Pip's missing drabble:
Pip doesn't think he has a snowball's chance in hell with Seras.
He likes her, really likes her, for one thing. She's one of the guys and she's great with a semi-automatic rifle. When she relaxes slightly she can be pretty funny. Unfortunately she considers any form of romantic advance as a threat and she goes on the defensive when threatened. Alucard scared everybody off but Pip in the first week so that basically means he's the only one she ever gets uncomfortable with. Pip finds this vexing.
Pip may have a chance with D.
D also likes Seras, really likes her. He doesn't know he does but that doesn't make it any less true. He also kills rogue vampires for a living (which is a point of commonality) and being what he is prevents him getting close to humans so… Of course he likes Seras. The fact that she's actually nice to him is gravy. D faces the same problems that Pip does though because the moment he tries to come onto her will be the moment she backs away.
Yeah, she'll back away with that scared look in her eyes. That Look that says she thought you were different but you're just like everybody else, out to hurt her. D doesn't know her background but Pip does. He thinks he's the only one that really looked because Integra sure doesn't know yet. That's saying something. He thinks Seras destroyed some of the files while she was on the force. Having that happen to your mother; he understands. He understands why she is the way she is. That's why he keeps trying. He wants her to know he'd never hurt her. So if he keeps being an overt jerk and she keeps coming out of it relatively unscathed then maybe one day it won't be such an issue anymore.
He'll probably be fifty by then and too old for her.
So he's aiming at D.
D hasn't seen much of him but he can tell that the guy thinks he's interesting. It's the accent and the hat. He'd think it was the hair but D has hippy hair too. His is just shinier. Pip wouldn't mind having a go at D but the man is fairly straight. He's clearly Metro-straight but not quite narrow. What Pip needs is Seras to calm him down which would make her amenable in the process. This puts him at an impasse. He loathes circular logic with a passion.
Still, if Sir Hellsing is betting on him getting it on with both of them then his chances must be better than he thought.