.
She looked up at him wearily, watching as Dawn and her mother vacated the premises. Her eyes not moving from the spot where her mother had been, she responded solemnly. "Hey."
His demeanour darkened slightly, hating the way she looked so crushed and hopeless. The Vampire Slayer wasn't supposed to be like that. She was supposed to be lively, strong, capable of taking care of any problems with the greatest of ease....but she sat before him, completely torn down again.
Xander had sworn after Angel had left that he wouldn't allow another soul to hurt her like that again....and now, seeing her wallowing in yet another lost love, he realised that he had failed her.
His tone losing a fair amount of it's prior bounce and vitality he said, "How are you holding up today?"
She shrugged. "No better. No worse." Allowing herself a tiny chuckle, one filled with despair and pain, she looked into his eyes. "Guess that's something good, right?"
He settled himself down on the couch beside her, taking her hand and rubbing it gently in a gesture or reassurance and the love that only a best friend can offer. "On a hellmouth? Most definitely."
There was silence between them as she sighed and leant her head on his shoulder. He didn't know what to say in a situation like hers, but he would be damned if he didn't even try to be there for her, so he just sat and offered her what he could -his presence as a best friend.
After half an hour or so, she stretched out and tilted her head to look at him. "What am I going to do about Spike?" She asked, nose crinkling at the thought of the soulless, yet neutered, vampire with a crush on her.
Xander's back stiffened. He hated the peroxided pest almost as much as he hated Angel. "Honestly Buff? I have no idea." He shrugged and pondered his options. "I know you did the un-invite, but-"
"But he's still delusional." The blonde finished, sounding repulsed at the idea.
"Exactly."
"I could always, you know, stake him and-"
Xander laughed. "Buffy, please, don't tempt me here." He chuckled. "I mean, I know that I would support that....but I know you....and you have never EVER tried to take out someone that can't defend themselves. EVER."
Buffy laughed, sadly, and was silent again.
"You miss him, don't you? Riley, I mean." It wasn't a question, more a statement. Xander's face was expressionless.
"Yeah." Buffy shifted uncomfortably, and settled back into her original position. She furrowed her brow a little. "I mean, No. I mean, I don't know. I still...love him, but I can't think...it hurts, Xan," she whispered.
"So don't think about him. C'mon Buff, you're a demon ass kicker! Go out and take out all your frustrations on some undead thing. Make some vamp pay for what he did to you. Ooooh....Like Spike!" Xander cajoled, thrilled by the tiny smile.
It faded quickly. "Nope." She said, her voice still weary. "Stay home Buffy, is....staying home."
Xander nodded. He knew, at least, when it was best to subside. "Cool."
They sat silently in companionship, side by side.
*~*~*~*~*~LA~*~*~*~*~*
"He can't stay here."
It was not a request, it was statement. Spike uncrossed his legs, and recrossed them. "Luv, I'm here, an' I'm stayin'. I'm not kickin' you out of bed, Red, so don't be complainin'." He rhymed, now slightly drunk on account of the fact that he had found Wesley's secret stash of bourbon. Well, he'd needed it after seeing the great poof making out with the cheerleader. Then there was the fact that he was still hurting over the whole 'crush on the slayer' thing. But now, as the alcohol wore off, he was barely tipsy. Didn't stop him from having fun though. He grinned wickedly. "On second thoughts...."
Cordelia hit him.
"OWw! What was that for, bint?" he demanded, nursing his arm with a wounded air.
Cordelia gave him her best snobby look. "Don't try anything. You are Angel's guest.."she glanced at her boss, "For some reason, and you are unwelcomed by the rest of us. You want a steak sandwich with that room service, if you catch my drift?"
As Spike heaved himself off to his room, Cordelia came over to Angel.
"Much as I appreciate Christmas is a time for family, I don't get it for vampire families. I thought the cross thing would put them off. Why is he here?"
Angel hugged her. "He.." he hesitated, then realised Spike couldn't hurt anyone. "He's in love with Buffy. She, being her, turned him down. He needs to get over it."
"Eww." Cordy wrinkled her nose. "Much with the eww. I thought Dru was bad. He's crazier than she was!"
Spike who had been climbing the stairs, whipped around. "Watch it, girlie, or I might rip your bloody head off. Someone's been playin' in the demon cookie jar, and Spike can play with the other doggies when they're not.." he sniffed suggestively, "Pure." He swaggered off.
"Like I said. A time to get over her." Angel shrugged, kind of confused by Spike's still tipsy phrasing.
*
Faith cruised down the motorway, the motorcycle moving powerfully. Disgusted, she clung onto the guy in front. Being on parole, she had to be a good girl, and not drive until she was given the all clear. But for now, she was stuck in the passenger seat.
The motorcycle roared on for the next half hour, before pulling up outside a large building. It had grown old gracefully, and as lovely in a 50's charm.
