Disclaimer: The people and events aren't mine; the words are mine--except the ones in
italics, and they belong to The Offspring and Mushroom Music.
TISSUE ALERT--This one's a sad one...
Never Ever Forever
4-6 November, 1999
The paramedic gave him a sympathetic look as he closed the ambulance doors. Jack didn't even notice it. His mind was numb; he couldn't think. He couldn't even cry. He climbed in the front seat and stared out the windscreen, feeling the slight shuddering as the driver started the engine. No frantic speeding, nor flashing of sirens--it was too late for that. Slowly
accelerating; smoothly gliding to its final destination.
The morgue.
Rachel didn't belong in the morgue. The morgue was for dead people. Rachel couldn't be dead. She'd been with him the night before, laughing and happy; drinking wine and playing old records 'til the early hours of the morning. Twenty-four hours ago.
When the siren's flash is gone
And we're left to carry on
All the memories are too few
His shirt stuck to his chest. Sticky with her life's blood. Poured all over him like champagne.
How could this have happened? She was right behind him. He'd only turned his back for a
second.
One second. That was all it took for her to exit his life forever.
He'd begged her not to die. He didn't know if she'd heard him or not. She certainly hadn't done what she was told, but then Rach was never one to do something just because she was told to. Bloody contrary woman.
He wondered if she knew that she had taken the best part of him with her.
When the Pastor's music plays
And the casket rolls away
I could live again if you
Just stay alive for me
The ambulance drew to a shuddering stop, and the driver got out and opened the back door. He and his partner took hold of either side of the stretcher and lifted her down onto the bitumen. Jack followed silently as they wheeled her into the hospital and down a deserted hall to the morgue.
They lifted her onto a slab, closed the drawer and left without speaking a word. One of them
laid a hand on his arm momentarily as he walked out, taking the stretcher with him.
Jack pulled a chair up and sat down, resting his forehead on the cold steel of number twenty
three.
Please stay, now you left me here alone
It's the end of the line
Please stay, I can't make it on my own
Make it on my own
It's the end of the line
He was glad of the cold. He felt he deserved the discomfort. He'd failed her. He should have
done something, anything to stop this from happening, but he'd missed the chance. So many
little things contributing to her fate. He looked at the blood on his hands, his shirt, his tie, his
pants. Dried. Dead. Like her.
Now that you are dead and gone
And I'm left to carry on
I could never smile 'cause you
Won't stay alive for me
A clock on the wall on the other side of the room ticked loudly, punctuating the silence. Jack
wanted to rip it away from the wall and break it into a million pieces, but he didn't want to leave her, even for a second. He wouldn't make that mistake again.
He began to sob quietly. At least she wouldn't have been in pain. They say you never feel the
wound that kills you. She'd known she was dying, though; he'd seen the fear in her eyes, and the acceptance. Her eyes haunted him.
Please stay, now you left me here alone
It's the end of the line
Please stay, I can't make it on my own
Make it on my own
Oh, it's the end of the line, oh
The paramedics had given her CPR when they'd arrived, but she'd already died in his arms. Still he'd pleaded with her to come back. Stay alive. Don't die. She hadn't heard, probably halfway to Heaven. She had to be somewhere, and happy. He wished he really believed that.
Why couldn't they have got me instead? He would have gladly given his life, if it had only
saved hers.
She was with him in body, perhaps she was even with him in spirit; but she would never again be with him as herself. She could never ever be whole again. Neither could he.
Finally
Your final resting day
Is without me
I weep
And think of brighter days
What about me?
Her family would be devastated. He'd wanted to tell them himself, but he had to stay with her. Young David--he'd promised her he'd tell him.
It was probably a good idea that they didn't see him; covered in her blood. The mark of Cain;
the one who should have been able to save her, but didn't.
You can't take back the one mistake
That still lives on after life it takes
In that one day, that changed our lives
And bitter memories are left behind
If only they hadn't gotten out of bed that morning. If only they hadn't set up that surveillance. If only they'd found Reilly. If only he'd waited for backup. If only he hadn't turned his back.
One second. Gone forever.
Please stay, now you left me here alone
It's the end of the line
Please stay, I can't make it on my own
Make it on my own
Please stay, now you left me here alone
It's the end of the line
Please stay, I can't make it on my own
Why. If only. Never ever. Forever.
~Finis.
Pretty please send me some feedback, to lotus@primus.com.au ?
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