A/N: Welp, I was going to write a SasuNaru Christmas story but naaaaah this idea had been plaguing my mind the whole day so I forced myself to sit there and finish this story or it'll never get completed... like most of anything I write. Ah well. It's 4 am now. And I have a 10 hour flight tomorrow. Congrats to me :D
Disclaimer: Gintama belongs to Sorachi T^T If I did own Gintama, I would put a lot more Sougo into the story :3
"Toushi, you should get him," Kondou Isao gently murmured, his eyes red and swollen from long-gone tears. "It's been a few hours already."
"No, I shouldn't," Hijikata Toushirou retorted, his voice softer and less harsh than usual as he watched the scene before him through the glass pane.
"Toushi," The commander warned. "You're the one he needs most right now."
The vice-commander sighed, removing the cigarette from his lips, "He's never needed me before, I don't see why I'm the only one he would suddenly need now," He muttered, gingerly taking steps to the door and entering the cold, sterile room. His gaze flitted over to the lone bed in the center of the room with a trembling figure hunched over, and immediately he felt a sharp pang in his chest, which he forced himself to brush away as he slowly shuffled up to the bed.
"Sougo," He mumbled, resting a hand on the light brown-haired teenager's shoulder, causing the said boy to slowly avert his eyes to his vice-commander. "We should go now."
Okita Sougo looked back to his sister's cold body, still and unmoving, a weak smile still adorning her gentle features, and he gradually loosened his hold on Okita Mitsuba's hand, before giving a feeble nod.
He stood up with difficulty, his legs numb, and he wiped his face with the sleeve of his white dress shirt, trying to hide any sign of crying as he stumbled out of the room, his red eyes never leaving the bed.
Toushirou hurried over next to the boy, about to help support his junior's weight, when the younger male muttered coldly, "I don't need your help walking."
The dark-haired man rolled his eyes, beginning to increase his speed to catch up with the rest of the Shinsengumi as they all left the hospital solemnly until he heard the skidding of shoes and a flash of brown cross his vision and he reached out just in time to catch the unstable teen.
"Baka," Toushirou softly chided, avoiding the worried looks the rest of the Shinsengumi were flashing as he draped the younger boy's arm around his neck and he wrapped his own arm around his junior's waist, sharing half of Sougo's weight, and they remained like that in silence as the whole police force walked back.
The demon vice-commander guided Sougo through the headquarters, stopping in front of the teen's room and sliding open the door, letting them in.
"I can take care of myself now. Please leave."
Hijikata shrugged to himself and turned around, walking out and calling over his shoulder, "Go and sleep soon." Always so stubborn, he mentally sighed. It's been years already and that boy still hasn't changed a bit. Except maybe now he's become a sadistic prick too, he scowled, then shaking his head, scolding himself that now wasn't the right time to be insulting his enemy/friend as he walked to his own room, he himself still in despair at Mitsuba's death, though refusing to drink alcohol. Might as well try to sleep.
Except an hour had passed. And still unable to sleep.
"Toushi?" His commander's voice sounded from outside.
"Come in."
The fusuma (Traditional Japanese doors) slid open, revealing Kondou still dressed in his uniform.
"Is this about Sougo?" the vice-commander sighed, taking a deep breath of his cigarette, to which his leader frowned at.
"You really should stop smoking, Toushi," He rebuked, which his ex-student responded to with an icy glare. "But yeah, I want you to go check on Sougo." He fixed a pointed stare at Hijikata.
"And why me?" The young adult lazily shot back. "We don't get along well." He lowered his voice a little and added, "And he's still pissed at me."
"Despite what you guys think, he's your best friend. And among everyone, your feelings are the most similar to his right now." He smirked and continued, "Don't be an asshole. Just go and check."
Troublesome, he whined to himself, inhaling deeply again, then furrowing his brows. Maybe Kondou-san did have a point about smoking.
"Oi," He gently rapped his knuckles against the frame of Sougo's door. No reply. He's sleeping then, Toushirou concluded and started sauntering back to his room when he pictured Kondou punching him upside the head for not doing this job properly.
Letting out a soft groan, he dragged the door sideways, peeking in. "Sougo?"
His eyes landed on a figure standing in the middle of the room, his back towards Hijikata. "Oi, Sougo!" Hijikata ran up, twisting his body when in front of the chestnut-haired boy. Sougo hadn't moved a bit from when he left him, his red eyes clouded over and staring lifelessly ahead of him, his arms rigid at his side.
"You should go and sleep now," Hijikata gently spoke, guiding the fragile boy to his futon in the middle of the room and carefully pushing the teenager, laying him down. He hurriedly strode towards the drawers at the side and pulled one open, wincing as he accidentally opened the one housing all his underwear, and foraged through the other drawers, and finally finding and pulling out a light blue yukata (Traditional Japanese casual outfit).
