Amber

I have never been to anyone before but after ten minutes of pure hell I already know that I hate funerals. Everyone is crying and I don't do crying. Especially not in front of other people so I guess there's no need to even say that I feel very uncomfortable where I'm sitting in between my grandma Grace and my aunt Mia. Both of which are sobbing hysterically; it's near impossible to hear what the minister is saying. My dad is sitting on the other side of Mia and she is holding onto his hand. He looks about as uncomfortable as I feel with his clenched lips and tight jaws. He's not crying either. At least we have something in common. But then he's the least emotional person I know, possibly in the whole world. He's never happy, never sad, just distanced and coldly neutral or angry. I however feel as if I'm broken inside I'm so sad. I actually really do want to cry but I can't. I think I must have gotten used to just not do it no matter how destroyed I feel. I glance over at my grandmother again. Well, maybe I don't want to cry that much…

…

"Amber dear, will you come here for a minute?"

It's my grandma calling me. The reception is over and we're at home, where I've lived with my grandparents all my life, apart from the weekends and breaks that I've spent at my dad's penthouse. I'm exhausted, I've met so many people who knew grandpa and wanted to tell me what a fantastic man he was. As if I didn't know that, he was my best friend and he raised me when my real father wouldn't have me. I rise from where I'm sitting on one of grandma's impressive antique sofas and go to her where she's waiting in the doorway to the dining room. The caterers are already clearing the buffet and my aunts, uncles and little cousins are all scattered on various sofas and armchairs in the big reception room.

I pull a little on my uncomfortable black wool dress. I hate it, it itches and feels far too warm but grandma chose and I didn't want to argue with her. I think she said it was Chanel, and apparently she thought that would make me like it more. Though it had the opposite effect actually because I think it's even worse to spend who knows how much money on something that will only be worn once and on top of that being uncomfortable.

I walk into the dining room with grandma and there I see my dad standing by the window overlooking the ground down to the boathouse. He turns as I come in and grandma closes the double doors behind us. I run my fingers through my thick dark brown hair, forgetting for the third time today that it's been arranged in a bun and thus destroying the hairdo once and for all. I wonder what this is about, what can there be that my dad and grandma only can discuss with me in private?

"Sit down, Amber." Dad orders with the kind of authority only he has.

I do as he says and sit down on the edge of a chair at the head of the table. I look from dad to grandma as she goes to stand next to him. She has a sad look on her face but of course, she has had that all day. I fidget with the hem of the Horrible Dress. Grandma and dad remain standing which makes me even more nervous.

"Am I in trouble or something?" I blurt out when I can't take it anymore, after two or three seconds of feeling my dad's penetrating gaze on me.

"No, Amber, you're not in trouble." Dad frowns, looking confused. "Why would you ask that?"

I shrug and dad goes on:

"Your grandmother called you in here for us to tell you that you will be living with me from now on."

I have a very hard time believing what I hear.

"Are… Are you s-serious?" I stutter.

"I'm certainly not joking about such matters if that's what you want to know." Dad snorts. "When I leave you'll be coming with me, just get changed and then Taylor will collect the rest of your things later this week. You can go with him if you wish, seeing as you're on spring break."

I'm dumbstruck. The longest I've spent at my dad's immense apartment is ten days, and I can absolutely not imagine living there.

"Why?" I manage to get out and look up at both of them.

Grandma gives me a small smile.

"Sweetheart, I'm moving in with your Uncle Elliot and Aunt Kate." She tells me. "They'll need some extra help with Ava sometimes and they live even closer to the hospital and this house just seems too big now that your grandfather is gone."

"But I live here too." I mumble and stare at her. "What are you going to do, sell the house?"

"It's already been sold." My dad fills in. "To me. I'll be renting it to a man I know who'll live here with his wife and family. It's much better suited for them."

Anger is starting to fill me.

"So that means you must have decided this ages ago." I look at grandma because she's the one I feel most betrayed by. "Why didn't you tell me, couldn't I have had a say at least?"

Dad sighs lightly and grandma smiles sadly. Neither of them says anything.

"Tell me!" I shout at both of them and rise so violently from my mahogany chair that it falls over.

"Jesus, Amber!" My dad hisses. "Calm yourself."

"No!" I scream. "I will not freaking calm myself; this is not fair! How could you do this?" I ask grandma.

She just shakes her head, there are tears in her eyes again.

"I'm sorry, my darling." She just says.

"The hell you are!" I yell and I hear dad growling though I don't care, I just stay where I am a huge table away from them both. "You're not fucking sorry because if you were you would have told me you were planning this. And I don't give a shit if you're sorry or not because I will never, ever forgive you!"

I feel like my inside is exploding. Dad is by me in only a second, grasping my arm hard and burrowing his eyes into mine, gray to gray. It takes everything I have to meet his glare. He bends down and talks to me in a dangerously low and quiet voice that makes me shiver.

"You do not talk to your grandmother like that, understood?" He hisses. "Apologize now."

"No." I say without hesitation.

"Apologize, Amber!"

"Christian…" Grandma's voice is calm and soft. "It's fine. Really it is, she's not entirely in the wrong."

They exchange some looks and I turn my glare to my pump-covered feet. I hate those too; who wants to wear heals when there are ballet flats. I feel dad looking back at me.

"Go get changed" He barks at me and gives me a little push towards the door before he lets go of my arm. I refrain from rubbing it where he's held on. "Be ready in the hallway in ten minutes or I'll come upstairs and carry you out."

Without looking at him, or grandma, I scurry out of the room and slam the door. I avoid the gazes of my aunts and uncles, who must have heard everything, and run upstairs to my room. For the last time it seems. I feel a little bad towards grandma because she was clearly hurt by the stuff I said but I don't feel bad enough to apologize. She has hurt me more. I throw the Horrible Dress on my bed and change into another one, a comfortable jersey one that's wide but ties in the waist. It's also black. I put my feet into the first pair of comfortable shoes I find, which happen to be grey converse. I pull on the big soft, knitted white cardigan that hangs on my desk chair and then I only grab my bag with my phone and wallet in it. I have everything already at dad's, for when I come to stay. He has hired some kind of personal shopper too because almost every time I come there are new clothes in my closet, while some old ones have disappeared. I stop in the doorway to take one last look at the room I've had my entire life and my eyes land on the Horrible Dress once more. It takes me a minute to decide what I'm doing and I grab a pair of scissors from the drawer in my desk. Without hesitation, I lift the dress and start cutting, long cuts all over. Then I put the scissors down and just tear. I drop the shattered dress right on the floor and leave the room without looking back again. Wishing for the umpteenth time that I'd be able to cry.

…

That was the start of this story. The chapters will get longer if you like it so please review and let me know if you do. I haven't properly proof read so I do apologise for any mistakes. I might add that Amber is fifteen years old and Christian is thirty-seven. Ana is yet to appear and for those who are wondering how Kate can be in the story before Ana I ask you to accept that the story is somewhat AU and that I've changed ages and how people met. The basics will still be there however… More to come soon!

Thanks for reading.