I Liked Him
"I really liked him." whispered Tony.
"Yeah…yeah I can see that." replied Gibbs.
Tony was a wreck. His hands were shaking but he wasn't sure exactly why. He had shot bad guys before. But for some reason, Jeffrey felt different. There was something about him that Tony identified with. There was innocence about Jeffrey, hidden deep in the voids of his psychotic mind. They had bonded in their time being chained together.
Jeffrey seemed like a normal, everyday guy. Not the murderous type. But Tony knew, from his years of experience, that anyone could be a killer. Tony had sympathized with Jeffrey. Almost trusted him.
They knew that Jeffrey was involved in the theft of the artifacts. Tony had gone undercover to break Jeffrey loose in hopes that he would lead NCIS to the good. What no one knew what that Jeffrey was not only a thief, but also a murderer.
Tony was smart. He knew how to play things. Jeffrey had handed Tony a gun before he was to meet with the buyer. Tony had come clean about being a federal agent. He honestly thought he could convince Jeffrey to turn himself in.
Tony hadn't anticipated the knife though. As Jeffrey had put the cold blade to Tony's throat, Tony raised the gun and pulled the trigger. Blood went everywhere. Tony had guessed, by the splatter, that he had hit an artery.
Gibbs had arrived shortly after. It took all Tony's courage to look up from the gun in his hand and into Gibbs' eyes.
Tony could tell that Gibbs had been worried about him. That was a nice feeling, even if Gibbs wouldn't admit he was worried.
Gibbs had sent Tony home saying the debriefing could wait. Tony had gone him and locked the door behind him. There were messages waiting for him. He would listen to those later.
He walked into the bathroom and undressed to take a shower. The warm water felt nice. He hoped he could stay like this forever. He shut the water off and climbed out of the shower. He stood in front of the mirror for the longest time before he shaved.
He felt better. Different somehow. He knew he would never be the same after this. He had been prepared to do anything he could to solve the case. He just hadn't counted on killing someone.
He walked into his bedroom as he put on his robe. He sat on the edge of his bed and sighed. He wasn't ready to go back to work. Not yet.
He laid down on his bed and curled up. He tried to sleep, not knowing if he could, or would.
Sleep had finally come for Tony. He awoke to find Charisma had come to see him. He opened his eyes to watch her sleep next to him. He loved her but he wasn't ready to talk to her about what happened. He had told her that after he had let her know that he was okay. She understood and promised that she would be there for him when he needed her to be.
Tony drifted back to sleep watching Charisma. They were awakened by a loud bang outside the window. Tony grabbed his gun and headed to the window. A car had backfired. That's all.
Tony went back to the bed and sat down. Charisma wrapped her arms around him and took the gun from his hands. She placed it in the bedside table and wrapped her arms back around Tony's neck. She felt him start to shake.
For the first time since he pulled the trigger, Tony felt emotions. As Charisma held him, he wept, wishing he could just wipe this whole thing from his memory.
He wept.