So originally, this was supposed to be like my 'Boys are Gross' story, except from the male perspective. I felt bad about making all guys look like jackasses, you see. I wanted to make girls look bad too, so it would be a level playing field. Unfortunately, I think I just made guys look worse. Sorry Guys. But I think it's funny, so tough luck.
Disclaimer: Batman costumes don't give you the ability to fly. And I don't own the characters.
"That sucked, Mai is such a bitch!" Tate slumped into a bean bag chair.
"What happened, Dude?" Reito asked.
"She got pissed for some random reason, I don't even know."
"Girls do that." Takumi said, rather sadly, "You just gotta take it, like a MAN!"
"Ah, that's not too bad," Takeda told them, "I got a chance to go out with Natsuki, and she didn't appreciate the fact that I wanted to drive, and then I even treated her to dinner and she had the nerve to dump a soda in my lap."
"Where'd you take her?" Takumi asked.
"To McDonalds." Takeda shrugged, "It was just a casual first date, and well, last date, I guess."
"Ah, no man!" Tate laughed, "Girls have standards way too high, they expect the best, and if you don't deliver the best, you don't get any."
"They're just so confusing," Takumi admitted, "Akira gets really scary sometimes and it's like I can't do anything right."
"Happens about, oh, once a month?" Reito asked slyly.
"Yeah, about, I guess, why?"
Takeda snorted, "It's the number one cause of death among males in the world. You've got to be aware of it, it's like as important as…as wearing boxers, not briefs to prevent impotence."
"What is?" Takumi was thoroughly confused.
"You ever heard of PMS?" Tate asked him.
"PMS? Is that a type of STD?"
"Well, sort of." Reito said.
"Yeah, it isn't a 'Sexually Transmitted Disease,' it's more like a 'Sex Tonight Denial'." Tate informed him, and all but Takumi cracked up.
"What?!" Takumi looked around at the three older guys, "Stop shitting me and just tell me what the fuck you're talking about assholes!"
There was a pause of dramatic tension as the sentence, that they never thought someone as meek as Takumi would utter, hung in the air. It was broken by a loud fart. Everyone looked at Reito, who shrugged.
"Why didn't you warn us?!" Tate said plugging his nose, "We could have lit a match."
"Whew, that's ripe." Takeda noted, "Wish we could have pulled your finger, that's always fun."
"Uh, HELLO?! Aren't you gonna answer my question."
"Oh, right," Reito leaned in and whispered into Takumi's ear.
"Oh." Takumi's face turned beet red, then white, and he feinted.
As they looked him over, Tate asked, "What'd you tell him?"
Reito had a grave expression on his face, "The truth."
"Shit man!" Takeda was alarmed, "He's just a kid!"
"I know, but better he learn sooner than later that he's going to have to deal with the 'Psychotic Mood Shift' every month until she's like 50."
"Poor kid, I hope he'll be alright." Tate noted, just as Takumi came to.
"Wha-?" Then he remembered, "Oh God! I don't think I can handle that!"
"Hm, you know, it's a lot to deal with, just to get laid a few times." Reito noted.
"Maybe we should all go gay." Takumi said, but then realized what he'd said. They all shifted away from each other awkwardly.
"Um…well if we only want to be around chicks when they're in a 'get laid' mood, we could be male prostitutes!" Takeda's idea seemed pretty good, until it occurred to him, "Though, only like ugly and fat chicks probably need prostitutes."
"Gynecology?" Reito suggested.
"Naw, it's like a museum, 'look but don't screw'." Tate said.
"Well fuck, what are we going to do?" Takeda asked, nearly crying.
"I guess we could stay with our chicks and deal with their murderous rage every month?" Takumi suggested.
All four burst out laughing, which turned to hysterics as they realized they'd have to, if they ever wanted to get laid again.
Epilogue:
When they had finally accepted their fate; Tate checked his cell, and found a text from Mai. This is what it said:
Im breakin up w/ u. we r all goin lez. ttyn.