He kneeled down in front of Sougo and started peeling off the boy's uniform, starting with the vest, the dress shirt, his shoes, and eventually his pants, folding them and placing them on top of he well-crafted wooden dresser, with Sougo still in a daze, staring at the ceiling, ignoring that he had been stripped to his boxers by his enemy.
Hijikata couldn't help but stare at Sougo's surprisingly thin but sturdy frame, his gaze skimming over the younger male's toned and muscular chest, and feeling a tinge of jealousy. He also knew fully-well that now wasn't the time to be ogling his team mate, but it proved difficult to ignore his abs as he lifted his body up slightly, helping him slip into his yukata.
The dark-haired man smirked and ruffled Sougo's hair as he pulled up the thick cotton blanket up to the teenager's shoulders. "Try and sleep, bastard."
He settled himself down next to the futon, one knee hitched up for him to rest his elbow on, staring at the door as though gazing at the star-lit night sky. His thoughts drifted off to Mitsuba, the beautiful woman's kind smile burned into his memory. He cast a glance at the laid down boy, noting that he was still awake.
"I'll miss her too, you know." The vice-commander mumbled, loud enough for Sougo to hear.
"Hijikata-teme (Hijikata bastard)." The adolescent whispered, his voice still laced with pain. "You took away my sister from me, just like everything else precious to me, then coldly reject her. And now you miss her. That's low, even for you." He pulled up the blanket over his head, completely covering him.
Toushirou took in another breath of his cigarette, as though his problems would be solved the more cancer sticks he smoked. "Don't cover your face with the blanket. You won't be able to breathe well."
He lightly tugged the blanket down, and the moment Sougo's face was revealed, the teen quickly turned over, his back to his senior.
He doesn't even want to see my face, Hijikata sighed, for what must be the umpteenth time that day alone. I just make people upset wherever I go.
"Look, Sougo…" He began, then cut himself off as he turned to Sougo and saw his skinny frame shaking. "Oi oi, are you crying?"
The said teenager vigorously shook his head, his shoulders still trembling.
Hijikata reached out and firmly grabbed Sougo's shoulder, tugging it back to see the boy's face, but he kept his head titled and facing the opposite side, making the older man unable to catch a glimpse of his face. The dark-haired man then pinched Sougo's chin with his other hand, and pulled it towards himself, only to come face-to-face with the boy's watery red eyes, tears spilling over and sliding down his cheeks.
Sougo quickly pulled his face away from his senior's grasp and turned back to the wall, curling up into a ball with his sobs more audible now.
The vice-commander removed the cigarette from his mouth and put out the flame, crushing it against the tatami mat and then stuffing it into his pocket. He reached out underneath Sougo and lifted his upper body until he was sitting up, which was easier to cry in. The snivelling boy propped an elbow on his lap and covered his face with his palm, sobbing into his hand.
Toushirou thought for a while, then gently nudged the boy towards him, pulling him down until Sougo's head was rested on Hijikata's lap. The younger male immediately turned over, his back again to his senior, and continued crying, the tears seeping through the cloth of Hijikata's pant leg and dampening it as Hijikata started stroking the younger boy's surprisingly soft hair soothingly.
They remained like this for a few minutes until Sougo softly spoke up, speaking in between sobs, "Why… why did she go? I didn't want her to. I wanted to always be with my ane-ue (Sister). I wanted to be with her for as long as I lived. I didn't… I didn't want to ever lose her." He chuckled, "But that's just selfish of me. I've always been selfish. Always troubling ane-ue, always making ane-ue worry."
Even more tears than before streamed down his face. "Even until she died, I was still useless. I was useless and stubborn and selfish and arrogant until the end. I've never been able to make her truly happy, and I never will have the chance to." He bit his lip, "Baka, baka. I'm such a baka. If… if only I hadn't been so self-centred. If only she didn't have to be stuck with me a a brother. She wasn't deserving of someone as low as me. If only Hijikata-san replaced me. If only Hijikata-san had been with her throughout her life. Hijikata-san could've made her happy, made her life worth it. If… if only-"
"Saying 'if only… if only…' doesn't help. What's happened happened," Hijikata spoke firmly, still stroking the teenager's hair. "No one like either of us would ever deserve someone as wonderful as her, never in a thousand lifetimes. But who she did deserve was someone who loved her unconditionally. Someone who was always loyal to her, someone who always cared for her. No one ever did that but you. No one ever loved and cared for her as much as you did. Even while she was dying you still sat by her side. The last thing she ever saw and felt was you and your love. Even after she was gone you sat there for hours, never wavering in love for her. That's what she deserved. She didn't have the most comfortable life, she didn't have a well-behaved sibling to take care of by herself, she didn't have a lover she could be with forever, but she had something much greater than all that."