Faith swung her bag off the back of the bike, and bade goodbye to the guy. She waited a second, then strode purposefully to the door of the hotel, and went in.
Bedlam was occurring. Spike's little comment had led to uproar.
"Cordy stop! Listen to me. He's just-"
Angel's useless explanation was cut short once more as Cordelia yelled, "He's a soulless vampire with no morals and no sense of right and wrong! He insulted me! And YOU let him-"
"I didn't let him do anything." Angel shot back, now heatedly.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "You were just DEFENDING him!"
"I was not! I was just trying to-"
"Defend his actions!" She cried at him.
He furrowed his brow. "-Explain the fact that he's harmless and you should ignore him."
"Or kick him out of my...er...OUR hotel!"
"Uh, Cordelia, it's *my* hotel." Angel said, attempting to correct her, but she shot him a glare that made him feel 2 inches tall.
"So all your 'What's mine is yours' blabber was just a pile of crap then?" Cordy hissed.
The manpire's eyes widened in horror. "No! I didn't mean-"
He was interrupted this time by the sound of someone clearing their throat. "Ahem."
The bickering lovers spun once more to see Faith nervously twiddling her thumbs. This time it was Cordelia that groaned. Would this day never end?
*
"So let me get this straight," Cordelia said, settling down on the couch and nuzzling against Angel. She'd forgotten all about their argument and was more interested in the sudden influx of visitors. "You were allowed an early parole for absolutely no real reason?" When Faith nodded, she looked at Angel. "It sounds a little suspicious."
Immediately the Slayer leapt up to defend herself. "I swear I'm telling you the truth! I-"
Cordelia smiled at her. "No....I believe you....it's just a strange situation is all."
Faith nodded and sat back down. "Yeah, it was kinda fishy even to me."
Cordelia smacked herself in the forehead as an idea hit her. She jumped to her feet and started to pace, calling out "Skip!" every so often. After all, if this was supernaturally related -and she didn't doubt that it was for a second....call it an educated guess- Skip would know what was going on. He'd been the one to appear and sort out the 'visionity/soul' issues for them after Groo had left...and he was her only link to the PTBs and their obsession with complicating Angel's unlife.
Faith watched on, confusion etched across her face. She looked at Angel, "Has your girlfriend gone insane?"
He shook his head, eyes glued to his seer, lover and best friend. "No...." He started, gaze never wandering from Cordy. "She's trying to find out what's going on."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~SunnyDale~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy strolled into the lounge, and was shocked by the mountain of pine needles currently occupying centre stage.
"Wow," she commented. "Dig the Christmas tree."
Dawn turned around from where she was crouched under the branches. "You like?" she asked excitedly. "Giles brought it over, and he started to help me. It's just us now, though." Buffy's face fell somewhat, and Dawn's heart dropped. The pleasure on Buffy's face had been something to smile about.
"I figured we could have a tree like L.A," Dawn explained, hurriedly. "You know, like Dad always-"
"Paid his secretary to put up." Buffy interrupted.
Dawn looked miserable. "I never knew that." she complained.
"No Dawnie, I didn't mean....Look. The thought's cute. Really. It's just..." she sighed. "I really don't want to be here for Christmas."
Dawn understood what her sister was trying to say....or avoid. It was all the same to her. "I'm sorry Riley left you, Buffy. But he was always so boring...There was no way I could have seen you two working anyway...." Dawn confided, and moved over to hug her sister. Buffy stroked her hair sadly, as she contemplated the glittering tree, and hugged her back.
*~*~*~*~*~*~L.A~*~*~*~*~*
"Skip, what the hell have you done?!" Cordelia hollered.
Skip materialised, and gave a rather sheepish grin to all and sundry. "Uh, hello. didn't think I'd be seeing you for a while," he began, conversationally to Cordelia.
She rolled her eyes. "Cut the crap, Skippy. Why is *she* out of jail?' she demanded, waving her hand in Faith's direction.
"So you're not going to say thank you?" he ventured. One look from the pissed off seer gave him an answer.
"What for?!" she bellowed.
Skip winced. "Well, in the vision that should hit you anytime now, you'll find out that Faith was going to be killed in jail sometime soon. And the next Slayer was gonna be scheduled to do some *major* damage. " He shook is head, reverently. "So the PTB decided you get a break, what with you volunteering.." he caught sight of the frantic 'cut it out' gestures Cordy was making, and moved on quickly.
"Anyway, she's here for Christmas. Enjoy the repentance while you can. Oh, by the way, sweetie, you can't kick human ass for the duration of your parole. Think of it as being the same way as Chippy here." He indicated Spike (who had come back downstairs to complain about all the ruckus disturbing his sleep) with his thumb.
"Hey!" the vampire protested.
"Thanks," Faith replied sarcastically.
