Disclaimer: Lawyers be gone, I do not own Naruto or anything else related to it, although I wish I did.

Warnings: Fem Naruto, one-shot, mentions of rape, very pissed/homicidal demon container, read at your own risk.

"Sasuke, please come back, everyone wants you back" Natsumi (A/N: Female Naruto) pleaded.

" NO! I need power so I can avenge my clan by killing Itachi!"

"Itachi? You mean Itachi Uchiha?" asked a confused Natsumi, who was starting to get a little homicidal.

"Yes dope, Itachi Uchiha, … my nii-san."

"YOU CAN'T KILL IF I GET TO HIM FIRST!" She shouted back, as more and more of the Kyuubi's chakra began to leak out of the seal.

"What has he ever done to you, he killed my entire clan!?"

"HE RAPED ME AND GOT ME PREGNANT, … 10 MONTHS AGO!"

"O.o"Sasuke

Meanwhile, high up on the cliffs circling the Valley of the End, Itachi was watching the battle turned shout fest with mild interest and weirded out ness. 'Are they going to form a "Let's hate and one day Kill Itachi' club or what? Wait, isn't that blonde chick the one I, oh shit, she looks mad, why is she turning towards my general direction, she can't possibly know I'm here, right? Wrong Itachi, so wrong, Natsumi, having all her senses enhanced to that of a demon fox's, smelled weasel, and knew it was Itachi. 'Oh Shit' was all Itachi had to think. She was on Him like yo momma on whipped cream (couldn't resist).

"YOU TEME, WHY IN THE NINE LAYERS OF HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! WHAT THE IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU SON OF A WHORE!

Time Skip

After about an Hour, near castrations, many flying kunai, swearing that would do Tayuya proud, and the destruction of most of the Valley of the End, Natsumi finally got rid of (some of) her rage and murderous tendencies.

"ok, Itachi, I will give you two choices, come back to Konoha, raise the children with me, never try to kill us, never try to run away, never cheat on me, and love me and the child, and I'll let you live. The second choice is I castrate you, rip out your tongue, pour salt in the wounds, glue you to the highest point in Konoha by the bloody stumps you call a dick and tongue, and watch and record you death and imminent fall to your doom when the glue wears off. So which will it be?" Natsumi said in a voice that would make Orochimaru wet his pants like the little bitch he would be. 'The second one sounds better than the first, but I like to live, so I have to go with the first, oh well, let's hope all goes well.' "I'll go with the first choice then" "Excellent, excellent" Nastumi said in a very Mr. Burns way. 'I have a very bad feeling about this' Trust me Itachi, you have no idea.

And so Dan and Tsunade (named after The Gondaime and her dead fiancée) grew up in a loving caring home (note the sarcasm) with a sometimes sadistic, nyphomaniac(sp?) mother and a whipped father

Time Skip-5 years

Only 13 more years, then I can leave. "Don't even think about leaving Anata, because, because last month's and earlier's activates got me pregnant again."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Pity the S-classed criminal/nuke-nin who does that unspeakable act. Poor, Poor Itachi.

Take this as a warning my friends, do not end up like the dumb weasel Itachi!

Anyone want a sequel? Another chapter? Anything else? Read and review plz. just press that little buttom that says Go and leave a review.