My name is Fluttershy. I am shy and timid. I get nervous and have panic attacks. I don't like being in big crowds. Being alone for long periods of time makes me panic. I call myself stupid and ugly when I am alone. I come from a big family. I have 3 brothers and 4 sisters. I'm just your normal everyday filly.

My 3 younger brothers are Bennie, Crash and Red Ryder. My older sister is Holly Pop. My 3 younger sisters are Summer Flowers, Rarity and Cherry Pop. Yes, Rarity is my younger sister. Rarity is fifteen. She only seems older because of her voice and she developed kinda early.

My mom had my older sister Holly pop with some stallion when she was 16, she got married then divorced shortly after. Then four years later she met my dad, had me, got married then divorced. Who would have thought that marrying a stallion you met at Narcotics Anonymous wouldn't be a good idea. (Snickering) Sorry. Then my mom met Zeb, my step-dad. He is a zebra. She had my little sister Summer Flowers and a year later Rarity. Then they got married, they haven't divorced…..yet.

My dad got married to a mare, Lemon tart, and had my two little brothers, Bennie and Crash. He divorced Lemon tart a year or so ago.

My older sister had 2 ponies Red Ryder and Cherry Pop. Except P.P.S (Pony Protective Services) stepped in and now they are my brother and sister. Yea.

That's my family.

Grandparents:

Mom's mom: Nana Jeane. SHE WAS NUTS! My grandma was insane. When me and Holly Pop were ponies she would tell us not to get up at night otherwise demons would come from hell and take us away. We would get so scared at night that we couldn't sleep. It didn't help that her house was very old and creaked. She would only give us one blanket to share. The knitted ones with the big holes. So along with being terrified we froze to death at night too. Once I was so scared to get up to go potty, I peed in a trashcan that was in the room. I emptied it the next morning in the toilet

Mom's dad: Unknown. She never talks about him. In fact none of my aunts and uncles do either. It's like my grandma just asexually reproduced.

Dad's mom: Grandma grey mare. I love her. Every time I go to her house she tells me how pretty, fun and smart I am. Which…which I really needed growing up…I'll get to that later. She is always happy and optimistic. Like you could shit in her yard and she'd be like "Thank you for the fertilizer." Or if it was Armageddon "At least it's sunny and warm outside." She is a beautiful ball of sunshine.

Now my grandma and grandpa got a divorce when my dad was a pony and they both remarried.

Grandma Grey Mare's husband is Tobi. He is a nice guy, he eats a LOT of ice cream. So he is little….chunky?

Dad's dad: Papa Foal. He is a snarky, happy, sarcastic old stallion. He is very sweet unless he doesn't like you then he will tease you. Also if he gets mad it is like a volcano!

Papa Foal's wife. Babes. She is a really nice mare. She is very knowledgeable about farms and all kinds of dogs. She was also Mrs. Rodeo Queen once.

I wasn't always the shy timid creature ponies see now a days. I used to be a lot like Pinkie Pie. I was loud, I made people laugh, I was outgoing and had lots of friends, I clopped, I drank and partied. But life happens and the world changes you. I guess my problem is that I trust ponies entirely too easy.

Growing up my mother wasn't a good mom in anyway. My dad, when they were still married, would go to work and my mom would invite a bunch of our "Uncles" over to see each other. Then Holly Pop and I would be shut up into a back bedroom with the movie Fantasia playing over and over. We would try to get out to eat, get a drink or pee but it was always locked. When my mom would remember to let us out her explanation was always that she and our "Uncles" were wrapping our Christmas presents! It's amazing how many Christmas presents need to be wrapped in June. Eventually my dad caught on and got tired of my mom constantly lying and divorced her ass. Mom, me and Holly Pop moved into an apartment somewhere in west Eqestria. Other times my mom would forget that she had ponies and invite "Uncles" over and not lock us in a back room. Honestly it was better when she did lock us in the room. My mom would pop pills, inject Celestia knows what, and go into the back room to "take naps" with the "uncles"; In front of us. (low crying) Sometimes one of the "uncles" would take Holly Pop into a back room…..I don't remember much when shit got like that, it's like my brain went on lock down. All the sound and sights would disappear. I was in my head watching cartoons or playing with my Kitty-bear. (She's a stuffed cat that I have.) Then I'd kinda "wake up" the next day my sister angry at me and my mom sleeping till 3-4 in the afternoon. Sometimes my mom would just leave, like for a few days or even a week. Leaving me and Holly Pop alone. How fucked up is that? How can you ditch your ponies like that? (sniff sniff) Sorry. Me and Holly Pop would watch cartoons and eat cereal together. I think 90% of my childhood diet was cereal.

Most of the time my mom forgot to take us to school. She wouldn't wake up at 7 and by the time she did wake up school was either half way over or over. She always said I don't want to look like a bad mom by bringing you in late. (laughs) Cuz' that's what makes you look like a bad mom. I missed most of Kindergarten-second grade. The truancy officer finally got after my mom. There was this big court thing and she almost went to jail, but somehow it was mine and Holly Pop's fault. Mom would get angry about stuff like that and generally she took it out on Holly Pop. She would hit her, spank her, say horrible things to her then…Holly Pop took it out on me.

