Not All Treasures Are Made of Gold

"You ain't alone, Kid. You've got Teaspoon, and the boys, and Rachel …"

Louise McCloud looked down at the young man sitting on a mossy log in front of her. Kid's handsome face was turned downward, his expression bleak and haunted. She had seen him look this desolate only once before – that day in the stables when she'd refused his ring. Kid couldn't know how much heartache it had cost her to turn him down then … or how much of the same she was risking with her next words. "And I'm not going anywhere."

He lifted his head then, and Lou saw first a flicker of uncertainty, then a kind of wild hope and finally a warm glow of understanding in his blue eyes. Lou answered with a shy smile. She reached out a tentative hand toward him and felt a rush of tenderness when his large palm enfolded her small one. Kid gently drew her down beside him. They sat in silence, cocooned in the beauty of the gently swaying trees, the tumbling sounds of nearby Rock Creek, the low hum of insects and chirping of birds in the wild and secret places around them. Lou closed her eyes, savoring the warmth of the sun on her face and the quiet strength emanating from the man next to her. Kid's fingers remained interlaced with hers, his calloused thumb tracing delicate circles on the back of her hand resting on his knee.

After a few minutes Lou was startled out of her tranquil mood by Kid clearing his throat. She felt his fingers clench around hers just a little tighter.

"I reckon I owe you an apology, Lou," he said quietly.

"For what?"

He made a soft grunting sound in his throat. "Huh. So many things … starting with the way I barked at you at the corral the other day."

Lou involuntarily flinched a little, recalling the steel in his eyes when he snarled at her to leave him alone. It had stung like a slap across the face – but she didn't want to think about that now. "It's all right," she said quietly.

He looked at her sharply, and for a second that hardness was in his eyes again. But this time his anger was directed inward. "No it ain't all right, Lou! There's never a call for a man to talk to a lady that way, especially not the woman he-" He stopped abruptly and dropped his eyes to the ground. "Well, anyway, I'm truly sorry, Lou."

"It must have been an awful shock, having Doritha turn up so unexpected, and in trouble to boot," Lou said, needing to soothe his guilt. "I guess anybody'd be a mite unsettled."

Kid sighed, still studying the toes of his boots. "Yeah … it was confusing. But mostly what I've been feeling is pure shame. Seeing Doritha made me start to wonderin' what kind of man I really am."

"I don't understand, Kid. Seems to me you did everything you could to help both Doritha and Garth. Nobody could fault you for how you acted."

He shrugged morosely. "I was brought up to believe a man's word is his bond, Lou. When I told Doritha I'd send for her … well, I guess I meant it at the time. But the truth is, after I left Virginia I never looked back. I put my past so far behind me that I honestly didn't even know Doritha when she showed up in town the other day. Feels like those days in Virginia were a whole other life … and I'm a whole different person than I was then."

"You were so young, Kid. It's not surprising that your feelings would change. Even if you loved her then-"

"But I didn't, Lou!" Kid kicked at a small rock at his feet, which went skittering off into the brush. "I thought I did; I might even have said it to her. But I couldn't have left her so easy if I really did feel that way." He hesitated, then continued. "Doritha and me, we were never … close …you know, the way you and I were." Lou observed a slight flush creeping over Kid's face at the mention of their former intimacy. "But she was special. Doritha made me feel I could be more than just a poor dirt farmer. She treated me like I was special, her knight in shining armor. And I sure lapped it up. I had all these grand dreams of being a big man someday, a plantation owner like Doritha's folks. But then …" Kid trailed off, seemingly lost in memory.

As Lou waited for Kid to continue, she wondered, not for the first time, what had caused Kid to leave Virginia, and whether he'd ever feel safe enough with her to share his past. Perhaps, she thought, he wondered the same of her.

After a moment Kid sighed again. "Anyway, when I saw Doritha again after all this time, I felt I had to do something to help her out. I was beholden to her … and I s'pose I felt guilty about the promises I'd made back in Virginia. I tried to pay back the money she'd loaned me, but that's not what she wanted."

"What did she want?" Lou asked, though she already knew.

"She asked me to go away with her," Kid admitted. At the sound of Lou's gasp, he raised sad eyes to meet hers. "A part of me felt I was honor-bound to do it. But I just couldn't, Lou. The thought of leavin' here, of leavin' … everything … that means anything to me ... it made me feel sick inside. So I told her it was too late. And now she's dead."

He raised a palm to forestall her objection. "I know that's not my fault. But it still hurts."

Lou gently withdrew her hand from his and raised it to caress his cheek. "I know. But I'm glad you realize it's not on your hands, Kid. If Doritha had just given that bandit what he wanted, she'd probably be alive today. I'll never understand how someone could put so much stock in a piece of jewelry."

"I do."

