AN: This fic is biased on the comic "A Serious House on Serious Earth" and taken off from the scene where The Joker greets Batman at the door of Arkham (a brief summary of what happened before for anyone who hasn't read it; Batman gets a call via Gordon from The Joker telling him to come to Arkham to play with him and the other inmates other wise he will harm the staff he has taken hostage). This is also, maybe more importantly; biased on the alternate and original outfit Grant Morrison wanted The Joker to wear but wasn't allowed to. He biased it on Madonna's outfit in the 'Into the Groove' video for reasons I shouldn't get into now for this is already too long. (I know what you're thinking, having a transvestite Joker could only improve a Batman comic but the people at DC comics didn't think so at the time, the fools). Most of the first bit of the fic and beginning dialog is biased on what really happened in the comic but after a certain point it's all my own sick imagination ;), oh and also because my mind has been tainted forever more by the Nolan films, I am writing the characters as if they are from the films not the comic version because the idea of The Joker from this comic in this get up is far less appealing that Heath in drag :). Enjoy.
The ominous building loomed over Batman as he walked briskly through the gates of Arkham. The dry gravel from the path crunched under his boots and he strode towards the double doors that were open just a crack, releasing a sliver of light.
Batman had been summoned to Arkham Asylum by The Joker to play God knows what sort of sick games he and the other inmates had concocted for him.
Batman hadn't seen The Joker for about two months since he had put him away in Arkham and he had started getting an itch that he couldn't scratch. Without The Joker on the streets, Batman had been constantly looking out for havoc and chaos that he knew would not be there. There was no elaborate bank heists, no hotels rigged with bat shaped bombs and no hysterical laughter plaguing the streets. He had almost been waiting for something like this to happen.
It was clear that The Joker was a sick, murdering, criminal that disserved nothing better than a life spent rotting in Arkham, but sometimes, maybe just for a moment when he was exhausted, laying on his bed after a long night of beating the scum of Gotham and unable to sleep due to the adrenalin still in his veins, Bruce would muse that The Joker was so much more than that.
Of course he was a lunatic with no morals, but he wasn't like the usually greedy, power hungry, weak criminals he usually had to deal with. He wasn't even like all the crazies that were locked up in Arkham either. He didn't do acts of violence or destruction to fight back against the world or because his parents didn't love him as a child, he did it was to teach the people of Gotham a lesson. To show them that life didn't have to be controlled by rules and order; that you could let go of sanity for a while.
And also of course, to get his Bat's attention.
Bruce couldn't help but feel a sort of connection to the madman. They did what they did because it was what they thought was right, and Bruce had to give him some respect for that.
As he continued down the path, a trail of white caught his eye and he halted. He cautiously bent down to examine the substance; a circle of salt surrounded the asylum in a supposed protective barrier to ward off evil. Batman couldn't resist a smirk at the superstitious and desperate attempt to deter such things before a voice made his head snap back up.
"It's salt," A mischievous and undeniably excited voice cackled. "Why don't you sprinkle some on me, honey. Aren't I just good enough to eat?"
The doors of the asylum had been thrown wide open and a figure was blocking out most of the light coming from within. Although, the night was so dark that the little light there was radiated through the grounds non-the less.
Batman adjusted his eyes to the intrusive light that momentarily blinded him and his eyes settled on the familiar figure of The Joker standing in the doorway. But there was something...wrong. He let out a strangled cry of dismay.
The Joker was dressed in quite an alarming get up. He wore opaque leggings and a black lace basque that hugged his lithe form, exposing every bend and curve of his body, with black lace-up stilettos that extenuated his legs and that he seem quite capable of tottering around on. His face was a mask of pure bone white and his lips were the ever blood red but not the parody of a grin that was usually stretched over his face. The ruby red lipstick only extended to his lips, his scars were covered by the white face paint but the rough bumps of the scar tissue still vaguely visible.
His eyes were shrouded by kohl eyeliner and were laden with thick fake lashes that he batted in a mock coy manner at his precious bat. His fingernails were painted the brightest green to match his newly re-dyed hair that wasn't it's normal greasy self but was now washed and soft, groomed to frame his face in a green haze.
He stood with one hand resting on his hip that jutted forward and his other arm rested casually on the door. He had the usual air of utmost confidence but now there was also the blazoned sexuality that radiated off him in waves.
