Title: Once and for all

Summary: Secrets can sometimes be a good thing, but when everything suddenly comes flooding back, Abby realises that maybe they aren't such a good thing after all.

Disclaimer: I sadly do not own anything to do with Primeval.

A/N: I feel quite bad. This is quite an angsty story. I honestly don't know where it came from, but no other stories are coming to mind, this one is just taking over. I hope you enjoy anyways. I'm sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. Review please

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse.

Once and for all:

Feeling the cold air hit her face like sharp needles was actually comforting to Abby and she let out a sigh as she leant back against the wall, not too far away from the light streaking through the pub doorway. It was a Saturday night and the local pub was crowded and stifling hot, despite the cool, mid-February weather. The bumpy end of the convergence had rocked the ARC to its core, and with it brought a whole new wave of problems that the team had to deal with. As well as the increasing demand of covers for news stories, the core team still had to deal with anomalies, although they were considerably less frequent than they had gotten use to all of a sudden. One of the outdoor lights flickered overhead, its white glow causing a sparkle from her hand to catch the corner of Abby's eye. She smiled as she looked at the ring on her finger. She had been engaged to Connor for nearly 2 months now and they were currently involved in a manic wedding preparation as well as flat hunting for themselves. Jess was also deeply involved in the wedding preparation, as was Emily, who found all of the modern day wedding traditions to be almost awe inspiring. The whole core team had ventured out to the pub tonight, after boredom and another well-done anomaly call, that had resulted in no injuries and every one of the 4 Iguanodons safely returned through the anomaly. It had been Matt's round when Abby had excused herself from the group for a few minutes, making her way out of the clammy room to the fresh air outside. She felt the smile tugging at the corner of her lips and she mentally cursed herself. When had she become so girly and all in love? She knew the answer, of course she did, and now that she had Connor in her life she couldn't bring herself to hide away the feelings of happiness and love that she had fought so hard to feel when she was younger. She sighed, pushing herself away from the cool brick wall to make her way back inside when she felt a hot, sweaty hand cover her mouth, but not before she had let out a shrill scream and her body was roughly pulled from one wall, slamming into another, hard, knocking the breath out of her lungs. She gasped for breath as soon as the attackers hand left her face and she kicked out at them, just missing their leg. The light from the doorway didn't quite reach them now, another flickering light was placed overhead instead, but she could make out a figure in the shadows, and another one heading towards them. They were both male, and when the overhead light flickered on, illuminating their faces, Abby froze. She knew exactly who they were, and the smirks that graced their lips brought forbidden memories flooding back to Abby's mind.

"Hello Abigail." Her attacker sneered as the other man walked closer to them. The hand dropped from her mouth and she scrunched her face up in disgust.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She snarled in anger pulling her arm backwards quickly, removing the hand that was gripping onto her too tightly.

"Just a trip to the pub. Didn't think you were the type to be here, Abigail." The other man said, the same look in his eyes that had been there over 13 years ago.

"It's Abby." She stated angrily, trying her hardest to overcome the feeling of paralysing fear that overcame her entire being. The two men in front of her were the two people she had never thought or wanted to see ever again in her entire life. Her step-father, Derek, and her ex-fiancé Chris. The two men who had joined together in a frightening way to exploit and abuse a just-turned 16 year old Abby. Derek was sly, but annoyingly good looking and her mother had fallen head over heels in love with the mysterious man as soon as they had met. Derek had moved in straight away, and had seemingly doted on Abby and Jack, showering them with gifts, but he was an alcoholic, and everyone could plainly see it. They had married quickly, but everything went downhill from that point. The ferocious arguments had started, fuelled by the alcohol raging through his system and when Abby seeked comfort she had sought it from the man who she saw as the only father figure she ever had, even if he had started most of the arguments. Abby had never seen eye to eye with her mother anyway, and they had bitter rows, which ended normally with Derek siding with Abby and causing the row to erupt into a fiery argument, at which point Abby would leave them to it and see to Jack. So when Abby's mother suddenly upped and left, telling no one why or where she had gone, Abby wasn't too worried or bothered. Derek had reassured them both, saying how she was fine and had probably just had enough, needed a break. Abby turned sixteen without her mother present and Derek had introduced her to Chris, who was three years older than her. He had won her over instantly, his dark hair and charming features appealing to her. He had a weirdly close relationship with Derek and was around at the house nearly every night when she arrived back from school. She had started questioning things, and everything started unravelling slowly, but surely. She thought she was in love, and she revelled in the feeling of being in a relationship that she thought was built on trust and love that she soon figured was not. He'd practically forced the ring onto her finger, and she had accepted reluctantly, after he had told her she would probably end up alone if she didn't, and she childishly and foolishly believed him. He put her down a lot, telling her to change her outfits, makeup and hair if he didn't approve. He persuaded her to stay in with him instead of going out with her friends, and she soon found herself isolated, after everyone moved on without her. He suddenly stopped being at her house when she arrived back from school, forging a close relationship with Jack, who thrived in the opportunity to 'hang out' with an older and more experienced boy. Abby felt herself becoming nervous, withdrawn from everyone, desperately searching for contact with her mother which was a big disappointment. Her mother had moved on in her absence, and had stated quite eagerly how she never wanted anything to do with her or Jack ever again. When Derek had found her on the phone to her mother he had flipped and struck out at her. It scared her. She'd never been hit before and her growing fear of him seemed to only spur him on. She went to Chris, trying her hardest to find an ounce of comfort and reassurance and he was the only person she had left to go to. When he had forced himself onto her, calling her pathetic, she forced her mind to go blank, forced herself to leave the pain that was suddenly engulfing her life and slowly drowning her. When Derek had hit her in front of Chris the following night, and he hadn't even batted an eyelid, her world came crumbling down. She felt disgusted with herself, dirty, stupid, pathetic and very much alone. She needed to get her life back on track; she needed to get away from this, no one deserved it and even she knew that, deep down. She packed a bag, instructing Jack to do the same; she wouldn't leave him with Derek, even if their mother didn't want to even speak to them again. She handed the ring back to Chris who joined in with Derek as they hurled abuse at her and she fled. Her and Jack sought refuge at a teacher's house and Derek was arrested on grounds of abuse, Chris being charged but never placed in prison from lack of evidence. She had been 15 when she had met Derek and drawn into the cycle of abuse, and 17 when she had finally found enough sense to get away from the both of them, and she was finally free. She went to university, and got a job at Wellington Zoo. She was reclusive, staying away from relationships in pure fear of getting drawn in and hurt again. She'd built up her walls so tall and strong she was confident that no one would ever get through, no one could ever hurt her again, and she wouldn't ever allow anyone to even try and get through. And now they were here, both of them, and she could feel the fear coursing through her veins, her heart rate quickening and her throat feeling tight. The light flickered on and off again repeatedly, gaining a few more sparkles that grabbed the attention of the two men. The younger one grabbed her hand forcefully, pulling it up to their level.