As Skip began to dematerialise, he paused. "Oh, that doesn't include the Slayer by the way." he called, as he shimmered out.
"Why would I need to know *that*?" Faith said as she stared at the spot he had just vacated.
Cordelia shrugged, "Honestly? I don't know and frankly I don't care. All I *do* know is that while you, fangless and Willow are here, you can all pull your weight and help out here when needed." She grinned at Spike, who was moping at the prospect of WORKING for the soulled wonder and his crew of misfits. "So consider this a working vacation. As of this second you are all members of the AI team."
Spike groaned. "ME? Workin' for PEACHES?" He scoffed. "Gotta be pullin' my leg!"
Cordy glared at him. "Not a chance."
"Bloody brilliant." He growled, sarcasm lacing his tone as he climbed the stairs once more.
*~*~*~*~*~*~SunnyDale~*~*~*~*~*~*
Buffy stormed into her living room and dropped onto a seat most ungracefully. From her position on the couch, Joyce looked over and smiled weakly. "Honey, what's wrong?" She asked.
Buffy glared at the magazine in her mother's hands as if it had committed a vile offence. "Spike's gone." She hissed in frustration.
Her mother's face contorted in confusion. "Isn't that a good thing?" She asked. "I mean, I thought you wanted him to stay away from you."
"I did." The slayer responded defiantly. "But not yet. I wanted to beat him up a little first."
Joyce chuckled lightly. "Honey, I know you're going through a rough patch, but beating up someone defenceless....especially someone that has feelings of some kind for you....Well, it's not the answer."
"It's the only one I have." Buffy whined slightly, knowing deep-down inside that her mother was once again correct.
There was silence for a few seconds before the older woman asked, "Where did he go?"
Shrugging, Buffy responded "Don't know. Don't know when -if ever- he'll be back either."
Joyce nodded. "I see. Well, if you ever need to talk about your feelings instead of taking them out on-"
"No." Buffy looked horrified. "Mom....you've had enough on your plate to worry about. I refuse to add my problems to yours." She smiled. "You're getting better. I don't want to spoil that."
Her mother nodded once more, realising that there was going to be no arguing with the younger woman. "Fair enough." She watched as Buffy stood and headed for the door. "Where are you off to now?"
The slayer grinned. "Just 'cos i don't wanna worry you with my issues doesn't mean i don't wanna worry Xander with them." She paused and frowned at her phrasing. "That sounded less bitchy in my head....Argh!" She tossed her hands into the air dramatically. "I can't even PUN anymore!" And with that she was out of the house and on her way to Xander's place. At least HE'd get some entertainment from Spike's departure.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~L.A~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Cordelia....I love you." Angel's voice sounded in the redhead's mind.
The ex-Queen C of Sunnydale High's reply was soft and full of emotion. "I love you too."
There was a brief silence. Willow closed her eyes and frowned in concentration. Although it was wrong to eavesdrop, she could hear Angel and Cordelia talking down the hall and what she heard made her heart swell and her eyes tear up. They were very much in love, it was true, but they were both aching for something that was impossible to achieve. Although Angel didn't admit his feelings, the vibe the Wiccan Wonder was getting from him spoke volumes to her. Cordelia's feelings were also flowing from her in waves, but she spoke most of them aloud anyhow.
Angel spoke again. "I'm sorry."
"What for?" Cordy responded, although her tone indicated that she already knew the answer.
There was a sigh. "Because I can't give you what you want....What you deserve."
"Angel, sweetheart, you already have. I want you. I *deserve* you." The seer's tone was weary, as if she had been through this thousands of times before. Willow didn't doubt that she had either.
"You deserve so much more."
"Angel-"
"No." His tone was short, sharp and determined as he cut her off. He must have realised this because Willow felt him mellow again. "No.... Cordelia. You deserve a man that can do the sunlight and church thing. A man that can do anything and everything with you. A man that can sit on the beach with you while you tan....so he can scare away all the other men that think they have half a chance...."
Cordelia chuckled and Willow felt herself smile sadly as well. Poor Angel. He was still tormented, and it seemed to be worse than when he was with the blonde slayer. As for Cordelia, the Wicca could tell she was torn. The cheerleader was head-over-heels for Angel -her soul was already his- and Willow also knew of the sacrifice she had made to stay with him, but she yearned for more....and it was eating them both up inside.
"Angel-" Cordy began sadly, but was interrupted once more.
"Cordy, you deserve a man that CAN give you children and,as much as it hurts me to admit it, I am not that man." He sighed. "I'm not even a real man. I'm a vampire. I would give anything -bar my soul- to have children with you....But we both know that-"
"You can't. I get that." The brunette finished for him, her tone more sad and tired than before. "Angel....Look at me. We've been through this so many times. I love you. I became half demon to stay here with you. I HAD a man that could give me everything....and he wasn't good enough. He wasn't you. Sure, I tried to do the hair thing with him....and the clothes....but he could never EVER give me what you can. You've given me a family here Angel. Friends and a steady job. You've taught me so much....I can't love anyone but you. And if that means I'll never have a baby, then fine. I can accept that. But if you even think that for a second i can live without you, you are mistaken."
