A/N I do not own Doctor Who, the BBC or any other part of the franchise. If I did I would be surrounded by Daleks and cat nuns.
A Late Night Chat
"Doctor, can I talk to you?"
"Hang on there, centurion, I'm at a crucial part of the rejigging process. The old girl has been complaining recently. Can it wait?"
'Don't Doctor, don't avoid it,' Rory thought wearily, 'this conversation is already overdue.'
"No, Doctor I really don't think it can."
The sadness and the hint of anger in Rory's voice motivated the doctor to leave his hiding place under the belly of the TARDIS and face the conversation he had been dreading.
As the doctor clambered his way back up to the main console Rory tried to find the right words to start the conversation.
"This is about the memories." The Doctor said in his attempt at comforting the defeated man in front of him.
Rory looked at the Doctor and saw the most truthful version of the Doctor he had ever seen. The childish façade was gone and the darkness and the sorrow the Doctor so rarely showed was there in full force. Rory had never understood how the Doctor fit the title of Time Lord but here it was. A heart-wrenching, tortured but, mighty figure stood, demonstrating his soul to one of the only people who had a chance to understand him.
"How can you cope with so many." Rory asked beseechingly.
"That amount of memories is not meant for a human. Being a Timelord does come in useful."
"Don't pretend this is something that only affects you physically." Rory spouted angrily. "All those years, all those lives lost in battles, all those times you've had to bite your tongue so you don't disrupt a timeline or the decisions you made knowing that people would die because of them. It was too much for me. I had a family back there. It wasn't intentional and I loved Amy with all my heart, I still do, I kept guard of the Pandorica but I fell in love and I had kids, so many kids and I was grateful for them. Without them I'd never have survived. I started to forget, not Amy, never Amy but I thought I can't live like this for 2000 years so I let memories of aliens and adventures slip away so it didn't hurt. But then you turn up again and it all comes flooding back. The monsters and the aliens and the running and the fighting and a 2000 year wait for redemption. When Amy woke up I felt so relieved and so happy but I knew my illusion was over. A universe without stars wasn't possible but until you arrived I could pretend. My family returned and disappeared on the same day and each time I think about it I remember all of the deaths, the ones I experienced and the ones I had caused. Did you know I sat with my great grandson as he died? I'm not sure he even knew who I was."
Rory's voice had grown louder as he said his piece but the silence that fell once he had finished story caused anxiousness to run through his body, relief at unburdening himself but fear over the Docotr's reaction. But the expected reaction of disgust was not forthcoming.
"Rory Williams. The man who waited. The man who survived 2000 years all on the strength of love. Dressed as a soldier, armed as a soldier but always a nurse. Always wanting to heal suffering, help those in harm's way. Your heart is too big for you to survive alone. I thought you would go mad but it was your families who saved you."
"Rory look at me". The man from Leadworth and the Time Lord from Gallifrey stared at each other as the younger educated the older.
"Never feel guilty for living. If your family made you happy embrace them, remember them, cherish them. Amy wasn't there, not fully, so you had a right to find happiness. She should understand, she would understand that you need to remember them because they made you strong, they supported you for 2,000 years, they were as much a part of your life as Amy is now."
Another silence fell between them before Rory asked the question that had been plaguing him since his universe was lost. "What about the deaths, how do I deal with those?" He whispered.
"You were a soldier and soldiers have to kill for the greater good. If you hadn't killed would Amy still be here, would the universe still be here? There will always be guilt but you have to remember that you were fighting to protect not just your own desires but a whole universe. It might sound callous but you need to remember the big picture. Without that you will go mad. I can put stronger blocks on your mind but you and I both know that's not the solution you want. The memories will hurt, they don't stop hurting, but you start to forget and you learn to concentrate on the here and now and the future, not the past."
"But you don't manage that do you Doctor? I'm not the only one who has nightmares, how else would I know that I would find you tonight. You just told me I shouldn't feel guilty, neither should you."
"You didn't cause the genocide of your own people." the Doctor muttered.
"No, but I lead crusades which killed hundreds of thousands. We're both veterans now Doctor."
A silence fell over the TARDIS both males remembering their pasts. The silence was only broken when Rory came out of his reverie.
"I've had enough misery tonight, I'm off to bed before Amy wakes up. And…you know it goes both ways. If you need to talk I could help, you might be an alien and have a time travelling space ship but I am older than you so technically you're meant to come to me for advice, just remember that."
"I will."
Rory just sighed. "I knew it was a long shot. You've been alone so long doctor you forget you are allowed to open up. I'm off to bed before your time lordiness decides to kill me."
"Rory?"
"Yeah?" He stopped his walk to his bedroom and turned to see the Doctor's childish façade was back in place.
"Don't worry about the timeline thing, a few slip ups here and there won't cause too many ripples. I should know. I introduced banana daiquiris in 18th century France two centuries early."
"Only you Doctor. Only you."
A placated Rory returned to his bed with his wife while the Doctor thought of the few people he had opened up to. Then he remembered how many of those people were gone.