"That'll be 18.60 quid love," I'm suddenly snapped out of my trance to an agitated looking taxi driver.
"Yeah, here, keep the change, ta," quickly I grab my two surprisingly light bags in one of my hands and drag myself out of the cab.
Reaching in, I retrieve my one last item.
I didn't think this through. I haven't even got anywhere to stay. I can't carry all this.
Looking down I hear a quite whimper from the small carrier I've brought with me.
Peering in, I see Holly gently waking up from her nap. Just seeing her little face brings a smile to mine.
Who would've thought so much can change in a year?
I never wanted to be a mother. Neither of my parents were proper parents to me, so why should I have the opportunity to be one?
But, I did.
I didn't think it would work out. I thought I would end up failing and drinking, turning into a drunken wreck just like my mother.
It's only been two months since she was brought into this world and yet, I love her. I love her so much, more than I ever thought was possible.
A year has changed my life, only a year ago I lived here, on this very street. My business was down the road, I lived with my fiancé, everything was perfect.
Or at least I thought it was.
I thought it was so perfect.
I thought everything I did was a mistake, i thought my destiny was with Nick.
But if it wasn't for this last year, I wouldn't have her. She is the best thing to ever happen to me.
How is it that, what you think at the time is, the biggest mistake in your life, can bring the best thing to ever happen to you? I needed to leave to be in the place I am now.
After a lot of struggling, I somehow manage to balance the unreal amount of bags I have to carry a long with the baby carrier as I walk down the cobbled street in my heeled boots.
I probably should've planned ahead. I don't even know where we're going to go, where we're going to stay.
I haven't arranged anything.
No one even knows we're here.
It would be so easy to just turn around, call a cab, wouldn't take long.
We could be out of here and back in LA before we know it.
No one would even have to know.
While all these thoughts flow throughout my mind, it's like my legs just go. I'm not controlling them. But they're just walking and walking and before I know it, I'm outside.
Outside the block of flats. The block of flats I once lived in. The block of flats I thought I once burned down. The block of flats that he is in.
Before I know it, before I can even think, my legs instantly carry me and I'm through the door and in what seems like a millisecond, I'm standing outside, outside his door. Number 7. The flat that we had so many good memories in. The flat we called our home.
What am I even doing here? Who says he even wants to see me after all this time? I'm thinking this yet it doesn't stop me. It doesn't stop me from knocking anyway. It doesn't stop me from waiting for him to answer. It doesn't stop me from looking up to the door opening to a site I never expected to see. The site of my ex fiancé standing hand in hand with his ex wife.