Once when I was 3 Holly Pop hoofcuffed me to the top of our bunk bed and pushed me off so I would hang there. I tried to hold myself up with my wings but tiny 3-year-old wings get tiered fast. So I hung there for a few hours. I screamed for my mom and Holly Pop to hear me but no one came. The cuffs dug in so hard it made my wrists bleed. My mom eventually found me and beat the hell out of Holly Pop. That's not what I wanted. I wanted my sister to love me but I guess she didn't. Who could blame her? My mom was evil to Holly Pop. And here I am playing with Kitty-bear like everything is right in the world.

My mom started taking us to school which was a great thing, picking us up from school was a different story though. We told the teachers we were walking home and we would hide in the bushes. After everyone in the school had left we would sit on the front steps of the school. A lot of the time we would just walk over to our Aunt's house who lived less than a mile away from the school and stay at her house till mom came to pick us up. My aunt was always very shocked to see us. Her husband would always get angry. We would watch tv in their bedroom and hear them arguing downstairs.
"Your sister need to get off her lazy ass and take care of her own ponies instead of pawning them off on everypony!"
It's funny every time my mom picked us up from my aunt's she would yell and scream that we were horrible children by making her look like a bad mom all the time.

At one point we lived in our wagon. My mom said we were camping, then we lived with my grandma Nana Jeane. That didn't last!

Then my mom met Zeb. He took my mom halfway across Equestria, away from all of our family and moved us to the sticks. We lived in this tiny shack of a house that had no heat or air conditioning. It got so cold at night that me and Holly pop would get in bed together. Which wasn't normal because when I did try to snuggle my sister she would hit me a lot. I don't see what my mom see's in Zeb. He would tell me and Holly Pop how ugly we were and how stupid we were, or how we would never amount to anything. Great for a pony's self-confidence right? He hit us a lot too. He would push me down the stairs. Once he took Kitty-bear away from me. Now this was epically traumatic Kitty-bear was all I had. She was my only friend up until I was 7. Holly-pop used her magic and hit Zeb in the head with a LAMP! She gave me Kitty-bear back. My sister stood up for me! This was it we were finally going to be sisters and be happy and play together! Sadly I was mistaken. Holly Pop's grandmother fought for custody of my sister and won. Holly Pop no longer lived with me….

Things went by fairly quickly I guess. Sometimes Holly Pop lived with us other times she didn't. I was six when Summer Flowers was born. Honestly I think I was a great mom to Summer Flowers. My mom and Zeb didn't get up with her at night, didn't change her diapers generally, or fed her. I would get up make Summer Flowers a bottle, change her diapers and just lay her in bed with me. I think I did very well for a 6-year-old pony. I missed a lot of school and sleep from this but it was my job. Once when Holly Pop was visiting she gave me a break to have a moment of normal ponyhood. I was watching cartoons and Summer Flowers started crying. Holly pop went to go feed her and Zeb yelled at her!
"Hell no! That baby ain't gonna' eat before I do. You better make me a sandwich before you feed her!" Honestly I don't know what is wrong with that stallion. I don't see how it is pony-ly possible for you to be so stupid and cruel. Naturally my sister and he started arguing. I jumped up made Summer Flowers a bottle and ran into my room. I heard the screaming and yelling. Then I guess my mom joined in. I gave Summer Flowers her bottle she was just old enough to where she could hold it herself. I peeked out of the door. Zeb was stomping his hooves on my mom leaving huge bruises. Holly Pop was standing a few feet away. My mom turned to us and screamed.
"Do you see how he hits me!"
I don't know what's more fucked up… Seeing your own mother getting beaten as a child or her saying that to us. What were we supposed to do? They stopped fighting. My mom called the cops, Zeb got arrested, and then a few days later she dropped the charges then he was back home like nothing had happened. Holly Pop stopped visiting. Her grandma wouldn't allow it, or for my mom to call her. So hence I couldn't talk to her either. A year or two (I can't remember) Rarity was born. Amazing how a 7-8 year old can handle razing yet another baby and a toddler. I was a great mom again. I started doing very badly in school, and I would fall asleep in classes. Somehow P.P.S was called and I had to start talking to a counselor at recess. All the other fillies and foals got to play but not me. It was ok I guess. The mare was really nice but I guess I was telling too much of the truth. I said how I was tiered due to taking care of my sisters. How I always was flying to my room to lock mom and Zeb out so they couldn't fight in front of them. It was my job to take care of them according to Zeb. Eventually the counselor called my mom. My mom explained that I had been watching Annie and that I must have made it up from that. That she takes care of my sisters and me, her and Zeb never fight, she has cancer so she bruises very easily and we always have a well-stocked house of food. That line made me laugh. I was so skinny you could see my ribs and my spine very well.

