This was kinda sorta my night, beside anything having to do with Izaya that is. Also this could be seen as a sibling fic to "Boredom".

WARNING: Implied Shizaya, cussing, suggestive themes, and over all crackness!

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING

There was Shizuo failishly flopped onto his bed in nothing more than shorts and a baggy shirt, drinking and surfing through the Internet. His eyes were straining to read the captions and comments on the page. Over all, he was pissed. He was tired, yet it was only 1:55 AM. For him, it was like going to bed at 9:00PM and he was pissed that he was tired. Yep, it was illogical, but at the moment he didn't give a damn. Resting his head on an overly stuffed blue monokuro boo plush,* he clicked on a random song in his play list.

..If you wanna *BEEP* me, I won't say no!
T-t-Touchin on my *BEEP*
While I'm t-t-touchin on your *BEEP*
You know we are gonna *BEEP*
Cause I don't give a *BEEP*
Girl I gotta go, I'm finished with the show

He halted his thought process for a moment. 'Do kids now these days think about anything besides sex? I swear every song now is like this 'Oh, I'm going to have sex with her~' ...Anyway moving on.'

"Damn it's hot in here."

It seemed as nothing could quail the heat in his crappy apartment, even his cat, Tom, had gone off in search of somewhere cooler. He should be going to sleep, he had to get up early to fix his dryer, but wanted to stay up and prove that he could stay up longer. He looked down. Huh, his finger was involuntarily twitching. I wonder if that's healthy?

"Hi there, Shizu-Chan~!"

Said blond gave an oh so manly squeal, which was accompanied by a yell of, "SWEET MOTHER OF CORN!" and a THUD.

"WTF"

"Now now, Shizu-Chan, you shouldn't use such chat language!" The informant tsked.

"Will, you STOP teleporting in here?"

"No, I don't think I will~! And what is THAT, Shizu-Chan?" The brunette said, pointing to the plush.

Shizuo pause, staring at Izaya as if he was an idiot. "It's a monokuro boo plush."

"I know that, I'm wonder why you have one! And why do you have porno music playing?"

"I got it at a convention because it's rather adorable and this isn't porno music; it's 3Oh3."

The ex-bartender paused before asking, "Wait...HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT PORNO MUSIC SOUNDS LIKE?"

"Oh, I've done extensive research~! Do you want to find out what I've learned from it, Shizu-Chan?" He had expected the blond to blow up the moment he said that, but what met his ears was silence. Looking over he saw that Shizuo was, once again, surfing the Internet.

"Hello~ Shizu-Chan~?"

The reply was instantaneous. "Sorry, Flea. I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am."

Izaya stared. He stared until he was certain it would burn a hole into the back of Shizuo's head, but, no matter how awesome he is, it didn't happen.

"Tell me, Shizu-Chan, are you on something called 'Drugs' or have you been eating a type of sugar spelled C-R-A-C-K?" Then, quickly, the brunette grabbed Shizuo's drink and...smelled it.

"HEY, GIVE THAT BA-"

"It doesn't smell like drugs, but then again, there's a lot of substances that have no smell...Well, there's only one way to find out!" He then took a large swig of the unknown liquid.

"MY MOUNTAIN DEW!"

"Ha, more like 'Mount and Do Me'!"

Izaya awoke the next morning, completely nude, in a dumpster 7 miles from Ikebukuro.

THE END

I swear I'm on drugs!XD BTW the song used was "Touchin on My" by 3Oh3.o3o BTW the "I swear every song now is like this 'Oh, I'm going to have sex with her~'" and " have you been eating a type of sugar spelled C-R-A-C-K?" are quotes from my friend, Katie.

Monokuro Boo is these plush pigs that are frikkin aborable. Google them.