DISCALIMER: I don't own Avatar: TLA
A/N: This is an older fic that I wrote some time ago, but I rather liked it, so here it is.
Sound the bugle now
Play it just for me
Azula lay on her side in the cell, eyes closed. Water dripped from the stone ceiling onto her body, but she barely even noticed. Broken images chased each other through her head: Mai, Ty Lee, Ozai, the battle in the courtyard, Lo and Li, the palace, and even a few dim recollections of her mother. Scowling, Azula thrust herself into a sitting position and slammed her back against the wall, somehow trying to use the trauma to shake away memories.
A voice sounded from far away. Azula squinted against the light and made out a figure approaching. It was a young guard, and as he tossed a bowl of food at her, he spat. "Crazy witch. You ought to hang."
The princess didn't even bother to reply. Closing her eyes, she slumped back to the floor.
As the seasons change, remember how I used to be
She dreamed of how it once was. She was the powerful princess. Nobody dared disobey her command; everyone paid honor to her and hailed her as the heir to the throne. Even pesky Zuko and the Avatar hadn't taken away her successes. She had had everything a girl could want.
And then at the Boiling Rock, her best friends had betrayed her.
Now I can't go on-I can't even start.
I got nothing left, just an empty heart.
I'm a soldier, wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me
Never in all her life did she ever consider anything like this. It had always seemed so unquestionable that the Fire Nation could lose this war. The comet had been hailed as a bringer of victory, but after its pass was finished, Azula's world shook to its core.
And now she was stuck in a cell, waiting either until she died or Zuko finally decided to kill her. The Avatar had taken her bending; chains bound her hands behind her back, and weeks of disuse had withered the once-powerful muscles in her body. She was, quite literally, powerless.
And there was absolutely nothing Azula could do.
Lead me away
Or leave me lying here
Her insanity probably saved her life. If she was in her right mind, Zuko would have already had her executed. He knew the cat's cunning that his sister possessed.
Oh, what Azula would have given to die during the Agni Kai. At least then she could go down fighting, not rotting in prison like a sissy. Every day was torture, hours upon hours of yelling at herself, Mai, Ty Lee, Zuko, and especially Ursa. Sometimes, though, voices in her head would start to howl, and she'd lie curled on the floor trying to shut them up. Once she heard Ozai snarling coldly: "You are a failure, Azula! Your entire life I trained you, and you lost to Zuko?" She had cried then, agonizing shame spreading through her body. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Father.
Sound the bugle now
Tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know that leads to anywhere
She ignored the people who came. Ty Lee was at her side almost every day, but Azula never even looked at her. Eventually the acrobat's voice would just become background noise, and she was alone with her thoughts once more. What did she know? The stupid fluffball was one of the reasons Azula had ended up in this wretched place.
Mai had come once, but Azula roared and snapped at her like a trapped platypus-bear. The noblewoman had recoiled and glared at her. She yelled something, but by then Azula had tuned out and was sitting in the farthest corner of her cell, back to the door. She didn't care.
Without a lighter, fear that I will stumble in the dark
Lay right down and decide not to go on
Azula lifted a hand and gazed at the long chains snaking across the floor. Suddenly a lightningbolt tore through her mind, and she scrambled to her knees, gathering up the metal links. If Zuko wouldn't kill her, she could do it herself. A warrior would refuse to live in captivity.
Looping the chains into several circles, she put her head through them like a collar. The heavy steel settled onto her shoulders, and she took one end in her left hand. One pull, and it would all be over.
Then from on high, somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls: "Remember who you are!"
Then the door slammed open. Azula jumped as she turned to look and accidentally yanked on the chain. The links tightened around her throat, and she gasped as air rushed from her lungs. White lights popped in front of her eyes—Agni, I can't breathe—
And suddenly the crushing pressure was gone and Azula was coughing and trying to suck in air and someone's arms were around her, holding her so tight that her face was smashed against the person's chest.
A second later, she heard Ty Lee gasp. "What happened to her?"
The voice that followed was a music that Azula had heard once but forgotten, gentle and sweet. "She was trying to choke herself."
Azula drew in a deep breath and pulled back. Her eyes sought the other's, and then Ursa was crying as she bent to kiss her daughter's brow. The noblewoman gently took Azula's face in her hands and locked gazes with her. "I'm so sorry, Azula. I never meant for things to turn out the way they did." She pulled the young girl close, stroking her matted hair. "I love you."
If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow
So be strong tonight
Remember who you are
Love. The word rang in Azula's head, causing a rush of shock. She loves me.
"You do?" The princess' voice was weak and cracked as she gazed up at her mother. "I...I'm a monster."
"No, 'Zula, never!" Ty Lee cried as she ran into the cell and threw her arms around Azula. "You're not a monster; don't say that!"
"No." If it weren't for the love in Ursa's voice, Azula would have called the sound she made a snarl. "I never, ever thought you were a monster. Ever. I loved you, but your father never let me get close to you. He told me you were his, that you were the tool he needed. I was with you as much as I could be, but as you grew older, you were with me less and less...I'm sorry."
Too stunned to reply, Azula rested her head on Ursa's chest, letting the two women hold her. Gradually the shock faded and was replaced with something warm and soft, something that caused her heart to simultaneously lighten and thud painfully. All this time...she had never been alone.
You're a soldier now
Fighting in a battle
To be free once more
"Let us help you," Ty Lee said softly. "You don't have to be by yourself anymore. You probably won't get out of here anytime soon, but we can help you get better. Please, 'Zula, I want you to feel well again." Her soft brown eyes locked with Azula's golden ones. A long silence passed as Azula mulled over the offer, weighing the risks and possible consequences against potential benefits.
Just as she was about to make a decision, Ursa's arms tightened around her. Bending her head close to Azula's ear, the noblewoman murmured, "I don't want to lose you again. If you take Ty Lee up on her offer, it can't be with the intention of regaining your power. I know you're angry, and I understand. But if you betray the Fire Nation, even I won't be able to shield you."
Azula was taken aback. She hadn't ever really considered trying to overthrow Zuko. All hope of that was taken along with her firebending skills. The whole time she'd been in prison, she had only longed for one thing (fantasies of smashing Zuko's head in notwithstanding).
"I just don't want to be alone," she answered after another minute or so.
Both Ty Lee and Ursa held Azula tighter as they replied in unison. "You won't be."
Yeah, that's worth fighting for