It had been so sudden, so euphoric and the world had been all but forgotten; left behind along with all the other things that didn't matter in that moment. When I think back on it, I can't even be sure that it wasn't dream. I had imagined such a scenario many times before - a first encounter, but nothing could have possibly prepared me for the hellfire passion burning beneath his glowing eyes or the inhuman growls that had escaped from his lips. His whole being had shuddered with each and every one that tore its way through his body and he had later on apologized profusely for his so-called unseemly state. Unfortunately, I had by then returned to reality and was rendered unable to voice my thoughts - my lust-fueled courage had worn away only minutes earlier. If only I could have told him how I felt - told him what it was that I thought of his hungry growls, his bruising kisses and even more so bruising hands, gripping and groping me fervently as they sought to pull me closer. It had been so overwhelming - but he was mine and knew better than to give me anything less than everything that he had to offer so that was what I received. He had given me my salvation and damnation, soothed my mind all while setting my very being on fire. And oh, how hotly I had burned.
I was no stranger to sexual matters - though admittedly, this was my first encounter of the kind where I had any kind of say in the matter. I understood the mechanics and the process of it all but, I had never truly come to know the pleasurable aspects of such activities. Sex had always meant having something taken from me or being used for the pleasure of another but, this, this had been something entirely different. We give and took as we pleased, knowing that above all else, we meant to enjoy each other.
In my mind I had imagined that I would be nervous or scared when it came time to perform but, it had all been such a blur. We were simply attracted to each other like magnets and molded together until there was no way to separate us - there were no questions asked. It was all so natural. I was not exploring uncharted territory but returning to a long lost home; I felt loved and I think I might have even loved a little myself. I wondered if Sebastian felt it too, but I doubted it. He would never truly understand the emotions that he had awoken in me and I suppose he wouldn't care either way. His intentions were no better than those of the men who had had me first - I knew this and while I may have enjoyed being encaged in his embrace, a golden cage is still just a cage. I had felt such ambivalence as I struggled to decide wether to continue to fall or push him away. Maybe I would have chosen the latter had I not looked up at the creature that was so passionately kissing me.
By then he had long since torn my nightshirt off of me and removed his own clothing as well. Sebastian hovered over me, one hand pinning my wrists into the mattress above my head and the other wrapped around my waist to arch my back into him. His abdominal muscles contracted and relaxed against the flat planes of my own stomach, vibrating every once in a while when yet another growl would pass through him. I wonder what it was that prompted him to make such noises; was it lust, hunger or perhaps even hatred - maybe he himself did not know. Regardless, he was beautiful in a way that only one of the damned could be and even if it destroyed me I would come to him.
"Sebastian, ah…. S-sebastian!" He caressed my sides and brought his lips down to my chest to leave wet kisses there. He let go own my hands and I sat up to wrap them around his neck and straddle his lap. We couldn't possibly be close enough. "Please Ciel, I will not hurt you - this you know. Let me prove to you that I mean to please my master." His voice was dark velvet, intoxicating me while keeping me conscious. I looked up at him and he pressed his lips to my forehead and exhaled softly. " Nothing has to happen that you do not want, my lord. You are in control of me no matter the situation and I will do as you say. I will always be your knight, your pawn and your butler but for tonight, if only just for tonight, let me be your lover." I had responded to his plea by kissing him greedily and tangling my hair into his raven hair. I nodded once or twice before continuing and Sebastian had not needed any further confirmation; I do not remember what words we exchanged after that - though I do suppose they were deadly and best forgotten anyways.
As was expected of the Phantomhive butler, he had not lied and it was painless to say the least. He went to great lengths to ensure my comfort and rubbed soothing circles into the small of my back when he had first entered me. He gave me a few seconds to adjust, spending that time kissing my collarbones and massaging my scalp with his hands. Once I had relaxed enough, he began to move, pulling out slightly before settling back in slowly and carefully. He continued the slow, cautious pace for some time before he himself became impatient and quickened his thrusts. I held onto his shoulders for dear life as I tried (and miserably failed) to bite moans and whimpers of sheer, unholy pleasure. He was well-proportioned to put it politely and seemingly always knew exactly where it was that he should aim inside of me to make me see stars. I was no stranger to sexual matters but this was something I had never before known. Sebastian must have noticed the shameful blush on my cheeks, because he had leaned to whisper raggedly into my ear. "Please, let me hear you, my lord. It is my intent to satisfy you. Let me hear that you appreciate my touch, that you enjoy my company."
