Mindless Musings of the Magnificent Marauders
A/N: Here's some drabble that I'm putting up in lieu of a "Hello, Again" update. They're some little tidbits of the Marauders' in-class note-passing. Here's the key: Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, Wormtail. Underlining is just for stress. Titles are at the beginning of each story. I hope these are as much fun to read as they are to write!
1. Parasitic Birds
Moony.
Yes?
You still smell like a bird of parasite.
You mean a bird of paradise.
Sorry?
You mean "paradise", not "parasite". We were working with birds of paradise in Herbology, not birds of parasite.
What's the difference?
Parasites are hangers-on. They live off other people. Like someone who copies someone else's homework is a parasite.
Oh.
Right.
So maybe I'm the bird of parasite.
2. Flowers
Padfoot?
Yes, Prongs?
What do you think Lily's favorite flower is?
Prongs, you have got to be joking.
I never joke.
Roses, perhaps?
Hm…you're probably right.
I would try lilies. Then again, that's just a guess.
Nah, I think I'll go with roses.
I hope you're being sarcastic.
What do you think – a dozen?
At least you have your looks.
3. Traits of a Head Boy
Prongs? How did you become Head Boy?
I expect my intelligence and dashing good looks had something to do with it.
You're forgetting modesty.
Oh, am I? Well, I expect that had something to do with it as well.
4. Sleep Deprivation
We have got to do something about Wormtail's snoring.
Yes, Prongs, I completely concur. These sleepless nights are starting to take a toll.
He snores like a hippopotamus letting off gaseous material.
Except his snores don't smell the same.
How do you know what a hippopotamus' gaseous material smells like?
I'd rather not talk about it.
Well, then, his snores are like a rhinoceros sneezing out a squirrel.
Louder. A squirrel with rabies.
Yes. His snores are very much comparable to a rhinoceros sneezing out a squirrel with rabies. Something must be done.
Let's buy a squirrel.
Without rabies.
Yes, and we'll train it to sit on his forehead.
It's got to be a small squirrel then.
Yes, it'll be undergrown!
A midget squirrel – genius!
Everytime he begins to snore it'll clamp its little, undergrown paws over his nose…
Forcing him to breathe through his mouth…
And, thus, not snore!
Or you could just use earplugs.
How would keeping Wormtail from hearing himself snore help us at all?
If anything, it would hurt us. He wouldn't wake himself up with the really earth-shattering ones anymore.
Not on him, you idiots, on yourselves!
Nah.
I like the squirrel plan better.
What plan?
Nothing.
Wormtail, do you know where we might find a squirrel?
5. On Planet Earth
I am on Cloud 10.
Cloud 9.
What?
The expression, Prongs, is "Cloud 9".
Yes, and what I was trying to convey was that I am one notch above Cloud 9.
Where is Cloud 10, anyway?
Above Cloud 9, apparently.
Then where is Cloud 9?
Wherever it is that I will be taking Lily Evans on our first date.
She agreed to go out with you?
Yes, she did! And I'm ecstatic!
Actually, Prongs, hate to break it to you, but her exact words were: "Potter, I would only date you if you were the only human male left on planet Earth and an alien forced me to do so at gun point."
In other words: "Yes."
No, Prongs. In other words: "No."
Really?
Really.
Damn you.
What?
Now I'm on Cloud 2.
Where is Cloud 2?
Below Clouds 3 through 10, Wormtail. Below Clouds 3 through 10.
A/N: So what's the verdict? Mildly amusing, complete nonsense? Review, please!