Written for Ember_Keelty for Chocolate Box 2017.

Peridot cleared her throat, shifted her weight from one leg to the other and back, and adjusted the hideously garish red clip-on bow tie that was attached to her fake-tuxedo t-shirt. She took a few deep breaths to ready herself, then lifted her hand to knock on the door to the Crystal Gems' abode.

Before her knuckles could connect with the door, Steven flung it open. "Peridot! Hey, guys, Peridot came over!" He grabbed her by the hand and dragged her inside.

The hard-light projection that made up Peridot's form had no blood vessels, but her cheeks took on a blueish tinge nonetheless as she stumbled in.

"Oh, hello, Peridot," Pearl called from the kitchen, where she was making Steven's dinner.

"Hey," said Garnet, sitting on the couch and taking a load off; she'd just gotten back from hunting down a gem artifact.

Only one Crystal Gem was missing. Peridot looked around anxiously. Before she could say anything, the door to the temple opened and out came Amethyst, yawning and stretching her arms above her head. She was dressed the same as she always was, as if she'd completely forgotten—the clod!

"Yooo, Peridazzle!" Amethyst grinned. "I am so ready for this."

"You don't look like it," Peridot grumped. "I've spent the last week researching this human tradition—you should be dressed more formally than that!"

While Amethyst rolled her eyes, Steven gasped. "Don't tell me—Peridot, Amethyst, are you two going on a date?!"

"Yeah, we're hanging out," said Amethyst.

"Amethyst," Steven whined, "you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

Garnet stood up, light glinting off her shades as she did. "He's right. Amethyst, come with me."

"Huh? Ack!" Amethyst squacked as Garnet scooped her up under her arm and returned to the temple with her.

When Garnet and Amethyst returned, Amethyst was wearing a classy purple suit and tie.

"Where did you get that, Garnet?" Pearl marveled. "It suits her so well!"

"I have my ways," Garnet said simply.

Grinning widely, Amethyst took Peridot's hand and waved to Garnet, Pearl, and Steven. "Be back later! Sorry in advance for getting food all over this thing, Garnet."

Pearl slapped her hand against her face in exasperation.

"Tell me everything when you get back!" Steven called as Amethyst and Peridot left the house.

Amethyst was practically bouncing up and down as they walked down the stairs from the house. "So... I'm thinking Funland. We can eat a bunch of food and then go on all the rides and throw up, it'll be great!"

Peridot shuddered. She took a deep breath, regained her composure, and said, "Actually, I've done quite a lot of research into the proper method of 'dating'. I'm taking you to 'the movies'."

Amethyst's grin grew wider, despite appearing to already be as wide as it could possibly go. "Are we gonna see Dogcopter?"

"What? No. I've picked a tasteful romantic comedy."

"That sounds boring."

"Trust me, Amethyst." Peridot adjusted her bowtie. "I know what I'm doing."

Peridot had no idea what she was doing.

Here she was, sitting to the left of Amethyst in a darkened room full of chairs, and humans were sitting in those chairs, and a huge screen was playing little bite-sized stories instead of the movie that they had actually come to see. And it was far too loud!

A story about a human male befriending an oversized talking household appliance reached its end, and its title finally splashed across the screen. "That's so strange. Why not display the title before the movie?"

Amethyst shrugged noncommittally and jammed another handful of popcorn into her mouth.

"And none of these are the movie that was supposed to be playing! I know this is the room the human employee told us to sit in," Peridot continued loudly. "We're here to see Would You Like My Number With That, not any of these other movies they've shown! None of them even have a coherent plot! They end just when they start getting good!"

"Jeez, lady, they're called previews!" a rude and annoying human shouted from the row behind them.

Amethyst snickered. "Yeah, Peridoo. Before the movie starts, they show previews of other movies that're coming out soon."

"...oh."

"They put all the good parts in the previews anyway," muttered the human sitting to Peridot's left. "No point going to see them when they come out."

"Shh!" that human's companion hissed. The lights were dimming further, and the preview movies had ceased playing. Finally, the romantic comedy Would You Like My Number With That began to play.

It was the story of a human female working a grueling, low-class job at a human food establishment. Through her trials and tribulations, she attracted the attention of a regular customer, another human female, and the two gradually fell in love despite wacky mishaps that kept happening to and around them.

Ten minutes into the film, Peridot pretended to yawn. She stretched her arms above her head, and when she lowered them, she dropped her right arm down to rest over Amethyst's shoulders.