Lou's brows lifted slightly. "You do?"

He nodded. "I don't think it was the necklace Doritha died for, Lou. I think it was what it represented to her. It was about all she had to remind her of what she'd lost back in Virginia – her happy, carefree childhood. Dreams of a bright, shiny future." He smiled sadly. "Knights in shining armor. It's hard to give that up."

"I guess I understand that," Lou said doubtfully. "But she must have known what would happen."

"Sometimes that don't matter," Kid replied. At her quizzical look, he went on. "When I was a young'un, I'd watch the men from the plantations ride by on their fine horses, dressed in fancy clothes, and I'd turn just about green with envy. But my ma used to say that we poor ones were luckier than the rich ones. 'Kid,' she told me, 'We who ain't got nothin' don't have nothin' to lose. But them rich folks who have so much spend all their time a'worryin' and stewin' about how to keep what they got and get even more. It must be exhaustin'." Kid chuckled. "'Course, I knew ma was just saying that to make me feel better. Obviously it was better to be rich than to be poor. But now I realize she was right."

"Oh?" Lou smiled, still not quite understanding.

He nodded. "My whole life, I never had anything that was … well, precious. And then I met you. When we were together, Lou, I felt like the richest man in the world. I had all those bright, shiny dreams, just like Doritha. I was so happy. I never knew it was possible to feel that way."

Lou felt tears spring to her eyes at his words and the sweet memories they evoked. "Me, too," she whispered.

Kid seemed not to hear her. "It was so good, so sweet," he continued, "and then I got to thinkin' about what could happen. Seemed like the whole world was full of people and things that could take you away from me. It scared me like I've never been scared before. And so I started trying to hold on to you tighter, Lou. I was just so desperate to keep you safe … keep you with me." He gave her a wry smile. "We both know how THAT worked out." He shook his head ruefully. "The closer I crowded you, the harder you tried to pull away. I saw it, too … and deep down, I understood it. But it seemed like I couldn't help myself. Then when I saw you and Jimmy together-"

"What?" Lou grabbed his forearm. "What are you talking about, me and Jimmy together?"

Kid shrugged sheepishly. "I saw you and him huggin' out behind the barn one day, and I-"

"Huggin?" Lou rifled through her memory, trying to recall such an incident. "I don't know what you think you saw, Kid, but Jimmy and I have never been more than friends."

He nodded. "Yeah, that's what Jimmy said, too. I guess I should have believed him instead of going off half-cocked, asking you to marry me when we both knew we weren't ready."

Lou's eyes widened. "That's why you proposed? 'Cause you thought Jimmy was after me?" With sudden indignation, Lou gave Kid a hard shove, nearly knocking him off the log.

Surprisingly, Kid laughed out loud as he regained his seat next to her. "Hard to believe I ever thought you needed protectin'." He grew serious again. "That wasn't the only reason I asked you, Lou. It just gave me a kind of a nudge. I'd been thinkin' about marrying you since the day we met."

Lou frowned and narrowed her eyes at him. "That's a mite worrisome, Kid, since when we met you thought I was a boy."

"You know what I mean. I just loved you so much, and wanted you with me … and all I did was destroy the only chance at happiness I'll ever have."

The resignation in his eyes melted any lingering irritation. "Destroyed is a strong word, Kid." She gave him another light shove, a playful one this time. "Dented, maybe. Banged up a little for sure."

There was that look again: a sudden, almost fearful hope. "But not destroyed?"

She smiled, hoping her expression could convey all her words could not. "Not destroyed." She slipped her hand back in his. "All these things you've been saying, Kid … I've been feeling the same way. Lost, and scared and … so lonesome. I miss you."

Impulsively, Kid lifted Lou's small hand to his lips. "If-if you can give me another chance, Lou, things will be different. I promise I won't crowd you again."

An arched eyebrow revealed her skepticism. "I know better than that, Kid. It ain't in you not to fuss and fret. But if you'll try not to let it make you crazy, I promise to try not to get so riled about it." She smiled a little shyly. "To be honest, it's kinda nice to be worried over sometimes."

"I want to do things right this time, Lou," Kid said earnestly.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to court you proper. Maybe take things a little … slower."

"Slower might be nice." She placed a palm on the side of his face and leaned in to press her lips against his. Their kiss was gentle and sweet, innocent and full of promise. When it was over, Lou stood and pulled Kid to his feet. "It's gettin' late. If Cody has to do our chores, we'll never hear the end of it."

He roped his arms around her slender waist. "It'd be worth it to spend more time with you."

Lou chuckled. "Slower might be a bit challenging, huh?"

Kid laughed, a musical sound she had missed so very much. "I reckon it might at that." He took her hand and led her toward Katy and Lightning, tethered nearby. "But some treasures are worth waiting for."