-1She lays back, panting, and looks at him. He's smirking, and his eyes are twinkling, and he's panting as well, just to match her.
Furrowing her brow, she examines him.
He is beautiful. All cheekbones and eyes and…well, not hair, his hair isn't beautiful. He has lips, which is good. But they smile too much, especially at times when he should really be not smiling.
After Angel she told herself she would stop liking people who are dead, or people who have been dead.
But now that would be way hypocritical, so she gave up that rule.
For the first time since they'd began this abomination of a relationship, she rolls over and snuggles into him, analysing the feel of his body.
He warms to her touch, metaphorically.
He wraps his strong arms around her and hesitantly kisses her forehead.
Her heart nearly breaks. He loves her so much. He has no right, not when she doesn't feel. Feel at all.
Tears fall from her eyes, and he feels the droplets on his bare chest. He pulls her closer.
"You alright, love?"
She shakes her head.
"I cant go on, with you. After I leave tonight, I'm not coming back. Well, except to get help, or information. I'm not coming back for this.
He chews his lip and nods.
"You said that last time pet."
She shrugs against his body.
"I don't want to leave."
"Then don't."
"I want to stay here, and have you love me, and care for me, and never let me go."
"Please. Do that." Tears spring to his eyes, as hope blooms in his heart.
"I cant."
"Why ever not?"
"I don't deserve it. And I don't love you. I could never love you."
"Could you try?" His voice is desperate.
She snorts.
"That's impossible."
"Nah, just… scrunch up your eyes, and imagine your in love with me. Think of it as a drama exercise or something. Visualisation."
She sighs, But closes her eyes none the less.
He watches her face as a plethora of emotions cross her face, ranging from scepticism up.
"Spike…." She sighs after a few moments.
"Yes?"
"Does it help that I could love you? But I still don't."
"It's a bit bittersweet, but yeah. It actually makes me feel a bit better. But, love, promise me something?"
"What?"
"Please come back again."
"That's what you want?"
"No. But its what I can get."
She looks up at him, eyes still watery.
"You're pathetic."
He shrugs.
"I need to have you, Buffy. I need to have something of you. Even if your not here with me--" His voice cracked with emotion. "I cant-- Don't leave me."
"Just… Just hold me then."
He wrapped himself around her, nuzzling as close to her as he could get.
"Your good to me Buffy. Your so good to me."
Tears track down her face once more.
She wants to be good to him. She closes her eyes once more, and visualises.