My mom beat the SHIT out of me when we got home. She held my face inches from hers and screamed. The next time I talked to the counselor I was to say none of those things happen that I just wanted attention, that I have a great mom who has cancer and is just trying, that I fall asleep in class because I'm a bad pony and sneak watching cartoons at night. Just to be clear my mom has NEVER had cancer. She would get body or face work done and blame it on cancer. She enjoys attention like that. The next day at the counselors I did just that. It hurt my tummy a little lying to her like that and knowing I wasn't going to get any help.
Anyway back to the food thing. My mom and Zeb never had money for food for some reason. And what little food we did have I generally gave up me eating so Summer Flowers and Rarity could eat. I think some of the teachers figured out what was going on. Amazingly they would over pack their lunch and couldn't possibly eat their sandwich or apple or drink their milk. Thank goodness for those teachers.

When I tuned 11 Zeb decided he was going to join Celestia's Guard. He took off to try out. The SECOND Zeb was gone my mom fell back into inviting "Uncles" over again. Except this time they weren't taking naps they were playing cards. My dad would call and I told him about our new uncles coming over and mom was always playing cards. Mom quickly grabbed the phone from me and told my dad that she played poker with some of her filly friends. After that mom would sit in the room, with the phone on speaker, and her whispering to me what to say. Zeb came back completely oblivious. He wasn't allowed in as a guard but he got a job offer in Cloudsdale.

So I covered some childhood things about my mom. Now for my dad. When my parents got divorced my mom would hide me. When my dad would come to pick me up generally we hid in the closet till my dad got tired of knocking and left. Or we would pack into the wagon just before he came to get me and we would leave. A couple of times we moved without my mom telling my dad. Amazingly she never got arrested, although she did have warrants out but she never got arrested for some reason. She probably gave head to the police officers or something like that…..
I love my dad. He is a great guy, I just wish he would have tried harder for me. He always tries to tell me how smart and talented I am. You may not know but I am a very good artist, for somepony who isn't a unicorn. My dad always told me I could grow up to be an amazing artist or a cartoonist. I once told my mom I wanted to be a cartoonist and she told me it was stupid dream. Just a quick FYI, I didn't actually get my cutie mark until I was 12. Yeah embarrassing. My dad was dating a mare named Lemon Tart. Lemon was an appropriate name for her she was a big 'ol sour puss. They dated and she was so nice to me. We would play games together, color and she played pretend games with me. All that stopped though as soon as my dad proposed to her. The second she was engaged she had nothing to do with me. Why try to show a stallion how good you are with his pony after you're engaged. You only need to impress them when you're dating. I would wake up and come out of my room and she would run out of the living room and lock herself in her room. My dad would be at work and I would kinda be alone. I would make myself some cereal watch some cartoons then go to my room. I guess she could sense when I was going in and out of my room. When I came out she would disappear, when I went in my room she would appear. The amazing Disappearing act of the step-mother! Ohhh Ahh! (Snickering) I would try to tell my dad about how Lemon Tart would disappear but she would put on a sad face and cry about how it was I who would disappear. My dad never believed me. They got married when I was seven, I cried at their wedding to my Grandma Grey Mare. How my dad wouldn't love me anymore because Lemon Tart was around.
So that's how mine and Lemon Tart's relationship was until I was about 11 when my brother, Bennie, was born. I thought Lemon Tart was a bitch but she was nice compared to how I was about to be treated. When Bennie was born all the sudden there was a bunch of new "rules".
I wasn't allowed in Bennie's room, or Dad and Lemon Tart's room, I wasn't allowed to hold Bennie, touch his things or be alone in the same room with him. Lemon Tart was quite cruel like that. I resented my brother. Maybe she resented me for being my dad's first child, or maybe I was proof my dad had been with a mare before her. I don't know. She knew how life was with my mom so if she couldn't be my step-mom, she could of just been my friend. I guess it was too hard for her to be there for me. When I was about 16 my brother, Crash, was born. Honestly I didn't care. I hated Bennie with all of my heart. I had no love for him at all. So why would I care that my dad bred, again, with some stupid bitch mare who didn't love me? When I visited my dad it generally was spent with me in my bedroom, or at my grandparents. When my dad tried to spend time with me like take me out shopping or take me out for a movie Lemon Tart would get mad. She would call him and cuss him out that he loved me more than my brothers or that she and my brothers didn't matter. It always ended with me saying. "It's ok dad it doesn't matter..let's just go home."

I cried a lot at my dad's. The best times with him were when everyone was out of the house and it was just me and dad.

My Grandma Grey Mare was always there for me. I would tell her about Lemon Tart and how I felt like she resented me. I told her how I didn't really care about Bennie and Crash. She would try to tell me it wasn't their fault and I should be nice to them but I just couldn't. You can't force yourself to love anyone, regardless if their family or not. She would take me out and buy new clothes, give me money and just be my grandma.

Papa Foal didn't like Lemon Tart at all! He would make fun of her the entire time she was around. And he would tell my dad, when she wasn't around, to wise up and get a divorce. I didn't talk about thing like that with Papa Foal. He generally got mad pretty quick and he would blow up. I had Babes though. She has such a gentle soul. She would talk about being a rodeo queen, how to talk to the animals, and how to truly listen to them. I didn't believe her at first, other animals talking other than us? As if.