First off, I do NOT own Twilight. Though I tried to make it as close to Stephenie Meyer's style, the story nor the characters belong to me.
Secondly, I have had that idea stuck in my head for a real long time. This Edward/Jacob dilmema is driving me insane, as much as it's driving Bella crazy. So I thought up what could happen when Edward changed her. Because there's no denying that's what he'll do. But Bella is a complex character. How sure are we she won't change her mind when it's too late for her to do so?
Enjoy!! And don't forget to review!
Llyr
Jacob. His name was like poison that sunk deep inside me, draining what little life I had left. However hard I tried, I could not shoo it from my mind. It stayed there, growing by the minute until it invaded every corner of my body. My whole life screamed his name yet my lips uttered nothing. His simple existence was hushed inside my own, a secret to be preciously kept. The poison was fast; I could feel it in my veins as the blood slowly stopped its reassuring flow, as my breath left me. My fists were clenched tight and my nails dug at my skin where little drops of blood tried to escape their fate. I couldn't see anything, couldn't hear anything, only Jacob's name booming repeatedly in my head.
I kept my eyes from crying and they stung in the effort. But I couldn't let him see that I was in pain. I'd already done him too much harm. I knew he was there by my side, but I could not feel him, and deep inside, I wished he were not there. I wished it had been somebody else, that it had not been planned, that I had never thought of it. I wished I hadn't been so stupid and stubborn. I had put I don't know how many lives at risk just for my sake, just for my little ego. And now, this was the punishment I deserved. Edward had been right all along, like he had always been. Alice and I had been too excited to be part of the same family and even she had not foreseen this. Or had she and never told anyone?
Something brushed my forearm yet I could not tell what it was. It was as if my senses had left with my blood. I was nothing now, just a body living eternally. Eternal damnation like Edward called it. I felt it again, like a cool breeze. It was cold and hard yet against my skin it did not feel so freezing. It took my hand and my fists relaxed. My fingers searched for his hand, grasped at his but everything inside me was screaming for the opposite. My mind was still with Jacob. With the man I loved.
No. No. No NO!! I fought against the urge to scream, to hit the ground around me, to pull my hair. I had to erase this thought, I had to forget him and pretend he, we never existed. I had to forget that past life and embrace this new one. After all, it had been my choice.
Edward took me in his arms. I could distinctly feel him now, like a presence inside me, as if he and I were one. He carried me like a burden, heavy with grief. He had acted against his will. He had done this for me. He loved me. And I did not. I had been etching for the truth for months and now it burned my eyes. I had fooled myself like I had fooled myself in thinking I did not love Jacob. And Edward could feel it. He sat down on the bed and hugged me tightly as if he was afraid to lose me. But what choice had I now other than staying with him? I had to play pretend, put on a mask of happiness. I could not deceive Esmé. But Alice…, Alice would know. And what about Edward? Would he tell? No. He would suffer in silence with me.
I was his Tua Cantante. That's what they had said. My blood sang for him. But now my blood was no more. What would the Volturi say when they came to see me? Surely they would smile in glee at their scheme. Perhaps it would be better if I left with them, then Edward wouldn't have to suffer by seeing me day and night. But what would the rest of the Cullens say? That I had betrayed them? Or would they think it was normal for a Newborn to behave thus?
A deep rumble shook me and at first I thought I was breaking in hysterics. I'd promised Edward I would never let him see me that way ever again. But as my body shook again, I realised it was Edward's chest that heaved, and the rumble escaped from his throat. He was crying. A trickle tears fell like raindrops on my cheeks and I felt despair overwhelm me. I'd done everything wrong. And I'd broken his heart. I wasn't going to live without you, he had said endless times. You die, I die. But was it any different now? Would he try to provoke the Volturi if I joined them? I searched for convincing lies but the search was useless. I can't lie. Edward would know. But would he pretend he didn't?
I shook once more in Edward's arms and on reflex I pushed myself closer to him, and snuggled in his arms. His body didn't feel cold anymore, it radiated a strange heat that seeped through my body and lulled me. His smell was all around me, yet it wasn't as strong as it used to be, as if my nose had become accustomed to smelling Vampire. Because my nose was Vampire. Did I smell any different to him?
His hands brushed my back and his head hid in my hair as if to remember what he had lost so quickly. How terrible it must be for him to not hear my heart beat anymore. It had been everything to him.
The rumble softened as he calmed himself and became aware of my state. His hands, once so careful, experienced new moves… that I barely felt. When I did not react to his touch, he froze to a statuesque pose. My Michel Angelo.
I couldn't hold it anymore. I broke in a torrent of tears, clinging to his body as if I clung to life, a life that had gone so easily. With the medicine Carlisle had given me I had barely felt a thing, only the burning sensation on the poison as it invaded my veins. My thoughts cleared and I was surprised that I did not thirst for blood. Instead, I remembered vividly those lasts moments I had shared with Edward as a human. The only human thing I would regret. He had been so sweet and gentle, all his love carried to me that I cried at the thought that for one moment I said I did not love him anymore. How could I?
"I'm so sorry, Edward. Please forgive me." I pressed myself against his stone chest and kissed everything that I could reach. Edward pulled me closer. He was still crying.
"Shhhh, it's ok. I love you."
"No-o, Edward. I-I ruined e-everything. It's all m-my fault. I sh-should've never p-pushed you." I could barely talk.
"But I accepted. It doesn't matter anymore, Bella. We're together now. Forever." The last word echoed in my head and I remembered a conversation we had had. It seemed like an entire lifetime had passed. I would never be like Granny now. I would always be as young as Edward. I would always be with Edward. The rest didn't matter.
Edward kissed my hair and laid me gently on the bed. I could feel his gaze. "Are you ok?"
"I'm fine," I replied. My head was swimming and curiously, I felt like taking a nap.
"You're not thirsty?" He sounded worried. I shook my head.
"I'm ok, Edward. Everything's fine. I promise." He risked a smile, still slightly alarmed by my sudden change of thoughts. "I'll be fine as long as you're with me." I looked him straight in the eye and smiled. I wondered what I looked like now, whether Edward found me even more beautiful. Was I as breath taking as Rosalie? But I barely had time to wonder. Edward was kissing me and for one fleeting moment, I felt my heart quicken to a dangerous beat. Sure I would miss Jacob and it would be hard, but could I have lived if it had been the other way around? If I had chosen Jacob over Edward? And I remembered.
"Bella… are you sure? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain - "
But I had known worse pain.
"If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"
"Edward, I know who I can't live without…I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."
My life was with Edward. My life was Edward. Why doubt? I kissed Edward back. I was strangely lucid for a Newborn.
Well that's it. Not much I know, but I felt it was just right.
Please review, I need your opinion.
Also, I hadn't posted a story in months. I know my Sirius ff isn't done. I'd started the second chapter last summer but now that DH is out, well there just isn't hope in Sirius actually not being dead. So I'm going to change the plot of the story a bit because I've lost interest. It might be shorter than I had first intended, but still, it's better than nothing. )