"Never thought you'd ever get another chance. What unlucky bastard got you this time?" Chris sneered as he looked down at her hand in disgust. She pulled her hand out of his grasp quickly.

"Why do you even care?" She asked bitterly, trying to push past the two men but being forced back against the wall.

"We care because we're your family and families care about each other." Derek stated and Abby scoffed and murmured under her breath. She realised it was a mistake when she saw the anger flame up in his dark eyes and she let out a ear piercing scream before his hand came around her neck, trapping her against the wall.

"What did you just say?" He growled angrily. He was a lot taller than Abby, and seemed to look a lot stronger than he had done the last time she had seen him. Tears burned in her eyes at the pressure on her neck that she had no doubt he would tighten if she made things worse for herself. She was about to reply when she heard the scuffling of boots outside of the door.

"Oi! Get the fuck away from her!" Connor's familiar voice shouted as he neared them, Matt and Becker standing next to him. Derek didn't break his steely eye contact from Abby, but his hand did loosen, coming to rest at the bottom of her neck, lingering there as if he was waiting for the right moment. She swallowed hard, blinking back the tears. She looked over to Connor, trying to tell him that she was alright before she returned Derek's gaze.

"I said… You lost that right 13 years ago." She ground out slowly, her voice hoarse with emotion.

"What? The right to be your family?" He laughed bitterly.

"And the right to care about me. You've never cared about me. So don't you dare try to now." Her voice was angry and sharp, and only seemed to strengthen the flame in Derek's eyes. His fingers dug into the base of her neck and she let out a whimper and heard Connor take a step forwards.

"Get off her right now." He ground out in his anger and Abby winced. She knew this was going to end badly if he lost his temper.

"So, this is your new fiancé is it Abby?" Chris asked sarcastically as he eyed up Connor. He moved closer to him, sticking his hand out in a sarcastic gesture. "Bet you've told him all about me, haven't ya darlin." Abby could feel the tears coming anew, she hadn't told him. She'd told no one. He knew about her past from what she had told him in the Cretaceous, but she had never told him about Chris, just Derek. She had wanted their relationship to be new, to be good and she had been scared that it would be tainted if he knew she had already been engaged, and if knew what he had done to her, if he knew the pain she had been too stupid to stop. She tried to find his eyes, try to explain but she knew it was hopeless. Connor looked somewhere between very pissed off and confused. Chris' eyes narrowed and he let out a laugh, turning to face Abby. "You haven't? Wow. Well done Abigail." He clapped his hands together in his continuous sarcasm and turned back to face Connor. "We were engaged. And if you take my advice, you'll get away from her as quick as you can. She's just a waste of time." He winked at Connor and he flipped. His fist swung out and slammed into Chris's jaw, a crunch of bone sounded through the air and Abby cringed when she realised it could be Connor that had hurt himself, trying to save her. Matt grabbed onto his arm, pulling him back whilst Becker restrained Chris, stopping him from retaliating. Derek's hand fell from her neck and she slumped against the wall, tears streaming down her face. She had seen the flicker of despair cross Connor's features, he was crushed that she had kept something so big from him, even when they had said no secrets.

