A Tout le Monde
Well, my writer's block lifted at about 3:30 in the morning and I had to write. Unfortunately, it is not for a happy reason that I am writing.
This weekend, I have lost one of my classmates and friends in a car accident. Our class at Florida Tech was made up of seven students and we were a family. He was one of the nicest guys I have ever met and had a bright future. Only 22 and fresh out of college; the world is missing a great person and one hell of a good math teacher but Valhalla has gained a truly amazing warrior. Rest in peace, Byron. You will be missed.
I dedicate this story to his memory, to those who have died, and to those who have lost someone in their lives. The title comes from the Megadeth song A Tout le Monde.
His hand caressed cool stone, etched words seeming to taunt him terribly. The sun was warm on his figure, the brilliant rays illuminating auburn hair, giving the strands a near-fiery appearance. It was not a fire that Gary felt internally.
It was a complete mockery: the beautiful weather, the thriving wildflowers growing amidst the soft grass, even in the shade of the ancient oak tree that grew in the center of the cemetery. He despised it with the same passion he felt towards his research. A gentle breeze swept through the field and he shivered despite the lack of cold; he hated to visit this place.
It was a place of death, a portal to the realm of the dead… Gary snorted and shook his head. He was just being dramatic, it was nothing but a park. A park that housed Pallet's dead, rotting remains slowly turning to dirt within elegantly carved coffins.
He sighed and closed his eyes. Again, dramatic. He couldn't help it. Bitterness always overcame him when he came to this place. Of course, there was a reason behind it: the memories that might have been, now forever lost. The death of his parents, at an early age, now seemed to forever haunt him, especially since his sister had delivered her daughter, especially since he had come to realize that he would never have his own child… It simply wasn't biologically possible. Ash didn't have a womb.
Another sigh escaped him when he heard footsteps crunch over fallen leaves. He was digressing, forgetting why he had come in the first place.
He forced himself to focus on the grave markers in front of him and suddenly memories came in a torrential flood. Laughter, smiles, and kissed goodnight. A warm bed, cuddling with a stuffed Eevee and his mother, listening to her voice as she read aloud. Strong arms scooping him up and a cheerful voice inquiring about a day at school. A soothing voice giving comfort during a fierce thunderstorm. All common occurrences, all over looked.
All sorely missed.
His heart ached terribly and unbidden tears slowly trailed down his cheeks as someone kneeled next to him. A warm, calloused hand slipped into his own and he couldn't help but raise his eyes to look up at Ash. His lover was uncharacteristically somber as he reached out to wipe the tears off Gary's face.
"I miss them."
"I know," Ash replied quietly, glancing over his shoulder at Pikachu and Umbreon, who were playing nearby. "They really love this weather," he observed.
Gary nodded, wiping his face and staring blankly ahead, still lost in memories. Fresh tears came and fell, only to be wiped away by Ash.
"I love you." Ash's voice was strained; seeing his best friend in the world in such pain broke his heart.
"I love you, too," Gary replied softly, trying to keep his voice steady.
"I'll always be here for you," Ash continued. He pressed a kiss against Gary's temple and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'll never leave."
A few moments passed, the silence broken only by the nearby scampering of their playing pokemon. Finally, Gary wiped his eyes one last time and looked up at Ash again.
"I want a family," he admitted.
Ash tilted his head to the side, considering his boyfriend for a moment. "You have one," he pointed out. "Me, your grandfather, May, Tracey, the baby, my mom…"
"It's not the same."
"How?"
"Parents," was all Gary said in the way of an elaboration but Ash understood still. A family was made with parents and children.
A sad smile formed on Ash's face and he hugged Gary suddenly. "It's only genetics, Gary. A family is love, not blood."
"It's not enough…"
Ash reached out and placed a finger under Gary's chin, gently forcing him to meet his eyes. "Tell me what to do, Gary, and I'll do it. Anything."
Gary shook his head, trying to force away the tears that were threatening to return. There was no way he was going to cry again. "I want kids, Ash. Like May and Tracey."
"Then we'll do it, we can adopt. We'll work something else…" Gary was shaking his head and Ash wasn't quite sure why. "What is it?"
"You need to be married to do that, Ash," Gary pointed out, sounding dejected and thoroughly depressed.
"Then marry me," Ash suggested without any second thought. They already lived together, they knew every detail of each other's life. In Ash's eyes, marriage would only be a formality: they were already a family.
Gary looked at him, startled by the suggestion. "Ash…"
He looked confused, unsure, but Ash wasn't fazed in the slightest. "I mean it," he said softly.
Slowly, the confusion faded from Gary's face and a tiny smile tugged at his lips. "Okay," he agreed a long moment later.
Ash grinned and pulled his lover closer to him in an embrace. It was a long time before he spoke again. "Just because people leave, doesn't mean the family is destroyed," he said. "Family is all here." He placed a hand on Gary's chest, over his heart.
Gary's hand covered his and their fingers entwined. Ash leaned closer and gently pressed his lips to Gary's, allowing for a sweet kiss. They didn't pull away, even when the kiss ended.
"Thank you," Gary breathed.
Suddenly, he didn't hate Pallet's cemetery quite so much. As they stood and left hand in hand, a short while later, the scenery seemed truly beautiful, no longer mocking. He couldn't help but love Ash at that moment, and he was grateful for the way the other boy was always able to force him to cheer up just by being his loving, lovable self.
Perhaps, Gary figured, it wasn't best to mourn the dead. Sometimes, it was best to live in the present and focus on the living. If the dead provided anything beyond the grave, it was a lesson: life is never guaranteed.
Live it fully.
A tout le monde, a tout mes amis, je vous aime, je dois partir.
For my friends, for my family, I love you, I must leave.
~Megadeth, Dave Mustaine