Batman stared up at the figure, his eyes wide with shock and revulsion. It was undeniably the most horrifying thing he had ever seen. Worse than all the bodies of the victims of crimes he could not prevent, worse than the mangled half of Dent's face after the accident, worse even, than the sight of his parent's bodies.
And yet his face was flushed, there was a tightening in his gut he could not, or rather, would not try and explain. His blood seemed to be on fire as it raced around his body, trying to supply his brain with enough oxygen to react to The Joker.
He cursed The Joker for constantly surprising and shocking him. It seemed that however much he seemed to learn about the man, he would always prove to him that he really knew nothing what so ever.
The Joker giggled, twirling on the spot in an overly dramatic fashion.
He stepped down off the threshold of the asylum and closer to Batman, who just gawped at the way his body moved as he walked, dressed in such revealing clothes.
"Are you admiring the, ah, view? I did it all for you, Batsy." He gave a wicked giggle and continued to stare at Bruce who was still half kneeling.
He quickly straightened up and fixed his usually emotionless glare on his face.
"I'm here, Joker." He growled out, his face still alight but he hoped that the darkness would swallow it up. "Release the hostages."
"But sweetie, we were only just getting started, do we really need to be interrupted so soon?" The Joker fake pouted, but after getting no reaction from the Bat, he proceeded to beckon to the hostages to come out.
The Joker cheerfully bid farewell to the hostages as they quickly shuffled by, looks of horror and trauma spread across their faces.
When the last, almost tearful, hostage had stumbled by, The Joker fixed his sinful gaze back on Batman. He stepped back and allowed Batman to step inside the asylum and followed him in, shutting the doors.
Bruce felt the apprehension and unease he had felt all evening peak as he entered the mad house. He knew this evening would be chaotic and dangerous, without The Joker dressed in such ridiculous attire.
He also couldn't shake the fear that he somehow belonged in this place; that when the doors closed, there wasn't going to be any escaping the cold, impenetrable walls. He gave The Joker another furtive glance and felt a horrible surge in his stomach that he tried not to read too much into.
The Joker gave a giggle at the bat's cold features.
"Cheer up honeypie!" He skipped behind Batman as they proceeded down the corridor, alarmingly graceful in the heels. Batman didn't want to think about how much he must have worn them to become that at easy walking in them.
"Listen;" he trotted around to look up at his bat's face, giggling slightly, "how many brittle boned babies does it take to…"
"Shut up!" Batman growled, he was quite sick of The Jokers antics and was in no mood for his disturbing jokes. Also it was quite unnerving to have that, lets face it, rather attractive face so up close.
"Ooh! At home to Mr Tetchy, are we?" The Joker clutched his hand up to his chest in a mock hurt way.
His eyes suddenly burned unnaturally bright, a devil-like grin spreading across his face.
He swung his hand down to squeeze Bruce's ass and leaned into him to breathe into his ear; "Loosen up tight ass!"
Bruce jumped as though an electric current had sparked through him. Rage fuelled him as he let out a roar of fury. How dare that-that filth touch him like that? He spun around and grabbed The Joker by the throat, slamming him into the wall of the long corridor.
"Take your filthy hands off me!" He growled, breathing heavily.
"What's the matter? Have I touched a nerve?" The Joker cooed, not in the least bit unsettled by the rough housing, but straining slightly at the hand that clenched his throat to allow himself to speak.
"Or maybe you just enjoyed it a little too much."
"Filthy degenerate!" Batman snarled, slamming The Joker's body back against the wall, making his head crack against the hard surface.
The Joker leaned his head back against the wall, regarding Batman through lidded eyes and gently caressed Bruce's forearm that was pushed against his chest and holding him against the wall.
"Flattery will get you nowhere." He giggled, batting those feathery lashes again at Bruce.
Bruce felt his heart pound forcefully but now it wasn't just due to the anger and apprehension.
The Joker pushed himself as close to Batman as he could manage in such a constricting position and whispered in his ear.
"You're in the real world now and the lunatics have taken over the asylum…"
The words sent shivers down Bruce's spine, the way The Joker was pressing against his armour clad body was making it harder and harder to maintain his cold exterior. The blood that had surged to his head in anger, now travelled down toward his crotch.
He unceremoniously dumped The Joker's body on the floor and he sprawled against the walk cackling and gazing up at Bruce.
"Oh sweetheart, you just can't imagine how good it is to see you again!" He sighed; he turned his head slightly and gave Brace a sly smile.