He pulled out another cigarette and lit it with his mayo-lighter, "Even though you were a bastard… and you still are," He scowled. "You were the best thing that ever happened in her life."
And just as though the floodgates had broken, the tears came down at full force, his soft sobbing turning into loud wails as he reached for Hijikata's right hand which was draped over his shoulder and clutched it tightly, pulling it towards himself for warmth and something to bury his face into. His bawling was over-filled with strong emotions - despair, guilt, loneliness, but strongest of all, relief.
Kondou sat up, woken by a loud noise. Someone crying? He recognised the voice straight away and grinned as he lay back down. I knew Toushi could do it.
Still caressing the young boy's hair, he let the teen let it all out and cry until he had no more tears. After ten minutes, his bawling slowly died down to quiet sobs and whimpers, almost like at the beginning, with the occasional hiccup.
"Su… sumimasen (Sorry)," The younger boy whispered.
"Are (Huh)? What for?"
"For bothering you and wasting your time. I probably woke others too," Sougo whimpered, his face still buried against Toushirou's arm.
Hijikata rolled his eyes and hit the light-haired boy upside the head, "Are you seriously that stupid? I really hate you, but since you're in the Shinsengumi, I'll always help you." He paused to inhale his cigarette again. "It's okay to ask for help from others, you know. It doesn't make you weak. Your friends would always support you. Me, Gorilla, the rest of the Shinsengumi, and even those bastards at the Yorozuya."
His tears now coming down only in thin trickles, he tightened his grip on Hijikata's hand and mewled, "Arigatou."
Sougo blinked, trying to keep his eyes open as his head remained on Toushirou's lap, his sobbing having had subsided, and now enjoying the warmth of his senior's arms and lap, but eventually drifting off into sleep.
The dark-haired man glanced down as he felt the grip on his wrist loosen and sighed, gently pushing Sougo back onto his futon and lifting the edge of the blanket to cover the boy, stroking his hair as he did so. Slowly, he pulled his hand away from his hair and stood up, turning to leave until he heard whimpers and look back at Sougo, who was shifting around uncomfortably in his sleep and reaching above him, as though looking for something. Something such as a hand.
He's seriously like a little kid, Hijikata silently muttered, half in amusement. He glanced at the ground next to the futon and shrugged, One night should be fine, then.
Quietly, he lay down on the tatami - yes, he refused to lie in the same futon as that sadistic asshole - and extended a hand, running his hand across the short light brown hair that seemed to frame Sougo's face perfectly. Hijikata's eyes took in Sougo's appearance. His long lashes, his round, slightly chubby face, his mouth that opened ever so slightly whenever he took in a breath, drool slowly trickling down… he really did look like a child when he slept. With that ridiculous, ugly eye mask that the teenager always wore to sleep, Toushirou had almost forgotten that Sougo still had moments where his face showed pure innocence.
The vice-commander found himself intrigued, he noticed every detail on Sougo's face, even moving his gaze around, observing the position he slept in, noting the way his fists were clenched. Sougo really did look attractive, and dare he say… cute?
I'm one screwed up person, He mentally whined.
He stayed like that, gently stroking Sougo's hair, until he, too, finally let sleep take over.
"Oi! Hijikata-san tried to molest me!"
Toushirou bolted upright, his eyes snapping open. He looked around and found himself on the floor, Sougo standing in front of him in the Shinsengumi uniform.
"What? Toushi?" Kondou poked his head into the room from the door, mock surprise across his face.
"It's was terrible, Gorilla." Sougo fell down onto his knees, whimpering. "I woke up and Hijikata-san was there on top of me, trying to remove my-"
"Oi oi! Kondou-san! You know he's lying, right? You know he's a lying bastard, right? You know that-"
"Sougo!" Kondou exclaimed, an arm wrapped around his shoulder. "You poor thing! Come, let's get you away from Toushi before he does anythi-"
"Commander!" Hijikata cried out.
Kondou barked out in laughter, patting the vice-commander on the back and then strolling out.
"Hijikata-san."
Toushirou turned around, only to find a bazooka aimed at his face, which, of course, elicited a not-so-pleasant scream as he leaped back. "Why the hell would you try to kill me already? We just got up!"
"If you tell anyone about… last night, believe me when I say you will die."
Hijikata smirked at seeing the usually calm and laid-back teenager get flustered and maybe even embarrassed, "But you were crying so loudly that everyone probably heard you."
A tinge of pink dusted Sougo's face as he tightened his grip on the bazooka, "Die, Hijikata."
And then he pulled the trigger.