A/N: Hi Y'all! I've just started posting the pieces that I've been writing and working on for a while. Some are older than others, more or less polished. But I thoroughly enjoy delving into the characters, both mine and the game's. You will probably see some little traces of headcanon here and there, though major ones I'll try to point out. I hope you will enjoy this piece and please, read and review, I would really like to know if you liked this story or not, or any thoughts you'd like to share with me!
Disclaimer: Mass Effect belongs to Bioware, I'm only playing with their universe. I do not own the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. I do it for the love of the game, the world, and the characters; and because they stuck with me long after I turned the game off (and back on, and off, ad infinitum).
Kaidan hadn't expected to awaken alone. He heard the clink of the glass on the table and shifted slightly. Carys was leaning over the table comparing information on two datapads while wearing the uniform shirt he'd entered her cabin wearing. "You know I don't think that blouse ever looked that good on me," he said as he rolled onto his back and leaned against the short headboard. He watched her intently.
She looked over and smiled at him. "I don't know. You wear it rather well." Her eyes were bright and her smile playful. "Did I wake you?"
"Not really." What woke him was her not being next to him, but he wouldn't tell her that. "So, what are the chances that you'd comply with a direct order to get back in bed?"
Shepard laughed lightly as she set the datapads on the table. "I don't know," she said slowly. She stared at him as she slowly leaned back onto the sofa, letting the hem of his shirt creep up her leg slowly. He smiled and didn't take his eyes off her, which was precisely what she wanted and they both knew it. "While you do outrank me, this ship is under my command." She stood slowly and walked toward the bed, her hands moving down the front of his shirt. "Plus, since I'm not in uniform," with those words she slid the shirt off her shoulders and let it hit the floor, "none of that really comes into play."
He leaned forward and their lips met as she crawled back into bed. Kaidan kissed her deeply as her cool skin met his. He'd been in awe of her since the first time he saw her. Every time they kissed it was like that first night all over again—passion and butterflies. His gaze met hers as she slid her leg over his hip leaning over him for a moment. The look in her eyes was all he needed. She kissed him lightly, and whispered those three little words that made him dizzy against his lips, "I love you." He already knew it; he'd heard it several times, and it was in her eyes when she looked at him, even at those times it shouldn't have been.
He first noticed that she stopped trying to mask her feelings for him after the events with Saren and Sovereign on the Citadel. "Tell me something," he said softly as he loosened his embrace on her.
She leaned up and looked down at him. "Now?" she asked with a mischievous grin. She bit her lip and laid her hands on his shoulders after she noticed the pensiveness of his brow. "Anything Kaidan."
"What changed? After Saren? Before Ilos … before you were cautious, segregated. There was Commander Shepard and then there was just us. But after the Citadel, you stopped … you just … I don't know how to explain it. I just noticed you stopped masking some things."
"I stopped hiding everything," she said watching her fingertips move across his bare shoulder. "I think it actually started after Virmire, after Ash. She was a great soldier, but it was hidden under all these other things—duty, legacy, rank. And after we lost her I started thinking about what I hid and why. I've always tried to be upfront, but I noticed after Eden Prime that I was trying to be two different things. The good officer and the good leader—somewhere in my head those two things weren't synonymous.
"I don't think that's what you wanted to know, but I'll add this. I also realized that even if I do everything by the book it still might not be enough. I decided to do what I felt was right and let it ride. That night, before Ilos, made me realize precisely what was at stake."Carys touched his face softly and looked at him the way she had that night before Ilos. "I knew how much you meant to me before that night. I just didn't voice it because it was against regulations. After the Citadel, I wasn't about to ever hide that again. I wanted you to know, every time I looked at you, precisely how much you mean to me."
Kaidan leaned up and kissed her quickly. He took her in his arms and laid her down. His kisses were gentle and fevered as his mouth moved along her skin. They made love for hours, and the next time he stirred she was still in his arms.