"But-"
"No. No 'buts'." She chided gently.
Willow felt the way Cordy smiled inside at him....and the way he warmed up inside when she spoke. They were meant to be together, damn the circumstances, and it made Willow feel so helpless. She wanted to help them, but knew that there was no way she could.
"Angel, please, I know it's gonna take me a bit of time to understand and accept, but I will. In the meantime, I still have you....and that's what matters." Cordelia added. Willow felt the way she shrugged. "Besides, Gunn and Fred'll start multiplying sometime and then I can smother THEIR kids to my heart's content....It'll be like having the real thing only without the side-effects....like stretch marks."
Angel laughed mildly, although not completely convinced, and Willow felt him nod. "Have I told you how much I love you lately?"
With that the red-head withdrew her focus from the couple and their conversation. At least they were happy, she thought. They were gonna make it through this. It was a pity she couldn't do anything to help them.
*~*~*~Next day sometime~*~*~*
"So this constitutes as working?" Cordelia asked snidely, banging a dusty book down on the desk. Spike was leaning back in a chair, sipping a glass of blood, and lazily reading a page on the computer.
"What *are* you looking at anyway?" Cordelia snapped, having failed to get a reaction of the bone-idle blond.
She glanced over his shoulder. Spike's reading material began, *Vampire chicks, get 'em while they're still hot!*
"Ya know, I actually start to think that you've reached the limit of ookiness, then you surprise me by hitting yet another level." she muttered, feeling faintly queasy.
Spike gave her a small smile. "Done makin' me work, luv? Cos I will, if you can make work as *interesting* as play." He wiggled his eyebrows.
"Double eww, Spike. Now get off your lazy ass before I stake it" Spike gave the seer an appraising glance.
"Wouldn't you need Peaches help with that?" he said, one eyebrow raised. It took Cordelia a couple of seconds to work out the innuendo, then she flung herself at him, screeching with frustration. The vampire dodged, laughing, and made it cross the room.
However, Angel stood calmly in the doorway, and caught him.
"Angel, please, can we set him on fire?" Cordelia pleaded.
"What? I've gone from staked to burnt?" Spike asked amusedly from under Angel's arm.
"It'll *hurt* more," Cordelia snapped. She turned puppy eyes on Angel.
"Don't give me that." He snarked at her playfully. "I taught you that." She grinned and he shrugged. "Besides, Spike is *unfortuntely* a guest.... of the soulless variety.... and he is to remain alive. However," Angel vamped out and lifted Spike into the air, "William, you remember quite well what I could do to you when you bugged the hell out of me and Darla? Well, I'll let you in on a secret: I'm still capable." He let Spike drop to the ground and Cordelia laughed.
"William?" She asked, with an eyebrow quirked.
Spike snarled.
*~*~Another part of the hotel~*~*
Willow sat cradled in an armchair, eating Angel prepared eggs, and thumbing through one of Wesley's books. She had been give two options, go through the books, or work with Cordy on updating the website. She preferred the former.
She turned the page, and her mouth dropped open. The page she had turned was a goldmine!
"Vampyre's Childer" it read.
"Born of a maiden, loved by he, Blessed be him by pain and life Gentled by man, hardened by kindness, Suffer unto him strife.
Cradle a child of vampyre bane, Born with the blessings of that feared race, time shall pass, and babe lie there, But no shadow shall cross thy face.
Child of the hunter, child of the pure, Child born with a gift to slay, Boy or female, be the same, Whatever may come, come what may.
One night shall pass, be splendid for thee, Find the maiden that loveth he, Love in her arms, be happy, be free, Let life be lessed by babe, by she.
In full of the moon, on Christmas Even, Child of darkness, child of morn A year shall pass, and in thy arms Lies child of even, child of dawn"
Willow scanned it through again. It didn't seem to refer to the Children of vampires, the ones they turned, but.... She hugged herself with glee, and whispered a thank you to the Goddess. She had found something that was Angel's greatest wish. A spell that would work on a vampire that had suffered pain, well that part was true. Loved by a maiden, well, Buffy had been a maiden, but..She thought. No, maiden meant girl in this kind of language, so Cordelia would work. She had found it!
She quickly ran over the requirements listed. It was a chant to be done with a drop of the female's blood, ooh, tricky. And done by the light of the full moon, on Christmas Eve. She ran across the room, to Wesley' meticulous calendar, planning the nights of the moon. Christmas Eve was full moon! It fitted!