The Phantom Dumbass

by WTF123

The sequel to "Han Solo Shot First". It's 1994, and George Lucas is officially out of ideas for any new movies to make. So one night, he gets completely drunk off his ass and scribbles down an idea for not one, but three new movies... you can probably see where this is going. As usual, I don't own Star Wars. And I have nothing against George Lucas, this is only a satire for fun.

1. Prologue

Chapter I: The Phantom Dumbass

*1994*

In a room located in Skywalker Ranch, filmmaker George Lucas was the king of cinema. He had single handedly changed the art of film forever, with the Star Wars Trilogy, the Indiana Jones films, and THX 1138. (And also American Graffiti for all you car lovers.) The bright sunlight was pounding on his back as he pondered. While sitting at his desk, trying to come up with a new film concept, he simply couldn't get an inspired idea.

"Hmmm.. what to do next...", he thought. Suddenly, an idea hit him. He snapped his fingers, and exclaimed, "I know how to get an idea!"

*The next morning*

The Lucasfilm employees found him passed out on the floor, snoring like a baby. He was completely surrounded by bottles and cans of vodka and beer, with much of it spilled on the floor. When he woke up hours later, he remembered something. He walked over to his desk, and looked at a piece of paper on it. There was writing scribbled on the paper as he soon saw. It read, "ChaNGe Krapy MOviEs NoW! MAk PrekwElZ to STa WaS Mak EVeryuN Happa!"

(Translation: Change crappy movies now! Make prequels to Star Wars. Make everyone happy!)

Lucas thought about the note for a long time. He was just about totally sober when he announced to his employees, "Guys, I think I know what we're going to do next..."

You can probably see where this is going..