AN: I was reading through my poetry the other day and this popped in my head. Pre-series to post-series Robin and Marian reflections.
Here is the poem. I wrote it about 10 years ago and it's not my best:
I am alone.
I am lost.
You are gone.
You are far away.
I will not cry.
I will not be sad.
I will not think of the past.
I will look towards the future.
I will hold on.
I will be strong.
I will wait patiently for the day
The day you return to me.
I will not cry.
I will not weep.
I'll be happy I have you
No matter how far you are from me.
I will not cry.
I will not weep.
Why cry over something
That cannot be.
I am crying.
I am weeping.
I am not strong.
I am not holding on.
I am thinking of the past.
I cannot wait patiently.
I am crying.
I am weeping.
For you are far away from me.
Here's the first part of the story told from Marian's perspective:
Deep down some part of her had always known that Robin would someday leave her. He had too wild a spirit, longed too much for adventure to be content with a simple life in Locksley.
So she really wasn't surprised when he chose to go fight in the Holy Land. A week before they were to be married. Nor was she surprised at how nonchalantly he told her as if he wasn't tearing her world apart and shattering her heart. That's just the way he was then (still is at times): too consumed with thoughts of glory to see how his decisions affected those that cared about him.
She kept her back to him as he told her. It was only when she had regained control of her emotions that she turned to face him. She thought about asking him to stay but seeing the excited sparkle in his eyes she knew it would be a futile effort. So she held her tears not wanting him to see just how badly he was hurting her. She wished him the best silently praying he wouldn't get killed.
It was only after he had rode away that she allowed the tears to come a flood of them along with anger at herself for feeling so much for him. For ever believing his empty promises. He cared for her she knew but it hurt to know he hadn't loved her enough to stay.
She cried for a week then picked up the pieces of her life and tried to move on. It wasn't easy everywhere she went held memories. Robin had always been there from the time they were small children a constant companion. Her best friend and later her lover. She felt like she had lost half of herself.
The tears still came on occasion. Nights when thoughts became consumed with him. She wondered if he ever even thought of her.
Later she would divide herself into two phases: the naïve girl she was before Robin and the strong capable woman after who became so skilled at masking her emotions.
She watched the world around her turn to chaos as her father was replaced as sheriff. It became easy to blame Robin for it all. If he hadn't of left things would be right.
She found a purpose as the Nightwatchman. Something that was hers alone, independent of Robin. She would never admit it was because of him that she did it. To prove she didn't need him and it provided a nice distraction for her, kept her thoughts off the boy who still had her heart.
The ache in her heart dulled becoming barely noticeable. Until the day he returned expecting things to be the same. Nothing is the same. It will never be that way again. That day is the first time she feels in years.
He had always claimed she could see into his soul. Maybe she could. He has changed. The cheeky grin and that boyish mischievousness were still there but his eyes had lost their sparkle. She didn't even want to imagine what he had seen to make him lose that.
She often thinks he is such a fool for taking on the sheriff even though some part of her admires him for it. She isn't like him. She can't look at the world and think she alone can change it. He took that idealism from her when he walked away.
His idealism gets to her though just as he does. He makes her hope for a better tomorrow. She curses him for disrupting her routine. Hope is a dangerous thing. He taught her that too.
She still loves him despite everything and has accepted that she always will. Now that she knows he feels the same. She fights alongside him in secret. No longer fighting for the people or for England but for a future with him.
Being separated from him eats away at her makes it hard to continue at times. Then he smiles at her and it makes her believe anything is possible.
Later when their fight is won she will be grateful for the difficult years. It has made them truly appreciate each other.