Numb – Pet Shop Boys
Disclaimers: I do not own Alice, Jasper, or anything Twilight. Nor do I own the song "Numb"…. That honor belongs to the wonderful band 'The Pet Shop Boys'
Don't wanna hear the news
What's going on.
What's coming through
I don't wanna know don't wanna know
Just wanna hide away, make my escape
I want the world to leave me Alone
Feels like I feel too much I've seen too much
For a little while I want to forget.
Jasper Whitlock had had enough. He was tired of going into a school full of hormonal human teenagers. He was tired of having the pain of his throat burning with hunger. He was tired of his family always having a careful eye on him. He was tired of feeling everyone's emotions. The anger, sadness, lust, happiness, loneliness, and jealousy he felt was overpowering. There was no escape from it. All Jasper wanted to do now was run. He wanted to hide from everything and be able to feel nothing for a little while.
Jasper wanted to be able to forget of the killing. Every smell of the humans around him reminded him of the horror, pain, and fear Jasper felt as he had killed ones just like them years before. He had seen too much murder, too much mindless killing. He had felt too much anger, hate, fear, and pain in his lifetime. There was no escape from it.
I wanna be numb,
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be, wanna be numb
Now sitting here, in his last class of the day, he felt even worse. The crowded school room was too much. At this point Jasper would have done anything to get rid of the burning pain in his throat. Although he knew nothing would help. His only chance of relief would be to leave the class. He couldn't, no he wouldn't show his weakness to his family. He couldn't stand to hear or feel the disappointment coming from anyone, especially his Alice. No, he couldn't disappoint her again.
He started counting down the minutes, 34 minutes till his class ended. 34 minutes of torture. The only thing he wanted to do was go into a closed empty space and hide, hide from everything. Hide from the pain he had, the misery of his life. For once in his life, he wanted to be able to block everything out. To become numb to all emotions, including his own.
Can't find no space to breathe,
World's closing in
Right on me now
Well that's how it feels, that's how it feels
Too much light
There's too much sound
I wanna turn it off
Wanna shut it out
I need some relief
Think That like I think too much
I've seen too much
There's just too much thought in my head
He had stopped breathing long ago. Uncomfortable and in pain, he sat forward, head in his hands and tried not to think. He felt as if his world was collapsing. Any minute now and he would snap. He looked at the time again, 27 minutes left until freedom. He looked around the room squinting his eyes, the room was bright. Far brighter than he had originally though.
'Could vampires get headaches?' he didn't know, but it seemed, judging by the pounding in his head, they could. It was a class activity today, which meant a whole lot of noise would be coming from his peers. Judging by the noise level he knew it was a class discussion, his teacher had learned long ago not to try to obtain any input for Jasper. Jasper was better left alone. He didn't know if the class was extra loud today, or if his senses were just being too aware of everything, although, it didn't matter. He just wished it would all go away.
His thought swirled around in his head in a flurry. He couldn't string two words together at this point, only 21 minutes left. He needed relief from his pain; he knew that relief would come from sitting alone in the forest with his beloved Alice. She was the only reason he had made it this far. The only reason he hadn't giving up already. It was her that showed him this new way of life, and even though it was difficult, he would endure. For her.
I wanna be numb
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be wanna be
Taken away from all the madness
Need to escape, escape from the pain
I'm out on the edge about to lose my mind
For a little while for
A little while
I wanna be numb
13 minutes left. Only 13 minutes. He could last. Well, he hoped. A girl walked past him at that moment, her hair whipped right by Jasper's nose. He had made the mistake of breathing. His sight went red, and his instincts started to take over. He was losing his rational mind. 'Where was Edward or Alice when he needed them? Couldn't anyone realize what was going on?'
He needed to stop, he knew he needed to. He knew the trouble he would cause, and he knew that if he didn't stop he would feel the horrible pain and fear of the 34 humans around him. But still, his eyes went black. Jasper started to push himself up, and out of the chair.
When, suddenly he stopped. He swallowed the mouth full of venom he was trying to keep in. He would not be the weak spot in the Cullen family, not this time. He quickly sat back down. Keeping his head down, he held his breath while thinking of Alice. Yes, Alice would be with him in about 10 minutes. He could last that long. He had to.
10 more minutes of this and he would be free.
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel Nothing
I wanna be numb
I don't wanna feel this pain no more
Wanna lose touch
I just wanna go and lock the door
I don't wanna think
I don't wanna feel nothing
I wanna be numb
I just wanna be wanna be numb
I just wanna be, wanna be numb
The bell rang. Finally he was free. As the bell rang he felt the rise of emotions. Relief, happiness, excitement, it was a horrible hit for Jasper. Jasper ran out of the classroom as fast as here could in human speed, hoping to get away as fast as he could.
Right outside the door, waiting, was Alice. Jasper gave a weak smile to her, which turned out to look more like a grimace. Alice held her hand out to him. He immediately took it. Here was his release. Together they walked out of the school, too filled with emotion for Jasper, and into the forest. Once they were hidden by trees, Jasper picked Alice up in his arms and ran.
He needed to get away from the madness. Alice wasn't surprised in the slightest. He had needed to get away before. She knew how hard it was for him, but she also knew he didn't want nor did he need sympathy.
He slowed when they were far enough from any town, when all he could feel was Alice and himself. He could breathe now. No words were passed between them. None were needed as he sat against a tree. Alice, his Alice, sat next to him, enjoying the silence. She may be hyper but Alice actually enjoyed the silent time her and Jasper had on these days when it had been extra hard for him.
Jasper sighed and pulled Alice closer to him. He had blocked out all emotion, even his own, except for Alice's subtle contentment. The quiet helped him. Sitting there with his Alice pulled up against him, with no other feelings or sound made that hour of class worth it. He knew that both Alice and Edward had known about what almost happened, and now Edward had probably told the whole family. But right now he didn't care. He was able to block out the pain, if only for a few hours.
All the madness
I wanna be numb.
AN: I didn't really know how to end it. I thought of the possibility that Jasper slipped here…. But I wasn't sure. If anyone who read this wants, I will do an edit where he does slip up. This is one of my favorite songs. I was tired and bored when I was listening to it and I thought of Jasper's struggles and how he would probably have, at one point in time, wanted to be able to 'be numb' and block out all the emotions around him.
Also a pat on the back for anyone who can pick out a song reference in here. To give a hint, It is a song by the band Depeche Mode.