I saw you staring at each other
I saw your eyes begin to glow
And I could tell you once were lovers
You ain't hiding nothing I don't know.
I, Ezri Dax, sat across from Julian Bashir. We were in Quark's Bar, on a date. We had just ordered dinner with wine, the expensive kind containing real alcohol. Not something I got very often. This was the first date we had been on in a while, since both of our schedules had been very busy lately.
Suddenly, I noticed Julian's eyes go wide. I glanced back and saw that Garak had entered the room. Garak looked around, and saw Julian. Their eyes met. I looked back at Julian and saw a sad, longing expression pass over his face. He watched Garak go up to the second level and choose a seat.
After nine lifetimes of experience, I recognized that look. It was the look of a former lover. My first reaction was incredulity; Julian had slept with Garak? Julian had just told me that his last romantic interest had left him. He hadn't mentioned being bi, or his apparent interest in Cardassians. Maybe I had just mistaken the look.
Pretending not to notice anything, I smiled when Julian looked at me. But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Garak continuing to watch Julian. And Julian continued to watch Garak. That's when I knew that I hadn't been mistaken. Julian really had slept with Garak. I worked hard to keep smiling.
There's an old flame burning in your eyes
That tears can't drown and makeup can't disguise.
That old flame might not be stronger
But it's been burning longer
Than any spark I might have started in your eyes.
"Julian? Is everything all right?" I asked in a concerned voice, startling Julian out of his thoughts.
"Oh, um, yes. I'm fine," he answered. He gave a small, unconvincing smile.
"You seem really distant today," I commented with an apparent shrug.
"I'm sorry," Julian answered without an explanation. His eyes briefly followed Garak's shop as they passed it.
It was two days later, and Julian and I were wandering the promenade together. I watched the sad, thoughtful expression on Julian's face, and knew what he was thinking about. Or, rather, who he was thinking about. I suppressed an unhappy sigh.
It wasn't that I didn't think he cared. I knew he did. And what we have together is pretty strong, as far as love affairs go. But Julian had been with Garak for a long time; a lot longer than he had so far been with me.
"I know how much you like it," Julian suddenly commented as he passed a bottle over to me. My eyes lit up when I saw that it was a rather expensive brand of Trill wine I favor. Thus, I don't get it very often.
"Thank you," I gushed, smiling at Julian. But, really, why wine? I wondered.
And no matter how weak they are, Julian still has feelings for Garak.
You say it ended when he left you.
You say your love for him is gone.
But those old memories still upset you.
Well I might be a memory before too long.
One week later found us in my quarters. We were in bed after a long day of work, long for both of us. Neither Julian nor I were asleep yet. I was reading and Julian was just staring off into space, the book he had been reading in his lap.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked in quiet, curious voice, looking over at him. He jumped. "Oh, sorry," I apologized with a smile.
"Not much," he answered, evading the question.
"Thinking about her again?" I questioned the slight sulk in my voice stronger that intended.
"No," Julian answered, his voice a bit too defensive. He didn't meet my eyes. I threw him a dirty look.
"Yea, okay," I sulked, a dubious look on my face.
"Look, that is all over. I mean, she left me a long time ago. I honestly don't love her anymore," Julian insisted. I forced a smile, signaling that it was all right. He smiled back and we kissed. With that, we turned out the light.
But I was awake a long time after Julian had nodded off. I knew that, even after six months of being with me, he was still upset about his last breakup, over a year ago. I had known that before I found out that his "girlfriend" had been Garak. And I had a suspicion that there would soon be another breakup.
There's an old flame burning in your eyes
That tears can't drown and makeup can't disguise.
That old flame might not be stronger
But it's been burning longer
Than any spark I might have started in your eyes.
Three days later, my prediction had come true. I was sitting at Quark's Bar, a glass of whiskey in front of me. I stared at it, my eyes glazed over.
"Troubles with Julian?" Quark inquired, a sympathetic smile playing on his face.
"Yea...he broke up with me" I answered with a blank tone.
"Sorry to hear that," Quark answered in a low, sympathetic voice. But his eyes held an interested little sparkle. "What happened?"
"He just said it wasn't working. Actually, I sort of expected it," I mumbled, a sad look on my face.
"Why?" Quark inquired, brow ridge wrinkling.
"Well, he's been distant lately. I mean, he was always a little distant, but it was more than usual," I explained, hanging my head. "Actually, it had something to do with his ex. They ran into each other almost two weeks ago. He didn't say anything about it, but..." I trailed off. Quark took my hand.
"If he's not over his ex, that's his problem. If you get lonely, just call me," he told me with a wink.
"Thanks, Quark," I smiled, feeling a little better. Still, being left for a Cardassian who is over twice my age...
There's an old flame burning in your eyes...