"Never could fight your own battles could you Abby?" Derek snarled, blocking her way back to Connor.

"I can fight for myself." She stated strongly through her tears. Derek leaned over her and laughed, his breath smelt of alcohol and stale cigarettes and she scrunched her face up at the smell.

"Don't make me laugh Abigail. You're still the pathetic, desperate little girl you were back then. You'll never change, you'll never be good enough for anyone. And you'll always know that." His harsh words struck home and the part of Abby that she had locked away deep in her heart came back, the feeling that she deserved the words, that they were the truth. She suddenly felt like she was 16 again, never good enough for anyone except the two people that hurt her the most. Connor didn't need her, he would be fine on his own, she was just baggage that would continue to pull him down until he eventually had enough and left her anyway. Her tears blurred her vision and her hand flew out, creating a loud slap as it connected to Derek's cheek. In his moment of startled confusion Abby pushed off the wall, and fled in the direction of Connor. She stopped in front of him and Matt let him go. His arms instantly came up to embrace her but she shook them away, the tears streaming down her face. She knew she'd hurt him just by the look on his face, but she couldn't stop now. It was just going to hurt both of them even more if she took any longer. She twisted the ring on her finger and pulled it off, holding it tightly in her shaking hands.

"Abs, what… what are you doing?" Connor questioned his voice thick and heavy. She spotted Jess and Emily hovering in the doorway of the pub, both with equal expressions of shock on their faces. She swallowed hard and she looked up into Connor's watery eyes.

"I'm so sorry." She stated. She grabbed his hand, trying to hand the ring back but he clenched his hand into a tight fist. She let out a strangled sob as she looked up to his eyes again. "Take it. Please!" She begged.

"Why are you doing this?" He asked angrily.

"I have to!" She shouted. He grabbed onto the side of both her arms and shook her slightly.

"No you don't." He ground out, a tear trickling down his face. She was sobbing now, choking on her tears and gasping for breath when she could. She shook herself out of his grasp and put the ring on the floor in front of his feet. Connor shook his head but before he could say anything else she ran. She ran and didn't stop running until she was certain she wasn't being followed and the sobs made her unable to breathe properly. She collapsed onto a park bench and breathed deeply until she started to feel herself calming down. She twined her fingers together and felt another wave of tears when she felt the empty area that normally held her ring. Her phone rang in her pocket, startling Abby out of the haze she was in. She ignored it and placed it next to her on the wooden bench. She'd always been better off alone in her life, up until being stuck in the Cretaceous and now, as she sat in the dark night on her own she felt stupid. Her conflicting emotions were always going to end up coming out, but she didn't think something that bad would ever happen. Her phone rang again and again, Connor, Jess, Matt, Emily, Becker, all trying to get through to her. She leaned back, closed her eyes tight and sighed. A shiver ran through her whole body and she wrapped her arms around herself. She'd left her jacket inside the pub before she'd walked out, and her short sleeved blouse wasn't giving her much warmth in the cool night air. Right now all she wanted to do was curl up under the covers with Connor… Connor. She whimpered and she could feel the tears burning at her eyes and threatening to fall again. Why did she have to act on impulse all the time? Why did she always have to ruin the best things that ever happened to her? She ran her finger over the now empty ring area and then brought both hands up to wipe over her face, feeling the makeup that was probably in black circles under her eyes by now. Letting them two idiots ruin her life again was not how she had planned to spend her evening and she was not going to let them get the better of her again. She was Abby Maitland, the strong, tough woman who fought her own battles and didn't let anyone hurt her, and she was going to start living like it again. Two pathetic, horrible men couldn't stop her from being happy anymore. It was time to put a stop to it, once and for all. Her ringtone buzzed next to her and this time she answered, holding the phone next to her ear until she heard anything.

"Abby? Abby?" A frantic voice came over the line and background noise nearly taking over it.

"Hi." She whispered, unsure of what else to say.

"Oh good god. Abby are you okay?" It was Emily and something about her voice made Abby seem instantly calmer.

"I'm… I'm fine."

"Where are you Abby? Connor's going out of his mind with worry." Abby sighed, she wasn't too far away from the pub, she'd only ran for about 10 minutes, maybe not even that. She'd be able to walk to Jess' flat in about 15 minutes.

"It's fine. I know where I am, I'll walk home. What happened to the two men?"

"Ummm, Connor had a word with them, they left quickly afterwards. I can ask what if you want.. Hang on I'll go get him."

"No Emily! It's fine….just… just tell him I'm going home." She hung up the phone afterwards, standing up of the bench. She wrapped her arms around herself again and headed out of the park and to Jess' flat. She hoped Jess would go to someone else's for tonight. She needed to talk to Connor and finally tell him everything. She just hoped he'd let her after what she had done to him tonight.

Tbc…

A/N: Like I said, I feel pretty bad about this, but it wouldn't go away! I promise it's going to get better! Review please :)