One evening at Foxleyheath...
A short in the Gerry Anderson continuum. In which Lady Penelope has a few sharp candid words with her servant, Parker.
Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward sat back in the priceless rococo Louis XV chair in her bedroom. She crossed her legs, with all the elegance that had made her a renowned society beauty, a model on the front covers of all the smartest magazines There was no sound except for the swisssh of one silken leg against the other.
She took a long thoughtful drag of her cigarette. Lady Penelope even smoked with style.(1) But it was clear she was intent on communicating something important and pressing to her chauffeur, manservant and general factotum, Parker. Who was standing in the bedroom looking back at her with an expression of submissive watchfulness on his face, ready to do his lady's business.
After what felt like a silent eternity of time, Lady Penelope stood up and walked to the window. Her walk had something of the prowling lioness about it. She stood and looked out across the impeccably manicured Foxleyheath lawn. Her personalised pink Rolls-Royce, seemingly innocuous, was parked on the gravel drive outside the door. She finally spoke.
"Parker?"
"Yes, m'lady?"
"Be so kind as to take off my dress. Thank you so much."
Her manservant rushed to comply, taking care not to jam the zipper or burst any buttons. She spoke again.
"Parker?"
"Yes, m'lady?"
"Do me the courtesy of taking off my slip. I would be much obliged."
There was the soft sibilance of silk cascading to the floor. Lady Penelope nodded.
"Parker?"
"Yes, m'lady?"
"Remove my stockings, if you please. Good. And now the suspender belt. Kindly replace my shoes in the wardobe."
Parker obeyed with some necessary haste. There was a pause. She nodded satisfaction. She spoke again.
"Parker?"
"Yes, m'lady?"
"You may now remove my underwear. Carefully, now, it's Parisian haute couture!"
Her manservant did as he was told. Lady Penelope nodded and her eyes narrowed.
"And Parker?"
"Yes, m'lady?"
"Don't ever let me catch you wearing my clothes again, or I will be severely displeased! Now get dressed and get out!"
"Yes, m'lady."
OK, so it's an old joke. But irresistable.
(1) The habit had come back into fashion in the 2060's, what with massive medical advances combined with genetically modified tobacco. Safe cigarettes were one of the century's great advances.