"Did you miss me too?"
Batman gave a grunt of revulsion and The Joker cackled again.
"See, I really can't get this sort of intellectual conversation any where else. You really do make me the happiest girl in the whole world when you're near!"
He chuckled, pulling himself up and made a great show of dusting himself down.
Batman regarded him coldly and as he did so, he couldn't stop his eyes lingering momentarily on The Joker's surprisingly thin hips and torso that was usually bulked up by his heavy coat and slouching frame. He quickly averted his gaze, hoping The Joker hadn't noticed.
"Listen Batsy," The Joker said, his voice getting ever so slightly serious, "To get this whole party started, I had to make a few unsavoury promises to the guys about, ah, how we would spend this wonderful evening."
He stepped closer to Batman, eyes fixed intently on him.
"What did you promise them, Joker?" Batman growled.
The Joker giggled and clapped his hands.
"Oh I do love it when you use my name," he purred. "Anyway," he continued, "I guess I promised them that we would all have our fair share of your company tonight." He gave a little laugh, flailing his hands. "And you know how crazy that is as you know how I loath sharing, especially you."
The Joker leaned into Batman's personal space as he said the last few words, his hands ghosting the black armour.
Batman snarled and pushed him back heavily.
"You know, I think you'd prefer to spend the night with me too." The Joker mused, tapping a long finger against his chin. "The others just don't know you like I know you, they just can't press the right buttons."
"Enough." Batman growled. "I really don't care who I meet tonight, my only purpose here tonight was to get the hostages out safe and I have done that."
The Joker cackled again, jumping slightly on the spot.
"Well I see the delusion hasn't gone away in the sad time we've been apart. Still unsure of where your duties really lie, hmm? No matter, it just makes it all the more fun!"
He skipped on further ahead, cackling all the way. Batman glowered but followed him none the less.
The Joker tuned to him as they came up to a door on the corridor and whispered to him, "Don't worry, I'll sort out the business with these pesky crazies and then we can go off and have some real fun."
Bruce grimaced. He wasn't sure what was more horrifying, the thought of spending the evening in the clutches of half a dozen dangerous lunatic intent on revenge, an evening alone with the transvestite Joker or the fact that he really did just want to stay with The Joker and not beating the crap out of the other inmates.
Hearing that nasal voice again had soothed some part of him that he hadn't even realised had been tense.
He gave a little shudder, the feeling of belonging in this place growing.
They walked up to the slightly agar door and from within you could hear a great ruckus going on with screams and laughter.
The Joker leaned his head around the door then pulled back to look at Batman.
"Well, they've got the party going full swing, I doubt they'd even notice we were gone!"
He gave a sly smile, then pulled a sealant gun out of one of the empty cups of his basque and proceeded to squeeze the contents of the tube onto the door's seams, locking in the inhabitants of the room in and them out.
"What the hell are you doing?" Bruce growled.
The Joker turned around with a look on his face that showed he clearly thought Bruce was stupid for asking such a question.
"So we don't get interrupted of course! I told you I would sort it!"
Bruce rolled his eyes; of course The Joker thought this was the best way of sorting out the situation. At least he hadn't thrown a gas bomb in the room before he sealed it. Although, that might have just have been because a gas bomb wouldn't have fitted in his basque.
The Joker slipped the tube back into his top and turned to Bruce.
"So do you want to have the guided tour of the nut house?"
"Do I have a choice?"
He cackled loudly.
"Not now I've sealed off your only other option of activities for tonight." He grinned devilishly. "Looks like you're stuck with me for the night, what fun!"
Bruce glared at him; the thought of spending the night with The Joker was both nightmare inducing yet at the same time thrilling. He had never spent much time with the man apart from interrogating him or beating the crap out of him. Tonight was certainly going to open up a lot of windows that probably should have remained shut.
He gave another little shudder and followed The Joker off down the corridor and further into the depth of the asylum.
AN: Damn, this was meant to be a one shot, but it sort of got out of hand. Now it'll probably be a two parter. I wrote a completely different ending to this that included the other inmates forcing The Joker to unmask Bruce in front of them all but I didn't really like it and I though it took too much away from The Joker's and Bruce's relationship, so changed it to a couples meeting instead ;) I'm intending the 2nd half to go more angst Bruce and I've already written the middle for it. BTW The Joker slapping Batman's ass is totally canon. Thank you, Grant Morrison, thank you.
Review please, thanks xx