He had not needed to ask me twice and I had called out to him until my throat grew sore and even then, I had incoherently whined out the broken syllables of his name. He spoke my name many times - which would have usually been a grave offense had it not been so very obvious that Sebastian was just as delirious with pleasure as I was. We spent together and continued as soon as I was recovered. That was most likely my favorite thing about the whole affair, seeing Sebastian lose himself to carnal desire. Such a handsome beast he was, baring his elongated fangs at me and roaring with furious lust that I reckon humans do not comprehend. There was something so very lovable about the frustration in his face when I pulled away from our kisses to catch my breath or held my hand over my lips to cover my wails; he would more often than not yank it away and thrust into me harder in response. Oh, and the way he had moaned and purred when I had taken him in my mouth had been so utterly fascinating; he had patted my head and stroked my cheek, looking down at me with a curiosity that mimicked my own. "Oh - oh, Ciel. Hell - ah! Ciel, my beautiful boy -ah!- so very eager to please" He had spent again and pulled me onto his lap to nuzzle me and hum contentedly against my skin."Mmm, Ciel, so very generous of you. You're quite good at that you know?" I was somewhat embarrassed by the lewd compliment but all too tired to voice my disapproval, so instead I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his heady scent until it made me feel faint.
Sometime later that night, we had joined again and he had kept us teetering on the edge of ecstasy for what seemed an eternity that second time around; it had been both heaven and hell to stay there and when he finally pulled us past the point of return, we had devoted a great deal of time to simply regaining our senses. All the while, I had lain in his embrace and focused on his breathing. Sebastian was purring quite loudly and the vibration sent strange sensations through me. We were quiet for a long time, the dark room lit only by the light of the moon. When some time had passed and Sebastian had yet to speak, I looked up to see him. His head rested against the headboard and his eyes were shut. I wondered for a moment if he was asleep - if the nights' activities had left him as drowsy as I was. I had stared at him for longer than I would have ever had he been aware of my gaze and blushed a dark shade of crimson when I realized he was. He opened his eyes ever so slightly to look down at me and he raised an eyebrow in question. "Yes, young master? Is there something that you need?" I had been so embarrassed that I had not managed an answer and this had delighted Sebastian; he grinned and lifted my chin so that I had no choice but to look directly at him. "Hm, perhaps you have seen something that you like, young master?" I flushed once again and averted my gaze, childishly thumping my fist against his chest "No, now shut up" I huffed indignantly and he snickered, letting go of my chin.
He placed a quick kiss upon my lips and pulled silken sheets over our forms, wrapping his arms around my waist and scooting me further into his hold. "Well then, goodnight my lord." I did not ask him if he intended to stay the night, but I hoped he would. He stayed until his purrs and nuzzles had soothed me to sleep and most likely left some time shortly thereafter - though I can't be sure. I was comfortably tired but my mind was all too awake. I thought it would provide me some sort of relief to be so close to the object of my desire but I had never felt quite so far away from him. What would this change and more importantly, why had Sebastian indulged me? He could not possibly want me - maybe this was all just a way to earn my trust - maybe he had simply done it because he is demon and demons crave the pleasures of flesh. What was happening in the dark mazes of his mind? If he had done it all in some spur of lustful need, why did he stay with me now that it was over? There had been so much caring and kindness in his presence - what a terribly frightening web he has spun me into. It doesn't matter, I suppose. I am his and he is mine and one day it will all pass; the truth will be revealed in the end. I heard him bid me a goodnight once again just before I fell asleep.
"Goodnight, Ciel"
Indeed, it was a good night.
There were many good nights that followed.