"Ow! You just karate-chopped me!" Amethyst hissed.

"Shh!" a human scolded her.

Peridot tucked her arms back in close to her chest. What went wrong? All of her research had indicated that the stealth arm-on-shoulders was a required maneuver for a date!

As Peridot sat there trying to reason through what had just happened, Amethyst snaked her own arm around Peridot's shoulders. She didn't even try to be sneaky about it. Peridot's cheeks burned and she couldn't quite think of a way to protest the improper technique. All she could do was sit there and watch as the human food service grunt and her patron fell in love, but she could barely focus on the movie.

"That was great!" Amethyst exclaimed as they left the theater afterwards. "I loved the part where the jerk manager tripped and fell in the mop bucket and went rolling out into traffic."

Peridot chuckled awkwardly. Even if her arm-shoulder technique had failed, Amethyst had had a good time regardless. Despite the early blunder, the date had recovered to become a success after all. "The next stage of our date will be dinner."

Amethyst belched loudly. She tilted her head thoughtfully, then chewed and swallowed something. "Aw, yeah, I just burped up some of that popcorn I ate. It's even better the second time around! Anyway, you were saying?"

Peridot made an audible "ugh" sound. "I was saying, I've made reservations for us at an upscale human eating establishment."

"We're not gonna dine and dash? Peridot, do you have..." —Amethyst stared at her in horror— "...a job?"

Peridot adjusted her bowtie proudly. "Lapis and I have been selling the crops we've been growing. We've gotten so many human dollars!"

"Whoa."

Peridot grinned. At least she'd managed to successfully impress Amethyst, like her research had said she should. Nothing could go wrong from here on.

"I'm sorry, miss, but I just can't seem to find your reservation." The hostess at Le Ristorante looked positively frazzled. Behind the hostess station, in the restaurant proper, Peridot and Amethyst could see that every table was full. "Are you sure it was for tonight?"

"Yes! I'm positive!" Peridot exclaimed. "You just need to look again. Here, let me see—"

The hostess gasped when Peridot grabbed for her clipboard. She jerked it away and held it up out of the small gem's reach. "And—are you sure it was for this branch?"

"This... branch?" Peridot paused and scrunched her face up in thought. "This is a restaurant, right? Not a tree."

"I'm so hungry I could eat a tree," Amethyst groaned.

"I mean, you made the reservation at the Beach City Le Ristorante and not the Wilmingmore Le Ristorante? Or the one in Empire City?"

"Uh..." Peridot frowned. "How would I know?"

"Whoever took your call would have given the location when they picked up, ma'am."

Peridot groaned. "You mean to tell me I made a reservation for somewhere else entirely?"

Amethyst clapped her on the back. "Hey, it's okay, Periscope. Let's go home and raid the fridge instead."

"I suppose we have no other option. Unless..." Peridot looked up at the hostess hopefully.

At that exact moment, an overexcited child seated nearby threw a bowl randomly through the air, beaning the hostess in the head and covering her in chicken noodle soup.

Amethyst cringed. "Ooh... let's just go, Peridot. There's some leftover pie in the back of the fridge, we can have that."

The leftover pie wasn't even moldy, so Peridot ate one of the remaining two slices. Amethyst ate the other.

Then they went up to the rooftop to sit together.

There was still time to save this. Peridot had seen something like this in one of the movies she'd watched for research. "Nice night, huh?"

"Uh, I guess so." Amethyst kicked her dangling legs idly. "It was fun. I had no idea you had an actual job, Peridot. You're fitting in on Earth pretty great."

Peridot flushed cyan. "Er, well... of course I am. I am only the best—" She groaned. "Oh, who am I kidding? This was a disaster! I screwed up at the movie and in making the reservation for dinner. I'm terrible at this!"

Amethyst waited a moment, then asked, "Are you done?"

"Yes. Why?"

And Peridot's world was suddenly spinning as Amethyst moved toward her, crushing their lips together.

Once Amethyst broke off the kiss, Peridot stared at her blankly. "Buh— I—"

"Look, you're right: It was a lousy date. The movie was good, but that was the only thing out of your control. But so what?" Amethyst shrugged. "I screw up all the time, and you still wanted to go on a date with me, right?"

"Well... that's true," Peridot said slowly.

"So don't worry about it!" And Amethyst flopped onto her back to stare up at the sky.

Peridot laid back next to her. The sky was nice and clear. She could actually see Homeworld's star from here, but she pushed that out of her mind. That didn't matter anymore. "You're right. It is a nice night."