This is just a little thought that kept bugging me. I have other fics to work on – but it's like… it's always easier to write the things you don't HAVE to do, but the things you OUGHT to do will have to wait.
It's kind of like my Yami no Matsuie – fic … but a bit different.
Hope you like it; it's not beta-read or anything. Have fun.
Confidentiality
I go to bed and wait. It is kind of stupid – I know that if he decides to pay me a visit tonight he won't show up before three o'clock. Keeping myself awake will just make me more tense… but if I go to sleep the nightmares will haunt me and I'll wake up anyway.
I fall asleep eventually – only to wake up about an hour later. Something familiar. There is someone in my bed. Even though I am getting more used to being woken like this – he always startles me. The redhead is nuzzling my hair, and he traces soft kisses down the back of my neck until I regain full consciousness. I immediately tense and I start to breathe faster. I am lying on my stomach – he always orders me to turn around anyway, so I might as well get used to sleeping that way too.
He doesn't have to say anything, I know what to do – and I always obey him. Just the thought of not to follow his silent orders… In the beginning I always fought back and wouldn't let him hurt me, but I learned the hard way that it is less painful just to let him have his way – and he has another a card up his sleeve...
Back then I tried to scream and wiggle free from his strong hold – but he bound my hands to the head of my bed and gagged me with the pillow slip. I turned my head to face him and saw him remove his belt. He laid my blanket over me before he brought the leather belt down across my back with all his might. The sound was muffled and not loud enough to be heard in the other rooms. He continued to beat me until I stopped struggling with my bonds and just lay still taking my punishment – I was too exhausted to fight. When he was satisfied, he stopped beating me and removed the blanket from my marred back. I was breathing in ragged sobs through my gag. My gaze was hazy and I had difficulties looking through my tears – but I realized he was removing his pants. I started to move away from him the best I could, but he grabbed a fist full of my hair and held me still.
He removed my shorts, and moved me into position. I cried even harder and moaned with despair. He didn't care and my begging fell for death ears. I had never been so humiliated in my life. Bound in my own bed – I was helpless – could only whimper as he raped me. Took my virginity. He didn't prepare me and didn't use lubrication.
I know now that the lack of lubrication was part of my punishment. Every time I don't obey him, or he is not satisfied with me, he will make the act of sexual intercourse as painful for me as he can. Or he will flog me or tie me up, he gets some kind of sick satisfaction of hurting me – and people in general I think. It turns him on.
I cried so much that night. I never thought he would do something like this to me. Not here in my own room. He knows I hate the fact that he does these things in my own room. It's so humiliating. He has only punished me other places three times. Every time was right after school a Friday. The first time - I was walking home, when suddenly a white car drove up to me. I saw his red hair and recognised my master instantly. I tried to run but he smashed the car door into me knocking me to the ground. I passed out when my head hit the pavement, and when I woke up I was in his room tied to a chair. He later tied me to his bed for a change. We were the only people in the house – so he didn't have to go soft on me, and he didn't have to gag me. He whipped me until my back was slick with blood and I couldn't scream any more.
But he only caries out the sentences other places, than in my room, if I have been really bad or disobedient. If I have been close to telling Ken about our relationship at night time for instance. I think Ken is very concerned about me. It's like he is keeping an eye on me, because of my at times odd behaviour.
But I know that Ken is not allowed to know – no one may know about it. That's why I am lying completely still right now waiting for him to give the orders. I know this game. I am supposed to keep my mouth shut and not make a single sound. He will move me into the position he wants me in. He is grabbing my wrists now, and not so gently he moves them upwards. I know what he wants – I have tried it so many times. I bend my elbow and grab my pillow with both hands…
Ohh no! He is pushing my head into the pillow. That means it is going to hurt more than usual, so much that I might not be able to swallow my screams – the pillow is supposed to muffle the sounds that may escape my throat. Sometimes he binds me and gags me – like in the beginning – that's if he is going to beat me or flog me. Even when he does bind me and I know it will hurt, I am not allowed to struggle. I always have to do what he wants.
The most important thing is to keep quiet, Yoji's room is right next to mine – and Ken's room is also close by, just across the hall. If they ever heard me… he would be furious.
Some times he uses an alternative to muffle my sobs. He just uses my mouth. It is so disgusting – he always makes me swallow his seeds, and… It is one of his favourite ways to make me pay for my mistakes. He will bind my hands tightly behind my back and place me in all kinds of different positions… lying on my back with my head over the edge of the bed, or simply on the floor on my knees and... Sometimes he doesn't fuck me at all; he just ties me up and leaves. He then returns to untie me before Ken gets up. He will just tie my wrists together behind my bag, and my feet too, and twist them behind my bag along with my bound hands. Then he will tie hands and feet together – leaving me in a rather uncomfortable and humiliating position for hours. One time he stripped my clothes of, hog-tied me, raped my mouth and left me for seven hours on the cold floor. It was right after a mission, and we usually sleep late after missions... I had to wave goodbye to my pride a long time ago.
Thank God – he is using lubrication. It is so difficult to look normal and not attract the others attention if I can't walk properly. But why am I supposed to burrow my head then?
He is thrusting violently now – but I can keep quiet, he is going faster and faster and harder and… I can feel the warmth inside me, and he sags down over my back. He is pulling out. I am not allowed to move yet though, not until he leaves or gives me orders to do something.
Shit, he is covering my back with the blanket. What did I do wrong, why do I deserve a punishment? This kind of beating is not the worst though, and I am getting better at staying quiet…
Finally - he is done. I couldn't have stayed quiet much longer anyway. The red head starts for the door, and unlocks it. He then leaves taking the way he came in – the window. Schuldich has given me explicit orders to always sleep with my window open. In the beginning I didn't of course. But he threatened to hurt my friends if I didn't play his game by his rules. I don't know what he would do to them if they found out what is going on in my room late at night, but I know he is capable of many things, and I will do everything to protect them. That's why I have to act normally in the shop, and never let them hear us at night.
"Gute Nacht, mein Sklave!" he whispers with his nasal voice before leaving.
End…